The secret of how to get an ex back initially seems quite obvious, but when a guy tries all the obvious things and they don’t work, he then begins to wonder if it’s even possible to get a woman back at all.
It is possible to get your ex back and in most cases, it’s a fairly quick and easy process. However, if you’re currently looking for advice on how to get an ex back, you are probably at a point where you’re stuck and don’t know what else to say or do to get her to give you another chance.
So, if you are serious about getting your ex back in your arms once again, here are 6 important things that you need to know…
1. The No Contact Rule doesn’t work for most situations.
The No Contact Rule is essentially about not contacting your ex for a period of at least 30 days.
This technique only works when the woman really loves you and feels attracted to you and is worried about you moving on with another woman.
In other words, it only applies to about 10% of the cases that I’ve come across (I’ve helped 100s of guys via my phone coaching service and many more guys with my program, Get Your Ex Back: Super System).
So, if your ex really loves you, is still attracted to you and wants to be with you, then okay – use the No Contact Rule and when she reaches out to you, arrange to catch up with her in person and then get the relationship back together.
However, if your case is like 90% of other cases, your ex has lost respect and attraction for you and doesn’t really love you right now.
So, if your ex has gotten to the point where she no longer respects you or feels attracted you, not contacting her means that you are simply giving her space and time to move on without you.
She might contact you to check and see if you’re still missing her, but that doesn’t mean that you’re actually getting your ex back. It simply means that she is contacting you to check that you’re still missing her.
If she finds out that you’re missing her, haven’t really changed and still don’t even understand the real reasons why she broke up with you, it will make her feel like she made the right decision to break up with you.
She will then continue to move on without you.
2. Texting is the worst method to use when getting an back.
Pretty much every guy that I’ve helped to get an ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife back via my phone coaching service, has been making the classic mistake of repeatedly texting his ex.
He will have been trying to have conversations with her via text, explain himself, apologize and get her to agree to meet up with him in person.
Yet, no matter how creative he gets with his texts, it doesn’t do anything to get her back and usually just turns her off even more.
The reason why texts don’t work to get an ex back is that it’s just text on a screen. Your ex can’t hear your tonality and how you are expressing the words, so she has to guess how you would be saying it if you said that to her in person or over the phone.
If your ex currently has a negative perception of you or is feeling negative about you, then she’s going to look at your texts in a negative light.
For example: If a guy got dumped by a woman because he was being too insecure, needy and jealous, then she’s not going to amazed when he sends her a text and tries to come across in a confident way.
Instead, she is going to read his text through the filter of her negative perception of him.
Regardless of what he texts her, she is going to still assume that he is insecure, needy and jealous and hasn’t changed at all.
What you actually need to do is get her on a phone call, so:
- She can hear your confident tonality over the phone and feel respectful towards you.
- You can get her laughing and feeling good when talking to you.
- You can tell her that you understand where you went wrong and then apologize to her for that.
- She can hear the sincerity in your voice and notice the changes that you’ve already made since the break up.
When she is feeling good while talking to you on the phone, she will then be much more willing to meet up with you in person.
However, if you are only sending her texts and she has a negative perception of you, she’s probably not going to be willing to meet up with you in person anytime soon.
3. You have to make it about her, not you.
A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to get an ex back by talking about how much they want it, how much it means to them and how much they’ve been thinking about it.
If your ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife currently doesn’t feel a lot of respect and attraction for you and has disconnected from her old feelings of love for you, then she’s not going to really care about what you want.
What you want and what you are trying to get out of the situation doesn’t really matter to her.
So, when getting an ex back, what you really need to do is make it all about her getting to feel the way she wants.
How?
You need to make her feel understood and respected by briefly letting her know that you understand her reasons for breaking up with you and it has been a huge wake up call for you.
Why briefly?
You have to make it about her, not you.
After briefly letting her know that you understand why she decided to end the relationship, you then need to come across in a way that shows her that you’ve already changed, improved or fixed those things about yourself.
Letting her hear the changes in how you think, talk and come across over the phone will then bring her guard down. She will realize that she no longer needs to feel frustrated at you for not understanding why she really broke up with you.
You get it now.
The break up is not a mystery to you.
She doesn’t need to teach you anything because you’ve worked it out on your own, so there is nothing for her to feel frustrated about. Instead, she feels relieved and her guard then comes down.
When her guard is down, she will then begin to respect you more and become open to feeling attracted to you (e.g. when you make her laugh over the phone, when you come across as confident and charming, etc).
