How can you recover from a bad first impression that you’ve made on a girl?
The easiest way to do it is to believe and just know that one little slip-up, or a few slip-ups, isn’t the end, it’s not game over.
You can always recover from a bad first impression that you made on a woman by focussing on making her feel attracted to you whenever you interact with her from now on.
For example: Be confident, charming, charismatic and make her laugh and smile when talks to you. When you do that she will naturally begin to feel attracted to you again.
The beginner mindset to success with women, to attracting women, to picking women up, is as follows.
- When approaching women: If she sees you looking but then you don’t approach, you’ve ruined it.
- During a conversation: If you mess up and don’t come across as very attractive or cool, you’ve ruined it.
- Asking her out: If you do it wrong and she says no, you’ve ruined it.
- Sex: If you do a poor job the first time, you’ve ruined it.
A more advanced mindset is to not worry about any little slip-ups that you make.
Women are mostly attracted to a guy’s confidence. So, if you’re talking to a woman, you’re interacting with her, you’re on a date with her, or you’ve had sex with her and you feel like you’ve stuffed it up and then start doubting yourself, you will become less attractive to her.
Yet, if you’re talking to a woman, you’re on a date with her, you have sex with her, whatever and you don’t do a very good job of it, but you then don’t doubt yourself and remain confident and retain belief in yourself that you are a good guy, you will be more naturally attractive to her.
When it comes to human attraction, the more confident a man is, the more a woman will feel attracted to him.
So, if you can just allow yourself to feel confident, then she’s actually going to feel more attracted to you and she’s going to worry less about any little slip-ups.
She’ll give you a pass for any little slip ups and won’t so much about them because you are making her feel so attracted in other ways (e.g. you’re being confident, charming, charismatic and making her laugh).
If you stuffed up and said the wrong thing during conversation, she tested you during a conversation and you fumbled on your words or you became a bit nervous, don’t worry about it.
Just forget all about that and focus on being confident. The more that you can allow yourself to do that, the more that she’s going to be attracted to you in the moment, on the date, or in the new relationship that you have.
The best way to recover from a bad first impression that you’ve made on a girl is to remember that women are attracted to a man’s confidence.
The more confidence that you can allow yourself to feel during an interaction, a conversation, or whatever, the more that she’s going to like you.
Note that I actually said allow yourself, because you actually have to allow yourself to think confident thoughts, instead of insecure thoughts. You have to get used to thinking in a confident way.
If you’re interacting with women and it doesn’t go well, and you’re used to thinking in an insecure way, “If I don’t say it right then I’ve stuffed up,” or, “Most girls don’t like me” or, “I’m not getting any better at this, I’m hopeless with women,” then you’re gong to be coming across in an unattractive way to women.
Yet, if you can get into the habit of allowing yourself to feel more confident in a moment, when you’re interacting with women, on a date, etc., then you’re going to become more attractive to women.
For example: You’re in a conversation and she tests you and then you stuff up, how do you allow yourself to feel more confident? Instead of thinking, “I’ve stuffed this up,” or, “I’m losing her” or, “This is all going downhill now!” just relax, and just say, “No amount of mistakes that I make is going to ruin this. This girl’s going to like me because I’m confident.”
If you’ve got a confident mindset like that, she is naturally going to like you. Women are naturally attracted to confidence and turned off by insecurity, so it is absolutely essential that you allow yourself to think in a confident way.
When you have a confident mindset, your body language is going to be more relaxed and masculine, and she’s naturally going to feel more attracted to you as a result.
If you make a few mistakes or slip up during a conversation or interaction, don’t worry – you haven’t ruined it.
Just remember that women are mostly attracted to a guy’s confidence. If you can simply remain confident in yourself and not feel as though you’ve messed it up, she will feel more naturally attracted to you.
We men are lucky that our confidence is the #1 thing that women find attractive about us.
When you have real confidence, attracting women is simple.
If you’ve messed up around a girl that you know, just forget about the mistakes you’ve made and focus on letting her experience your confidence. Then, when she shows you more signs of interest, use that to feel even more confident, which will make her even more attracted to you.
Then, when you are ready, make a move by either kissing her, getting her phone number to set up a date or having sex with her that day or night.
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Hey Dan, how are you? I have a question. So I’ve finally mustered up the balls to go and approach women. Which is a good first step considering how deathly afraid I was before. But I’ve been noticing in my interactions with women I’m shaking a lot and being kind of nervous, and I’m sure it’s obvious to them. I don’t know what it is, but me telling a girl “hey, I think you’re really cute and I wanted to come say hi to you” gives me major jitters. Even if we’re talking for 15-20 minutes, I’m still kind of shaking a little bit toward the end. What’s going on Dan? How can I make a conscious effort to not do this? It’s really strange because I’ve gotten nothing but positive responses back from the girls usually but at the same time I’m so nervous.
