If you want to reconnect with your ex, follow these 4 steps…
1. Call Her to Talk on the Phone
The quickest way to reconnect with your ex is to get her on a phone call and actively trigger her feelings for you by making her laugh, smile and feel happy that you got in touch with her again.
If you don’t have her number for whatever reason (e.g. you had a big fight and she changed her number so that you can’t call her), you might need to use an initial e-mail or social media message to get her new number.
If you have her number already, just call her up and say hello.
Some guys are worried about doing that and will say, “I don’t think she wants to talk to me on the phone” or ask, “What if she doesn’t answer?”
If you’re worried about her not wanting to talk to you on the phone, don’t be.
She will want to talk to you when you focus on getting her smiling and laughing, which gets rid of the awkwardness and makes her feel happy or at least open to talking to you again.
If you’re worried about her not answering, don’t be.
If you call and she doesn’t answer, just try calling the next day.
If she still doesn’t answer, text her this, “Hey, looks like you’re busy or you might have missed my call. Just wanting to ask you something quick over the phone. Will give you a call another time.”
Most women respond to that and ask something like, “What did you need to ask me?” or they call.
If she texts back, just call her and if she calls, obviously answer and begin reconnecting with her.
By the way…
If you really don’t want to call your ex right away, it’s okay to text her as a way of opening up the lines of communication between you and her.
For example: If you didn’t get dumped for being needy and clingy (i.e. you instead got dumped for taking her for granted or treating her badly), you can text her something like, “Miss you.”
Women love to get a text like that when they are missing their ex and hoping that he reaches out.
Of course, most guys who are looking for help on how to get an ex back are dealing with an ex who doesn’t want anything to do with them anymore because they became clingy, insecure or needy near the end of the relationship.
So, if you got dumped for being clingy, insecure or needy, just text her, “Hey, can I ask you something?” and then wait for her text reply.
When she replies, just call her.
By the way…
Make sure that you don’t get into a long text exchange with her, unless she is very open and excited to be talking to you via text.
Sometimes, a guy will get to the point where texting his ex becomes so comfortable that he starts to feel afraid when he thinks of calling her on the phone.
He might then say to himself, “This is okay. Texting is good. At least she’s communicating with me. I’ll stick to texting for a while and when she’s ready to talk, she’ll let me know and then I’ll call her. Why rush her and stand the chance of scaring her off? I’ll just text.”
He might then spend weeks or even months texting her back and forth in the hopes that she will one day say to him, “I miss you. I want to see you. Call me!”
Unfortunately, that rarely, if ever happens.
In most cases, a woman will eventually get bored of texting back and forth with her ex and may think something along the lines of, “This is pointless. I’m just wasting my time here. There’s no reason for us to continue texting. We’re not even a couple anymore. I’m just going to ignore him and focus on meeting a man who doesn’t hide behind texts. I want a real man, not a text man.”
Then, she might stop responding to him altogether or continue texting to string him along.
Yet, while he’s busy wasting time hiding behind texts, she will then meet a new man and suddenly go silent.
He will then text her asking why she isn’t responding and worry that it might have been something he texted.
Yet, in reality, she moved on because he just stuck to text and didn’t properly re-attract her on a phone call and in person.
So, if you want to reconnect with your ex and get her back, make sure that don’t waste a lot of time texting back and forth.
Get her on a call and then…
2. Focus on Getting Her Laughing and Smiling on the Call, to Get Rid of the Awkwardness and Bring Her Guard Down
There’s an old expression that says, “Laughter is the best medicine,” and it couldn’t be truer than when it comes to reconnecting with an ex.
Talking to your ex on the phone for the first time after a break up can make you feel nervous.
Prior to the call, you might think, “What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? What if there’s a lot of awkward silences and she just hangs up on me? What then? Should I risk calling her?”
The best way to avoid any problems on the call is by focusing on making her smile and laugh.
When she’s smiling and laughing, it becomes difficult for her to keep thinking, “I don’t like this guy anymore. He stuffed up. I don’t want to see him.”
Instead, she thinks, “This is actually kind of nice. I’m having fun. Wow…I never expected to feel like this about him again.”
She then starts to become willing and eager to meet up with you to see what happens in person (e.g. will it lead to a kiss, make up sex, a reconciliation?)
For example: Imagine that you are on a phone call with your ex and you say something like, “Hi Rose. I was wondering… would you like get together sometime for a cup of coffee?”
Although there’s nothing wrong with saying that to her, it’s not going to make her feel attracted to you, is it?
No.
Instead, she’s likely going to feel a little bit awkward and uncomfortable that you’re going “straight for the kill” and asking her out again.
She may then say, “Look, it’s nice of you to ask, but I don’t think it’s such a good idea for us to do that. We’re broken up now and it’s probably better if we just leave it at that.”
On the other hand, using humor to make her smile and laugh changes the dynamic between you and her and she then becomes more open to meeting up with you.
Here’s an example of how you can do it…
Once you get over the initial, “Hey, how are you” and “What have you been up to?” part of the conversation, you can say in a joking way, “By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you… there’s this really cute guy who wants to meet up with you for coffee. He has brown hair, blue eyes and he’s waiting for you right now in the coffee shop downstairs from your office.”
She will likely respond by freaking out and saying something along the lines of, “Huh? Who is it?”
You can then laugh and say, “It’s me of course. You’re handsome ex boyfriend (or husband).”
Note: If you got broken up with because you were needy, clingy and insecure, it’s not a good idea to actually be downstairs waiting to meet up with her for a coffee.
In cases like that, just say, “No, I’m only kidding. As if I would do that! I’m joking…relax” and then have a laugh with her about it.
Then, add in, “Hey, but it would be good to catch up for a coffee to say, right? We should do that soon, even if it’s just for 10 minutes and then we part ways.”
