So, how can you get your ex back if you’re in a long distance relationship?
Here are the 12 things that you need to know…
1. Focus on what you can control
When you’re in a long distance relationship, you don’t really have a lot of control over what she does with her life.
For example: If you’re living in another state, another country, if you’re deployed in the military or if she’s away for work, then you can’t really stop her from going out and partying with their friends.
You can’t be around to make sure that no other guys are hitting on her.
However, what you can control is how you make her feel.
When you interact with your ex, how do you make her feel?
Are you making her feel turned off by you?
Are you making her feel neutral, like just a friend or are you making her feel attracted and turned on by you again?
Sometimes in a long distance ex back situation, the woman isn’t very open to communicating with her ex-guy.
So, it’s not always possible to talk to her on the phone a lot or have video calls and things like that.
However, you need to make sure that you take advantage of whatever opportunity you have to make her feel attracted to you.
That may be with a text message, it may be with a phone call, it may be with a video call or it may be with social media.
It might also be a combination of all those things.
If you’re going to be successful at getting her back, your focus needs to be on how you’re making her feel.
Your actions, your communication style and how you’re presenting yourself via social media or on video messages is going to make all of the difference.
If you’re making her feel romantically and sexually attracted to you again, then she’s going to start feeling drawn to the relationship.
She’s going to miss you.
She’s going to wish that you and her were in the same city or same town or same home together so you could be together in a real, close relationship.
2. Don’t contact her too much
I definitely recommend that you remain in contact with her, but since you and her have broken up, you need to ease up on the contact.
If you are going to contact her, just do it sparingly and make sure that every time you contact her, there’s something in the way that you’re communicating to her that’s going to make her feel a spark of respect or attraction for you.
It’s going to make her have feelings for you.
That’s what really matters.
You want to be in a relationship with her, but what does she want?
If she’s going to be in a relationship with you, she needs to have feelings for you.
She needs to be feeling respect for you.
She needs to be feeling attracted.
She needs to be feeling sparks of love.
She needs to be feeling like she’s missing you and wishing that she could be with you.
That’s not going to be there if you’re contacting her too much and if you’re contacting her just in a friendly way.
So, if your ex is still open to communicating with you, I definitely recommend that you keep the lines of communication open, but don’t overuse it, especially if you’re using text and email to communicate with her.
You really need to limit the amount of time and effort that she has to put in to communicating with you.
What you want is that when she does communicate with you and interact with you, that she feels a spark of attraction, of respect and love.
She actually feels happy and she enjoys interacting with you.
As a result, she starts to miss your presence in her life.
3. Don’t try to have long conversations via text or email
When you’re long distance, it might seem like the only way that you can have a real conversation with her is to send her a long email or a long text message or a long social media message.
Yet, it just doesn’t feel good to a woman when her ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is ranting on and on about his feelings and the relationship and how he thinks about himself and her and so on.
She just doesn’t want to have to go into that much effort to be communicating with her ex.
What she wants to experience are sparks of respect and attraction and love.
She wants to feel happy and excited interacting with you rather than feeling like it’s a chore.
4. Don’t ask if she’s dating anyone else yet
Now that you and her are broken up, she’s most likely going to start dating a new guy or dating new guys to get over you and make herself feel better.
You won’t get any benefit out of asking her about that and wanting to know details.
What you need to do as a man is always believe in your attractiveness to a woman.
Never doubt it for a second.
Never look at another guy as being competition to your woman.
You’ve got to see yourself as the man.
You’ve got to look at every other guy as not being on your level, like there’s no one like you.
You are the man.
You’re the best.
You’re the best guy that she could ever meet.
End of story.
If you question that and doubt yourself as a result, then you’re not the best man she could ever meet, but if you believe it and you act upon it, then you become that man and you are that man.
It’s not about saying to her, “Hey, I don’t care if you’re dating any other guys. No one is like me. I’m so good. You know, look at me. I’m the best.”
It’s not about saying anything like that.
It’s simply about having that mindset where you know that you are one of a kind, that you are a great man.
Yes, you made some mistakes in the relationship, but who hasn’t?
Pretty much everyone has stuffed up a relationship at some point in their life.
If you listen to the latest songs coming out on the radio, you’ll see that pretty much all of them are about wanting to get an ex back or missing an ex or being hurt by an ex.
