Here are 4 ways to stop the pain and then get her back:
1. Understand that getting dumped is normal and happens to most guys at least once in their life
Getting dumped is a horrible experience for most guys.
Yet, the longer they spend thinking about how much it hurts, the worse their mindset about women, relationships and themselves becomes.
For example: A guy might start thinking, “There must be something seriously wrong with me,” or “Good guys don’t get dumped, so I must be a real jerk for it to happen to me,” or “It’s all my fault. I stuffed things up so badly that she couldn’t stand to be with me anymore. Why would she ever want me back? How will I ever get another quality woman like her to love me?”
Here’s the thing…
Although it definitely hurts to get dumped, you need to realize that it’s not the end of the world.
Couples break up all the time.
You’re not a bad person because you got dumped and even though it might seem like it now, it really isn’t all your fault.
Mistakes happen in relationships.
You made some mistakes and so did she.
If you play your cards right with her, you will be able to get back into a relationship that is even better than it was before.
So, rather than dwelling on the pain and maybe even start thinking that there’s something seriously wrong with you because of what happened, you need to understand and accept that break ups are normal and happen all the time.
In fact, according to some statistics, up to 70% of couples break up within the first year of a new relationship.
The good news however, is that as much as 50% of those couples get back together again and end up being happier than before.
The statistics are a lot higher for men who follow the steps of my program (Get Your Ex Back Super System) as well.
So, you definitely have a strong chance of getting her back.
You and your ex can be one of the couples who get back together.
If you want to the pain of being dumped to go away, start focusing on the fact that you can get her back and are going to feel amazing when it happens.
2. Understand that it is possible to get her back
When a woman is saying things like, “It’s over between us! I don’t love you anymore. Just accept that and leave me alone,” it’s understandable that a guy might believe he no longer has a chance with her.
He may then start thinking things like, “There’s nothing I can do to change her mind. She doesn’t want me anymore and I just have to accept that I’m never going to get her back. It’s hopeless. I got dumped and it hurts. I’m alone now. I have no chance with her. What we had is over. I will always miss her and want her back, but I can’t get her back because she said that she doesn’t want me.”
Not only can a guy drive himself crazy thinking like that, but it can also get him into a frame of mind that will turn his ex off if he happens to talk to her or interact with her (i.e. she will pick up on his insecurity and self-doubt and feels even more turned off by him as a result).
Here’s the thing…
Getting an ex back is a lot easier than most guys realize.
If you interact with your ex in a way that sparks her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you (e.g. you maintain your confidence even though she’s telling you she doesn’t want you anymore, you use humor to break down her defenses, you’re more emotionally dominant than her during interactions so she feels more feminine with you now) while also letting her see that you’re not desperately trying to get her back into a relationship, her guard comes down.
Even though she may have firmly believed that nothing could ever make her get back with you again, she now finds herself thinking things like, “He really has changed. I enjoy interacting with him now. What is happening to me? I feel drawn to him again. Maybe it’s not too late for us. Maybe this is going to be the love story of my life. Maybe if I don’t give him a chance, I will regret it and miss him for life. I have to give him a chance! I have to see what happens when I do.”
You can then get her back and build on her newfound feelings for you, so she doesn’t ever want to leave you again.
On the other hand, if you don’t believe that it’s possible for your ex to want you back, then you won’t be able to convince her to give you another chance because she will feel turned off by your self-doubt and insecurity.
That’s why it’s so important that you believe in yourself and in your ability to get her back.
If you don’t, neither will she.
She will accept your self-doubt and see you as a guy who was once good enough for her, but isn’t anymore.
She will then try to move on by flirting with new guys who are more confident than you around her.
Soon enough, you will become a distant memory.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Confidently re-attract her and get her back.
Believe in yourself!
Know that you can do it!
Another thing you can do to stop the pain and get her back is…
3. Regain control of your emotions and confidence
Let’s face it…
Getting dumped is an awful thing to go through.
It hurts deep down in your soul and you can also feel the pain in your body.
Your body heats up, your stomach churns and you feel stressed.
It’s not a nice thing to go through at all.
However, you can’t let those feelings take control of you and bring you down.
Why?
When you’re feeling down, it’s very easy to say and do the wrong things around your ex and cause her to feel even more turned off by you than before (e.g. seeking pity from her, behaving in an insecure way, giving her too much power, appearing to be emotionally weak, getting angry at her).
