If you’re out there trying to find yourself a girlfriend, you will feel attracted to many different types of women that you meet, but not every conversation will lead to sex, dating and a relationship. Why? No man is compatible with every woman he meets and no woman is perfect for every guy she meets either.
So, how do you know whether or not you and a woman are compatible with each other? How do you know if getting her number is going to lead to a sex and a relationship that works? To answer that, we first have to get clear on the differences between attraction, compatibility and incompatibility.
The Difference Between Attraction and Compatibility
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature that evokes interest, desire or fascination in something.
Compatibility (adjective): Capable of living or existing together in harmony.
Incompatible (adjective): Unable to exist together in harmony, contrary or opposed in character.
As you can see from the dictionary definitions, when you and a woman feel attracted to each other doesn’t mean that you will also be compatible and be able to have a great relationship that lasts a lifetime. You might be able to arouse the attraction, interest and desire of a woman, but unless she feels compatible with you, it usually won’t go any further than a conversation. Some women will have sex and begin a relationship with a guy purely based on attraction and will later end the relationship when they realize that it isn’t working, but for a relationship to work and last the test of time, you need to be attracted to each other and compatible.
When you’re out there meeting women, you might talk to a woman, find her physically attractive and be open to having sex with her or having her as a lover for a while, but that doesn’t mean that you are 100% compatible and should try to lock in a lifetime relationship. If you want to find a woman to marry or settle down with for life, you have to look for more in a woman than just a feeling of attraction for her.
5 Categories of Compatibility
When it comes to compatibility between a man and a woman, there are five basic categories of compatibility:
- Emotional: Whether or not you make each other feel desirable emotions. Do you make each other feel good, understood, proud, happy, loving or do you make each other feel awkward, misunderstood, unhappy and uncomfortable?
- Social: Whether or not you are from the same sort of crowd or not. Are you too cool for her, or is she too cool for you? Would you get along with her friends? Would she be proud or embarrassed to introduce you to her parents?
- Physical: Whether or not you’re physically attracted to each other.
- Mental: Whether or not you have the same level of mental ability and intelligence level. Can you relate to each other’s type of humor and thinking?
- Spiritual: Whether or not you have the same type of philosophical beliefs, or are at least open to accepting each other’s way of thinking about life.
When it comes to success with women, the most important categories of compatibility that you need to provide her with are emotional, social and mental. Many women are happy to forget about a guy’s lack of good looks and love him for who he is as a man, as long as he is compatible in those other important ways. Additionally, these days, most people aren’t too concerned about spiritual compatibility, but that differs from person to person. For the record, my girlfriend and I share the same open, philosophical beliefs about life and respect the beliefs of all people.
You Will Know
When you’re talking to a woman and there is a strong, mutual feeling of attraction between you, as well as a strong connection in many of the categories of compatibility, that’s when you know you are a good match. Ideally, you want to choose a woman who is perfect for you in every way, because these days, relationships don’t last a lifetime if they aren’t meant to be or if they are only based on a 1-2 categories of compatibility.
When I chose my girlfriend, I had been rejecting women for years before I met her. I had plenty of beautiful girlfriends who were good women, but who usually lacked in some areas of compatibility. For example: Mental and emotional compatibility, where the woman didn’t have a truly loyal character, didn’t have good family values, etc. The other times when I rejected offers to settle down with women was when I just wasn’t ready for it, so in that case, we weren’t mentally, emotionally and socially compatible anymore.
Awkward Conversation: Does That Mean You’re Incompatible?
If you’re talking a woman and it feels tense and awkward, does that mean you’re not compatible with her?
Not necessarily.
If you’re not a confident guy and tend to feel nervous around women, most of the awkwardness is probably being created by you. When it comes to the human mating dance, it is up to the man to lead the way by being confident and making both himself and the woman feel comfortable. It’s not a woman’s role to be gentle with you and guide you through a sexual courtship if you’re a nervous, shy type.
When I was nervous and unsure of myself around women, most women didn’t like me and I couldn’t get laid or get a girlfriend. However, when I became more confident, masculine and socially intelligent, most women I was meeting liked me and were open to the conversation. I became more attractive and more compatible to women (mentally, socially and emotionally) by becoming a more confident, masculine guy.
Recovering From a Bad First Impression
Many guys who come to me for help have made a bad first impression on a girl (e.g. being too nice, being really nervous, etc) and now want to get another chance with her. You definitely can recover from a bad first impression and make her feel more attracted to you, but if there is no real compatibility between you and her at all, then it’s never going to feel right.
