Here are 5 common reasons why a woman will say that you didn’t make her feel loved in a relationship:
1. You were showing her love in ways that didn’t matter much to her
In other words, your way of showing love to your ex wasn’t what she wanted from you.
For example: A guy might have always been nice to his woman, bought her gifts and taken her places.
Yet, he never told her how much you loved her and why.
Alternatively, he may have told her how much you loved her, but she didn’t feel that come through when they were having sex.
It was like he was always holding back and afraid to express his love to her.
He didn’t want to put himself out there too much and instead, played it cool and acted like he wasn’t really that into her.
Sure, he enjoyed the sex and she could see that, but he was distant during it and as a result, she never really felt like he was truly in love with her.
This may have caused her to think things like, “He just doesn’t seem to be into me as much as I’m into him. It’s like I keep hoping that he will love me the way I want to be loved, but it never happens. Will I ever feel safe in my relationship with him, or will I always be hoping for more than he can give me? I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship like this for life. I mean, what if he just gets bored one day and cheats on me, or leaves me? Then what? I have given him my full heart and he’s always been giving me half his heart, or less than that, so he can walk away without worrying about it. Maybe I need to take care of myself and end things before he does.”
As a result, she then decides to break up with him by saying something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore. I really do care for you, but you don’t make me feel loved. I’m like something extra in your life that you have there, but don’t really need or care about.”
If the guy really did love her, but just wasn’t very good at expressing it in the way she needed, he may then think, “I don’t understand what she’s talking about. I did everything I could think of to make her feel loved and appreciated in the relationship with me. After all, didn’t I always spoil her with special gifts and romantic dinners?” or, “How can she say that to me when I told her I loved her all the time. What more did she want me to say to prove to her that my feelings for her were real?” or, “Doesn’t spending time with show her that I love her? If I didn’t love her, I would waste my time with her. I could have been with other women, but I was with her. What else does she want? Why does she have to be so needy like this? I was just being myself. If she doesn’t like that, then I don’t know what else I could do.”
He then tries to reason with her and tell her that he does love her and was trying to make her feel loved in the only way he knows (i.e. spending time with her, buying her gifts, spending less time with friends).
Yet, as you may have realized by now, it doesn’t matter if you showed your ex that you loved her in the ways you thought were important.
What matters to her, is that you didn’t show her that you loved her in the ways that mattered to her.
She didn’t feel loved.
You might think she is wrong, or you might agree with her.
Yet, that isn’t going to fix the problem.
What will?
You first need to get her to forgive you…
You then need to make her regret leaving you…
That is what works.
So, if you want to get her back, don’t make the mistake of chasing after her and offering her more of what you did in the past.
That won’t work.
For example: If your way of expressing love to your ex was to shower her with gifts and attention, don’t keep doing that.
Instead, focus on interacting with her and making her feel rushes of sexual and romantic attraction for you based on the way you now talk, behave and act around her.
Then, when you’ve fully reactivated her feelings and she’s open to talking to you and seeing you more and more, you can then say, “I love you” and she will feel great about it.
Why?
Women are most excited to hear the words, “I love you” when they respect you, feel attracted to you and love you.
So, make sure that you reactivate her feelings first, rather than rushing to say, “I love you” before then and hoping that it impresses her.
Another possible reason why your ex said you didn’t make her feel loved is…
2. She has issues with love that stem from her childhood
In some cases, a woman not feeling loved in her relationship with a guy, has less to do with him and how he has been treating her and more to do with her childhood and upbringing.
For example: She may have had a difficult childhood (e.g. her parents didn’t make her feel loved, she was abandoned, overlooked or ignored when she was young, loved less than her siblings were) and now, as an adult, she is needy for obvious displays of love from men.
As a result, everything that her guy says or does never seems to be enough for her.
No matter how much love he gives her, it never cancels out the pain she carries around from her childhood.
Not realizing her issue, she may begin to blame it on her guy and think, “I know that he spoils me, but maybe it’s because he thinks that’s what a guy is supposed to do in a relationship with a woman and not really because he actually loves me. Maybe he’s just going though the motions with me and doing what he thinks I want. Maybe he doesn’t even love me. Maybe he just wants to be with me for a while and will dump me when he is ready to do so” or, “I know he said that he loves me, but maybe he’s just saying that to please me, but he doesn’t really mean it. He could be lying.”