The reality is that your emotional state is either going to be attracting your ex back to you, or turning her off even further.
For example: When a guy has just been dumped, he might feel hurt, desperate, or shocked.
He may then do things that he wouldn’t do under normal circumstances (e.g. cry, beg and plead, send his ex desperate texts, e-mails and messages via social media declaring his love for her).
He may also start doubting in himself and his value and attractiveness to her.
Although he is only behaving in that way because of the pain he is feeling, in most cases, his ex doesn’t see it that way.
She starts thinking, “Eeeew! I can’t believe how he’s reacting to the break up! Not only is he being needy and desperate now, but he is showing me that he is a lot less confident than I ever believed he was. I feel relieved that we’re broken up. I would hate to be stuck with an emotionally sensitive and weak guy like him for life. I can now move on without any doubts that I made the right decision. I am going to find myself a real, confident man who I can respect and admire.”
So, even though you’re feeling hurt about getting dumped, make sure that you regain control of your emotions and your confidence, before you attempt to contact your ex again.
You don’t have to wait a long time to do that.
In most cases, giving yourself 3 to 7 days is enough time, especially if you are getting help from me by watching, Get Your Ex Back Super System.
When you watch the program, you will quickly regain control of your emotions, feel confident and ready to interact with her and more importantly, know exactly what to say and do to get her back.
Another thing you can do to stop the pain and get her back is…
4. Get clear on what will make her want you again
One of the easiest ways to regain your ex’s respect, attraction and love is by showing her that you understand her real, secret reasons for breaking up with you.
Not only will she feel understood when you show her that, but she will also see that you’re now at a different level as a man than before.
She will then find it a lot more difficult to hold on to her excuses for not wanting to be with you anymore, because those reasons no longer exist.
So, before you do anything else to get her back, make sure that you get clear on what will actually make her want you again.
For example: Ask yourself…
- What was it about my thinking and behavior that turned her off (e.g. Did I become too insecure and emotionally dependent on her? Was I too emotionally sensitive and ended up behaving like a bit of a woman rather than an emotionally strong man? Did I put her first in my life or did she feel like she was less important to me than my work/friends/family/hobbies? Did I start out treating her well, but end up treating her with less and less respect and love?)?
- What do I think was missing from our relationship (e.g. Did I make her feel feminine and girly when she was with me, or was she more like my friend or roommate? Did I maintain the spark of attraction between us, or did it die out? Did we still enjoy a healthy sex life, or did the sex become too boring, or even fade away completely?)?
- Did she want me to behave in ways that I wasn’t aware of (e.g. Did I end up giving her too much power over me? Did I have a clear purpose and direction in life, or was I just living moment to moment? Did I give her the love and attention she needed, or did I take her for granted?)?
- Did I try to get her to accept things about me that just aren’t attractive (e.g. my lack of self belief, my jealous or controlling behavior, my needy dependence on her)?
When you get clear on where you went wrong, you can then change and improve the things that will actually matter to her.
Then, when you interact with her, she will be able to see that you’ve put in the effort to become a better man and will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
On the other hand, if you try to get her back without changing or improving anything about yourself, she will almost certainly continue to push you away by saying, “It’s over. Just accept that and move on. I’m not giving you another chance. Please leave me alone.”
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Back After Being Dumped
Even though it hurts that you’ve been dumped, you don’t have to remain stuck in that place emotionally and waste time feeling like crap as she moves on without you.
Instead, you can quickly make some changes and improvements to your thinking, behavior and the way you respond to her and then get her back.
To ensure that you do get her back, try to avoid making one or more of the following mistakes:
1. Keeping painful thoughts in your mind, rather than focusing on the positives of the situation
It’s normal to ask yourself questions, “Why did this happen? What did I do wrong?” after getting dumped.
Asking questions like that can help you understand where you went wrong, so you can then change in the ways that will impress your ex and make her want to give you another chance.
Unfortunately though, in a lot of cases, rather than use the information for his own good, a guy simply gets stuck in a web of painful, negative thoughts (e.g. “It’s all my fault,” “I’ve lost my ideal woman and I will never get her back,” “My life is over. Nothing is worthwhile without her”) and wastes precious time after the break up, which then allows her to get over him and begin to move on.