It’s all about that.
So, don’t think that it’s just you who has stuffed up a relationship and is wanting your ex back.
Pretty much everyone goes through it.
It’s totally normal.
It’s totally natural.
The thing that you need to do though is to focus on what you can control.
You’ve got to focus on how you’re making her feel and one of the ways to make her feel respect and attraction for you is to not look at other guys as being competition to you.
You’ve got to have that relaxed confidence in yourself.
5. Don’t appear emotionally weak or needy
If your ex is still open to communicating with you and you’re having conversations with her, just make sure that you’re not coming across in a way where you need her reassurance, you need her emotional support or you’re lost without her, you’re sad without her, you’re depressed without her.
You don’t want to be giving her the impression that you need her to start showing you signs of interest and being nicer to you and giving you hope before you can feel confident again or before you can feel happy again.
You’ve got to make sure that she can see that you are happy with or without her.
It’s not about saying to her, “Hey, I don’t need you. I don’t care about you. I couldn’t give a crap if we got back together.”
It’s not about saying any of those things.
It’s just about having that relaxed confidence in yourself and letting her see that you’re not lost without her, that your life is moving on.
You don’t have to go and hook up with new women or get into a new relationship or anything like that if you don’t want to.
If you want to get into a new relationship or date some new woman while you’re waiting for you and her to be able to be in the same city and be together again, then that’s fine.
However, you don’t need to do that to show her that you’re moving on.
It’s more about how you come across when you interact with her.
How you talk, how you behave, how you react to her, she’s going to be able to pick up on that.
Women are very good at picking up on the subtle cues that men give off.
This also applies if a man is faking the fact that he is moving on without her and that he’s fine.
A lot of guys who are in long distance ex back situations talk about how they are living their life and they try to make their ex-woman feel jealous, but she can pick up on the fact that he’s just faking it.
She can tell by the way he reacts to her and responds to her and talks to her that he’s desperately missing her.
He is lost without her.
He doesn’t want to be with any other women but her.
She can pick up on that.
So, don’t fake it.
It’s got to be real.
6. Give her hope for the future
Now, let me be very clear here.
Giving her hope about the future is not about explaining things to her.
It’s not about trying to paint a picture of you and her being together and being so happy and living together forever and all that sort of stuff.
It’s not about telling her your feelings for her or your plans to succeed at work or in your business or whatever you’re doing.
It’s not about that.
What is it about?
It’s about her feelings.
That’s what really matters when getting a woman back.
She needs to have hope for the future based on the fact that she now feels a lot of respect, attraction and love for you whenever she interacts with you.
So, when she feels that, she starts feeling hopeful about a future with you.
She starts to imagine being back in a relationship with you.
She starts to picture herself going out to dinner with you, going to the movies, going to the beach, kissing, having sex, hanging out and watching TV and so on.
She starts to imagine all those sorts of things.
However, if you don’t focus on making her have feelings for you first and you’re just trying to talk to her about a relationship and tell her how much you want to be with her, then she’s not going to be imagining those things.
She’s going to be feeling turned off by your approach and she’s going to be imagining you becoming more and more desperate and needy and clingy and insecure.
She’s going to imagine a really difficult situation.
What you need to make her see is that things feel good between you and her now.
Whenever you and her interact, she smiles, she laughs.
She feels attracted.
She feels respect for who you are now.
She feels sparks of love for you and it feels good to her.
That is what gives her hope for the future.
7. Be patient
This is one of the difficult parts about a long distance ex back situation.
When a guy is getting his ex back that he lives in the same town or city as, he can get her back pretty much right away or within days or within weeks.
However, in a long distance ex back situation, sometimes it takes months because you’re just not going to be able to meet up with her until then.
For example: A man is deployed in the military, his wife is overseas working, she’s overseas studying abroad or she has to be in another country because of a family issue and she can’t come back for many months.
Whatever your situation is, the fact is that in long distance ex back situations, you need to be patient.
However, you need to make sure that while you’re being patient, you’re not just sitting around and not improving your ability to attract her.
You’ve got to be improving your understanding of what it actually takes to make a woman feel respect and attraction and love for you when you talk to her.
For example: If a guy is talking to a woman and he’s being insecure and he’s talking about how difficult his life is and he needs her to give him emotional support, then she’s not going to feel attracted to him.