Showing her that you’ve taken on her feedback and have already grown, developed and improved on your own is an important part of how to get an ex back.
However, don’t make it all about you. You’ve got to make it about her.
How?
When you apologize for your mistakes, make sure that you apologize for how your mistakes would have made her feel, rather than how bad you feel about it now.
4. Women hate it when guys beg and plead for another chance.
Not every guy makes this mistake, but a lot of guys do.
After personally helping 100s of guys to get a girlfriend, fiancé or wife back, I’d estimate about 80% of guys make this mistake initially.
A guy will beg and plead for another chance with her because he doesn’t really know what else to do.
He will either lack the relationship experience to know how to handle a situation like that, or the woman will be of a quality that he usually can’t attract unless he gets lucky.
Now that his luck has run out, she’s pulling the plug and he feels like he is fighting for his life.
Without her, he is going to feel like crap and he knows it. He knows that it will be very difficult for him to get another woman like her, so he becomes desperate and begs for her to give him a chance.
Yet, what he usually doesn’t realize at the time is that women hate that.
Women hate to see a man in a position of emotional weakness like that, just because a woman is pulling away from him.
What a woman wants to see is that he loves her and wants her in his life, but he doesn’t NEED her.
Women are naturally attracted to men who happy and emotionally strong with or without a woman in their life.
A man needs to be emotionally independent from a woman so he can be happy with or without her.
If he doesn’t do that, he will naturally react by begging and pleading when a woman pulls away because she is literally taking his happiness and emotional security with her.
5. It doesn’t matter to her that you’re a good guy and have the best of intentions with her now.
No doubt, the break up has been a huge wake up call, you now have much better intentions with your ex and you want to do the right thing.
You’re most-likely a good guy and have realized that you stuffed up with her, but here’s the thing…
That doesn’t really matter to her right now.
The only thing that really matters to her right now is how she feels. She’s not going to feel respectful of you and attracted to you, if you’re still the same guy and haven’t made any real changes to how you think, behave and act when interacting with her.
For most break ups, the woman doesn’t care that her ex is sorry and has better intentions now.
Why?
In most cases, guys never really understand the REAL reasons why the woman is breaking up with them.
A woman will usually give vague reasons like, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore” or “I need space” or “It’s not working for me,” because she doesn’t want to take on the role of a guy’s teacher about how to be a man.
From a woman’s perspective, if a guy isn’t capable of being the kind of man she needs, then she has to move on. She can’t hold his hand, teach him and guide him through the process.
She wants a ready made man, not a guy that she has to turn into a man herself.
6. Now is not the time to be playing games with her.
The other night, I was on a phone coaching call with a client who had been dumped by a woman because she lost respect and attraction for him due to his behavior.
He then looked around online and found the No Contact Rule and assumed that it had to be correct and would work on all women, because so many people were talking about it.
He was wrong.
He followed the No Contact Rule for 30 days, even though his ex-girlfriend was contacting him and sending him text messages like, “Hey, how are you?”
How did he reply? Well, he was informed by a random person online to reply like this, “Hi, life is good. I’ve moved on now. I hope you are well too.”
No, no, no!
This girl was reaching out to him and what he really needed to do was MEET UP WITH HER IN PERSON, not pretend that he didn’t care about her. He needed to get her on a phone call and then MEET UP WITH HER, not play those mind games with her.
What I explained to him is that if you are still playing games like that, then you’re not ready for an adult relationship and you should only be just dating women for fun. If you are serious about being a relationship, then be a man and be honest.
When it comes to getting an ex back, you need to be the emotionally stronger than the woman. You need to be the courageous one who is willing to take risks by putting yourself out there, while also ensuring that you project emotional strength rather than neediness or desperation.
Essentially, you pursue her to get her back, but you do it in a confident, emotionally secure way. You are a man who is simply going after what he wants and you’re not embarrassed, ashamed or confused about that.
It’s very clear to you: You love her, you want her in your life and you’re attempting to get her to give the relationship another chance.
So, you don’t need to play games and pretend that you don’t care about her so you can hopefully gain some power over her.
You are already the man.
You are already the more powerful one.
You need to understand that, so you can come from a place where you are not afraid to love her and tell her that you want her in your life.
You don’t need her, but you do want her. That’s the difference.
So, if you are serious about getting your ex back, make sure that you don’t waste time playing games with her.
You need to get her on a phone call and get her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and then get her to meet up with you in person.
At the meet up, you need to make her feel more respect and attraction for you and get her to forgive your past mistakes and open herself up to having feelings for you again.
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