Here are 4 things you can do to make that happen:
1. Understand her secret reasons for breaking up with you
When a guy is asking, “How can I get my ex to look past my mistakes and see that I’m different now?” he usually thinks that he already knows what he did wrong to cause her to break up with him.
Yet, in almost all ex back cases, a guy will only know some of his ex’s reasons for breaking up with him, but not all of her reasons.
Quite often, a woman will nag about obvious things in the relationship that are turning her off, but will never mention the smaller, subtle things that annoy her just as much or even more.
For example: A guy might lack direction and focus in his life.
He doesn’t have any goals that he’s working towards and as a result, he doesn’t strive to achieve anything in his spare time.
He likes to waste his time watching TV, playing video games, drinking, getting high or hanging out with friends.
There’s nothing wrong with a guy doing any of those things and almost all women will accept it, as long as the guy is also making real progress towards his goals and dreams in life.
So, if a guy isn’t making a lot of progress in life and is happy to just live paycheck to paycheck, it doesn’t give a woman a lot of confidence about a long-term future with him.
As a result, this may lead to her nagging him and start arguments by saying something like, “Why don’t you take like more seriously? Can’t you see that we need some more structure and security in our life? I don’t feel like I can depend on you, because you’re basically going nowhere in life. If you don’t start improving your life and getting serious about things, I’m going to break up with you soon. I just can’t take this uncertainty anymore. It’s driving me crazy. My girlfriends have a boyfriend or husband that is making progress in life and rising up to new levels. All you seem to do is pass levels in a video game/drink and relax on the weekends/hang out with your buddies. You have to start making changes, otherwise I am leaving.”
Although that will be one of her main reasons for breaking up with him, it won’t be the only thing that is annoying her.
For example: She might also be turned off by the fact that he lacks the ability to stand up for himself during arguments.
When she’s being unreasonable and creating unnecessary drama about something, he gets flustered, lets her walk all over him and says things like, “I’m sorry! You know I hate upsetting you. Just tell me what you want me to do to make you happy and I’ll do it.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that when he says something like that to her, it just annoys her even more.
She doesn’t want to be with a guy that she can walk all over.
She wants a good man who will treat her well, but who also knows how to put her back in her place (in a dominant, but loving way) if she is out of line.
So, if he can’t ever offer her that ideal relationship experience, she will secretly feel resentful towards him about it.
In many cases, a woman won’t want to admit that to the man she is breaking up with, in case he gets the wrong idea and starts trying to put her back in her place in a dominant, unloving way.
The way that most women approach relationships is that they try to find a man who understands how to be a man, so she can then get on with being his loving, devoted woman.
If a man doesn’t get it, she will nag, complain, lose interest in being affectionate and pull away in the hope that he feels motivated enough to go and learn, change and start being the kind of man that she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to, love and be completely devoted to.
If he doesn’t change, she will break up with him and when she does, he might then assume it is due to the obvious problem that she has been unhappy about (e.g. his lack of direction in life).
He might then promise to start aiming to get promoted, start the project he has been putting off or go to night school to learn the skills he needs to level up in life, but it won’t impress her because there are other, usually more important, subtle things that have been turning her off.
By the way…
This is why, in Get Your Ex Back Super System, I explain the more than 70 secret reasons why a woman will break up with a man and how you can get her back, by understanding what she wants, making the change and then re-attracting her.
So, if you want to successfully re-attract your ex and get her back, you first need to understand her hidden reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. you weren’t manly enough in your behavior, you became too emotionally sensitive, you weren’t able to give her the kind of attraction experience she really wanted because you were afraid of fearlessly expressing yourself).
When you understand what actually matters to her and make those changes, she then feels understood, surprised and curious to explore her new feelings of attraction for you.
As a result, you can get her to look past your mistakes and see that you really are different now.
Another way to get her to see that you’re different now is to…
2. Fix the subtle things about you that still turn her off
Some guys try hard to get their ex woman back by going to the gym and working out, buying new clothes or being extra nice to her.
Yet, if she is turned off by more important, subtle things, then improving your appearance or being nicer to her isn’t going to get her back.
For example: If one of the secret reasons why a woman broke up with her man was because he was too serious all the time and couldn’t relax and have a bit of lighthearted fun, she might test to see if he’s changed by telling him of all the silly things she’s been doing since they split up.
If he looks disapproving or uncomfortable and maybe says something like, “You’re just messing around with your life. You always want to just be silly and not take things serious. Meanwhile, I’ve doing my best here to change and improve so we can have a chance at a better relationship. Don’t you care? Why don’t you stop acting like a child and start being a grown up. We’ve broken up and all you seem to want to do is be silly with your friends” she will know he still hasn’t changed.
