Here are 3 things that you can do to get your ex to consider the possibility of you and her getting back together again:
1. Make her feel rushes of sexual and romantic attraction for you
Right now, your ex is likely feeling a lot of negative emotions related to you and the relationship.
For example: She may be…
- Sad or angry that things didn’t work out the way she hoped they would (i.e. that you and her would eventually settle down, get married, start a family).
- Annoyed with you for not being the man she initially thought you were (e.g. she believed you were more confident and emotionally strong than you really were, she thought you were more loving than you showed her in the relationship).
- Disillusioned with men, love and relationships in general (e.g. she may be thinking things like, “I don’t believe that true love really exists. It’s just a myth,” or “Men can’t be trusted,” or “Relationships just don’t work”).
- Disappointed with the way things ended and with you for letting her down.
- Disconnected from her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
So, if you try to convince her to give you another chance by begging and pleading with her, promising her that you will change, telling her how much you still love her and need her, or any other similar approaches, she’s more than likely just going to push you away and say things like, “Forget it! I’m not interested. The sooner you accept that, the sooner we can both get on with our lives.”
So, if you don’t want that to happen, you need to make sure that your approach makes her feel rushes of sexual and romantic attraction for you, rather than turn her off even more and convince her she made the right decision to break up with you.
How can you do that?
By displaying some of the characteristics and personality traits that women are instinctively attracted to.
For example:
- Being confident, relaxed and sure of yourself when you’re interacting with her, regardless of what she says or does to make you feel nervous, unsure of yourself and like you don’t stand a chance of getting her back (e.g. she’s cold, detached and uncommunicative around you, she blames you for what happened, she tells you she’s not interested in getting back together again and possibly even mentions that she’s interested in someone else to see how you will respond).
- Using humor to make her laugh and smile during conversation and to ease the tension between you and her, rather than being too nice or formal with her and making her feel tense, stressed out and like she can’t get away from you fast enough.
- Flirting with her to create some sexual tension and make her want to release that tension with kissing and sex, rather than treating her like a neutral friend and making her feel like she needs to find another man to give her the attraction experience she really wants.
- Responding differently to the way she’s used to or expects you to (e.g. if in the past you used to bend to her will and allowed her to have her way no matter how unreasonable, you now stand up to her in a loving way, if you used to get jealous and feel insecure when she talked about other guys, you now laugh and make a joke about it with her and show her that you’re so much more confident and self-assured now).
When you start making her feel attracted in the ways that she always wanted, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again, even if just a little bit.
When that happens, her defenses come down and she becomes open to getting back together again.
However, if you try to get her back without first reactivating some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she’s just going to keep pushing you away and saying things like, “I’m sorry but you need to accept that it’s over between us.”
Another thing you can do to get your ex to consider the possibility of you and her getting back together again is…
2. Be more of a challenge when you talk to her
When a guy wants to get back together with his ex, he usually makes the mistake of being on his best behavior around her and saying and doing whatever he thinks she wants to see and hear.
For example: When she asks him for a favor, he always says “Yes,” even if it’s unreasonable or inconvenient for him.
If she asks him a question about something random (e.g. “What did you do this weekend?”) he gives her a full explanation of what he was doing and who he was with.
If she asks him if he misses her, he responds with something along the lines of, “Yes. You’re all I can think about. My life feels so empty without you.”
Essentially, he’s hoping that she will be impressed by his openness and she will then be more willing to give him another chance.
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that a woman doesn’t want to feel as though he’s being a good little boy to impress her.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she needs to be on her best behavior around him and try to please him, rather than him being no challenge for her at all.
She doesn’t want to feel like she is the one who is emotionally more powerful and like she can push him around and treat him like dirt without him standing up to her.
This is why, if you want to get your ex to consider the possibility of you and her getting back together again, you need to make sure you’re not being a good little boy who is always on his best behavior around her and never says or does anything to upset her or challenge her.
How can you do that?
Using the examples above…
If your ex asks you for a favor, rather than always saying “Yes,” to her, you can use it as an opportunity to spark some of her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you instead.
For instance, you might say in a joking way something like, “Sure, I’ll be happy to do that for you. However, it’s going to cost you.”
