Here are 5 tips to help get your ex back after a complex break up…
1. Stop focusing on the complexity and understand the simplicity of it
The problems you experienced may have been complex, but the solution is simple.
You need to interact with your ex, re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, so she naturally wants to open up and give you another chance.
However, if you spend most of your time thinking, “I really miss her and want her back, but everything is so complicated. It’s just so jumbled up and convoluted that I don’t know if we can get past it so that we can work things out,” then you’re making the mistake of focusing too much on the negative, rather than on the positives of the situation.
The reality is that yes, your break up might have been complex, but if you waste time focusing on that, you’re stopping yourself from moving forward and doing what needs to be done to get your ex back.
So, what should you be doing instead?
You should be focusing on saying and doing the kinds of things that will begin changing her negative perception of you to a more positive one.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
Maintaining your confidence when interacting with her, regardless of what she says or does to make you feel unsure of yourself (e.g. she’s indifferent and wooden when talking to you, she says things like, “Why won’t you just leave me alone? Things are just too complicated between us right now and I don’t have the energy to fight with you anymore. Please just let it go and move on”).
Not trying to get her back into a relationship with you and instead, just flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you.
Using humor to break down her walls and make her feel more relaxed and open when interacting with you.
Showing her that, since the break up, you’ve changed and improved in some of the ways that matter to her.
Laughing at her (in a loving way) when she’s creating drama and blaming you for things being so complicated between you (e.g. laugh and say, “I never realized you were such a drama queen until now. You should get an award for that and I’ll get the award for Worst Boyfriend in the World,” and have a laugh with her about that).
Not sucking up to her by being extra nice because you’re afraid of ruining your chances of getting her back and start being more emotionally masculine and ballsy around her (e.g. by being a good guy who isn’t a pushover).
The more you can show your ex that you’re the kind of man she always wanted you to be, the more drawn to you she will feel again.
Even if she tries to convince herself that she should move on by thinking things like, “I’m just being silly. I shouldn’t feel attracted to him again after we had such a complex break up,” she won’t be able to stop herself from wanting to interact with you over the phone and in person.
When that happens, her defenses come down, which then opens up the door for you to fully re-attract her and make her fall back in love with you again.
Another tip to help you get your ex back after a complex break up is…
2. Don’t look at what happened in the past as being what is now
What’s happened between you and your ex is over and done with.
So, going on and on about it and focusing all your attention on that is a waste of time.
It doesn’t take what happened away, but instead it makes you dwell on the negatives, therefore preventing you from making a clean start.
That’s why you need to stop beating yourself up about what happened when you and your ex broke up and focus instead on how you interact with her from now on.
For example: Ask yourself…
- Do I make her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to me now, or does she feel tense, closed off, or even resistant to interacting with me?
- Do I feel confident and self-assured when I’m interacting with her, or do I feel unsure of myself and like she’ll cut me off if I say or do something she doesn’t agree with?
- Do I flirt with her during interactions and make her feel sparks of sexual attraction, or do I treat her like a neutral friend?
- Can she look up to me and respect me as a man now, or does she still see me as being stuck at the same level I was at when we broke up?
- Have I changed and improved some of the things that were turning her off before, or am I still making the same mistakes?
- Am I giving her a new and exciting attraction experience when I interact with her now (e.g. being more ballsy, taking the lead), or am I doing the same things I did before and hoping she will feel attracted to me again (e.g. sending her flowers, pouring your heart out to her in a letter, e-mail or a series of text messages)?
Depending on your answers, you will have a better idea of how you need to think, act and behave from now on to regain your ex’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
When she can see for herself that you really have changed, she will automatically begin to feel respect for you again and what happened before will stop seeming so bad.
When that happens, it becomes a lot easier for her to reconnect with her feelings of attraction for you and she then opens up to the idea of interacting with you even more to see where it all leads to (i.e. if you and her can get back together again).
Another tip to help you get your ex back after a complex break up is…
3. Understand what she will really need to see from you to want to give the relationship another chance
If you want to get past all the complexities of your break up with your ex and get her back, you first need to understand her real reasons for breaking up with you, so you can then adjust and change in the ways that will actually matter to her.
