5 possible reasons why you feel that way:
1. You forgot that relationships between men and woman are always an ongoing choice, not an eternal obligation
Many romantic relationships between men and women start off with the best of intentions (i.e. to be together forever).
Yet, it doesn’t always work out.
For a relationship to last past the initial lust and falling in love phase, there needs to be more than just a superficial respect and attraction between the man and woman.
In other words, although they might initially feel physically attracted to each other, enjoy each other’s company and have loads of fun together, that simply won’t be enough to keep the relationship together for life.
For a relationship to last past the initial phase, a couple needs to connect on a much deeper level.
For example: They need to…
- Want the same fundamental things in life (e.g. to settle down, get married, and start a family together, or to pursue individual careers, or to go traveling together) and be making progress towards achieving those goals as time goes by.
- Be able to handle and then avoid arguments by being more loving, playful and easy-going (e.g. rather than a man getting angry at annoyed when his woman is in a bad mood, or being rude, he needs to learn how to be strong enough to laugh and use humor to break her out of her bad mood. If he does that, she will then follow his lead and lean on using humor and being playful when he is being in a bad mood. They will then begin to become of the couples who don’t take everything so seriously and are able to get along and enjoy each other’s company, without getting into pointless arguments that drive most couples apart over time).
- Learn to communicate with each other better (e.g. being able to forgive little mistakes, understand each other’s true intentions, get messages across without insulting the other person and so on).
- Be able to experience a deeper respect, attraction and love for each other over time, rather than those feelings fading away and being replaced with indifference, boredom or even resentment.
- Be happy and hopeful about a future together, rather than miserable and unsure (e.g. by talking about their goals and future in a positive way and feeling good about it, rather than talking about why things aren’t going well, why it might be too difficult to succeed, why life seems so unfair to them and so on).
- Experience new levels of life together, rather than remaining stuck at the same level while couples around them (e.g. friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances) all seem to be moving on to new levels (e.g. getting a house, getting engaged or married, being able to travel when they have time off work, having children).
- Have a balanced approach to work life and love life (i.e. a man not working so much that he neglects his woman, or not spending all of his spare time with her and smothering her).
- Have a big goal or dream in life that they’re working towards achieving together as a couple, rather than just drifting through the relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and expecting that to be ‘enough’ for life.
- If those elements are in place, a couple isn’t ever going to want to break up because they’re getting everything they want and more by being together as a couple.
In a relationship like that, a woman knows that she would find it almost impossible to find another man who is able to maintain a relationship in that way, so she doesn’t ever want to leave.
Additionally, when a man approaches a relationship in that way, it makes a woman feel increasingly respectful, attracted and in love with him over time.
So, there’s pretty much no chance of a break up happening, which is why approximately half of marriages still last for life.
Some couples know how to do it and other don’t.
It’s as simple as that.
This is why, when a woman finds herself in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be working, or making her feel increasingly respectful, attracted and in love with her man, she will decide to leave her man, even if she had once promised him that she’d never leave him (i.e. back when she was first falling in love with him, or when the relationship was going well).
At that point, a man might feel betrayed after a break up like that because she promised she would never leave him.
He really believed her.
Partly because as a man, when we say something, we mean it and we will stick by it and honor our word (i.e. the majority of divorces are initiated by women. Men rarely do it, even when things are bad because they want to stick to their word. He promised to be with her for life, by saying “I do” in front of family and friends).
Yet, when a woman says something or makes a promise, it is in her very nature to not stick to that promise if her feelings change.
It’s just how women are.
If she promises to never leave a man and he is able to maintain the relationship and cause her feelings for him to increase and deepen, then she will stick to her promise.
Yet, if he can’t do that, she won’t stick to it and will instead break up with him and open herself up to a new man, who will hopefully be able to maintain and build on her feelings over time.
Some men might feel pissed off about that and think that women are being unfair or unreasonable, but it’s just the nature of women.
You need to be able to maintain and build on a woman’s feelings, otherwise her promises don’t mean anything.
She will break up with you and move on and not feel bad about it at all.
Of course, in many cases, a woman will initially stick with a relationship in the hope that things will change, but if they don’t and she ends up disconnecting from her feelings of respect and attraction, the reality is that she can choose to leave if she wants to.
Her boyfriend (or husband) doesn’t own her and she’s not obligated to stick to a promise she made when things were different (i.e. she was in love and felt that they had enough in common to stick together for life).