It doesn’t matter how good his intentions are with her, how much he loves her and how good of a guy he is.
None of that matters because she just doesn’t want to be his emotional support system.
She doesn’t want to be with a man who needs her to be constantly lifting him up and patting him on the back and saying, “Everything is going to be okay.”
On the flip side, if a man is interacting with a woman and he’s facing challenges in life, but she can see that he’s taking those challenges on and he’s using those challenges as opportunities to become a stronger and better man, then she feels attracted to him.
If he’s focused on solutions rather than complaining and whining and seeking pity, then she feels attracted to him.
So, with long distance ex back situations, while you need to be patient in order to get her back, you also need to make sure that you are living your life and you’re continuing to become a better man.
I don’t mean to continue to become a better man by focusing on superficial things like going to the gym more, getting a better haircut or some other superficial thing.
There’s nothing wrong with going to the gym or getting a better haircut, but what really matters to a woman is emotional attraction, how you make her feel when you interact with her.
Do you make her feel turned on and excited and drawn to you?
Does she feel that lust and mystery about you?
Does she feel excited to want to be touched by you?
Does she feel drawn to want to hug you and be in your arms or does she just feel neutral when she talks to you?
Does she feel like there’s no real spark there between you and her?
Worse, does she feel turned off when she talks to you?
Does she feel like, “Ah, you just don’t get it. You haven’t even changed. You’re still basically the same. You’re turning me off in the same old ways with your communication mistakes and you just don’t understand what it’s going to take to make me feel attracted. You don’t get me.”
So, be patient while getting your ex back long distance, but just make sure that you are improving your ability to make her feel attracted to you.
If you try to get her back and are behaving in unattractive ways, it’s just not going to work.
8. Regain the position of power
The way to do that is to make her feel attracted to you again and to want her, but not need her.
You’re not chasing the relationship.
You’re not still hurt by the fact that she dumped you and she rejected you.
You’re doing fine without her.
She’s feeling attracted to you again.
She’s feeling drawn to you, but you’re not chasing her.
You don’t actually need her.
You want her, but you don’t actually need her.
When you make a woman feel that way, she is thinking about you.
She’s missing you, she’s imagining being with you, she’s feeling drawn to you, she’s imagining kissing you and hugging you and having sex with you.
She’s imagining being back in a relationship with you.
Yet, she’s also noticing that you’re not chasing her.
You’re not pressuring her to get into a relationship with you.
You’re not putting that focus on your feelings in trying to work things out.
You’re just making her feel attracted.
She can see that you do want her, but you don’t actually need her.
When that happens, you take back the power.
You are a valuable man.
She’s attracted to you, but you’re not chasing her.
She wants something from you now.
She feels drawn to you.
She imagines being back with you.
She wishes that she could be back in your arms now.
Therefore, you have something that she wants, but you’re not giving it to her because you’re not chasing a relationship.
You’re simply making her feel attracted to you again.
9. Don’t be embarrassed about going to meet her
It’s obvious that if you go to her town, city or country then you’re going there to meet up with her.
So, you don’t need to make up lies or look for excuses as to why you’re going to be in her town city or country.
You simply have to say to her that, yes, you’re going there because you want to catch up with her and say hi, but you’re also interested in going there because you want to do XYZ (whatever that is for you).
For example: You might want to travel around that local area. You might want to go to some sort of event there, but let her know that “Hey, one of the main reasons I’m heading over there is because I want to catch up with you and say hi.”
Just let her know that you’re catching up just as friends and that there’s nothing wrong with exes catching up to have a bite to eat or have a coffee to say hi.
There is nothing wrong with that.
It’s totally normal and natural.
You don’t need to make up excuses or lies and get all weird about it.
Women hate it when guys want something, but they’re coming up with all sorts of weird excuses and lies and behaviors that cover up their true intentions.
Women see that as creepy and their guard goes up.
She starts worrying about what you’re really going to do when you get there.
Does she have to protect herself? Are you going to hurt her? Are you going to go crazy when you meet up with her? Why are you acting all weird?
Why are you covering up the fact that you’re heading to her town or city out of all the cities in the world and you’re saying that you’re not going there to meet up with her?
