5 possible reasons why your ex won’t tell you how she feels are:
1. She thinks that you should know how she feels based on her behavior
When a woman is giving her ex the silent treatment and he keeps saying things like, “Please talk to me. Tell me how you feel,” rather than make her think, “Oh okay. He’s clearly not getting the message. Maybe I should help him out and explain why I am giving him the silent treatment,” she usually just closes up even more.
Why?
In most cases, a woman assumes that her behavior (i.e. being silent, ignoring him) is a clear enough message to let him know that his current way of behaving and interacting with her is doing nothing to change her negative opinion of him.
Of course, that’s not how we men typically communicate with each other.
When a man has something to say, he says it directly.
However, when a woman is upset about something or is turned off by her man, she doesn’t want to explain everything directly.
She just wants you to understand how to be a man, without the instruction or guidance of a woman.
I know, I know.
Life would be so much easier if women weren’t like that, but they have very good reasons for doing it.
It’s essentially about ensuring that they are with a confident, emotionally intelligent man who understands the world around him, rather than getting stuck with a guy who still doesn’t yet know what it means to be a man in a relationship with a woman.
So, here’s what often happens…
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because certain aspects of his thinking and behavior (e.g. he became too insecure, he displayed unmanly behavior too often, he became too emotionally sensitive) have made her disconnect with her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him.
When he then asks her to tell him how she feels, rather than wanting to make things easy for him (i.e. by opening up and explaining her feelings), she remains silent to emphasize that she’s not happy with him.
She’s hoping that he will figure it out on his own (e.g. by understanding that his insecurity has been turning her off, so she wants him to man up and start being more emotionally ballsy and confident), rather than needing her to explain everything for him, guide him along and ensure that he levels up as a man.
If he can understand where he has been going wrong (without her guidance) and then quickly make some attractive changes to the way he thinks, acts, behaves and interacts with her, she will naturally begin to feel respect for him again.
If she can respect him, she will then become more open to feeling sexual attraction for him and with those two things, connecting to her original feelings of love is the natural next step.
However, if he just expects her to tell him how she feels and what he must do to change that, he will look like a confused guy who still hasn’t fully grown up and become a man yet.
As a result, she will remain closed off and start to tell herself that she needs to find a real man.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t tell you how she feels is…
2. She doesn’t want to give you clues that would help you to talk her back into a relationship with you
Sometimes, if a woman still has some feelings for her ex, she might choose to keep her distance from him (e.g. by ignoring his texts, avoiding answering his calls, refusing to tell him how she feels).
She doesn’t want to give him any clues about what he’s been doing wrong because she fears he will then be able to use that information to talk her into getting back together again.
For example: If a woman explains to her ex how she feels by saying something along the lines of, “You hurt me. You took me for granted and just assumed that because I loved you, it was okay to keep breaking your promises to me. I just can’t be with a guy who treats me like that anymore. It’s over,” he might then say to her, “I’m truly sorry for hurting you. I love you so much and I promise if you give me just one more chance I will never break a promise to you again. Please let me show you that I really can change.”
She may then give him another chance because she still has some feelings for him.
Yet, she knows that he has made similar promises to her many times before and sooner or later, he will go back to his old ways and begin breaking promises again, or turning her off in other, related ways (e.g. not following through on his dreams and goals, being afraid to level up as a man, treating her with disrespect and then expecting her to respect him all the time).
This is why a lot of women will be silent after a break up with a guy.
Rather than building her hopes up and getting hurt by her ex him, she just remains quiet when he asks her to tell him how she feels, in the hopes that he will eventually give up and leave her alone.
So, if you want your ex to open up to you, rather than ask her how she feels, just start to show her (by the way you talk to her, the way you behave and the way you respond to what she says and does) that you have changed and improved on some of the things that were turning her off.
Remember: It’s better to be a man of action, than a man who just promises to change.
For example:
- If you were insecure and self-doubting in the relationship, show her that you are so much more confident now..
- If you were too clingy and needy, start being more emotionally independent.
- If you were directionless or lazy about following through on your potential as a man, start making some progress on your biggest goals and dreams in life.
- If you made her feel like more of a friend than a sexy woman, start making her feel feminine and girly in your presence by being very masculine the way you talk, feel, move, behave and act.