Rather than focusing on the positives of the situation (e.g. he now knows where he was going wrong, what it takes to keep a relationship happy and how to attract her back), he allows his negativity drag him down and stop him from doing anything to get her back.
Then, by the time he contacts his ex again (e.g. after weeks or months), she may have moved on and gotten into a relationship with a guy that makes her feel happy and in love.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Yes, you got dumped and it hurts.
However, ask yourself this: Is it better to dwell on the pain of the situation for weeks or months and run the risk of her moving on without you, or quickly do what needs to be done to get her back?
You probably already have the answer.
So, make sure that you focus on the positives of the situation (i.e. you have been able to learn where you went wrong, you have quickly made improvements to your ability to attract her and it has caused you to become a better man) and then re-attract her and get her back.
The next mistake is…
2. Feeling like you’re not good enough for her anymore
One of the first thoughts that a guy might have after getting dumped is that she dumped him because he isn’t good enough for her and never could be.
What he doesn’t realize is that feeling unworthy of her love only makes him seem less attractive to her (and to other women). Why?
Women are attracted to men who believe in their attractiveness and value to women, even if the man isn’t rich, successful or handsome.
You may have noticed that in your life, when you’ve seen women in love with men and thought, “What does she see in him?”
What she sees in him is his belief in himself and it attracts her.
So, if a woman’s ex guy doubts his value and attractiveness to her, she picks up on that and starts to think, “If he doesn’t believe that he’s good enough for me, maybe he’s right. Maybe I can do better.”
She then starts to look for a new guy who believes in himself and makes her feel the kind of attraction that every woman wants to feel around a man.
The next mistake is…
3. Discussing the pain with friends and family
Although it’s natural for a guy to want to discuss his pain with his friends and family, it usually only makes things worse.
Why?
Most of the advice is usually things like, “Oh, don’t worry…you will get over it one day,” or “Don’t worry, you’ll find a nice girl one day who is right for you,” or “There are plenty of fish in the sea. No need to worry about her” or, “If she loves you, she will come back. If not, don’t worry, you will find another girl.”
None of that helps because he wants her back.
Hearing things like that only makes him feels more alone and like no one understands.
So, do yourself a big favor and stop discussing what happened with anyone else.
You know what you want, which is to get her back, so just focus on making it happen.
You’ll get much better results using that approach, compared to going round in circles talking about the pain with friends or family.
When you take positive action (i.e. properly reactivate your ex’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you), your pain will automatically start to vanish.
The next mistake is…
4. Seeking pity from her
Sometimes a guy will try to make his ex woman feel sorry for the pain that he is experiencing, in the hope that she then feels guilty enough to want to give him another chance.
He might say to her, “How could you have dumped me the way you did? It’s like I was a piece of garbage to you. I never would have imagined you could be so cold-hearted like that. Didn’t what we had mean anything to you? Well I hope you’re satisfied. If making me suffer was what you wanted, then congratulations, you’ve achieved your goal. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly and have been running into problems at work because I can’t concentrate. If that’s the effect you wanted to have on me, then you achieve that. Thanks for ruining my life.”
Yet, in most cases, rather than make her change her mind, it just makes her more determined to not give in to his emotional blackmail and move on with a new man.
Here’s the thing…
A woman wants to be with a man because it feels right (i.e. she respects him, feels sexually attracted and loves him), not because she feels sorry for him because he’s too emotionally weak to cope with a break up or be on his own for a while.
So, if you want to reawaken your ex’s respect and attraction for you, seeking pity from her is not the way to go about it.
The next mistake is…
5. Cutting off contact and hoping that she will come back, even though she doesn’t want you anymore
In some cases, a guy will simply fade into the background after being dumped by completely cutting off contact with his ex.
He may think, “I need time to heal from the pain of being dumped and in the meantime, she will get a chance to miss me. When she realizes what she lost by dumping me, she will then come back to me.”
Yet, that almost never happens.
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of love, respect and attraction for a guy (enough for her to actually dump him), not hearing from him usually isn’t going to cause her any sleepless nights.
Instead, she will assume that he got the message that the relationship is over and is now trying to move on without her.
As a result, she will focus on moving on by going out with friends, hooking up with other guys and going on dates with the one or two guys who may have been hanging around her waiting for her to break up (e.g. at work, at university, through friends).
So, if you want your ex back, don’t wait for her to come to you one day.
In most cases, ignoring her by cutting off contact will only speed up the process of losing her.
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