Here are 4 things you can do to stop romanticizing your ex, so you can regain control of your mind and then get her back:
1. Come up with a list of positives and negatives about her
After a break up, a guy will often find himself thinking of his ex and telling himself that he’s an idiot for losing her.
Rather than remember that she had her faults too and that she also made some mistakes in the relationship, he instead romanticizes her and ends up feeling like he’s lost the most wonderful, perfect woman in the world.
Yet, the truth is, no one is perfect and if you want to stop romanticizing your ex, you need to see that for yourself.
One of the ways to do that, is by making a list of positive and negatives about her, as a way of stopping yourself from idolizing her and seeing her as a real, flawed person like everyone else.
So, grab your smartphone, tablet, computer or a piece of paper (whatever works best for you) and start making that list.
If you’re not sure what to put on it, here are 15 examples of potential positives and negative traits that a woman might have, to get you started.
Note: Just make sure that you focus on the negatives, rather than clinging onto the positives.
Positives:
- She has a great sense of humor.
- She’s a great conversationalist.
- She gets on well with your friends and family.
- She’s a great cook.
- She’s sexy.
- She’s pretty.
- She’s one of a kind.
- She is good in bed.
- She’s adventurous.
- She’s loyal.
Negatives:
- She always wants things her way and if you stand up to her, she throws a tantrum to make you give in to her.
- She’s lazy.
- She’s not 100% honest.
- She likes to drink and party too much.
- She’s not supportive of your dreams and goals.
- She spends too much time on social media.
- She’s jealous and controlling.
- She’s often moody and unhappy for no reason.
- She doesn’t enjoy sex, or doesn’t make it enjoyable for you.
The more you can see for yourself that she’s not perfect, the less time you will spend blaming yourself for everything that went wrong and help you realize that she isn’t more valuable than you.
Of course, it’s not about focusing on your ex’s negative qualities and then deciding not to get her back.
Instead, it’s about putting her and your relationship with her into perspective, where you made mistakes and she made mistakes too.
You can then go about re-attracting her and getting her back, because you and her are on the same level, rather than her being perfect and you being a jerk who isn’t worthy of her.
Another example of how to stop romanticizing about your ex is…
2. Look for positive qualities in other women that your ex didn’t have
If you spend a bit of time interacting with other women, you will most likely realize that there are many great women out there who are even better than your ex in some ways.
For example: Some women may be a lot more beautiful than your ex, kinder, more attentive, funnier, less self-involved.
The list can go on and on.
The important thing is for you to realize that your ex wasn’t perfect and that she was as lucky to have you as her guy, as you were to have her as your girl.
When you put yourself on an equal footing with her (i.e. you believe that you are good enough for her, just like you believe she’s good enough for you), you automatically stop romanticizing her.
You understand that you can get any woman you want, because there are many, even better women out there for you, however, you choose her.
You can then easily get her back, because you have the confidence needed to regain her respect and attraction for you and make her want you back too.
Another example of how to stop romanticizing about your ex is…
3. Interact with a pretty woman and make her feel attracted to you
This doesn’t mean you should decide to move on with another woman and give up on the idea of getting your ex back.
Instead, when you prove to yourself that you can easily make another, equally or even more attractive woman than your ex feel attracted to you, you will automatically stop putting your ex on a pedestal and making her out to be perfect.
You will realize that there are plenty of hot women out there that you can have and it will erase any thoughts of, “My ex is the only beautiful woman that gave me the time of day. If I don’t get her back, I’m going to be stuck being alone, or dating unattractive women for the rest of my life, because no other quality woman will want me,” that you might have.
Remember: A woman wants to feel lucky to be with her man, not like she’s doing him a favor by being his girlfriend because he can’t attract other quality women like her.
So, if you want to stop romanticizing your ex and get her back, you must believe in yourself and in your attractiveness to her, as well as to other women.
If you don’t value yourself and believe that you are good enough for her, not only will getting her back become a lot more difficult for you, you will also stay stuck idolizing her and feeling like she’s too perfect for a man like you.
Another example of how to stop romanticizing about your ex is…
4. Browse through photos of your ex when she wasn’t looking her best
This is a good way to remind yourself that she’s not perfect.
Yes, she’s attractive, but there are definitely times when her hair is a mess, she has pimples on her face, or dark rings under her eyes.
Essentially, she’s human and because of that, she’s not too good for you.
If you continue to romanticize your ex and put her above you in terms of value, you will inevitably end up feeling unworthy of her.
Then, when you interact with her, it will come across in your body language and vibe and it will turn her off you even more.
Here’s the thing…
Women are naturally attracted to men who are confident in themselves and their value to a woman, so if you want to re-attract your ex and get her back, make sure that you feel completely worthy of her.
Don’t doubt yourself in any way.
That’s how you need to be thinking, rather than telling yourself things like, “She was the most perfect woman in the world. No other woman can compare to her. I was so lucky to have her. What am I going to do now that she’s gone? I can’t live without her.”