Thanks in advance Dan!
Hey Rohith
Congratulations on beginning to approach women! You should be proud of yourself – most guys will never do it unless drunk or accidental.
About your question: You’ve got to focus on giving yourself credit. Everytime you interact with women and do better (i.e. less nervous, better conversation, more attraction, etc), give yourself a pat on the back for that. Tell yourself, “I’m getting better at this! I’m becoming more and more confident every time I approach and talk to women” rather than focussing on what you’ve done wrong.
If you want to learn our step by step system for building and maintaining confidence (based on the sort of advice I’ve just given you there), the program for that is Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/dating_power.html
Cheers
Dan
Hi, it’s Luke here. Sorry for the length of my post but I really need help I also left a copy of this comment under another article – sorry for that.
I made good, confident eye contact a year ago with a girl I had liked and observed for a couple of months (at school and on Facebook and from what I found out about her I was convinced I finally found a girl who is not only very attractive and gorgeous but also might be compatible with me) and made her a bit attracted to me but when she gave me opportunity to approach while waiting on school corridor and looking confidently at me I suddenly felt so weak and worth less/intimidated by her that I walked away.
After that I thought I had ruined it and lost a lot of self esteem but she gave me one more chance (to dance with her on a school party but I was depressed because I was sure she didn’t like me and although she looked at me with some curiosity I didn’t approach and only watched her dance with another guy with unconcealed jealousy). I became much more insecure and started believing that I spoiled my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. What’s worse, she was neither giving any signals nor looking at me at school anymore and at the same time I started my research on the Internet and came across a crappy expert who critisizes other puas, promotes his super system which is supposed to get you a girlfriend for a lifetime and at the same time he claims to be the only genuine expert who dares to speak the truth. And his so called ‘truths’ are: ‘men do the picking but women do the choosing’ and ‘you have only one chance with a woman in a lifetime’ he explains some crappy theory about woman’s interest level: once it drops below 50%, it never returns to above 50% because ‘a woman will never forget why she rejected us in the first place’. After reading all of this and his argumentation as well as stories from his life (he accidentally attracted a girl once but then had a terrible date with her being insecure and boring because he was inexperienced with women then, after that improved a lot and managed to invite her a couple of months later, on this second date he was cocky&funny and confident but she didn’t respond with any IOI or signals of interest – so he assumed that first impressions are crucial and that women never give second chances) I decided to talk to her to check if any of his advice and the PUA stuff I found would work. And after starting a conversation with her she seemed barely interested but then I told some things which were not consistent with me and felt guilty for not approaching her earlier so I told her I was shy and some more unattractive things about myself and got into what you call ‘impress her’ mode so after asking some questions she seemed really uninterested and gave some excuse to walk away. I followed her for a while and my way to my class but when I suddenly changed my direction I somehow accidentally almost made her roll over but she didn’t fall. I showed with gesture that I didn’t intend to do this and quickly walked away.
Next day I approached her when she was doing some important schoolwork on school break but although she was busy, after reading all this crappy advice online I decided to ignore it and talk to her anyway. I read somewhere that I shouldn’t say sorry and turn what happened into a joke so I asked her if I had been the first guy she met and almost rolled over him. It sounded really weird and I was imposing myself for a while and she showed me to leave her and walk away so I did this after a while and felt really bad after this because I knew I behaved like a weirdo and creeper. But I carried on reading the advice of earlier mentioned expert and he explained that the ultimate way to check girl’s interest is to ask her for number. So I approached her when she was leaving school after lessons and she was trying to ignore me and pretend she didn’t see and quickly go through the crowd to the exit I approached her and offered to escort her home. She looked puzzled for a while and didn’t look at me (like she was scared of me) but agreed. She lives just opposite the school, across the street so the route was really short. She behaved all the time as if I didn’t exist. Walked a couple of steps ahead of me and looked in opposite direction, a bit nervous while I was trying to ask her about her school day and then I tried to tell her some story from my childhood like they advise online but it sounded unconvincing and lame. And then she entered the block of flats she lives in, stopped in the door and told me not to follow her inside. I told her I didn’t want to and asked her for phone number. She looked really nervous and only said ‘NO’ and closed the door. I finally had irrefutable proof she wasn’t interested in me (that’s what I though back then) and came to belief that there would never be any second chance with this girl and that I really ruined it all and it was all my fault so I became really depressed and lost any point in life, ambition and so on.