For example:
- You’re less insecure and self-doubting now, which means you don’t need to put her on a pedestal and allow her to disrespect you. Instead, you stand up to her in an emotionally dominant, yet loving way, which sparks her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
- You’re more emotionally independent, which means that you no longer need her back to feel good about yourself. Yes, you want her back, but you don’t need her back to live a happy and fulfilled life.
- You’re more emotionally masculine, which means you naturally make her feel more emotionally feminine and girly around you. She can now relax and be a real woman, rather than feel like a neutral friend with you.
- You’re more relaxed and easy going, which mean you don’t take her moods and sulks too seriously anymore. Instead, you use humor to make her calm down and smile and laugh.
When your ex experiences those kinds of changes in you, she naturally drops her guard and opens up to being with you romantically and sexually again.
However, if you try to get her back without first understanding the changes she needs to see in you, she will naturally keep her guard up and say things like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can make it work. Things are just too complicated between us. Please just accept that and move on.”
Another tip to help you get your ex back after a complex break up is…
4. Don’t wait too long to make a move and start the ex back process
It’s understandable that when a break up is complex, a guy might think to himself, “Maybe it’s best if I wait a while before I make an attempt to work things out with her. Right now she’s angry and annoyed and things between us are a bit strained, so taking it slow will allow for all those emotions to settle down and she might then be more open to getting back together again than if I bring it up to her now.”
He may then back off from his ex and avoid interacting with her (i.e. because he’s giving her space), or limit his interactions to a text now and then.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that he’s actually giving his ex more time to get over him and move on.
Here’s the thing…
Even if your ex does still have some feelings for you, if you don’t do anything to re-attract her, seduce her and get her back with you, she will in all likelihood take it as a sign that you’re not interested in her anymore and then, she will make the effort to fully get over you and move on.
Likewise, if she’s disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, it doesn’t mean that she will want to get back with you when you finally make a move, if you haven’t done anything to re-attract her up to that point.
This is why, it’s very important that you don’t sit around waiting for “the right time” before you begin the ex back process with your ex.
The right time is now.
If you don’t make a move right away, you may end up regretting it when you realize that she’s now in a relationship and happy with another guy.
The main thing to remember is that it doesn’t matter what happened between you and your ex up to this point.
That’s in the past.
What matters is what you do from now on.
Are you going to wait so long that you lose her, or are you going to interact with her every chance you get (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, on the phone and in person), reactivate her feelings for you and get her back?
The answer is pretty obvious, isn’t it?
Another tip to help you get your ex back after a complex break up is…
5. Use humor to change the dynamic between you and her from stressful to relaxing and easy-going from now on
Chances are, because your break up with your ex was complicated, every time you interact with her you’re being too serious (e.g. you discuss the relationship and the mistakes you made, you agree with whatever she says because you don’t want to upset her any further, you talk in a very polite or formal manner, you’re overly respectful and considerate towards her).
You’re probably thinking things like, “I can’t afford to upset her any more than she already is, because then she might decide to stop talking to me altogether. If I’m nice to her and show her that I’m being serious, she may open back up to me and give me another chance.”
Yet, life rarely works out that way.
A woman will seldom make up her mind to get back with a guy based on how nice, polite or serious he’s being to her.
Instead, she will make up her mind to give him another chance because he’s successfully reactivated her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, so the idea of getting back together again feels good to her for her own reasons.
This is why you need to focus on sparking your ex’s feelings for you (rather than being a nice, obedient guy), and one of the best ways to do that is by making her laugh and smile.
Humor makes her relax and open up and begin seeing you with new eyes.
For example: Imagine you’re on a call with your ex and she says something along the lines of, “I’m sorry but things between us are just too complicated. I don’t think we can work things out.”
Although hearing that might be painful to you and you may then want to debate the pros and cons of getting back with her in a mature, reasonable way, her mind is too closed, so she won’t be willing to see things from your point of view.
However, if you turn what she says into something you and her can laugh about together, her defenses will naturally come down and then she will be a lot more open to seeing the possibility of trying again.
So, if your ex says something like that to you, you can respond by saying in a joking tone of voice something like, “What a little drama queen you are! Did you know that there’s a competition where guys solve a rubik’s cube with their feet and the fastest guy wins? Now that is complicated. What we have is a walk in the park compared to that!” and have a laugh with her about that.
