Here are 10 of the most common reasons why a woman will sleep with her ex boyfriend, but won’t want to commit to a serious relationship:
1. The sex is great, but the emotional connection outside of the bedroom isn’t very attractive or appealing to her
Sometimes a guy will be really good in bed, but be a turn off to his woman outside of the bedroom.
For example: He might be…
- Too nice to her and not enough of a challenge.
- Too emotionally dependent on her (i.e. needy).
- Too boring, serious, intellectual or superficial during conversations.
- Unable to talk to her in a way that connects with who she really is.
- Lack ambition and not really going anywhere in life.
- At a different level of emotional maturity that just doesn’t click with who she is now.
So, even though she enjoys the sex, the idea of being with him in a committed, lifelong doesn’t appeal to her.
He can get her to commit, but he needs to level up his ability to attract and connect with her outside of the bedroom.
If he does that, she will then begin to see him as a real option for a lifelong relationship and realize that it will likely be very difficult for her to ever find another man like him.
Another reason why a woman will sleep with her ex, but not commit…
2. She is only having sex with him to avoid missing him too much while she moves on
Some women don’t want to go through the pain of missing an ex while getting over him and moving on.
So, to avoid that, a woman will often continue to sleep with her ex boyfriend from time to time.
From his perspective, it seems like a great sign that she wants to get back together.
Yet, from her perspective, it’s simply a way to make herself feel a bit better while she looks for someone else to move on with.
Then, if she meets a new man and wants to be with him, she will usually then cut off contact with her ex and move on without giving her ex, or the sex they had, a second thought.
Why?
At the end of the day, it’s just sex.
Sex is important, but it’s not as important as the emotional connection you have with her and how much she wants and craves that.
If you want her back for real, you have to ensure that you make her enjoy, miss and want the emotional connection you can offer her.
When you do that, she won’t be able to move on, unless she experiences an even more appealing emotional connection with a new man.
3. She only did it to confirm that she can still have him if she wants to
Sleeping with her ex can allow a woman to continue having power over his emotional state, even though they’ve broken up and are no longer a couple.
Some women enjoy that.
They enjoy the feeling of making a guy feel confused and wanting a commitment from her, but then not giving it to him.
It gives her a self-esteem boost because it makes her feel wanted and valuable.
Yet, here’s the thing though…
When a guy hands his power over to a woman, she will then be unable to respect him, which will then further reduce any remaining feelings of attraction she has for him.
She might keep him around for a while to continue making herself feel powerful and superior to him, but she won’t be interested in commitment.
So, what should you do?
Don’t ever give your ex power over you by pushing for a commitment from her.
Instead, switch the tables by playing a bit hard to get from now on (e.g. not being available to her whenever she wants, turning her on sexually and then not following through with sex).
Make her be the one who chases and feels motivated to impress you and get you back.
Then, allow her that privilege.
Always keep yourself in the position of power and control.
Ironically, that’s what a woman really wants from a man anyway.
Women love it when a man has the confidence, courage and emotional intelligence to gain and maintain control, regardless of what she says or does to bring him down.
4. She doesn’t feel ready for a serious relationship right now, but is open to going with the flow
In a case like that, the woman will be open to being friends with benefits (i.e. casual sex, without any strings attached), as long as her ex doesn’t talk about commitment, or a relationship and just allows things to happen naturally.
If they get back together, she will go along with it.
Yet, if he tries to push it, she will put her guard up and push him away
So, he needs to just allow the sex to happen, but then make her want to be around him more by leveling up his ability to attract her (e.g. be more of a challenge, be a lot more confident, be assertive in a loving way).
When the attraction she feels for him is more enjoyable, complex and interesting, she will naturally want to spend more time with him and not lose him.
As a result, they will naturally get back together because she won’t want to give up what she now has (i.e. an exciting, enjoyable, fulfilling attraction experience that she will struggle to find with a new guy).
5. She is waiting to see real changes in him
A woman will usually continue to feel reluctant about commit to an ex, until she can see that things really will be different this time around.
For example:
- He’s now a lot more in control of his emotions and therefore, less influenced by her (e.g. he doesn’t need her to be nice and agreeable in order for him to feel confident and self-assured, he doesn’t get upset and begin to doubt his value to her when she’s been moody or cold towards him, he doesn’t become flustered, irritated or angry if she doesn’t immediately go along with what he wants).
- He’s now consistently confident in all areas of his life (e.g. around her, at work, in social situations), rather than just confident around his close friends and family.
- He still treats her well, but now has the courage to stand up to her in an assertive, but loving way when she’s being disrespectful or creating unnecessary drama.
- He’s now more supportive of her big dreams and goals, rather than putting her down, or trying to hold her back.