On the other hand, if he laughs at her frivolousness and says something along the lines of, “Cool! Sounds like you’ve been having fun. I’m sorry I missed it. Maybe you can take me with next time you go do that,” she can then think something like, “Hmmm…that’s odd. He never said that to me when we were together. Could it be possible that he’s actually lightened up and become a more relaxed and easy-going guy? Is he just putting on an act to get me back? Either way, I like the new him.”
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because he was too nice to her and as a result, allowed her to dominate him emotionally (e.g. she could easily order him around, she always got her way, she treated him badly and demanded nice treatment from him in return and he gave it to her because he feared losing her).
To see if he is still an emotional wimp that she can walk all over, she might say something like, “I’m sorry, but I can’t see myself with you again. I just can’t look past the mistakes you made in the relationship. I’m done.”
If he then begins to apologize and beg and plead with her to see that really is different now, she will know that she is still more emotionally dominant than him and as a result, will continue to feel turned off by him.
On the other hand, if he just laughs it off and doesn’t get rattled like he used to, she will realize that he really has changed and she will naturally drop her guard and allow herself to open up to him again.
For example: He can laugh and say, “I can’t see myself with you either. All those mistakes you made in the relationship are just unforgivable. You were the worst girlfriend ever!” and then have a laugh with her about that.
If he remains confident as he says it and as she reacts to it, she will see that he has already begun to man up and isn’t the emotionally wimpy guy that she dumped.
So, in your situation, when your ex can see that you not only understand the subtle things that were turning her off, but have already changed them, she will automatically feel respect for you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
When she feels respect for you, she will naturally become open to feeling attracted to you again as well.
When that happens, you can build on her feelings of love for you and guide her back into a relationship.
The next thing you can do to get your ex to look past your mistakes and see that you’re different now, is to…
3. Interact with her and attract her in new ways
If you don’t interact with your ex on a phone call or in person, you won’t be able to get her to truly experience the changes in you, feel attracted to them and then look past your mistakes.
So, regardless of how worried you are about her potentially not wanting to, make sure that you get her on a phone call, or preferably meet up with her in person, where you can let her experience the new and improved version of you for herself.
When you’re interacting with her, ensure that whatever you’re saying and doing is sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, rather than turning her off.
For example: Ask yourself…
Do you make your ex feel respect and attraction by maintaining your confidence around her regardless of how difficult she being, or do you turn her off by being self-doubting and insecure?
Do you make her feel feminine and girly by being emotionally masculine around her, or does she dominate you because you let her call the shots or lead the dynamic between you and her?
Do you make her laugh and smile when you interact with her, or does she feel tense, annoyed or bored?
Do you laugh at her (in a loving way) when she brings up your past mistakes and blames you for everything, or do you put yourself down and become gentle and submissive around her?
Can she see that you’ve changed and improved some of the things about you that were turning her off (e.g. insecurity, lack of confidence, inability to stand up for yourself), or are you essentially still stuck at the same level you were at when you broke up?
These are the actions and behaviors that will convince your ex that you are different now and make her become interested in being a couple again.
So focus on that.
The next thing you can do to get your ex to look past your mistakes and see that you’re different now is to…
4. Stop trying to get her to want a relationship and just focus on making her feel sexual and romantic attraction
The main reason why you want your ex to look past your mistakes and see that you’re different now is because you want her back.
It’s about you getting what you want.
Yet, if you want your ex back, you have to focus on allowing her to get what she wants from her interactions with you (i.e. a renewed feeling of respect, attraction and love for you, a new desire for you, a feeling of being drawn to you again and wanting to explore her new feelings for you).
So, if you want her back, you have to take the pressure of her to commit to the idea of having a relationship with you and instead, focus on making her feel re-attracted to you and drawn to you for her own reasons.
If you don’t rebuild her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you first, she will just keep saying things like, “Forget about it. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. It’s over. What’s done is done and it’s time that we accept that we’re not right for each other and move on. Please just accept that and stop pushing me to give you another chance. Goodbye.”
So, don’t make the mistake of pushing your ex for a relationship and making her feel as though you’re just trying to get what you want.
If you really want her to give you another chance, then focus on making her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
You can do that by maintaining your confidence around her, regardless of what she’s saying and doing to push you away or make you doubt yourself.
When she sees that you remain confident in yourself no matter what, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and will wonder how you are managing to maintain such control over your emotions.
You can show your maturity and self-control by saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m glad that we’re friends now and nothing else. It’s so much easier to get along with each other now without all the pressure to be a couple, don’t you agree?”
By behaving in those ways, you’re taking the pressure off her to give you another chance right away and are allowing her to experience the new and improved you for herself, at her own pace.