If she then responds with something along the lines of, “What do you mean?” or “Are you seriously going to charge me for doing me a favor?” you can laugh and say, “Yep! My price is that you just have to buy me coffee sometime this week.”
She will likely laugh and say something like, “Oh, okay, I guess I can do that.”
At the same time, she will be feeling surges of attraction and respect for you for having the balls to tease her in this way, rather than rolling over and doing whatever she wants.
Alternatively, if she asks you a random question like what you were doing over the weekend, rather than give her a detailed report of your whereabouts, you might say something like, “I ate out at an Italian restaurant with some friends. I had lasagna. It was good, but I’m still convinced that you make the best lasagna I’ve ever tasted. So, how about you cook me some tonight?”
Again, she will most likely laugh and smile and feel drawn to you for being confident enough to joke around with her in this way, even though you’re broken up.
If she asks you if you miss her, rather than saying “Yes,” right away, you might laugh and say something like, “Sure I do, because I haven’t been able to figure out how to use the washing machine yet!” and have a laugh with her about that.
When you’re more of a challenge to her, rather than always saying and doing whatever she wants, she starts to feel attracted to you again in a way that feels good to her.
As a result her guard comes down and she becomes open to interacting with you more and more to see where things go from there.
Another thing you can do to get your ex to consider the possibility of you and her getting back together again is…
3. Stop projecting a vibe of, “I need you to commit to a relationship”
Although you may still have strong feelings for your ex and really want her back, it’s very likely that right now, she doesn’t feel the same way about you and the relationship.
So, if every time you interact with her you end up saying things like, “I just want you to know that my feelings for you haven’t changed and I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right between us,” or “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I give you my word that I’ll never do that again. Instead, I will treat you the way you deserve and show you that my feelings for you are real,” rather than feel happy and relieved that you’re putting in the effort to be a better man to her, she’s likely just going to pull away and close herself off even more.
She will probably also think something along the lines of, “Why isn’t he listening to me? He keeps talking as though he expects us to get back together again, even though I’ve clearly told him that I’m not interested. I don’t know what to do to get through to him. Maybe I should just cut him off completely, rather than continue to talk to him and give him the impression that I would ever want to be in a relationship with him again.”
She may then refuse to answer her phone, or respond to your messages or texts as a way of making her feelings clear to you (i.e. that she’s not ready to commit to the idea of getting back together again).
It then becomes so much more difficult for you to get her back.
So, don’t get to that point with your ex.
Remember: For a woman to commit to the idea of being in a relationship with a guy, the feelings have to be mutual (or at least close to mutual).
It can’t just be about what you feel and what you want (i.e. for her to consider getting back together with you).
Instead, she has to feel that if she doesn’t give you another chance, she will end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
So, how can you make her feel that way?
By using every interaction you have with her to make her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Being a confident and emotionally strong man around her (even when she’s being cold, aloof or even bitchy towards you), rather than feeling insecure, nervous and unsure of yourself and your chances with her.
- Making her laugh and smile in your presence, rather than making her feel bored, annoyed or stressed out by being too nice, neutral or needy around her.
- Flirting with her to create some sexual tension, rather than turning her off by being too polite and reserved or coming across as desperate.
- Showing her via your attitude, action, behavior and conversation style that you’re a new and improved man now, rather than saying and doing the same things you did before and convincing her that she made the right decision by breaking up with you.
- Avoiding pointless texting conversations with her and getting her on a call and then to a meet up with you so that you can fully reactivate her feelings for you.
When she can see for herself that you’ve become the kind of man she always wanted you to be, her reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with you automatically start to fade away.
Suddenly the idea of being your girl again starts to feel good to her.
As a result, her guard comes down and she naturally begins to consider the possibility of you and her getting back together more and more.
4 Common Problems You Might Experience When Trying to Convince Your Ex to Get Back With You
Although you might be ready to get back together with your ex, she may not currently feel the same way.
As a result, your attempts to make her consider the possibility of you and her getting back together again might end up being blocked by her.
For example: Some of the problems you might encounter include…
1. She considers the possibility of having a relationship, but it just doesn’t feel right to her
Sometimes a guy will go overboard trying to convince his ex to give him another chance.
For example: He might…
- Beg and plead with her.
- Send her flowers or gifts.
- Offer to do anything she asks.
- Promise to change.
