Here are 4 things you can do to resist texting her:
1. Set a goal of how long you will wait to contact her again
By setting yourself a definite time frame, it will prevent you from either texting your ex too soon and catching her when she’s still feeling too many negative emotions about the break up so she is cold and unresponsive towards you, or alternatively, taking too long to get in touch so she assumes you’re not interested in getting back with her and she moves on.
So, what is the right amount of time to wait before getting in touch with your ex again?
In most cases, 3 to 7 days is more than enough.
During that time, she will have a chance to stop focusing on all the things about you that she doesn’t like (e.g. how you weren’t manly enough for her so she didn’t feel sexually attracted to you, how you were too insecure and as a result became clingy and needy, how you always let her have her way so she felt more emotionally dominant than you) and begin to miss the things she does like about you (e.g. the way you always made her feel loved and appreciated, that you’re a really good guy, how she can always depend on you to be there for her in times of trouble, the way you know how to make her smile when she’s feeling stressed or down).
However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that if 3 to 7 days will make her miss you a bit, then waiting for a few weeks or even months will make her miss you a lot.
It just doesn’t work that way.
Yes, that can work if your ex is still in love with you and is secretly hoping that you and her will get back together again.
However, if she’s like the majority of women who have broken up with a guy, she’s probably no longer feeling much (or any) love, respect and attraction for you right now.
So, if you ignore her for longer than a week, she will put her relationship with you behind her and focus on moving on and finding herself a new man to have sex with, date and fall in love with.
Don’t let that happen to you.
In almost all ex back cases, 3 to 7 days is the perfect amount of time to wait before you contact her.
You can then text her as a way of opening the lines of communication between you and her and get her on a phone call or to a meet up with you.
Important: If you want to get her back, you can’t rely on texting to make it happen.
You have to meet up with her in person so that you can fully reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you so she wants to give you another chance.
Another thing you can do to resist the urge to text your ex is…
2. Prepare to attract her in new ways when you text her and talk to her on the phone
When you finally do get in touch with your ex, what you don’t want to do is turn her off and make her wonder things like, “What does he want?” or, “Why is he even bothering to contact me?”
This is why it’s very important that you prepare to attract her in new ways than you did before.
Remember: What worked on sparking her feelings for you when she first met you (e.g. flowers, love letters, being extra nice to her and letting her call the shots), is unlikely to impress her a second time.
Instead, she will probably think something along the lines of, “Is this all he knows how to do? Doesn’t he get that things have changed and that the only way I will consider giving him another chance is if he can prove to me that he will be different this time? However, based on his approach so far, it’s pretty clear that nothing has really changed and he’s still stuck at the same level he was at before.”
She will then likely pull away from you even more and possibly even come across as being cold, bitchy and unresponsive towards you, no matter what you say or do.
This is why, if you truly want to get your ex back, make sure that you use the time that you’re not interacting with her to prepare yourself to properly re-attract her.
Don’t contact her and offer her the same old attraction experience that she got used to and tired of before.
Make her feel attracted to you in new and interesting ways, so she can’t resist giving you another chance, or at least meet up with you and have sex with you, to see how she feels after that.
Here are some examples of how to do it:
Show her by way of your attitude, conversation style, behavior and the way you respond to her that you have already fixed some of the issues that were turning her off before (e.g. if you were needy and clingy before, you’re now more emotionally independent and are happy and forward moving in your life without her, if you weren’t man enough before causing her to feel more dominant than you, you’re now more emotionally masculine and stand up to her in an assertive, yet loving way when she’s out of line, if you were insecure and self-doubting before, you’re now more confident and believe in your value as a man).
React differently to what she says and does, (e.g. if previously you let her get away with being rude, disrespectful or demanding, you now stand up to her in a loving, yet assertive way, if you previously felt jealous when she talked about other guys with you, you now remain calm and laugh at her attempts to make you feel unsure of yourself and your value to her).
Flirt with her to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in your presence, rather than being too nice or neutral with her so she doesn’t feel sexually attracted to you.
The more she interacts with you and realizes that you’re nothing like the guy she broke up with, the more attracted to you she will begin to feel.
When that happens, her guard will naturally begin to come down and she then becomes open to giving you another chance.
Another thing you can do to resist the urge to text your ex is…
3. Do a few fun, new things that will make you feel alive again without her
Right now you may be thinking something like, “I don’t want to think about being happy and how good my life can be without her. I want her back and that’s all I want to focus on.”
That’s perfectly understandable.
However, it’s important for your emotional attractiveness that you push yourself to feel happy and alive without her.
It’s not about moving on and leaving her behind.
Instead, it’s about making yourself feel good, regardless of whether she’s with you right now or not.
At the same time, it’s a good way to take your mind off your ex and help you resist the urge to text her.
Unfortunately though, one of the most common mistakes guys make in a situation like yours is to think something along the lines of, “If I start having fun and enjoying myself without my ex, if she finds out, she will assume that I’m over her and that I don’t want her back. Then I will lose any chance I might have had of getting her back. This is why it’s better if I just remain low key and not do anything that will convince her that I’m over her. Then, hopefully, she will realize how much I still care for her and she might then give me another chance with her.”
Yet, that’s the worst thing that a guy can do, because it makes him come across as needy and emotionally weak.
Here’s the thing…
The more you put your life on hold and stay stuck waiting for some kind of contact from your ex, the harder it becomes for you to resist texting her (usually in a needy, desperate way) in a moment of weakness when you’re really missing her.
She then realizes that you’re feeling lost and miserable without her and rather than feel impressed by it, she instead loses even more respect for you for not being manly enough to be able to get on with your life without her.