When she can see for herself that you’re not the same guy she broke up with, she will be more willing to open up and give you another chance.
On the other hand, if you keep asking her to tell you how she feels without really changing any of the things that turned her off, she’s going to keep giving you the silent treatment to protect herself from getting hurt again.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t tell you how she feels is…
3. She’s trying to ignore you in the hope that you move on
In some cases, a woman might feel that if she ignores her ex long enough, he will give up on her and move on.
She’s hoping he will think something along the lines of, “Oh well. I tried my best, but if she doesn’t want to tell me how she feels then there’s nothing I can do. I guess it’s really over between us.”
In some instances, a guy might think to himself, “I want my ex to tell me how she feels, but all I get is silence from her. Maybe I’m pushing her too much, which is causing her to close up. Maybe all she needs is some time apart. Hopefully, when she doesn’t hear from me for a few weeks, or even months, she will start to miss me. Then, when I contact her again, she will be much more willing to open up to me and tell me how she feels. Then, we can then work things out between us and get back together.”
He might then cut off all communication with his ex for 30 to 60 days, in the hopes that time apart will change how she feels.
Yet, in almost all cases that I’ve seen (I’ve worked on 100s of cases), when the guy finally gets in touch with his ex again after a long time (especially if she was ignoring him in the hopes that he would move on), he gets a very unpleasant surprise.
Rather than sound happy to hear from him again and tell him that she missed him and wants him back, the woman usually says something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s you. It’s been so long since you and I talked. Why are you calling me now? I thought you’d moved on, so I did too. I’m sorry, but I’m with another guy now and I’m happy. What we had is over. You need to forget about me now and find someone else too.”
He spent weeks or months just waiting and hoping that time apart would bring them back together, but it didn’t.
Why?
He didn’t re-attract her.
She broke up with him, felt turned off by him and he then ignored her.
So, she continued on with her feeling of being turned off by him.
Then, she interacted with other guys who made her feel attracted (which is what her ex should have been doing) and she hooked up with them instead.
This is why I always recommend that a guy gets his ex woman back sooner, rather than later.
Interact with your ex, make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you and guide her through the ex back process.
If she’s not willing to make any progress with you initially, just re-attract her and give her some space for a few days, so she can miss you based on her reawakened feelings of attraction.
Then, reinitiate contact, re-attract her further and get her to meet up with you, so you can get her back before she moves on.
The more you actively make her feel respect and attraction for the man you have become now, the less she will want you to move on without her.
She will start feeling like she will be losing you, rather than you only worrying that you’re losing her.
She will then naturally open up and tell you how she feels because the idea of getting back together will start feel good to her.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t tell you how she feels is…
4. She can see that you still don’t know the real reasons why she broke up with you
A guy doesn’t always know the real, deeper reasons why his woman is breaking up with him.
For example: A woman might say, “Look, it just isn’t working out between us. You’re a great guy, but we’re just not right for each other,” or “I’m tired of trying to make things work. All we ever do is argue and fight over everything and I’m sick of it. This relationship has become too stressful for me and I want out.”
Unfortunately, because of that, a guy might not understand what he has really done wrong.
So, when he then tries to get her back, rather than give her what she really wants, he usually offers to change the wrong things about himself.
For instance, when a woman says she’s tired of fighting and arguing, a guy might make the mistake of thinking that the fights and arguments are the real problem.
He might then say something like, “I get it. We have been arguing a lot lately and I can see why that might make you feel stressed out. I promise that if you give me another chance, I will keep things calm and relaxed between us from now on. Please just give me a chance.”
Yet, what he doesn’t understand is that the problem wasn’t the actual arguments, but rather the reasons behind the arguments.
For example: He put his friends and family first and didn’t give her the time and attention she wanted, which then caused her to get annoyed and pick random fights with him about irrelevant things (e.g. not taking out the garbage, not pulling his weight in the house, not seeing each other often enough).
Alternatively, she would ask him for his opinion about something (e.g. what color curtains/drapes to put in the lounge room, what outfit she should wear to a party, what movie he would prefer to watch) and he to please her, he might say something like, “Whatever you decide is fine by me.”
He would be then be shocked when she got upset and started and argument with him about it.