- Send her long, emotional love letters, e-mails or text messages to tell her about his feelings for her.
Initially she might feel overwhelmed by his devotion to her and she may even say something like, “Okay, I promise to consider the possibility of us getting back together again. Just let me think about it for a while.”
However, once things calm down and she gets a chance to think, she realizes that all the things he’s being doing to get her back is a sign of desperation.
This makes her feel even less respect and attraction for him and therefore, the idea of getting back together again doesn’t feel right to her.
Here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t want to be with a guy who seems desperate.
She wants to be with a guy who makes her feel so much respect, attraction and love based on how he thinks, acts, behaves, talks to her and interacts with her, not based on what he buys for her or how much he flatters her.
That is what really matters to her.
As a result, she may then say to him, “You’re a really a nice guy and I can clearly see that you care about me. However, I’ve thought about us getting back together again and I honestly believe we’re not right for each other. I’m sure there’s a really lucky woman out there who would do anything to be with a man like you, but I’m not that woman. Please accept my decision and stop trying to get me to consider being in a relationship with you again.”
Another problem you might encounter is…
2. You don’t really change what has been turning her off, so she remains closed off to you
In some cases, a guy will focus more on how to get his ex back than on her reasons for breaking up with him in the first place.
So, rather than change and improve and show her that he’s a better man, he just chases after her.
Then, when she interacts with him over the phone and in person and she notices that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when they broke up (e.g. he’s still insecure and needy, he still doesn’t know how to spark feelings of sexual desire inside of her and instead makes her feel neutral or even turned off when she’s with him, he’s still drifting through life without a clear goal or purpose), she feels even more turned off by his lack of improvement.
She will then likely close herself off from him even more and possibly even block his number on her phone or unfriend him on social media in an attempt to avoid him.
So, don’t try to convince your ex to get back together again without first showing her that you’re serious about being a better man for her (i.e. by changing and improving some of the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place).
If you do, she’s just going to keep pushing you away and saying things like, “No. I’m sorry but I’m just not interested in a relationship with you anymore.”
Another problem you might encounter is…
3. Trying to get her to consider giving you another chance via text messages
One of the most annoying things to a woman, is when her ex tries to convince her to give him another chance via text.
Why?
Firstly, she takes it as a sign that he doesn’t have the confidence to call her on the phone and ask her what he wants to ask.
Instead, he hides behind texting like a little boy, which is unattractive to her.
Secondly, it makes her feel like she’s not important enough for him to even bother picking up the phone and talking to her in person when trying to get her back.
As a result, she feels insulted of annoyed and she then puts up her defenses even more.
Finally, because she has disconnected from her feelings for him, she naturally judges him based on her most recent experiences with him (e.g. the last fight they had, the way he behaved leading up to, during and after the break up).
So, if she currently thinks of her ex in a negative way, she’s going to look at his texts in a negative way too.
This is why, if you are serious about getting your ex back, don’t ask her for another chance via text.
That should be done in person and only after you have first re-sparked her feelings of respect and attraction for you on a phone call, or in person.
Another problem you might encounter is…
4. Giving her a false sense of power and leadership over the relationship
Sometimes, a guy mistakenly thinks that if he lets his ex woman control everything and be in charge of the reconciliation process, she will be happy and want him back.
He might then say to her something along the line of, “Look, I promise I’m not going to put any pressure on you. All I want is for you to consider the possibility of us getting back together again. It’s up to you. You can call all the shots and tell me exactly how you want to do this. I’ll do everything you ask for.”
Essentially, he’s hoping that she will feel more relaxed and open to the idea of getting back with him, because she’s the one in control.
Yet, rather than make her think, “I like that he’s letting me call all the shots. It makes me feel more willing to give him another chance because he’s being so sweet and submissive with me,” it actually causes her to lose respect for him as a man for not having the balls to go after what he really wants (i.e. her) without her approval or say so.
So, if your aim is truly to get back with your ex, don’t do things that will ruin her feelings for you even more.
Remember: If you allow a woman to control you, she won’t be able to respect you.
If she can’t respect you, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and then the idea of getting back together again simply won’t appeal to her.
This is why, if you want her, be man enough to take the lead in the ex back process and go get her, rather than wasting time hoping she will eventually consider the possibility of you and her getting back together.
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