Just say to her, “Hey, one of the main reasons I’m heading there is I want to be able to catch up and say hi, you know, grab a bite to eat or grab a coffee, just as friends. I’m also going to be doing this and this, but hey, I’d love to be able to catch up and say hi.”
Just own it.
10. Re-attract her at the meet up
Now, what I was just saying in the previous example is that you’re going there to catch up with her just as friends.
Yet, you don’t actually catch up with her just as friends.
Don’t act like a friend who has no sexual interest in her at all.
Saying that you’re catching up just as friends gives her a reason to meet up with you.
She can see that, “Okay, he’s not trying to desperately get me back. He’s calm. Everything is fine. I can catch up with him.”
Yet, when you meet up with her, you need to make sure that you are making her feel sexual and romantic attraction for you.
You need to be making sure that you’re turning her on by the way that you’re interacting with her.
11. Hook up with her or leave her wanting more
This really depends on whether you can catch up with her more frequently or if it’s going to be really difficult for you to catch up with her again.
Some guys who are trying to get their ex-woman back long distance can catch up with her once a month or so and it’s not really much of a big deal because they are 100 miles away or 100 kilometers away.
Yet some guys are thousands of miles away, thousands of kilometers away and it’s not easy to catch up with her.
So, if it’s really difficult to catch up with her, then you need to make sure that you try to hook up with her sexually.
You need to make sure that you try to get to a kiss and then you try to get her back to your hotel or back to her place so you can hook up.
If you can see her more regularly, then make her feel attracted and turned on and give her a hug goodbye and then just leave her wanting more.
She will walk away feeling attracted to you, feeling respect for you and feeling sparks of love for you and she’ll be thinking, “I want to see him more. Why didn’t he kiss me? You know, why am I feeling attracted to him all of a sudden? Why do I want to have sex with him? Why do I want to see him again?”
Then what happens is she starts texting you, you can get her on a phone call, you can attract her more and you can get her to meet up with you and hook up with her that time.
12. Don’t chase a relationship
When you make her feel attracted to you again, she’s going to be so much happier if you allow her to chase the relationship rather than you trying to pressure her into committing.
Although modern women get involved in careers and seem very focused on being professional and following through on their dreams, what most women really want is to be focused on love.
Most women love the idea of focusing their attention on being in love.
So, if you make your woman feel attracted to you again and you’re not chasing a relationship and she has to do that, it’s enjoyable for her.
She is feeling so much for you.
She’s feeling attracted to you.
She’s feeling drawn to you and she’s thinking about you all the time.
You’re not chasing the relationship so she’s thinking, “How can I get him to show more interest? How can I get him to catch up with me again?”
She then starts texting you more, calling you more, showing more interest and she hopes that it leads to you and her catching up again and hooking up again.
She gets to chase you and get you back.
She’s feeling so attracted to you.
She’s feeling so in love with the new you.
She’s feeling so excited about the fact that she now sees you as the one who got away.
She’s looking at you as someone who she wants in her life.
You are not the same as you were when she broke up with.
You have changed so much.
You know how to make her feel so attracted now.
The things that you were saying and doing in the relationship that were turning her off, you just don’t do that anymore.
You’re so much more of a complete man now.
Learn More?
I hope this video has been helpful for you and if you need more help to get your ex-woman back, I recommend that you watch my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System
The same rules apply to getting an ex back when you live in the same area or if it’s long distance.
You have to re-attract her, you have to get to a meetup and you have to make her want the relationship again.
You Can Get Her Back if You Focus on What You Can Control
One final point that I want to make for you in this video is to acknowledge the fact that long distance relationships are not as easy as local or live-in relationships.
Your challenge of getting her back is more difficult than a guy who can see his woman more regularly.
That is true.
However, what I said at the start of the video is what you really need to remember.
You need to focus on what you can control.
What you can control is how you are making her feel by the way that you talk to her, by the way that you react to her, by the way that you behave and the way that you come across.
The way that you are presenting yourself to her, the way that you’re talking to her, that is what makes her feel something for you rather than making her feel turned off, feel neutral or feeling attracted and turned on by you again.
That is what matters.
Your situation is a bit more difficult than guys who can meet up with their ex more regularly, but you’ve got to just focus on what you can do and what you can do is make her have feelings for you again.
When you make her feel respect, attraction and love for you, she starts to think of you as the one that got away.
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