In his mind, he was just being a good boyfriend (fiancé or husband), but from her point of view, he was being too emotionally weak and she felt like she couldn’t rely on him to be the man and help lead the way.
As you can see, it’s very important that you understand your ex’s real reasons for breaking up with you and not the vague reasons she gave you (e.g. “I just don’t feel the same way anymore”).
Then, you can change (or at least improve) the things that really matter to her.
When she sees for herself that you’ve made a real effort to become a better man in the ways that actually matter to her (e.g. she was turned off by how insecure you’d become and you are suddenly so much more confident), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for you again.
When she can respect you, she will be able to feel sexually attracted to you and from there, getting her back becomes a lot easier.
On the other hand, if you keep trying to make her tell you how she feels because you don’t know why she broke up with you, she’s going to clam up even more.
She’s going to feel as though you just want her to make it easy for you by telling you exactly what to do, rather than putting in the effort to think about it, work it out and change what matters to her.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t tell you how she feels is…
5. She has lost respect for you, so she doesn’t feel the need to discuss her feelings with you
When a woman has disconnected with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, getting into long discussions with him about her feelings seems pointless to her.
Even though he wants her to tell him how she feels so he can then fix what she wants or needs, she doesn’t really care because she doesn’t have strong feelings (i.e. of respect, attraction and love) for him anymore.
In her mind, she’s thinking things like, “I don’t understand why he’s constantly asking me to talk about how I feel. I don’t feel anything anymore. Doesn’t he get that? I’m turned off by him and that’s why I’ve broken up with him. Why should I now help him get me back? My heart is closed off to him and all I want is for him to leave me alone so I can move on. He’s caused me enough pain already. He just doesn’t understand what I want.”
So, I recommend that you stop talking to your ex about her feelings and instead make her feel respect and attraction for you again by interacting with her and making her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you.
Show her (via your confident and emotionally strong approach to getting her back) that you’re now a new and improved man.
When she can experience the new you for herself, the feelings that she has pushed to the background will not be able to stay hidden for long.
In many cases, a guy will get his ex woman back immediately, but in more difficult cases, it will take days or up to a week or two in extreme cases.
As long as a guy focuses on reactivating his ex woman’s feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love, it’s almost an absolute guarantee that they will get back together because she will want it to.
She will be going to bed at night thinking of him and missing him and will want to explore her new, improved feelings for him.
6 Mistakes to Avoid Making When Trying to Make Your Ex Tell You How She Feels
If you don’t want to waste anymore time and possibly turn your ex off even more, avoid making the following mistakes:
1. Constantly texting her about your feelings
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy anymore, she just doesn’t care about how much he cares for her.
Rather than think, “That’s so sweet. Maybe I’m being a bit hard on him. Maybe I should also open up and tell him how I feel,” she will usually just feel annoyed that he’s constantly texting her about his feelings and think something like, “Whatever! Why does he think that I even care how he feels now? Why doesn’t he just leave me alone? He needs to get a life. I’m moving on and so should he.”
So, if you want your ex to tell you how she feels, make sure that you’re not texting her about your feelings.
Just focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you by calling her on the phone and meeting up with her in person.
On the phone and in person, display personality traits that are naturally attractive to all women (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, humor, charisma, charm, social intelligence).
Another mistake that many guys make in your situation is…
2. Thinking that talking about his feelings is the way to get her back
Talk is just talk.
It doesn’t make a woman feel respect and attraction for you.
So, don’t worry about whether your ex tells you how she feels or not.
Instead, just focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you by being the kind of man she always wanted you to be when you interact with her (e.g. confident, emotionally strong and masculine, assertive, determined, self-approving).
If you do that, she will naturally have feelings for you.
However, if you want to talk about her feelings, she will naturally feel turned off by you.
Why?
Women are turned off by guys who doubt their attractiveness.
Women are naturally attracted to men who believe in their attractiveness and value to a woman, no matter what she says or does.
If a man has that type of confidence and is also being funny, emotionally masculine and charismatic, a woman simply cannot resist it.
She naturally feels attracted and stops being so closed off and cold.
Another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
3. Being so emotionally sensitive that she feels turned off
For a woman to be able to feel proper respect and sexual attraction for a man, it’s essential that there is a clear masculine/feminine dynamic between them.