If you think your ex fits into that kind of category, you need to be able to let her realize that you do love her and honestly want to be with her.
Of course, don’t try to convey that to her in a desperate, “Please believe me!” kind of way.
Instead, just maintain your cool and let her pick up on it naturally (even though it will be difficult for her and it may take some time for her to fully believe it).
For example: Some of the ways that you can get her to see that you really do love her and want to be with her, are by…
- Using humor to break through her doubts, insecurities and hang-ups and make her feel good to be around you (e.g. “Of course I love you and want to be with you. I mean, you’re a horrible girlfriend, but I still love you” and have a laugh with her about that and then say, “Just kidding. I love you because I think you are beautiful and I love you because of who you are as a person. I’ve always felt that way about you. Maybe I haven’t shown it enough, but that’s the way I’ve always felt”).
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension and make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in your presence.
- Being more emotionally dominant than her during a conversation to make her feel like a feminine woman around you, which then makes her feel sparks of respect, attraction and love for you. As a result, she is much more motivated to want to believe that you love her, so she can continue to experience the respect, attraction and love that she feels for you.
- Maintaining your confidence with her when she’s saying things like, “You never made me feel loved,” and turning her emotional outbursts into something that you can laugh about together (e.g. “Yeah, I know…and you never cooked me enough roast chicken. You know that you’re great at making a Sunday roast, but where were they? You only ever made me that twice. You’re a horrible girlfriend. I feel so underfed”).
The more that you build on her feelings for you during interactions, the more her doubts about your feelings for her will begin to fade.
She will see that you are putting in effort to get her back, but you aren’t being desperate about it, which will be attractive to her.
Suddenly, she can then begin to think things like, “Well, maybe he does love me after all. If he didn’t, why would he waste all this time sticking around after we’ve broken up? He hasn’t just walked away from me. He is still here and I still feel attracted to him. Maybe we should give the relationship another try.”
When that happens, her doubts will begin to fade and she opens back up to the idea of being your girl again, before another woman comes along and takes you.
Another possible reason why your ex said you didn’t make her feel loved is…
3. Her gut instinct was telling her that you were just with her until something better came along
Most people experience moments in a relationship where they wonder things like, “Will he/she dump me if someone better comes along?”
In most cases, those doubts are fleeting and go away when the other person makes them feel loved, appreciated and wanted.
Yet, if they aren’t being made to feel loved and appreciated, then chances are high that no matter what the other person does to convince them that they are loved, the doubt will always be there.
In your case, if your ex felt as though the value gap between you and her was too wide (e.g. because you’re more physically attractive than her, you’re better educated, you’re more popular than her, you’re cooler than her, you have more friends that her), then it’s only natural that she might have felt a bit insecure about her place in your life.
Over time, those insecurities may have built up inside of her and caused her to think things like, “There’s no way a guy like him will stay with a woman like me for life. He will dump me as soon as a better looking/smarter/more popular woman comes along.”
So, to prevent herself from being heartbroken, your ex would have decided to break up with you before you broke up with her.
She will most likely still want to be with you, but she will be more focused on trying to protect her emotional health at this point (i.e. she doesn’t want to get back into a relationship and then get dumped by you in a few weeks or months, so you can walk away as the dumper).
This is why, the thing you need to ask yourself right now is…
“Was she right about me only being with her until a better woman came along, or did I genuinely love her and want to be with her?”
If you decide that you truly love her and want her back, then focus on showing her via your actions and the way you treat her and respond to her, that she’s the woman for you and that no other woman can take her place in your heart.
However, you can’t convince her of that by just saying it to her, because she’s probably not going to believe you (especially if she’s feeling insecure about her attractiveness and value to you).
You have to show her over time (i.e. over the next few days and weeks), so she can calm down and begin to trust that you really do love her, no matter what.
Whatever you do though, don’t try to show her how much you love her by being desperate about it (i.e. proclaiming your undying love to her, writing her a long letter expressing all of your feelings, showing up at her house with flowers, gifts and a soppy romantic approach).