On the other hand, if you got dumped for taking her for granted and treating her badly (and didn’t beg and plead for another chance after the break up) and she still loves you, it is a good idea to be waiting downstairs ready to have a coffee with her and say hello.
Whichever option applies to you, the most important part is that you’re making her smile and laugh, which gets rid of the awkwardness between you and her.
At the same time, you’re displaying some of the personality traits that are instinctively attractive to women (e.g. confidence, sense of humor, charm, charisma) and making her feel good to be talking to you again.
That’s what really counts when getting an ex back.
It’s all about how you make her feel when you interact with her.
Why? Most women make decisions based on how they feel in the moment, which is why you’ve probably noticed that women will promise one thing today (based on how they’re feeling) and then not follow through on that promise next week (because she’s feeling differently).
Whereas, we men are men of our word.
What we say matters to us.
If we say that we’re going to do something, we do it.
That’s what a real man does.
Yet, women tend to base their decisions on how they feel in the moment, which is why it’s so important to get your ex smiling and laughing when talking to you, so she feels good and is more open to saying yes about meeting up with you.
Even if she initially tries to stop herself from opening up to you, she won’t be able to keep up her guard for long because you will be replacing her negative feelings and memories of you with new, positive feelings and enjoyable moments.
The next step of how to reconnect with your ex is to…
3. Reactivate Her Feelings of Respect and Attraction
One of the most important things that you need to do to get your ex back, is to make sure that you reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you by showing her that you really are a different man now.
For example: Some of the things that you can do to reactivate your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction are:
- Understand her real reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. were you an emotionally strong and confident man around her, or were you a bit insecure, needy and afraid of losing her? Did you make her feel girly and feminine in your presence, or did she end up feeling like more of a neutral friend, or worse, a mother figure for you? Did you have a strong purpose and direction in life outside of your relationship with her, or did you make her your main focus and reason for living? Were you emotionally masculine when around her, thus allowing her to fully relax into being a feminine woman around you, or were you too emotionally sensitive?).
- Begin fixing those things about yourself, so that when you interact with her over the phone (and especially in person), she will be able pick up on the changes in the way that you now talk, think, behave and respond to her.
- Get to the point where you are not emotionally dependent on her anymore and you feel happy, fulfilled and enjoying your life whether she’s with you, or not (e.g. by focusing on your big dreams and goals, going out with friends and having fun).
You don’t have to be perfect to reactivate your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Instead, you just need to make some adjustments and improvements to yourself and show her that you really are now at a different level from the one you were at when she broke up with you.
When you interact with her in ways that reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you, everything changes.
The process of getting her back becomes easy, because she actually likes interacting with the new you.
On the other hand, if you continue to make the old communication mistakes you made before (e.g. being insecure, letting her have too much power over you), then getting her to feel respect and attraction for you again is going to be very difficult and she’s going to say things like, “I think we should leave things as they are,” or “We’re ex’s for a reason. Let’s leave it that way, okay?”
So, make sure that you are ready to properly re-attract her and reactivate her feelings when you meet up with her.
Don’t leave it to chance and hope that she goes easy on you or takes pity on you.
Remember: To get a woman back, it’s about making her have strong feelings for you.
It’s not about telling her all about your strong feelings for her and hoping that she feels sorry for you or realizes that you must be the one because you love her so much.
Don’t try to convince her to give you another chance.
Instead, make her have strong feelings for you again and she will naturally want to give the relationship another try.
4. Catch Up to Say Hello in Person
Once you’ve reactivated some of your ex’s feelings over the phone by making her laugh and smile and feeling happy and excited to be talking to you again, get her to agree to meet up with you to say hello as friends.
In some cases, a woman might not want to come across as being too desperate to reconnect in person with her ex, so she might say something like, “I’m not sure. Maybe we should just leave it for now and see what happens in the future.”
Don’t worry.
As long as you focus on making her smile and laugh, her being resistant at first doesn’t mean that she’s not interested.
Sometimes, a woman just wants to see that you don’t back away at the first sign of resistance.
Other times, she just wants to act like she’s unsure to feel like she is the special one and you have to keep chasing her to get a yes.
So, just remain confident, smile (she can hear a smile over the phone based on how it changes your tonality and expression) and say, “Hey, it’s just coffee. We can do that. We can be friends. Friends meet up to say hello. What’s 10 minutes to say hi and then bye? It’s totally fine.”
If she says, “Yes” after that, you can arrange to meet her at a time that suits you both.
If she says, “No” just laugh and say, “Come on…it’s just a quick coffee. Surely you can do that. Let’s just catch up and say this time and if you don’t want to talk to me again after that, I will accept it and not contact you anymore. So, what do you say? Let’s catch up for a quick coffee to say hello and potentially say goodbye as well if that’s what you want.”
Almost all women will give in and say, “Yes” at that point. So, just go ahead and arrange to meet up at a time that suits you both.
By the way…
You are saying that you and her are just catching up as friends, but that’s not what is really happening.
What you are really going to do is flirt with her and make her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again.
When you do that, she will drop her guard and naturally become open to hugging you, kissing you and even having sex again to see how she feels about the relationship afterwards.
However, if you only focus on making her feel neutral, friendly feelings for you (e.g. because you don’t want to come across as being too pushy), she will probably just keep looking at you as her ex who she doesn’t have feelings for anymore.
So, don’t pretend that you don’t find her sexually attractive or that you’re not interested in getting her back.
Instead, make sure that you use every interaction you have with her as an opportunity to reactivate her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
She then realizes that by falling back in love with you she will be winning, because you are now the man she always wanted you to be.
She might not admit that initially because she will want to see that the new you is for real, but she will be open to it.
You’ve just got to remain strong so you can fully reconnect with her and get her back for real.
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