This is why it’s so important that you focus on having fun in your life without your ex.
Not only is that good for your mental health (i.e. you feel more confident and emotionally strong for being able to pick yourself up in a difficult situation), it is also a great way to regain some of your ex’s respect and attraction for you.
When you feel genuinely content in your life without your ex, you will also automatically become more attractive to her and other women (i.e. because women are instinctively attracted to men who are not emotionally dependent).
She then naturally becomes more open to interacting with you again, because she now feels drawn to you in a good way.
You can then build up her feelings for you and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Another thing you can do to resist the urge to text your ex is…
4. Focus on regaining control of your emotions, so you will be more emotionally attractive to her when you do interact with her
Right now you might be feeling okay and are managing to resist the urge to text your ex all the time, but what happens if you go out with your friends, have a little bit too much to drink and then begin thinking about her?
Will you be able to resist contacting her then?
Alternatively, what if you are sitting at home alone and seeing signs of your ex everywhere around your house (e.g. a photo of you and her together, a favorite cushion that she left behind, her old toothbrush still in the bathroom) and begin thinking things like, “I wonder what she’s doing right now? Is she also missing me, or has she already forgotten about me and busy moving on with another guy?”
Will you be able to stay strong then and not text her?
Well, if you don’t regain control of your emotions, the answer to the above questions will almost certainly be, “No.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you are texting your ex while in a state of desperation or panic, you will only turn her off more.
This is why, you need to keep a cool head at this very crucial time and not do anything you will regret later on, or that will convince your ex that she made the right decision by breaking up with you.
You need to get rid of the feeling of neediness and desperation and relax in the knowledge that you can re-attract her and get her back.
By the way…
There’s a simple breathing technique called ‘tactical breathing’ that the police and military use to relax and counteract the effects of adrenaline during critical situations, that you can use whenever you feel the urge to text your ex.
It will delay you for a few minutes and allow for the impulse to pass, thus preventing you from doing something silly.
Here’s how you do it:
- Breathe in deeply through your nose for a count of four, while expanding your stomach.
- Hold that breath in for a count of four.
- Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of four.
- Hold your breath, with your lungs empty, for a count of four.
Repeat this cycle, starting from the beginning, several times until you feel calmer and more in control of your emotions.
Then, if you decide that you want to text your ex, you will be in the right frame of mind and will naturally come across as being emotionally strong, rather than sounding needy and desperate.
3 Problems You Might Encounter When Texting Your Ex
Getting an ex back is easier than you might think.
However, that doesn’t mean you won’t encounter any problems along the way.
Here are 3 of the most common ones:
1. Waiting for a while to text, sending it and then losing confidence when she doesn’t reply
Sometimes a guy will successfully resist the urge to text his ex after their break up, so when he finally reaches out to her, he might then be feeling pretty good about himself.
In his mind he may even be hoping that his ex will be happy to hear from him now, because he didn’t come on too strong at the beginning of the break up and gave her some time to miss him.
Yet, when she doesn’t respond to him, those hopes get crushed and he then begins thinking things like, “Why is she ignoring me? Maybe resisting the urge to text her was the wrong thing to do after all. Maybe I should have contacted her right away and tried to convince her to give me another chance. Now it’s too late. She’s not interested and she probably has a new man already. Damn it! I’ve lost her forever!”
Yet, thinking like that only causes him to lose confidence in himself and in his attractiveness and value to her.
He stops believing in his ability to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for him and gives up on the idea of getting her back.
What he doesn’t realize is that he’s the one giving up, not her.
Yes, she might have ignored his text, but that doesn’t mean she’s not interested in getting back together.
There are many reasons why a woman might not reply to a text from her ex (e.g. she’s testing his confidence, she’s worried that he might reject her if she seems too eager).
So, if you lose confidence and hope when she doesn’t reply, you might miss your chance of getting her back.
Don’t make that mistake.
Believe in yourself and get her back, even if she initially pretends not to be interested in you anymore.
Another problem you might encounter is…
2. Hoping for clear signals that she wants a relationship
Most guys make the mistake of assuming that as soon as they begin interacting with their ex again after the break up, all discussions and conversations need to be about how they can get back together again.
Yet, what they don’t understand is that a relationship is the last step of the ex back process, not the first.
There are several other, important steps that a guy needs to go through, before his ex will drop her guard and give him another chance.
What are those steps?
Respect. Attraction. Love.
He needs to first reactivate those feelings inside of her and make her want to be with him again for her own reasons (i.e. she feels good to be around him again, she feels excited and turned on, she feels like she can look up to him as her man again rather than look down on him).
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t waste time waiting for a clear signal from her that she wants a relationship.
Just get her on a call and begin reactivating some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Then, meet up with her in person so that she can experience the new you for herself.
When she sees that you really are a better man now, she will naturally drop her guard and open back up to her feelings of love for you.
You need to be emotionally courageous enough to take the lead in the ex back process and get her back.
Another problem you might encounter is…
3. Not knowing that it’s easy to get an ex woman back if he focuses on attraction and sexual tension
Sometimes a guy will try to resist the urge to text his ex, because secretly he expects her to reject him because she told him that she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because your ex has disconnected from her feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean she will feel the same way after you’ve actively made her feel strong surges of attraction and built up the sexual tension between you and her.
So, don’t waste time resisting contacting her.
You actually need to text her, or even better, call her or meet up with her, so that you can reawaken her feelings for you and make her want to be your girl again.
Just take control of the ex back process, re-attract her and seduce her back into a relationship with you that she always wanted but never got.
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