Instead, be calm, confident and easy-going and just focus on sparking her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you every time you talk to her over the phone or in person from now on.
When she can see for herself that no matter what she says to test your interest level in her, you stick around and be an emotionally strong, masculine, loving man to her, she won’t be able to resist the idea of giving you another chance.
Another possible reason why your ex said you didn’t make her feel loved is…
4. She noticed how you seemed to find other women more attractive than her, without caring how it made her feel
There is nothing wrong with a man feeling attracted to other women when he is a relationship with a woman.
It’s completely natural and normal, just like it’s perfectly natural and normal for a woman to look at a guy (or guys) that she finds attractive.
Problems arise however, when a woman begins to notice that her guy can’t stop looking at other women when around her.
He seems to focus on them and get lost in his thoughts while looking at them, which makes her feel insecure.
In some cases, he might even flirt with them and won’t care if she sees him doing it, or feels insecure about it.
Naturally, this will cause her to feel hurt, betrayed and as though she can’t trust him to be faithful.
As a result, she may then begin to wonder, “Why am I staying with him when he treats me like this? He’s not even trying to hide his wandering eye from me. Clearly, he doesn’t love me the way I want him to. So, maybe it’s best if I just break things off with him and focus on finding a guy who does find me attractive enough for him to not want to stare at other women and seem to secretly want them.”
She will then break up with him and say something along the lines of, “I’m clearly not the right woman for you. You don’t make me feel loved and I’ve had enough of putting up with it, so I think it’s better if you and I go our separate ways.”
Another possible reason why your ex said you didn’t make her feel loved is…
5. She felt like you took more from the relationship than you gave
For a relationship to develop properly, there needs to be a balance between giving and taking.
So, if a woman starts to feel that she is always compromising and putting his needs ahead of her own, while he always seems to be the one taking, she will naturally begin to feel resentful, taken for granted and unloved.
She might then try to shake him up a little (e.g. by sulking or throwing a tantrum), so that he will start treating her in a more balanced way.
If he doesn’t pay attention and either writes it off to her being an emotional woman, or simply assumes that because she loves him she will put up with it, she will slowly begin to disconnect from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
Eventually, she will get to the point where she has had enough and will go through with a break up.
If that applies to your situation with your ex, then you need to show her (via the way you now think, act and behave) that you have learned from your mistakes and have become a better man as a result.
Of course, don’t go into a big speech about all things you’ve learned and how sorry you are.
Just be brief about those kinds of things and then get back on with making her smile, laugh and feel attracted and in love with the new you.
That is what works.
On the other hand, here are some…
Common Problems Guys Experience When Trying to Get an Ex Back Who Didn’t Feel Loved
Chances are pretty high that your ex isn’t going to make it easy for you right away, so be prepared to face some of the following challenges…
1. She is reluctant to try again because she doesn’t believe anything will change
Most break ups between a man and a woman don’t just happen without at least a few disagreements or fights first.
In some cases, there may even have been a ‘mini’ break up or two along the way (e.g. she stops taking his calls for a few hours or days, she goes to her family or friends for a weekend to cool off).
However, by the time the ‘big’ break up happens (e.g. she moves out or kicks him out), a woman will have usually realized that her guy is not going to change and improve, based on all of her past experiences with him.
Basically, every time they have fought in the past, he promises to change or makes it out to be her fault (i.e. she’s too needy, expects too much of him, is being overly dramatic about nothing).
She would then forgive him and give him another chance, only to realize that he had no intention of following through on his promise to improve (e.g. because he didn’t know how to change, or was unwilling to change), or that he never changed because he still believed he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Eventually, she realizes that she’s going to have to go through with an actual break up and then stick to it, because he’s just not going to change.
This is why, if you want your ex to let down her guard and open back up to being with you, you need to show her via your actions, behavior and the way you talk and interact with her that you’ve already changed and improved on some of the things that matter to her.
When she can see for herself that you are a new and improved man already and that if she gets back with you, you’re not going to go back to making the same attraction mistakes as before, she’ll be able to start trusting you again.
When that happens, her defenses will come down and she will open back up to talking to you and being with you.