Common Problems That Guys Experience When Romanticizing Their Ex
If you want to stop romanticizing your ex and get her back, you have to make sure that from this point onwards you have the mindset of a guy who says and does all the right things when interacting with her.
The more emotionally attractive you become around your ex (e.g. confident, self-assured, emotionally independent), the more her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you will reawaken.
However, if you make any of the following mistakes that some guys make, you will disrupt your chances of getting her back.
1. Hoping that time will make him stop romanticizing
For many guys, the romanticizing goes on for years or decades.
Some men get married to a new woman and still secretly miss their ex girlfriend.
In some cases, a guy might even compare his wife (or any other woman he dates) to his ex girlfriend and always feel that he somehow settled for her and that she’s not as perfect for him as his ex was.
He then becomes emotionally distant and detached in his relationship with his wife/new woman, which inevitably leads to problems (i.e. divorce or a break up).
The truth is, time isn’t the answer.
If you want to stop romanticizing your ex, you need to take action.
That means, you first have to admit to yourself that your ex wasn’t perfect.
Yes, she may have been an amazing woman, but she also had some flaws and problems of her own.
Then, you need to reaffirm to yourself that no matter how great your ex was, you were equally worthy of her.
She wasn’t better than you.
In fact, she was lucky to have you.
Then, once you get to the point where you absolutely believe that you are good enough for her, you need to interact with her (on the phone and in person) and actively re-spark her feelings for you and get her back.
Don’t doubt yourself in any way.
Another mistake that guys make in a situation like this is…
2. Never trying to reach out to his ex and guide her through the ex back process
Sometimes, a guy will just sit around feeling sad and lost without his ex and thinking things like, “She was my soulmate and no other woman will ever be able to take her place in my heart and in my life. I will never be able to get over her and move on. It’s just the way things are for me now.”
A guy like that might even secretly believe that his love for his ex is like the love Romeo felt for Juliet and that it’s romantic to feel that way about her and not be able to stop romanticizing her.
The problem though, is that when a guy thinks like that, he doesn’t actually do anything to actively reactivate his ex’s feelings for him and get her back.
Instead, he just spends all this time idolizing her (e.g. by reminiscing about the good times they had together, looking at photos of her and feeling emotional over them, talking about her constantly to his friends and family).
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you don’t ever try to get your ex back, you will likely end up building a special place for her in your mind where you’re always seeing her as being perfect for you and where no other woman can ever live up to that perfection.
You will also probably lose her to another man who comes along and makes her feel attracted in the ways that are important to her.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you need to accept that romanticizing her isn’t going to make that happen.
What will, is you taking action to quickly change and improve some of the things that turned her off about you and then interact with her and make her feel strong surges of respect and attraction for the new you.
Once your ex realizes that you’re a new man and that if she lets you get away, she could be missing out on the greatest love of her life, she will naturally drop her guard and open up to being your girl again.
So, don’t be afraid to take a chance.
It’s up to you to make it happen. Why not right now?
Another mistake that guys make in a situation like this is…
3. Giving up if she doesn’t immediately seem excited when he contacts her
It would be nice if a woman made it easy for her ex to get her back, but the truth is, most women won’t.
Even in cases where a woman still has some feelings for her ex and actually does want him back, she often doesn’t seem very excited to hear from him when he contacts her after the break up.
So, in cases where a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, she’s usually going to be cold, aloof and closed off towards her ex when he reaches out to her.
Why?
A woman will first wait to see if her ex really has changed and improved and become the man she wants him to be (e.g. more confident, more emotionally independent, less emotionally sensitive, more emotionally masculine).
This is why she will usually make it seem that she isn’t happy to hear from him and that she’s really not interested in giving him another chance.
If he then gives up and walks away, she will know that she made the right decision by breaking up with him.
However, if he remains confident and then uses humor to break down her defenses and make her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with him again, she will naturally drop her guard and open back up to giving him another chance with her.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t give up just because she’s not falling back into your arms just yet.
Instead, just continue using interactions to spark her feelings for you and before you realize it, she will be in your arms and liking it.
Another mistake that guys make in a situation like this is…
4. Not realizing that the real way to get a woman back is to re-attract her on the phone or in person
Some guys think that the way to get an ex back is to try and charm her back by sending her flowers or gifts.
Other guys think that being a really nice guy to her and helping her out with errands, or even financially, will convince her that he’s the one for her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
The main thing that works in getting an ex back, is changing her feelings from negative to positive again (i.e. she stops feeling angry, resentful, turned off and she begins feeling attracted, respectful and in love).
Everything else is just a waste of time in almost every ex back case.
If a guy wants his woman back, he’s got to meet up with her and make it happen.
As long as he is prepared to re-attract her, it’s usually an easy, fun and enjoyable process for both the man and the woman to get back together.
So, what are you waiting for?
Stop sitting around romanticizing your ex and take action to get her back.
That’s what you really want, so make it happen.
She’s waiting for you.
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