So, with your ex, it’s possible that somewhere along the line, she realized that you and her were no longer compatible (e.g. her attraction was fading, she couldn’t really respect you anymore, she didn’t feel in love), so she no longer felt the need to stick with the relationship for life, even though she may have once promised that she would never leave you.
In her mind, she didn’t break her promise to you because when she made that promise her feelings for you were different.
That’s not how men make a promise, but it’s how women do it.
So, if you want her back, you simply need to reactivate her feelings, so she feels like losing you will be her loss.
Another possible reason for feeling betrayed after a break up…
2. You were a great boyfriend/husband to her and did everything you could to make her happy, but she still dumped you
Most men are good guys and because of that, a man will usually want to treat his woman well and make her feel special.
For example: He might…
- Allow her to have things her way, even if it means sacrificing something he wants, or doing something he doesn’t really like or enjoy.
- Buy her gifts or flowers for no special reason, take her out for romantic dinners, focus his attention on her to make her feel like she’s the most important thing in the world to him.
- Text and calls her multiple times per the day to check up on her, say hello, tell her he loves her and make sure that she’s okay.
- Try to make her life as convenient as possible by doing whatever he can for her, not expecting her to do chores and helping her manage her life.
- Let her make a lot of the decisions in the relationship because he assumes that when she’s in control of everything, she will be happy.
- Stop hanging out with his friends, gives up his hobbies or interests and stop pursuing his big goals or dreams in life, to devote himself completely to her.
In his mind, he is the perfect boyfriend (or husband) because he is dedicated to making his woman feel happy and content in her relationship with him.
So, he falls into a comfort zone where he believes that she will never leave him because he’s such a good guy.
Then, when she break ups with him, he understandably feels shocked, betrayed and like she has really let him down.
He might even think something like, “How could she do this to me after everything I did to make her happy? I did my best for her and it wasn’t enough. I treated her better than any other woman I’ve ever been with. She said she loved me. How could she betray me this way after she promised she would never leave me?”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although he truly believes he was being a good enough boyfriend to her, what he doesn’t realize is that something crucial was missing.
In many cases, it’s a lack of a spark.
He’s a good man, he treats her well, but she just doesn’t feel that spark where she feels in love with him.
The relationship is good, their life is okay, he might have a good job and they might go on holidays, but if there is not much of a sexual and romantic spark in her heart for him, then her commitment to him isn’t guaranteed.
The sexual and romantic spark is so important that even men who don’t treat their woman very well, don’t succeed in their career and aren’t able to go on fancy holidays, are still able to keep their woman for life and have her remain in love with them.
If the spark is there, it’s there and for a lot of women, that is enough to keep them around.
Not all women, of course.
Some women do want to be in a relationship where they are making progress in life with their man (i.e. are able to get a house, go on great holidays, afford to treat themselves to new clothes or phones every now and then).
Yet, if the spark isn’t there, a woman will even break up with a man who is successful in life.
Just think about all the celebrity men who get dumped, or the millionaires and billionaires who struggle in their dating and relationship life.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to be able to create and maintain a relationship dynamic that makes a woman feel increasingly respectful, attracted and in love with you over time.
Many couples are able to do that, but some aren’t and they suffer the consequence of a break up or divorce as a result.
For example: Sometimes a guy has a good job, treats his woman well, stays in shape, has good friends, has a good relationship with his family and so on.
He’s also completely devoted to his woman and pretty much does everything to make sure she is happy.
On the surface, he seems like a perfect catch for a woman.
Yet, a guy devoting fully himself to making his woman feel happy is actually a secret turn off for a woman.
Secretly, a woman actually wants a man to make her feel like she has to put in some effort to impress him and make him happy too, rather than feeling like she can walk all over him and get away with it, or she can behave badly and he’ll put up with it because he wants her to see how good of a guy he is.
The reality is that without feeling the need to please her man, a woman becomes bored.
The relationship loses its excitement and becomes predictable and dull.
It’s hard for some men to accept; especially men who think that doing anything other than being nice to a woman is ‘disrespectful’ towards her.
A man like that essentially wants to be a woman’s knight in shining armor (i.e. treat her like a princess, make her life as convenient as possible, save her from other guys), but what she really wants is to be a loving, devoted woman who feels the need to impress him and treat him well.
She doesn’t want a one-sided relationship, where it’s pretty much all about him doing things for her.
So, if you want to get her back and make her want to be with you for life, you need to understand and accept that being a good guy to her simply isn’t enough.
You really have to come to terms with the fact that men and women are very different and as a result, what makes a woman happy isn’t always what seems to make sense based on your male way of thinking.
One of the reasons why I’m able to explain all this to you, is that I’ve devoted my life to understanding relationships between men and women.
