4 simple things you need to do to get her back:
1. Stop looking at yourself as the jerk ex boyfriend
Although you may have been a jerk to your girlfriend and caused her to break up with you, sitting around thinking things like, “I’m such an idiot! I had the perfect woman and I lost her out of pure stupidity. Now I have to live with the knowledge that I’m the one responsible for destroying what we had, because she will probably never forgive me for being such a jerk to her and give me another chance,” is actually the worst thing you can do.
By making yourself out to be the bad guy, you’re just wallowing in the past and not allowing yourself to move forward and become a better man.
Right now, you’re the man who has learned from the experience, not the jerk who behaved in that way during the relationship.
If you look at yourself as the jerk ex boyfriend, so will she.
So, don’t do that to yourself.
Instead, you need to realize that we all live and learn and make mistakes sometimes.
As long as you’ve learned your lesson and have become a better person, there’s no reason for you to continue punishing yourself for what happened.
Put it behind you and start with a clean slate based on the man that you are now.
The most important thing is that you move forward and replace the negative feelings that your girlfriend experienced (e.g. anger, betrayal, heartbreak) with renewed, positive feelings of trust, respect and attraction.
When you reactivate those feelings inside of her, everything changes.
Her guard comes down and she opens herself up to getting back together again because being around you feels good again.
However, if you continue to look at yourself as the jerk who ruined everything, it will come across in your actions and behavior when you interact with your ex and she will most likely push you away and say things like, “Forget it! I can never forgive you for what you did to me.”
Another thing you should do to get your girlfriend back after being a jerk to her is…
2. Apologize briefly and sincerely if you haven’t done so already
Apologizing to your girlfriend for your behavior is definitely something you should do, if you haven’t already done so.
However, it’s very important that you don’t go on and on about all the mistakes you made, or try to make her feel sorry for you by apologizing over and over and telling her how bad you feel.
A brief, yet sincere apology is all that is needed to make your point without coming across as desperate, or making your ex feel like she has a lot of power over you, which she doesn’t want.
For example: Imagine you’re on a call, or at a meet up with your ex.
You might then say something along the lines of, “Before you say anything, I just want to apologize to you for being such a jerk. I know that I really stuffed up and caused you a lot of pain and for that, I’m truly sorry. However, I do want you to know that I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I’ve become a better, more emotionally mature man as a result. Of course, I don’t expect you to believe me or forgive me just because I’m apologizing to you, but I hope we can at least go forward without taking all the baggage from the past with us. Although I do still care about you, I accept that we’re broken up now. I’m not asking you to take me back, I just want you to forgive me so that we can start over with a clean slate and at least be friends again.”
By calmly apologizing to your ex girlfriend, while being confident and emotionally mature enough to admit your mistake, you’re showing her that you’re no longer the jerk she broke up with.
You have learned your lesson and are taking positive steps to become a better man than before.
This is attractive to her.
It automatically re-sparks some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you and she then allows herself to stop focusing on how badly you stuffed up, which makes it easier for her to truly forgive you.
As a result, she drops her guard a little bit and begins to feel more comfortable about talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person again.
Then when she experiences the new you for real, she naturally opens back up to hugging you, kissing you, having sex and getting back together again.
Another thing you should do to get your girlfriend back after being a jerk to her is…
3. Remember what attracted her to you for so long
Sometimes, when a guy gets dumped for being a jerk, he might make the mistake of thinking that to get his girlfriend back, he needs to be on his very best behavior around her (e.g. by being extra nice to her even when she is being bitchy towards him, letting her call the shots by telling him when he’s allowed to text, phone or see her, accepting all the blame for what happened between them).
Essentially, he’s hoping that if she sees that he’s willing to do anything to make her happy, she will believe that he’s turned over a new leaf and give him another chance.
Yet, here’s what a guy like that doesn’t understand…
If she’s the sort of woman who put up with him being a jerk, then she most likely prefers a guy who doesn’t suck up to her 24/7.
The same probably applies to you and your ex girlfriend.
So, don’t turn into Mr. Nice Guy now and expect her to want that.
A woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect, not a guy who submits to her and allows her to walk all over him, just so he can get her back.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend to give you another chance, make sure you don’t lose the qualities about you that she still finds attractive (e.g. your emotional strength, your emotional masculinity).
Interact with her and make her feel attracted to who you are now, but also show her that you’re still the man she fell in love with too.
That’s the secret to re-attracting her and getting her back.
Another thing you should do to get your girlfriend back after being a jerk to her is…
4. Don’t try to sell her the new you by explaining how much you’ve changed
A guy will sometimes try to get another chance with his ex by telling her that he has changed.
For example: He might say things like, “I know I was a jerk, but I’m really not like that anymore. I’m a different man now, I promise. I don’t react the same way I used to. I’m so much calmer and more in control of my emotions now and if you just give me one more chance I will prove it to you.”
Yet, chances are high his girlfriend is just going to say something along the lines of, “Do you really expect me to believe you after everything you’ve put me through? Besides, I’ve lost count of all the times before now that you’ve promised me that you will change, only to go back to being the same jerk you were before. So why should this time be any different? Forget it! I’m not interested in your empty words! I don’t trust you anymore and it’s going to take a lot more than you telling me that you’ve changed to make me change my mind about us.”
So, if you don’t want that kind of reaction from your girlfriend, don’t tell her how you’ve changed.
Instead, let her experience the new and improved you in person.
She will pick up on the changes without you having to oversell yourself to her.
It will naturally come through in how you talk to her, what you say and how you respond to her and react to what she says and does (e.g. when she tries to get a rise out of you and make you go back to behaving the way you used to by being cold, bitchy or indifferent towards you).
So, don’t worry about trying to prove to your girlfriend that you’ve changed by explaining to her how you did it.
Just be the new, improved, more emotionally mature version of yourself when you interact with her and she will pick up on it automatically.
Then, when she sees for herself that you really are a changed man now, something really amazing happens…
She can’t stop herself from feeling respect for you again.
When she respects you, she also feels attracted to you and then the idea of spending more time with you becomes something she’s willing to do.
You can then show her that you really are a new man now and get her back.
However, if you try to sell yourself to her and convince her with words, she’s likely just going to continue pushing you away and saying things like, “Forget it! I just don’t believe you anymore. You stuffed up one time too many and now I just want to put it all behind me and move on. If you really do care for me like you say you do, then you’ll stop explaining how much you’ve changed and just accept that it’s over between us.”
Avoid the Following 3 Problems to Get Her Back Easier and Faster
If you want to get your girlfriend back, you have to make sure that from this point onwards, every thought you think and every conversation and interaction you have with her, is showing her that you’re a changed man.
If you try to get her back, but are still thinking and behaving in unattractive ways, she’s going to lose even more respect and attraction for you and she’s likely going to say things like, “I wouldn’t give you another chance if you were the last man on earth after how you treated me. Go away and leave me alone! I never want to see you again, and I mean it this time. Don’t ever contact me again!”
That would really suck.
So, don’t let it happen.
This is why, you need to make sure you’re not making the following mistakes:
1. Feeling unworthy of her because of how badly you treated her
When a man feels like he’s to blame for the break up with his girlfriend, he might fall into the trap of thinking of her as having been perfect compared to him and never did anything wrong.
He may then put himself down by thinking things like, “It’s all my fault our relationship is ruined. I was the jerk who destroyed it. Even though she put up with my crap over and over again, I never learned my lesson. Instead I kept on and on stuffing up until she got tired of me and left. Even if she wanted me back now (which she doesn’t), the truth is, I don’t deserve a woman like her. She’s just too good for me.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that feeling unworthy of his ex girlfriend’s love, respect and attraction only makes him seem less attractive to her (and to other women).
Why?
A woman likes the idea of being in a relationship with a man who is always confident and believes in himself no matter what happens (even if he’s behaved badly and ruined her feelings for him).
The more emotionally strong he is, the more she is able to respect him, feel attracted to him, love him and feel proud to be with him.
So, when a guy is feeling sorry for himself and putting himself down, rather than make her feel happy that he’s suffering for the way he treated her, she instead feels turned off by his lack of confidence.
