5 things you can do:
1. Stop trying to convince her based on your explanations
It’s very likely that you truly believe you can fix things, so you and her can be together again.
That’s great, but it’s not the solution to getting her back.
Getting her back is about re-attracting her sexually and romantically, so she feels compelled to give you another chance.
If a guy doesn’t understand that, he may end up saying things like, “Please babe, just give us a chance. We’re just going through a rough patch, but I know we can work things out. Can’t you see that what we have together is special? Please think about that before you throw it all away. I know we can make it work if we just don’t give up.”
It sounds great, but trying to convince a woman to stay in a relationship that she doesn’t want, only makes her put up more walls to protect herself.
Here’s the thing…
A modern woman doesn’t want to stay in a relationship with a guy out of a sense of duty, or because she feels pity or guilty over him not being able to handle the fact that what they had is over.
She wants to be with him because he makes her feel good, moment to moment.
This is why, if you try to convince your ex that you can get through the rough patch you and her are currently experiencing and be together again, the underlying message she’s likely hearing is, “Maybe it will be good sometime in the future, we just have to stick it out, be miserable for now and hopefully things will change.”
As a result, she remains closed off and focuses on moving on as quickly as possible.
While it might totally suck to think that your woman doesn’t want to work with you on getting over this rough patch, the good news is that her feelings aren’t permanent.
You can change the way that she feels about you and the relationship.
How?
You’ve got to make sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you’re actively making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Don’t waste time trying to convince her.
If she has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you at the moment, your efforts to persuade her into changing her mind will be a whole bunch of wasted energy.
So, just focus on changing her feelings for you (i.e. make her feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again) and her mind will then change without you having to convince her.
When you do that and she starts to respect you and feel attracted to you again as a man, she will then naturally begin to feel that your relationship is worth fighting for and that she will be losing out if she doesn’t give you another chance.
Another thing to consider when trying to make your ex see that you can get through the rough patch and be together again, is…
2. Don’t expect her to jump for joy and beg for another chance if you make changes
Sometimes, a guy thinks that all it will take for an ex woman to change her mind about breaking up and give him another chance is to tell her that he’s changed.
For example: A guy like that might say things like, “I know I was a jerk, but I really have changed. I’m a different man now, I promise. You know all those things you hated about me and told me you wanted me to change? Well, I have. I’m not as lazy/clingy/insecure/unmotivated/immature as I was before. All I’m asking if for a chance to prove it to you. Please baby… give us one more chance. I promise you won’t regret it. I really am a new man now.”
Yet, in almost all cases, a woman isn’t going to suddenly jump for joy and say something like, “Yay! That’s the best news I ever heard. In that case, I’m ready to get back with you right away.”
Instead, her response is more likely to be something along the lines of, “I don’t care. After everything you’ve put me through, I just don’t care anymore. I’ve lost count of all the times before now that you’ve promised to change, only for you to revert back to being the same as before. So, I highly doubt that suddenly this time will be any different. I know you and I know that you always mean well, but in the end, you fall back into your old patterns of behavior. I’m sorry, but even if this time it’s true, I don’t trust you anymore and it’s going to take a lot more than you telling me that you’ve changed to make me change my mind about us.”
So, if you don’t want that kind of reaction from your ex, don’t bother telling her that you’ve changed.
Instead, let her experience the new and improved you over the phone and more importantly, in person.
If you’ve genuinely made changes, you won’t have to oversell yourself to her.
Instead, it will naturally come through in how you talk to her, how you act and behave and in how you respond to her and react to what she says and does (e.g. when she tries to trick you into reverting back to behaving the way you used to by being cold, bitchy or indifferent towards you).
So, don’t worry about trying to prove to your ex that you’ve changed by telling her all about it.
Just be the new, improved, more emotionally mature version of yourself when you interact with her and she will pick up on it automatically.
Then, when she experiences the changes for herself through her interactions with you (e.g. especially over the phone and in person), she won’t be able to feel a surge of renewed respect for you again.
When she respects you, she also feels attracted to you and then the idea of spending more time with you to see if you can work things out becomes something she’s willing to do.
You can then guide her through the remaining steps of the ex back process and get her back.
3. Stop setting off negative chain reaction effects when you interact
When interacting with your ex, you’re either setting off positive or negative chain reactions.
What is a chain reaction?
It’s basically a set of actions and behaviors that build on each other and produce a good or bad result.
For example: A negative chain reaction when trying to make your ex see that you can get through this rough patch and be together again is…
You worry that the breakup might be permanent and that you will end up losing her for real.
This leads to you constantly texting, emailing, sending messages to her via social media, calling her on the phone and even showing up at her home or place of work.
This behavior makes you look needy and desperate.
As a result, she starts to lose even more respect and attraction for you for not being an emotionally strong man under the circumstances.
She then feels even more convinced than before that she made the right decision by breaking up with you.
As you can likely see, when one negative thing builds on another, it creates a chain that usually ends badly.