She then stops putting up walls every time you interact with her, because she doesn’t feel like you’re forcing her to get back together.
This allows her to stop being so defensive around you and start seeing you with fresh (more positive) eyes.
As long as you continue to build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you during every interaction, without pressuring her to give you another chance, she will drop her guard and even start to feel open to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
3 Mistakes That Some Guys Make When Trying to Convince Their Ex That They Are Different Now
It is entirely possible to get your ex to look past your mistakes and see that you’re different now.
However, for that to happen, you have to focus on doing the types of things that will bring down her walls and open her up to feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, rather than making her close off even more.
For example: Here are common mistakes that guys make in your situation…
1. Thinking that the ex back process is all up to her
Sometimes a guy might feel so bad for what happened between him and his ex girl, that he allows her to call the shots after the break up.
He may think something like, “I stuffed up so badly that I don’t know if she can ever forgive me. I don’t have any right to expect to be forgiven. I’m the one who ruined things, so it will have to be up to her to decide if she can ever look past my mistakes and give me another chance. Hopefully when she sees how sincere I’m being, she will feel sorry for me and give me a chance to prove myself to her.”
Yet, here’s what he doesn’t understand…
A man actually has a lot of control over the ex back process if he focuses on making his ex woman have sexual and romantic feelings for him for again.
When she feels that way, she naturally begins to want him back for her own reasons (i.e. She worries that if she doesn’t give him a chance, she will regret it. She feels curious about her new feelings for him and wants to explore them. She feels turned on by the new way he approaches conversations and interactions with her and doesn’t want to ignore that).
He can then get her back much more easily because she is open to being seduced by him and seeing what happens.
On the other hand, if a guy focuses on trying to convince her to give him a chance by promising that things will be different, he will have little to no power over the ex back process.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s all up to your ex whether you get back together.
If you want her to give your relationship another try, you have to be courageous enough to take the lead and get her back.
Another mistake that other guys make in your situation is…
2. Trying to explain everything in a letter, e-mail or series of texts messages
Many guys try to apologize and explain what went wrong in the relationship or in their approach with her, in a long letter, e-mail or series of text messages.
He hopes that it will make her think something along the lines of, “I love that he’s sending me long letters/e-mails/texts to explain himself. It’s all so romantic. It’s like being in a movie where the hero pours his heart out to a woman and she realizes that he really does love her. That’s all I’ve really wanted from him… for him to tell me that he cares. It’s now clear that he is truly sorry for what happened, so I can forgive him and put all my negative feelings behind me. All of his past mistakes mean nothing compared to the love he has for me via text/email/letter. I see that now. This changes everything! I want him back!”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, anything that he says to her via letter, e-mail or text will generally be taken the wrong way.
Instead of believing that he has changed, a woman will usually assume the worst (e.g. he was feeling insecure when he wrote it, he’s a wimp for not saying that to her in person before, he’s trying to trick her into feeling sorry for him, he is only saying that he understands, but in reality, he is still exactly the same guy who would make exactly the same mistakes).
Rather than give him the benefit of the doubt (i.e. because she doesn’t have feelings for him), she will instead read the message and imagine it coming from the exact version of him that she recently broke up with.
So, if you want to make your woman change her mind about breaking up with you, it’s essential that you talk to her on a phone call in person, rather than making the mistake of hiding behind letters, e-mails or texts.
In person or on a phone call, you can more easily re-attract her by allowing her to experience the new and improved man that you are now.
Another mistake that guys often make in your situation is…
3. Appearing desperate or needy for another chance
Women don’t want to reward emotional weakness and desperation with love, affection, sex and devotion.
Women are instinctively programmed to be attracted to emotionally strong men who have the confidence and determination to get what they want in life, without groveling or begging for it.
So, when her ex guy is being desperate and needy, her instincts will naturally cause her to start thinking things like, “He’s too emotionally wimpy for you. He doesn’t have the emotional strength needed to make you feel protected and safe in a relationship. It’s good that you broke up with him. Keep it that way. Move on.”
On the other hand, when a woman’s ex guy is in control of his emotions and is able to be confident and self-assured as he interacts with her, her instincts naturally cause her to feel respect and some attraction to his behavior.
As a result, her guard comes down a little and if he knows how to immediately build on her feelings as he talks to her, her guard will come down further.
She will then know for herself that he really is different now.
As a result, she will open herself up to her new feelings and see what happens.
At that point, a man has to know what to say and do to get another chance with her.
If he does, the relationship will get back together.
If he doesn’t, she will continue saying, “I just can’t look past what happened. We had our chance and it’s over now.”
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