- He no longer allows external things to upset him so easily (e.g. a traffic jam, politics, average service in a restaurant). He is able to maintain a good mood and easygoing, forward-moving state of mind and being, regardless of what is going on around him, or in the world at the time.
So, if you slept with your ex girlfriend, but she still won’t commit, it may be that she hasn’t seen enough of a change in your behavior, attitude or actions outside of the bedroom.
When you understand the subtle things she is really looking for and then make changes in those areas, she will naturally begin to feel good about committing to you.
6. She is reacting negatively to the amount of power she has over him now
Some women prefer guys who are more of a challenge (i.e. a guy that she has to impress and win over, in order to get into a relationship with or maintain a relationship with).
If your ex is one of those women, she won’t like it if she senses neediness or desperation coming from you in terms of getting her to commit to a relationship again.
Instead, she will want to be in the position where she is trying to get you to commit to her again, rather than the other way round.
That doesn’t mean she wants you to act like you don’t care.
It simply means that wants to feel as though she also has to put in an effort to impress you, or else you will move on with a new woman and leave her behind.
7. She’s not yet ready to have sex with other guys
Sometimes a woman will be reluctant to start dating and sleeping with new men after a breakup.
This can be because:
- She isn’t yet sure if she wants to move on from her ex and is still open to getting back with him.
- It’s been a long time since she’s slept with a guy other than her ex and she is a bit anxious about opening up to it.
- She feels insecure about her attractiveness and worries about what new guys might think of her.
- She is still trying to get over the breakup and doesn’t feel like dating new men at the moment.
- She worries about meeting a weirdo kind of guy, or a guy who obsesses over her and is difficult to break up with.
- She worries about potentially getting an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) if the guy doesn’t want to wear a condom.
As a result, she keeps her ex around because sex with him is safe and familiar.
She knows him and can trust him.
Yet, just because they have sex, it doesn’t automatically mean she will want to commit.
She will almost certainly be waiting to see if her ex can now give her the kind of attraction and relationship experience she really wants.
8. She experienced orgasms easier with him than other guys, so she can’t help but come back to him for sex
Most women don’t ever experience orgasms with the majority of men they sleep with.
Yet, there will be that one guy, or a couple of guys who were able to make her orgasm easily and consistently.
Something clicks with that guy (e.g. they have a unique mental connection that makes the sex exciting for her, he’s very experienced and knows exactly how to press her buttons and make her orgasm, he takes his time with foreplay so she’s very turned on by the time they have sex which makes it easy to orgasm, or he knows certain positions that work with her and is able to make it happen).
According to a survey by the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard University of 13,484 heterosexual college women, a woman has a 32% chance of having an orgasm with a new guy, compared to a 51% chance of orgasm with someone she slept with 6 or more times.
So, when a woman tries to move on from an ex by sleeping with new guys, but is unable to orgasm, she can then begin to miss sex with her ex if he was the guy who could bring her to orgasm.
It doesn’t mean she will stick with her ex though, or commit to him purely because of the sex.
At the end of the day, a woman wants a relationship that will work and last for life, rather than just something for now.
That said, while she is looking for a new man, she will often be happy to hook up with her ex every now and then for a bit of fun.
If that applies to you, then make sure that you’re prepared and ready to begin giving her the kind of relationship experience she is truly looking for.
Another common reason why a woman will hook up with her ex, but not want to commit and get back together for real is…
9. She never really wanted a commitment with him and she still feels the same way
Most women do want commitment, but some women don’t want to commit at a certain point in their life (e.g. while studying, working on a career, living in a country or state for a limited period of time, after a breakup of a serious relationship).
Alternatively, a woman will meet a guy that she is attracted to, but not completely in love with.
She will give him signs that she’s not interested in commitment, but he won’t always notice and eventually, she’ll have to break up with him to create some distance between them.
However, since she still feels some attraction for him, she will be open to sex every now and again, as long as he’s not pushing for a relationship.
10. She wants out of the relationship, but isn’t ready to fully cut him out of her life yet
Common reasons why:
She’s unsure whether she’ll be able to find a good enough replacement guy, so she keeps her ex around until then.
She is using her ex as a confidence boost (i.e. because she knows he still cares for her and wants her back, she knows that he’s the one being rejected and left behind and not her), while she focuses on getting over him and moving on.
She doesn’t want him to move on with a new woman before she’s a chance to find a new man.
She currently believes that he won’t be able to change and give her the kind of relationship experience she wants. Yet, she is still open to the possibility that he will change and re-attract her back into a relationship correctly.
Here’s the thing…
If your ex girlfriend is still open to sleeping with you, it means you have a great chance of getting her back.
You just have to go about it in the right way.
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