She then has one more reason not to want to be with him anymore.
Here’s the thing though…
Everyone makes mistakes.
So, yes, you stuffed up.
That’s a fact.
However, if you’re a better guy now, then that’s who you are.
The past is the past and there’s nothing you can do about it.
However, if you can make your girlfriend feel so much more loved, appreciated and respected now, then getting back together will be great for both of you.
So, forget what happened and focus on what you can do right now.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Apologizing in detail via text or e-mail
A guy might sometimes send his ex walls of text saying things like, “I’m so sorry for being a jerk to you! I know I stuffed up badly and I can’t express to you how much I regret what I put you through. If I could take it all back, I would, but since that’s not possible, the only thing I can do is tell you how very, very sorry I am as many times as it will take for you to believe me.”
That can work if a woman is still madly in love with her ex.
However, if she’s currently over it and isn’t interested in trying to make things work, she will likely just feel annoyed with him. Why?
Even though he’s being sincere and he genuinely is sorry for how he treated her, she will likely take him apologizing to her via text as a sign that he’s once again being a jerk to her.
He’s saying sorry to her but he doesn’t even have the balls to do it face-to-face or at least over the phone.
Instead, he’s hiding behind texts where she can’t really see his body language or hear the tonality of his voice.
So, in her mind, rather than picture a man who genuinely regrets how he treated her, she’s imagining him laughing and snickering at her and thinking things like, “She’s so gullible. I bet she’s going to fall for my apology hook line and sinker.”
Of course that’s not the truth, but because he was a jerk to her before and she doesn’t have any evidence to prove that he’s changed, she’s usually just going to assume the worst of him.
This is why, if you intend to apologize to your girlfriend, make sure you do it over the phone or in person.
Yes, she’s probably not going to make it easy for you (e.g. she may refuse to answer your call), but you need to man up and figure out how to pass that test of your confidence and resolve.
When you do and you then sincerely apologize to her over the phone, or even better, in person, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect for you for being man enough to admit your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions.
When she respects you, she will also begin to feel attracted to you again and then getting her back becomes easier because she’s not thinking about you in a negative way anymore.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Not changing much or anything about yourself. She then senses it and keeps her guard up
One of the biggest mistakes some guys make after being dumped by their girl for being a jerk, is to try and get her back without changing and improving any of the things that turned her off.
Instead, a guy like that will usually focus all his effort on chasing after her and saying and doing whatever he thinks will make her forgive him and give him another chance (e.g. apologizing, making promises that he really has changed, sending her flowers, buying her gifts, writing her long, soppy love letters telling her how much he loves her).
Initially, she might feel sorry for him and decide to at least meet up with him one more time to see if he’s improved since the break up.
However, if she meets up with him and realizes that he hasn’t changed (e.g. he’s still jealous and controlling, is immature and childish, has a wandering eye), then she will close herself off from him even more.
If the then tries to convince her to give him another chance, rather than get the results he’s hoping for, he’s shocked when she says something along the lines of, “I was hoping that this time would be different, but once again, nothing about you has really changed. You’re still the same jerk I broke up with and I’m not falling for your empty promises anymore. I don’t believe that you can change, or even that you want to change. You’re a lost cause and I’m done with you for real this time. Please don’t contact me again or try to convince me to change my mind with your flowers, gifts or love letters. I will not be falling for that again. Bye.”
So, if you want your ex girlfriend to give you another chance, the first step is to make some changes to yourself to attract her in the ways that are important to her (e.g. you’re are so much more emotionally mature and focused now, you’re more supportive of her dreams and ambitions, you’re more emotionally masculine and as a result, she feels feminine and girly around you rather than feeling neutral or even turned off).
When she experiences the changes in you first hand (i.e. on a phone call or in person), she naturally opens up to forgiving you for being a jerk to her.
When she forgives you, her guard comes down and you can then build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you and make her reconnect with the love that is currently lying dormant in the background.
Then, you’ve just got to be confident and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Don’t give up.
Don’t feel like it’s impossible.
You can do it.
Guys all over the world get their women back every day, and you can do it too.
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