If you know a woman already and get along really well with her, but have simply made mistakes that have placed you in the friend zone, then you are compatible with her, but are currently not attractive to her. So, you just need to focus on becoming more confident, masculine and socially intelligent and the spark between you and her will ignite.
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Dan I was nodding all the way through this then you got me with a WTF moment, physical compatibility huh? :’)
Most couples I see aren’t physically compatible the girl is up there and the guy is down there, a common dynamic.
I have a friend whose girlfriend is an absolute knockout and not to bash him but there is very little redeeming about his physical appearance and I would find it hard to believe any woman would feel they are physically compatible with him or view him as an equal physically.
Women walk about with that I’m a 10 get out my way fake vibe and pride themselves on their appearance yet they can feel physical attraction for someone who is lower?
#Confused
Cheers
Hey Len
Thanks for your comment.
Good point. I should have gone into detail about physical compatibility in the video. I forgot that many guys would be focussed on physical compatibility and would ignore everything else. Okay, here’s something to add:
Women will happily overlook a lack of physical good looks if the guy matches up strongly in the other areas of compatibility. The most important are: Social, emotional and mental.
BTW: Check this out: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/articles/how-do-average-guys-get-hot-women.html
Cheers
Dan
Dan
I have been wondering this for a while now, but I can’t figure out the answers, so – what’s the difference between the way a man loves a woman and the way a woman loves a man? And what should the correct way be for the ideal relationship?
Hey Ronald
Thanks for your question.
The main difference is that a man should love a woman 100%, but she should not be the most important thing to him in life. His purpose in life has to be the most important thing, with her as a very close second. Mainstream opinion won’t tell you that, but it’s what women really want.
A woman wants to feel that her man loves her and sees her as the sexiest woman on Earth, but that he is also going after bigger and more important things in life than just a relationship with her. She is important, but the achievement of his purpose in life is more important and helps to maintain her respect and attraction for him.
Read: http://www.themodernman.com/success/finding-your-life-purpose.html
If you want to learn more about this topic in a lot of detail, watch Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/better_than_a_bad_boy.html
Cheers
Dan
Dan something I’m trying to piece this together in my mind appreciate your input cheers! You guys talk about that sometimes when you’ve interacted with women in the past that some haven’t been interested in you guys, what do you mean by that?
Are you talking in those incidences where the women weren’t interested they simply weren’t interested in taking it further past a conversation because the compatibility wasn’t good enough to want to despite feeling attraction? Or do you guys literally mean they were not attracted? If its that then I’m confused mate lol how women wouldn’t be interested in a guy who is the most attractive man he could be and have all the qualities in check.
Is it because every guy is different at their core some guys are alpha but maybe bit more cocky/arrogant, some guys are more reserved/chill and alpha some guys are flamboyant/social and alpha meaning some women lap it up others don’t like it depending what their preferences are. Similar to our attraction to women their attraction takes on many forms a guy could dig a chick who’s beautiful but then another guy feels almost nothing is it the same?
If I boil it down basically want to know how can a woman not feel attracted to you if you are a true alpha male lol?
-Dan
Hi Dan
Thanks for your question.
There is a difference between being compatible and feeling attracted. Yes, the women who weren’t interested would have felt some attraction, but it doesn’t mean that every approach leads to sex and a relationship. No man is compatible with every woman on the planet and no woman is compatible with every man on the planet. When approaching women, you are simply seeking to find women who are not only attracted to you, but whom you are attracted to and compatible with.
Attraction (noun): A quality or feature that evokes interest, desire or fascination in something.
Compatibility (adjective): Capable of living or existing together in harmony.
Incompatible (adjective): Unable to exist together in harmony, contrary or opposed in character.
Cheers
Dan
Like you give the example if you lined up 5 stunningly beautiful women not every guy would pick the same girl who he found the most attractive and least attractive. If you lined up 5 alpha males and got them to interact with a bunch of women for 15 minutes each like speed dating not every girl is going to pick the same guy who she found the most attractive and least attractive why is that what’s that based on, compatibility or something else?
Hey Dan
Yes, she would choose the guy who was the most compatible or, if she is just looking for a fun time (i.e. sex that night), she may choose the guy who made her feel the most sexual attraction.
Cheers
Dan