I’ve also experienced more than a decade of having multiple girlfriends at once and then settled down with my perfect girl and got married.
I’ve been happily married for almost 8 years now as of typing this article.
It takes a long time to figure out all the things I teach, so if you don’t really understand women and how they tick, then keep learning from me.
I have all the answers you seek.
The more you read (or watch my videos), the more you will understand where you’ve been going right and wrong with women and what you need to do from now on to be successful; including with getting your ex back.
Another possible reason for feeling betrayed after a break up is…
3. You were serious when you said that you wanted to be with her for life (i.e. you are a man of your word)
The fact that you gave her your word and were totally committed to her really meant something to you.
You didn’t just say it for the sake of it.
You meant it.
Unfortunately, saying, “I want to be with your forever” or, “I want to grow old with you” or, “I never want us to break up” or, “I will never leave you” didn’t mean as much to her as you would have hoped.
As a result, you’ve been left feeling betrayed, used and empty without her.
You might also feel a bit blindsided the break up, because it seemed to just come out of nowhere.
Yet, for her, she was most likely building up to it for quite some time.
No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t ever feel the kind of respect, attraction and love for you that would make her want to stay in the relationship.
She stuck around for a while because you’re a good guy, but deep down she didn’t feel like she should be with you for life.
If you were to ask her why she wasn’t feeling the way she wanted to feel, she probably couldn’t explain it.
Instead, she would have said something like, “I don’t know. I just don’t feel the same way anymore,” or, “I don’t know. I’m confused” or, “You’re a good guy, but I don’t know if this relationship is going to work.”
What could you have done at that point to save the relationship?
You would have needed to understand her real reasons for breaking up with you and then made adjustments and changes, so she could naturally feel respect, attraction and love for you again.
For example: Sometimes, a woman’s real reasons for breaking up with a guy, which she won’t ever tell him (i.e. to avoid him promising to change that, or him becoming angry or defensive, him being insulted for life, etc), are that he just isn’t manly enough for her.
She is able to walk all over him with her dominant, independent personality and he just can’t handle it.
She wants a man who is able to put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way.
A man who makes her feel the need to be a good girl for him, rather than a man who makes her feel like she can do whatever she wants and he will stick around because he would struggle to be able to attract and pick up another quality woman like her.
There are many subtle, secret reasons like that, which never get discussed and instead, a lot of guys just hear things like, “I don’t know why, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. Maybe I just need time. Give me some space and time to think. Maybe I will miss you.”
She then uses that space to start dating new men and move on, so that when they talk again, she can say, “I’m sorry, but I met someone else and I’m happy with him.”
If that happens, you will only feel betrayed once again.
So, if you want to avoid that happening, make sure that you approach the ex back process correctly from now on.
Don’t make classic mistakes, don’t give her too much power, don’t cut off contact and wait and so on.
Do it right.
Get her back and make her feel so damn happy that she gave you another chance.
You can do that.
Another reason why you might be feeling betrayed after being dumped is…
4. You were the one who got dumped
Imagine if the break up was the other way around and you dumped her.
Can you imagine how she would feel, especially if you had promised to never leave her and she was still in love with you?
Naturally, she would be the one feeling betrayed, not you.
She would feel as though you lied to her and are now leaving her behind.
Additionally, she might also feel like she is unlovable, or unworthy of true love because she wasn’t even able to keep it when she had it with you.
Even though she put everything into the relationship and gave you her trust, time, love, devotion and commitment, it wasn’t enough to make you stick around.
That would feel like a slap in the face.
Of course, in your case, that didn’t happen because she was the one who dumped you.
Why?
She didn’t feel enough respect, attraction and love to stick around, even though things were really good at the start.
If you look at it from her perspective, would you like to be stuck in a relationship with a woman who is no longer attractive to you and who doesn’t make you happy?
You might say that you’d stick around, but what if you knew you could easily attract another woman who would be prettier, more loving, fun to be with and a potentially better option in the long run?
What if you were unhappy in a relationship with a woman that you weren’t attracted to and you met a new, beautiful woman who seemed to have everything you were looking for and was interested in you?
Would you leave the woman you were unhappy with and no longer attracted to?
You might want to say, “No” and that might be true, but you might also think a little differently if you were in that situation for real.
Essentially, a relationship between a man and a woman isn’t an eternal contract that must be fulfilled.
Instead, it’s something that only lasts as long as both people continue wanting to be in the relationship.
If you want it, but she doesn’t, she isn’t obligated to stay and vice versa.
