Here are 5 things you can do to regain control of your emotions:
1. Realize that you don’t need to delete her photos or unfriend her to regain control
It may currently feel too painful to keep reminders of your ex around (i.e. photos on your phone, or social media).
However, if you act too hasty and wipe all evidence of her out of your life as a way of making yourself feel better, chances are high you’re going to regret it later on when the initial pain has worn off.
Additionally, if you unfriend her, you’re losing out on a way of being able to stay in her life, so that you can reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Here’s the thing…
If you stay friends with your ex on social media, not only can you message her to say “Hi,” and then have a chat with her which can lead to a phone call and then a meetup, it’s also the perfect way to show her that you’re not sitting at home falling apart without her.
You can do that by posting photos of you and friends having fun together (e.g. on the beach, bowling, at a party), or of you doing interesting things (e.g. wine tasting, taking a tour, in mixology – i.e. cocktail mixing – class).
Note: Make sure that you don’t post any photos of yourself alone. You must be with other people, smiling, laughing and having fun.
When you post photos of yourself having fun with other people, it actually makes your ex feel curious and want to interact with you again.
All of a sudden, you seem more attractive, appealing and likable to her and she wants to talk to you over the phone and meet up with you in person to see what you’ve been up to.
That gives you a chance to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.
On the other hand, if you don’t want to get back with your ex, by focusing on having fun and getting on with your life, you quickly regain control of your emotions after a breakup.
As an added bonus, you become more attractive to other women (i.e. because you’re being a fun, interesting guy who is living a happy, exciting life).
As a result, you can easily find yourself another high quality woman to be with, if you want to.
The choice is yours.
Another thing you can do to regain control of your emotions after a breakup is…
2. Focus on the reality that you can get her back, rather than on the pain of not having her in your life anymore
This bases your actions on hope, determination and confidence, rather than fear, hesitation and insecurity.
Additionally, by doing that, you then naturally take steps and actions that propel you towards what you want (i.e. getting her back), rather than away from it.
As a result, you end up interacting with your ex every chance you get (e.g. via text or social media, on a phone call or video call, or in person) and then reactivating some of her feelings for you.
For example: Ways you can do that are by…
- Using interactions to bring back the laughter between you and her with humor and light-heartedness, rather than focusing on the negative emotions surrounding the end of the relationship and the breakup.
- Understanding that a woman’s attraction increases or decreases in reaction to the level of a man’s confidence, moment by moment. So, rather than feeing insecure and unsure of yourself around her, especially if she’s being closed off or unfriendly towards you, you remain sure of yourself and your value and attractiveness to her, sparking positive feelings inside of her as a result.
- Not being too nice or neutral around her and instead, treating her like you did the first time you met (e.g. flirting with her), so you build up feelings of sexual attraction inside of her which she then wants to release with touching, kissing and sex.
- Showing her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you talk and respond to her that you’re at a different level than when you and her broke up (e.g. you’re more in control of your emotions, you’re more emotionally independent).
The more you spark her feelings for you, the less she will be able to stick to her decision to break up with you.
She will then begin thinking things like, “I don’t know why, but I feel so good when I’m talking to him or hanging out with him again. I was so sure that what we had was over and I would never go back, but now I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe I should keep my options open with him, rather than just walking away and see what happens.”
She then makes herself available to talk with you over the phone, get on a video call or see you in person.
You can then build on those feelings until you and her are hugging, kissing, having sex and are back in a relationship again.
So, as you can see when you focus on the fact that you can get your ex back if you want to, the way opens up for you.
It becomes possible and then as a result, you regain control of your emotions, because you can see light at the end of the dark road you are currently stranded in.
3. Give yourself 3 to 7 days to prepare to get her back
If you attempt to get your ex back right away, you may end up making attraction mistakes that will convince her that she made the right decision by breaking up with you (e.g. beg and plead for another chance, cry in front of her out of desperation, promise her the world).
So, taking a few days (i.e. between 3 and 7) to calm down is a great idea.
However, during that time, one of the most important things to do is focus on becoming emotionally attractive to her.
You can do that by asking yourself the following questions, which will help you better understand what may have been missing in your relationship with your ex…
- Do I make my ex feel like a real woman when I’m around her (e.g. does she feel sexually desirable, feminine and girly), or do I make her feel as though she has power over me because I’m too insecure, self-doubting and lack confidence in my value to her?
- Do I know how to create the right relationship balance where she feels loved, appreciated and taken care of and at the same time treats me well too, or do I either put in way more effort than her into the relationship to hopefully get her to never leave me and treat me well, or not put enough effort into the relationship and cause her to feel like she’s being taken for granted?
- Do I have the confidence and emotional strength to make her laugh, smile and enjoy being around me, especially when she tests me by being moody or throwing a tantrum over nothing, or do I crumble and give in to her demands at the first sign of drama from her?
- Am I the kind of guy that she can look up to, feel proud of and respect, or does she feel like I’m not living up to my full potential as a man and everyone else around us (i.e. friends, family, coworkers) are growing through the levels of life, while I’m stuck at the same level (e.g. because I’m too irresponsible, I’m lost and don’t know what my purpose is or what I really want out of life and my relationship)?