Another challenge you might be faced with when getting her back is…
2. She becomes turned off when you start pouring your heart out or expressing your feelings
If she fell in love with the fact that you were a fairly emotionally unavailable guy and weren’t a soppy romantic, then she’s not going to fall back in love with you if you start behaving like a soppy romantic.
It’s just not her thing.
Unfortunately, sometimes a guy in that situation believes that if he pours his heart out to his ex in a romantic way, she will finally believe that he really does love her and give him another chance.
Yet, it just turns her off and makes her feel as though he has lost the confidence and swagger that she originally fell in love with.
This is why, if you pour your heart out to your ex in an overly romantic way, rather than make her think, “Wow! This is what I was hoping for all along. At last he’s making me feel loved! I always wanted him to be a soft, romantic, nice guy” she’s just going to wonder why you’ve become so desperate and needy all of a sudden.
It will turn her off and make her feel happy with her decision to break up with you.
So, if your intention is to make your ex feel loved, don’t do it by turning into an emotional, desperate, romantic wuss.
Instead, just focus on reactivating her feelings for you during interactions (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, flirting with her to create a sexual vibe, being confident and self-assured).
When she can sense your feelings based on the way you behave around her, the way you talk to her and the way you treat her in private and in public, she will then realize that she has to give you another chance, or will end up regretting it and missing you.
Another challenge you might be faced with is…
3. You try to explain how you feel in a long letter, e-mail or message and she gets annoyed
So many romance novels and movies make it seem like a woman will jump for joy, or at least be overcome with emotion when she gets a love letter from her ex.
She will realize that he really does love her, forgive him right away and they will get back together and live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works in the real world.
In reality, when a woman gets a love letter/e-mail/message from her ex, after she broke up with him for not making her loved, her first thought will usually be, “Even now, he still doesn’t care enough about me to say these things in person, or at least over the phone. Instead, he’s just written/typed a bunch of words down and is hoping I’ll suddenly feel loved and appreciated. What a selfish, self-centered jerk. If he thinks that just sending me that will do the trick, then he’s mistaken.”
She then closes herself off even more and makes it more difficult for him to interact with her and get her back.
This is why it’s never a good idea to hide behind letters, e-mails or texts with an ex woman.
If you want to tell her how you feel and have her believe you, it’s best to do that in person and in a relaxed, confident, masculine way.
Only then will it feel sincere to her and get the response that you want (i.e. she opens up to the idea of getting back together again).
Another challenge you might be faced with is…
4. You don’t know what else to do to get her back, so you give up and lose her
Sometimes a guy will try to convince his ex that he really does love her by saying and doing the kinds of things he’s read about online, in magazines or seen in romantic movies.
For example: He might…
- Beg and plead with her for another chance and say things like, “I really do love you. You’re the woman for me. I promise you that what I’m saying is true. Just give me one more chance and I’ll prove it to you. You mean the world to me. Without you, my life is meaningless. I realize that now. Please, give me a chance to show you” over and over again.
- Offer to do anything she wants him to do (no matter how ridiculous or unreasonable it is), to prove his love for her.
- Shower her with bouquets of flowers, or expensive gifts.
- Send her soppy cards or poems.
When none of that works and his ex continues saying things like, “I’m sorry. I just don’t believe you” he might begin to think, “Well, I guess I tried everything to convince her to give me another chance and it didn’t work. So, I suppose I just have to accept that it’s truly over and that I will never get her back. I screwed up and can’t get her back.”
As a result, he gives up and tries to move on without her, even though he still has strong feelings for her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because you’ve already tried to get your ex back and have failed, it doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in getting back with you, or that there isn’t another approach you can use that will actually work.
Instead, in almost all cases, it simply means that the approach you have used so far hasn’t hit the mark for her.
If you change your approach to one that causes her to feel rushes of respect, attraction and love for you, then her feelings about the relationship will change.
She will go from thinking about you in a negative way to wondering if she made a mistake by ending things with you.
She will worry that if she doesn’t give you another chance, another woman will happily take her place.
Then, she will be left behind feeling rejected and as though she has been dumped.
As a result, she will motivated to give you another chance and you will get her back.
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