So, even though you’re the one feeling betrayed because you gave your all to your ex, only for her to throw it back in your face, it’s possible that she just wasn’t feeling it the way you were.
Fortunately though, even if that is the case for you and her, you do have the power to change how she feels.
When you interact with her and reactivate her feelings for you, getting her back becomes natural and easy because she wants it too.
She wants to be your girl again because interacting with you makes her feel good now.
She feels drawn to you and the new, exciting, appealing and even arousing way she feels when interacting with you.
So, don’t let temporary feelings of betrayal (even though they are valid feelings) ruin your chances of getting her back.
Just do what you need to do to get her back and when you do, she may even apologize for betraying you or letting you down in the way she did.
You can then make her feel so in love with you that she never wants to lose you again.
You really can do that.
Another possible reason for feeling betrayed after being dumped is…
5. You didn’t realize that both men and women often say grand things when they are in love, but can then change their mind later on
Sometimes, the thrill of falling in love can make a couple feel that the relationship is perfect, 100% right for them and will last for life.
It could last for life of course, but only if the couple knows how to approach a relationship in the long term in a way that causes it to last.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys feel like they’ve secured a woman based on what she felt initially, but as you now know, the initial buzz of falling in love isn’t enough to make the relationship last for life.
So, when a guy is falling in love with a woman, he might then tell her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, which is totally natural and fine.
However, he might then make the mistake (it’s a needy, insecure and unnecessary thing to ask of a woman, because she will only stick to her promise if she feels like it) of saying, “Promise me that you will never leave me.”
If his woman is caught up in the romance of the situation, she might say, “I love you too. Of course I promise never to leave you. Why would I? I love you. This is what I want.”
In that moment, she’s is probably being totally honest about her feelings for him, but it doesn’t mean her feelings won’t change down the line when she gets to know him better, or if he changes his approach to the relationship.
For example: A woman might say that she loves the guy and will never leave him because he initially makes her feel a lot of sexual and romantic attraction.
Then, as time goes by, she notices that he’s also a kind, caring, emotionally masculine guy who has a definite purpose and direction in his life.
That makes her respect him, feel attracted to him and love him even more.
As a result, she wants to good to him, treat him well and be affectionate and loving towards him because she feels lucky to have him.
She also never feels the need to break up with him and look for someone else.
She only wants to be in a committed relationship with him, because that’s when she feels the happiest and most fulfilled.
If that’s the case, then the relationship will continue.
Yet, if it doesn’t go that way, then what she said initially when she was falling in love, or when things were good, no longer stands.
For example: A woman can initially feel drawn to a guy because he makes her feel attracted at the beginning of the relationship (e.g. he is confident, cool, intelligent, interesting to hang out with, makes her laugh).
During that time, she might say that she will never leave him at when she says it, she honestly feels that she is speaking the truth.
She truly feels like she would never want to leave him.
Yet, if she begins to notice things about him that she initially overlooked because she was caught up in the thrill of falling in love (e.g. he’s actually not as confident as he appeared and is in fact quite clingy and needy), her feelings for him will begin to change.
As a result, she will no longer want to stay with him for life, even though she initially promised to never leave him.
That’s just the way relationships with a woman go if a man is unable to maintain and build on his woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction for him over time.
If the relationship dynamic doesn’t make her feel like she is in love (e.g. he’s too insecure, or he treats her badly for too long), she just won’t feel motivated to stay with him anymore.
It might seem like women are being selfish, mean or unloving by doing that, but thing about the result it produces.
If women were to just love a guy and put up with his insecurities (or bad treatment of her, for example), then what kind of life would women live?
Additionally, how inspired would men be to become even better, more well-rounded men?
That’s why it’s built into the nature of relationships between men and women.
The sooner you accept it and work with it, the sooner you will experience the benefits of it.
Yet, if you try to fight against nature and assume that women should just love and accept a man regardless of how he thinks or behaves, then you will struggle with relationships your entire life.
Avoid These Mistakes to Get Her Back
1. Trying to make her feel guilty for the emotional pain you are experiencing
Although your pain is 100% real, trying to make your ex feel bad about it is one of the fastest ways to push her away even further.
Here’s the thing…
Even if a woman does feel guilty about breaking her promise to a guy, what she doesn’t want is him rubbing it in her face.
If he does, it shows her that he doesn’t understand how women operate (i.e. they go with how they feel).
It also shows that he is expecting her to be more like a man (i.e. be a man of his word, no matter what).
If a man is expecting a woman to be more like a man, it turns her off at a deep, instinctively level.