It all happened a year ago in February and I haven’t talked to this girl since then. That expert whom I mentioned only advised to move on because there is ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ and use his proven system on newly met girls. But I dind’t want other girls and I started being depressed and a little bit obsessed about this girl and overwhelmed by the whole situation. So continued to look at her on the schoolbreaks in hope she would show some interest anyway but she always showed how uninterested she was by avoiding any eyecontact or getting near me and she always walked away so I was really upset and insecure. And I was in the last class of high school so I eventaually passed the exams in May but the results were a bit bad because I wasn’t in the mood for studying for a couple of months prior to them. So I couldn’t go to college/start studying and decided to attend my school as an unenrolled student after the summer break. I thought I might change this girl’s perception of me so I decided to attend the same biology and chemistry as she does and I have been seeing her at school again since October but the situation is basically unchanged. She is indifferent to me, never looks at me, avoids eye contact, acts as if I was a total stranger and so on. I know two guys from her class a bit and they are her friends but when I was talking to one of them after lesson on school corridor once, she went out of the classroom and started talking to him as if I hand’t existed, totally ignored me and continued discussing some school things then walked away and we met her a minute later in the cloakroom and she again started talking with him not even looking at me and then walked away saying ‘bye’ without even looking in our direction. I felt humiliated and I wonder what I should do to turn the tables with this girl.
I’m lucky to have found your site because you seem to be the expert number one … I had already left some comments on your website but I decided finally to decribe the whole situation to get some specific advice. Please help, Dan. 🙁
Hey Luke
Thanks for your question.
Sorry for the delay in replying. There are 856 comments waiting and just don’t have time to read them all and reply. However, I’m spending the next 3 days trying to catch up on them all. Most of my time is now spent on making new articles and videos for the site.
About your question…
Forget all the lame rules that other people have told you. Women are interested in guys who make them feel attraction. You simply need to focus on being attractive to her and she will then warm back up to you.
Watch these two videos and you will understand:
http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-a-bad-first-impression-youve-made-on-a-woman.html
http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-know-if-a-woman-is-interested-in-you.html
Cheers
Dan
But I still feel a lot of guilt for scaring her off and behaving like a weirdo, being nervous and saying stupid things based on PUA advice from other websites which made her very unconfortable and caused her to avoid me although she was at first attracted to me. I feel as though I disappointed her deeply and I should approach her and briefly apologize for my behavior last year. I want to let her know that it’s not how I would have behaved normally and I won’t do anything weird in the future. What do you think?
And one more thing: the last time we spoke I was extremely nervous and put on an act, she had her guard up and refused to give me her phone number, it was one year ago… I don’t know how to start talking to her again because I don’t want her to be uncomfortable because this “weirdo” who scared her off one year ago is trying to pick her up again… I also don’t want to talk my way into friendzone. At the moment she is playing really hard to get (or rather extremely uninterested?) Your advice is to focus on being attractive but I still have doubts because after months of research on the Internet I found out you seem to be the only one who is so positive about second chances and recovering from a bad first impression. Others just tell to move on and give examples of their tries at improving themselves only to find out that the girl is no longer interested once they lost their chance…
Hey Luke
I don’t know how else to put this for you mate: Don’t worry about it. If you are worried and anxious about what happened before, it will make her feel uncomfortable and not want to be around you.
Smile, talk to her and just get on with making her feel attracted. If you want to apologize that is fine, but do it in a very light-hearted way. If you apologize in a very serious manner you will come across as needy. How can you avoid coming across as needy? Don’t worry about!
In life, you can worry about things or not worry about them. It is your choice, just like you can be happy about things or not be.
About how to make her feel attracted, watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-make-a-woman-feel-intense-attraction-for-you.html
Cheers
Dan
Is it okay to buy her a rose for Valentine’s Day and quckly go away after giving it to her?
Hi Luke
Lol…mate.
Seriously, you will laugh at that comment one day when you realize that it is YOU that has to be attractive to her. Buying gifts, roses, expensive dinners, etc is not YOU.
The woman has to feel attracted to YOU. If she doesn’t feel attracted to you, she won’t like the rose. She will have an “Ewwww…creepy” reaction if you haven’t even re-attracted her and then come up and give her a rose and leave. She will be thinking, “WTF?” However, if you make her feel attracted, that rose will be beautiful, precious and exciting for her.
Attraction first, everything else after that.
Cheers
Dan