So, if you want to be together again with your ex, one of the most important things you need to do is replace negative chain reactions with positive ones.
For example:
The next time you interact with your ex, you focus on maintaining your confidence with her, regardless of what she says or does to make you feel as though there’s no longer a chance of getting her back.
Then, you use humor to make her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again.
From there, you add in some flirting to create a bit of sexual tension between you and her.
You also focus on being more of a playful challenge, so she can enjoy the excitement of being around you, rather than being bored by the predictability of your approach.
Feeling that way automatically makes her want to put in more effort to impress you and keep you interested in her.
Her defenses come down and she opens back up to kissing and hooking up with you sexually to see how she feels.
You then easily and effortlessly guide her back into a relationship with you that is happier and more solid than before.
So, focus on building these kinds of positive chain reactions with your ex from now on, rather than building negative ones that make her want to stick to her decision to break up.
4. Get to the root cause of what is causing the rough patch and make real adjustments
One of the main things that will convince your ex to change her mind about breaking up with you, is showing her that you truly have understood her real, deep, secret reasons for breaking up with you.
That means you need to get to the root cause of the issues in your relationship with your ex, rather than just fixing superficial things that don’t really matter to her.
For example: Sometimes a woman might argue with her guy about him spending too much time hanging out with his friends.
So, to get her back, he might promise her that he will cut down on seeing his friends and spend most of his time with her.
In his mind, he likely thinks that he’s dealing with the issue in a way that will make her happy.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize, is that the problem was not that he was spending too much time with his friends, but rather that he was irresponsible and not doing anything to rise through the levels in his life.
Of course, she won’t say that to him. Why?
Most women don’t really know how to explain what they really want a man to change.
They just know that something doesn’t feel right.
However, even if a woman does know how to explain it, she rarely wants to explain it because she doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping him into the man that he needs to become.
Instead, she just wants him to figure it out on his own and then give her the attraction experience she wants when she’s with him.
So, if you don’t already know the core reasons why your ex broke up with you, it’s important for you to find out before you try to make her see that you can get through this rough patch and be together again.
By the way…
If you have no idea how to figure out the root cause of why she broke up with you, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Were you confident and emotionally strong around her, or were you insecure, needy and clingy?
- Did she feel sexy and desirable in your presence, or did she feel more like a neutral friend, roommate, or even worse, a big sister?
- Were you a bit of a challenge to her, thereby motivating her to be a good woman to you to maintain your interest in her, or were you too predictable and obviously making her feel as though she could do anything and you would still chase after her without her needing to put in any effort at all?
- Were you emotionally independent (e.g. had your own goals, dreams, hobbies, interests, friends), or did you make her your sole reason for living and as a result became jealous, overprotective or controlling?
- Were you the kind of man she could look up to and respect, or did she perceive you as being too childish and immature, thereby causing her to look down on you a little bit?
- Did she feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel like you were taking her for granted?
When you fully understand where you went wrong with her, you can then fix what she really wants, to get her over this rough patch, rather than changing what you think she wants you to change.
When you then interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person), she will be able to see for herself that you truly have understood the root cause of her unhappiness.
As a result, she will automatically begin to feel respect and attraction for you again for figuring it out on your own without her help or support.
This leads to her dropping her guard and opening up to see where things go.
5. Re-attract her and make her want you again, but don’t push for a relationship
If you don’t change your ex’s feelings from negative (e.g. angry, disappointed, disillusioned) to positive (e.g. respectful, attracted, loving), you’re likely just going to keep wasting your time trying to make her see that you can get through this rough patch and be together again.
She will then probably put her attention on fully getting over you and moving on and finding herself a new man to be with.
So, if you don’t want that to happen, re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you during interactions is essential.
You’ve got to make her want you back for her own reasons (e.g. she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she doesn’t want to walk away and end up regretting it later on), rather than making it out to be about you and what you want.
So, how can you do that?
From now on, when you talk to her on the phone or in person:
- Use humor to bring down her defenses and make her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you, rather than making her feel tense, stressed out or annoyed by you.
- Maintain your confidence with her especially if she’s initially being cold and indifferent towards you.
- Flirt with her to create some sexual tension, rather than just talking to her in a neutral, friendly way.
- Turn her negative feelings about what happened between you and her into something you can both laugh about together, rather than apologizing over and over or sucking up to her to get her to feel sorry for you.
The more you give her the attraction experience she always wanted from you but never got, the less she will be able to stick to her decision to remain broken up.
Important: Don’t make the mistake of pushing her for a relationship right away.
Even if she seems interested in getting back together again, she will likely not want to make it too easy for you, so she will likely still be a bit resistant at first.
So, keep things relaxed and casual between you and her, rather than putting pressure on her to get back together again right away.
Then, just focus on making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you whenever you and her are interacting.
Let her really want you back, rather than trying to pressure her into making a decision.
That way, when she’s ready to be together again, it will happen naturally all by itself, without any prompting from you, because she will really want it too.
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