Additionally, regardless of how much guilt a woman feels, that emotion isn’t enough to make her want to get back in a relationship with a guy.
Women don’t want to feel like they are being emotionally blackmailed into a relationship (i.e. being made to feel guilty for leaving a guy and having to give him another chance out of a feeling of pity for him).
The fact is, if a woman is no longer attracted to her man and can see that he has no idea how or what to change to re-attract her, then she’s not going to fall for his, “How could you betray me after you promised you would never leave me?” routine.
It just won’t work.
Instead, she will feel even more determined to get away from him and move on.
So, if you want to regain your ex’s respect, attraction and love, make sure you’re not trying to make that happen by making her feel guilty for not sticking to her promise to never leave you, or for making you hurt or suffer based on leaving you the way she did.
If that’s your approach, she will push you away even more and possibly cut you out of her life completely (e.g. unfriend you on social media, block your number, refuse to meet up with you).
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Asking her how she could promise something like that to you and then betray you
It’s just not a question to ask her because, as a woman, she doesn’t really have an answer that would please your masculine way of thinking.
For example: You might want to hear her logical, rational and sensible reasons for going back on her promise, but she will likely say, “I don’t know. It’s just how I feel” because women simply go with how they feel.
So, even though you might feel like you deserve to know why she changed her mind, asking her why will only cause her to put up her defenses.
Additionally, when a guy is asking, “Why? Why? Why?” in an emotional way where he clearly seemed confused, then she can feel turned off by his lack of awareness about women and how to make them want him.
She looks at him as yet another guy who is mistakenly thinks that women think, feel and behave pretty much like men do.
If she gets that feeling, then she will naturally want to get away from her ex and hopefully find herself a man who not only understands that men and women are completely different, but is able to make her want him and stick with him for life.
3. Showing anger and contempt for her
As you may know, getting angry with your ex, accusing her of lying to you or or being selfish isn’t going to accomplish anything other than push her away further.
When a man gets angry at a woman for breaking up with him, she will see his anger and contempt as another sign that she probably made the right decision to break up with him (i.e. because he’s now coming across as a potentially scary, abusive ex who she might need protection from).
This can result in her feeling like she needs to get away from him, or get a new man ASAP, so she has a barrier in between her and him.
So, if you want to get her back, the best way to go about it is by reactivating her feelings for you, so she regrets breaking up with you and naturally wants to give you another chance, rather than trying to pressure her into changing her mind.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Losing confidence over the following months and years because you remain emotionally stuck and damaged, due to the way she left you
It’s totally fine for you to feel hurt by her actions.
However, if you want her to see you as a real man (and therefore feel respect and attraction for you), you need to deal with your emotions like a man.
That being; feel the emotions, but then get on with the solution to the problem.
Don’t get stuck in the emotion of feeling betrayed or let down by her.
Instead, get to a new emotional state of feeling confident, inspired, hopeful, enlightened and ready to re-attract her and get her back.
When you do that, she will naturally feel attracted to you and you will naturally feel proud of yourself, as well as fee like you are growing into your masculinity as a man.
You will see that no matter what challenges you face in life, you always come out better, stronger, wiser and more prepared to succeed.
When you approach life in that way, not only do women find you deeply attractive, but people in general respect you, admire you and want to be part of your life, or at least be around you to feel safe and protected by what they see as a real man.
Just think about the men you know who approach their life in the way I mentioned.
You respect them and look at them differently than you do men who lack the courage and masculinity to take on life with endless determination, resilience and self-assurance.
As for women, they find those men deeply attractive and wish they could find one.
So, when you let your ex see that you’re now walking the path of life as what she will see as a real man, she will naturally feel like losing you would be her loss.
As a result, she will open up to you and want to get back with you.
Yet, if you remain stuck in the emotions of feeling betrayed by a woman you loved (and possibly did so much for), then you may end up losing confidence in your ability to re-attract her and other women.
This will result in your ex and other women feeling instinctively turned off by you because women aren’t attracted to self-doubt and fear in men.
Another mistake to avoid is…
5. Not focusing on what actually works to get a woman back
Every day, all over the world, men are able to get ex women back right away, within days and in more difficult cases, within 1-2 weeks, when they approach the ex back process correctly.
This means focusing on reawakening her feelings by interacting with her.
When a woman’s feeling are turned back on and she feels drawn to you, then her decision to want to be broken up with you immediately begins to change.
She goes with how she feels, which is that she feels like she wants to be back with you.
She misses you, she feels attracted to you and she loves you.
So, she gets back with you.
That’s how it works and you CAN do it.
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