- Do I have a plan for my life and hers and am actively pursuing it, or am I just drifting along and hoping for the best.
- Do I believe in my value and attractiveness to her, or do I think she’s out of my league?
By understanding what makes you more emotionally attractive to your ex, you can easily change your approach.
Then, when you interact with her after 3 to 7 days, you will automatically talk, act, behave and respond to her differently to the way you did before.
She will then start to sense the changes in you as she interacts with you.
For example: She notices that you’re much more confident around her now, you’re more emotionally independent and can change her mood from cold and aloof to happy and smiling.
When that happens, she naturally opens back up to you and wants to give you another chance.
On the other hand, if you don’t prepare yourself, you will end up offering her the same attraction experience she grew tired of.
As a result, her defenses will stay up and she will begin thinking things like, “He still doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t know what I want in a man. He’s not ready for a woman like me.”
She will then likely focus on getting over you and finding herself a new, emotionally attractive man to be with.
4. Approach the post-breakup period like a real man
A real man will feel the emotions of the situation, but then focus on a solution and take action steps to complete the solution, rather than going around in circles.
So, decide if you want your ex back or not and if you do, then go ahead and make it happen.
For example: One of the ways you can do that is by calling her on the phone, or if you feel up to it, video call or Skype/Zoom and reactivating some of her sexual and romantic feelings for you through laughter and smiling.
Of course, initially, she might be a bit resistant to talking to you and she may come across as cold and even say something like, “What do you want?” or “Why are you calling me?”
The important thing is to remain confident and turn her coldness into something you and her can laugh about together.
You can do that by answering her question (i.e. what do you want/why are you calling me) by saying in a joking way, “Well, my TV broke and I missed the last five episodes of Stranger Things (or whatever program you and her used to watch together), so I was hoping you’d catch me up.”
She’ll likely sound surprised and may respond with something like, “What? Are you serious? You actually called me to talk about a TV program?”
You can then reply by saying, “Well, you know how much I love that program. Now start talking. I’ve even made popcorn!” and then laugh.
She will quickly realize that you’ve been joking with her and she will likely laugh and smile.
She may also say something like, “Nice one! You almost had me believing you there for a moment!”
You can then say, “Okay, I was just kidding… you know I never miss an episode of Stranger Things. Anyway, how about you – how are things?” and then let her tell you about some of the things she’s been up to since you and her last saw each other.
Note: Obviously you don’t have to use the TV example if that wouldn’t be appropriate for you and her.
It’s just an example to help you understand how to approach the conversation (i.e. use humor, be relaxed, don’t be so serious).
The important thing is to get her smiling and laughing while talking to you, so that it can take away some of the negative feelings she may have been experiencing when she initially heard your voice.
She then naturally drops her guard and opens up the door to seeing you in person.
You can then easily re-attract her and make her fall back in love with you again.
That is the best solution to getting an ex back after being dumped, so focus on that rather than on the problem.
5. Consciously steer yourself away from negative, pessimistic thought patterns
If you sit around thinking negative thoughts like, “I miss my ex so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over her and move on. Besides, I don’t want to do that, but it doesn’t matter, because she hates me now and she told me that there’s nothing I can do to make her give me another chance. My life is over!” you will undoubtedly find yourself drowning in negative emotions like dejection, hopelessness and despair.
However, thinking like that isn’t going to benefit you in any way.
Not only isn’t it going to help you regain control of your emotions, but it’s also going to prevent you from either getting your ex back, or moving on if you want to.
Here’s the thing…
You can’t stop a negative emotion from popping up and making you feel a certain way, but you can consciously control the flow of your thoughts to guide your mind and emotions in a more favorable, effective direction.
How can you do that?
From now on, every time you catch yourself thinking negatively about what happened and your chances of getting your ex back, consciously change your train of thought and replace the negative with something positive.
For example:
- Instead of thinking, “It’s hopeless. She doesn’t want me anymore,” change the thought to “When I change my approach to attraction, I can re-attract her if I want to.”
- Change, “She will never give me another chance,” to “I can make her feel differently about me.”
- Go from thinking, “She hates me,” to “Love doesn’t die, it just gets pushed into the background.”
- Think, “When she sees that I’ve changed and improved in the ways that are important to her, she will automatically feel some respect and attraction for me again,” rather than “She will never forgive me for my mistakes.”
Whatever negative thoughts might be going through your mind, the key is to quickly replace them with positive ones.
Then, when you interact with your ex again, rather than projecting an image of a guy who is struggling to regain control of his emotions and is falling apart without her, your confidence and emotional strength will come through instead (e.g. in the tonality of your voice, your body language and in the way you behave and respond to her).
When she sees for herself that you’re handling the breakup like a real man (i.e. in a calm, emotionally strong way), she will naturally start to feel respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build on those feelings and make her open back up to being your girl again.
On the other hand, if you allow your negative thoughts to drag you down, then when you interact with your ex she will pick up on it and she will feel that she’s better off without you after all.
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