Of course she might pretend to be insulted and say something like, “How can you joke about our problems? You’re not taking this seriously enough.”
Whatever you do, don’t get nervous and start apologizing to her and saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of our situation. You know I’m 100% committed to making things right between us,” because you will lose the edge that you have gained.
Instead, laugh at her (in a loving way) and say something like, “We don’t have to be so serious all the time do we? Sure things are complicated, but we can still laugh about it. It’s not like we lost our sense of humor along the way, unless of course you’re not telling me something. Did the Grinch get your smile? I sure hope not, because you do have a sexy smile and it would be such a loss if it’s gone.”
Chances are she will smile when you say that to her and maybe even laugh.
She will also be feeling unexpected surges of respect and attraction for you again for having the balls to joke with her, even though you and her had a complex break up.
She will then begin thinking something along the lines of, “This is not how I imagined things would be between us. I thought we would be tense and reserved with each other, but instead I’m laughing, smiling and enjoying talking to him again. I don’t know what has gotten into him all of a sudden, but he’s so different now. He’s so much more confident and relaxed. Maybe he really has changed. Maybe we can save our relationship after all.”
When that happens, her walls begin to crumble and she opens herself up to interacting with you more and more to see where things go from there.
You can then build on her feelings some more and make her fall back in love with you.
Common Problems Guys Experience After a Complex Break Up
Regardless of how complicated things might be between you and your ex, it is still possible to get her back when you re-attract her.
However, that doesn’t mean you won’t encounter any problems along the way, or make any mistakes.
Here are 2 examples of problems that you might be faced with when trying to get your ex back:
1. She is initially resistant because she’s used to thinking about the situation as being too complex to fix
If you try to convince your ex to try again, she’s likely just going to say things like, “Please stop asking me because it’s impossible. Everything is upside down between us and there are just so many issues to deal with that getting back together again simply won’t work.”
She’s going to be closed off and she’s not going to want to face all the complications and deal with them just to get back with you.
However, if you take the pressure of getting back together again and you just focus on having fun together, things will change naturally all by themselves.
Rather than always focusing on how complex things are, she’ll begin to see that there are positives too (e.g. she feels happy when she’s with you, it feels good to just hang out without any pressure on her, she misses you when you’re not around).
As a result, she drops her guard a little, so she can allow herself to feel and experience the new you, without thinking about the past.
From there, every time you interact with her, focus only on making her smile, laugh and feel at ease.
The more you do that, the more she will be able to relax and reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Then, getting back together will happen naturally because it’s feels good for the both of you.
Another problem you might encounter is…
2. You try to explain everything to her in a long letter, e-mail or series of text messages, which just makes it all seem even more complex and unfixable
Sometimes a guy will try to apologize and explain what went wrong in the relationship in a long letter, e-mail or series of text messages.
He hopes that if he explains himself to his ex, she will see things from his perspective and then everything will be okay.
Yet, it doesn’t really work out that way.
Instead of thinking, “Oh, I get it now. I see why everything got so complicated between us. Well that’s not so bad after all,” and want to work things out, a woman usually thinks something like, “No, no, no! This is just too complex to sort out! I don’t want to think about it anymore.”
She then closes herself off even more and it becomes a lot harder for the guy to interact with her so that he can reactivate her feelings for him.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, anything that he says to her via letter, e-mail or text will generally be taken the wrong way.
Instead of seeing the bright side of the situation (i.e. that it’s possible for them to work things out and have an even better relationship with each other this time around), she will usually assume the worst (e.g. that things are too complex to fix, that he’s only saying what he thinks she want to hear so that she will give him another chance, that he’s still the same guy and would probably make the same mistakes).
So, if you want to make your ex open back up to being a couple again, it’s essential that you talk to her on a phone call and in person, rather than making the mistake of hiding behind letters, e-mails or texts.
In person or on a phone call, you can more easily re-attract her and show her that things aren’t really as complex as she imagines.
When she experiences the new you for herself and also begins to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she stops being so negative and starts wanting to see the positives of the situation.
She wants to work things out with you and you can the go ahead and make it happen.
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