So, when a guy crosses the line and takes on a more feminine persona (e.g. he cries like a girl, becomes overly emotional, he sulks, he uses feminine body language), it makes it almost impossible for a woman to allow herself to relax into thinking, talking and behaving like a real woman (i.e. feminine, girly, emotional) around him.
Instead, she feels like she has to take care of him because he is emotionally fragile like a woman.
Women hate that.
When a guy can’t be the emotionally strong man that she needs him to be and instead needs her to support him emotionally, she just can’t respect him.
As a result, she also can’t feel sexually attracted to him and then the idea of opening up to him emotionally or sexually just doesn’t feel right.
So, make sure that you are clearly being very masculine in how you talk, feel, behave and act when you interact with your ex.
Don’t suppress your masculinity because you think it will be nice.
No.
Wussy, wimpy behavior isn’t attractive to women.
Be the man.
It’s not about being aggressive and telling her what to do.
No.
It’s just about taking on a more masculine energy and confidence as you interact with her.
You still remain being a good guy and treat her well, but you just have a lot more balls while doing it.
Another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
4. Taking her silence too seriously
So, your ex won’t tell you how she feels and instead gives you the silent treatment.
…and?
Stop TALKING about feelings and instead MAKE HER have feelings for you by displaying personality traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women.
For example:
- Do you make her laugh and smile when you talk to her, or do you make her feel stressed, pissed off or annoyed?
- Does she feel relaxed and happy to be interacting with you, or does she feel pressured, uncomfortable and uneasy?
- Have you changed and improved some of the things that matter to her, or are you just trying to get her back because you need her to stop the emotional pain you’ve been experiencing?
- Does she feel like she can fully relax and be a feminine woman around you, or does she feel more dominant than you or only like a friend?
That’s what really matters.
Another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
5. Trying to get her back via text, e-mail or social media messages
What most guys fail to understand is that a woman can’t experience the new and improved him via a text/e-mail or social media message.
It’s just a bunch of words on a screen.
It’s not him.
So, when she gets a message from him and can’t see his body language, or at least hear the tonality of his voice over the phone, she assumes that he’s still the exact same guy that she broke up with.
No matter how nice, sweet and sincere he is being in his message, a woman will usually think something like, “After all those times he stuffed up, he thinks I’m going to simply forget about it and give him another chance because he’s messaging me. He’s kidding himself.”
She then gives him the silent treatment, because to her, him asking her for another chance via text/e-mail/social media is a sign that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when she broke up with him.
He doesn’t understand how women experience attraction and he’s not putting in the effort to make it happen.
So, rather than teach him or put up with an unsatisfying attraction experience, she just remains quiet and tries to move on without him.
Finally, another mistake that guys make in your situation is…
6. Panicking if she doesn’t reply
If she doesn’t answer, he will worry that he has lost her, she is with another guy or that she will never want to speak to him again.
He panics because he doesn’t believe in his attractiveness and value to her anymore and likely also doesn’t even know how to make her feel attracted and want him back.
Instead, he is just trying to get her back via messages and is hoping that something he texts her will make her change her mind.
So, when she doesn’t reply, it feels like all hope is lost and there’s nothing else he can do.
He might then contact her and ask her to tell him how she feels and if it’s possible for her to change her mind.
Yet, because he hasn’t been re-attracting her and has instead been turning her off, she rejects him and tells him to leave her alone, or she just remains quiet and ignores him.
So, what should you do instead?
Interact with her, make her smile and laugh and feel good to be interacting with you again.
Regardless of what she’s saying (or not saying), just maintain your confidence and focus on using every interaction as an opportunity to break down her walls by making her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you.
When you approach the ex back process in that way, she is going to feel good about getting back with you because she feels attracted and she likes the new you.
You don’t even have to ask her how she feels.
She will show you by being open to hugging you, kissing you, having sex with you and giving the relationship another chance.
She might tell you how she feels, but if she doesn’t, don’t panic.
Just be confident and continue making her feel attracted to you as the days, weeks and months go on.
If you can do that, you will get her back and keep her.
Soon enough, you and her will look back at the break up as being a good thing that happened in the past.
It helped you and her become closer and become an ever better couple than before.
Now, you have what it takes to keep the relationship together and make it better over time.
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