5 things that you can do to make it happen:
1. Don’t let her sense that you’re aiming for that, unless she clearly wants it too
Although you might desperately want to be a family again with your ex, it’s not something you should share with her until you’re 100% sure that it’s what she wants as well.
If you’re too eager and begin to pressure her to commit to a relationship before you’ve re-attracted her and had sex again, you’ll likely just scare her off.
She might then say, “Look, I know you mean well, but it’s over between us. Please accept that and move on.”
A woman doesn’t want to be pressured into a relationship with a guy if she doesn’t feel the same way about him as he does for her.
So, to avoid scaring her off, what you need to do is stop trying to get her back into a relationship right away and focus instead on having fun together and then getting to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
Remember: Getting back into a serious relationship is the last step of the ex back process, not the first.
You want a relationship with her and to be a family again, but she’s not there yet.
You’ve got to make her want you back, sexually and romantically, before she will want to be a family with you again.
So, from now on, use any interactions with her (e.g. on the phone and especially in person) to make her laugh, smile and feel good to be around you again.
The more you do that, the more she will be able to relax and reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Then, get to a hug, kiss and eventually sex, so she can see that there is still something between you and her other than a friendship.
Then, the idea of being a family with you again will happen naturally, because it’s feels good for both of you.
On the other hand, if you let her sense that the only reason you’re interacting with her is because you want to be a family again, she will probably close herself off from you even more.
Another thing you can do to make your ex want to be a family again is…
2. Make her feel new, interesting types of attraction when she interacts with you
In most cases, a woman won’t break up with a man unless she feels that she can no longer look up to him, respect him, feel sexually attracted to him and love him as her man.
So, if you want to be a family again with your ex, you first need to understand what caused her to feel turned off by you during the relationship.
You then need to quickly prepare yourself to offer her a new and exciting attraction experience that will make her want you again.
By the way…
If you’re unclear about what you might need to change or adjust to begin offering her a more appealing attraction experience, start by asking yourself these questions:
- Did you continue to display the behaviors and personality traits that first attracted her to you, or did all that change during the course of your relationship (e.g. were you initially confident, emotionally independent and someone she could rely on, but you eventually became insecure and lost as a man)?
- Did you make her feel the way she wanted to feel in a relationship with you (e.g. loved, appreciated, desired), or did you take her for granted and made her feel like your friends or hobbies were always more important than her?
- Did you and her have the same kind of dream for a future together, or did you want different things?
- Was she able to relax and be a feminine woman around you, of did she have to be the stronger one in the relationship and make all the decisions for the family?
- Did you rise through the levels of your true potential as a man by following through on what you feel is your purpose in life, or did you end up making the mistake of seeing her as your purpose and goal in life?
If you can understand the real, hidden reasons why your ex disconnected from her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love, you can then make some quick changes to the way you interact with her from no won.
When you begin to think, behave, act and respond to her in ways that spark feelings of attraction inside of her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
For example: Imagine that you meet up with her for a coffee and she says something along the lines of, “I know that you don’t want to accept it, but it’s over between us. We’re never going to be a family again. You need to get over it and move on. I don’t want to be a family anymore.”
She might be expecting you to react in your old ways (e.g. get upset, beg her to change her mind, plead with her to think of the children, appear dejected and heartbroken, try hard to discuss the relationship with her to get her to see your point of view, appear stressed or tense).
Yet, this time, you respond by laughing and in a light-hearted, confident tone of voice, say something along the lines of, “Okay, it’s over between us. I accept that. However, not being a family anymore doesn’t stop us from being friends. We’re mature adults and we can do that, without it meaning that we have to get back together. Our relationship is over, so let’s stop worrying about relationships and focus on enjoying our friendship for what it is now.”
By saying something like that to your ex, not only are you responding differently to the way she’s expecting you to, but you’re also showing her that you’re now at a different level than you were when you and her broke up (e.g. you’re now more confident and self-assured, you’re more emotionally mature, you’re no longer feeling desperate and needy to get the family back together, you’re doing fine without her, you’re not pressuring her to want a relationship when she’s not even attracted to you).
As a result, she can then begin to enjoy being around the new and improved you, without worrying that it means you and her are getting back together.
Yet, when she does that, she then drops her guard and opens herself up to feeling attracted to you again, which then allows you to seduce her and get her back.
Another thing you can do to make your ex want to be a family again is…
3. Build on her desire by creating sexual tension
One of the quickest ways to make a woman want you back is building up the sexual tension between you, to the point where she wants to release the tension with kissing and sex.
Then, when sex happens, she becomes a lot more open to working on the relationship or at least seeing each other for a while to see how things go.
So, if you want to get your family back, your initial focus needs to be on building sexual tension and then releasing it together in a sexual act of some kind.
For example: Imagine that you’re in a coffee shop with your ex.
You and her are having a normal conversation, but you’re also adding in some humor to lighten the mood and make her feel relaxed in your presence.
When she seems to be enjoying herself, you can then say something along the lines of, “By the way…is that a new lipstick you’re wearing? It looks great on you. Mmmm…very kissable.”
Then, just relax back into ordinary conversation once again.
Since you talked about her lips being kissable, she will naturally have to at least imagine you and her kissing.
If you had been making her feel attracted prior to saying that, then, when she imagined you and her kissing, she would have liked how it felt.
As a result, sexual tension will begin to build up between you and her.
From there, continue to build up the sexual tension in other ways during the interaction and then go back to normal conversation to let the tension sit there between you and her.
She will then begin to feel surges of sexual desire for you and will start to think things like, “I can’t believe he’s making me feel this way again. I really thought it was over between us, but I can’t deny that we still have so much chemistry between us. It’s kind of like the old days. Why do I want to kiss him all of a sudden? Maybe it doesn’t have to be over between him and I.”
When the moment is right, you can then lean in and give her a quick, innocent kiss on the lips and smile at her as you pull away.
BTW: If she pulls away from your initial attempt to kiss her, don’t worry about it at all.
Just maintain your confidence, smile and say something along the lines of, “It was good to catch up and say hi…we should do it again sometime.”
This will make her feel even more desire for you for being man enough to handle her ‘rejection’ in such a confident way.
Another thing you can do to make your ex want to be a family again is…
4. Let her see that you’d be such a better dad and boyfriend/husband this time around
Let her see that you really have changed and have gone beyond the level you were at when you and her split up.
Don’t tell her; show her.
If you can’t show her that you have already changed for real, she’s going to be thinking, “How can I trust him to take care of our family after everything that he did in the past? It would be stupid of me to put myself and our kids back in a situation like that again. Before I let him back into our lives, I need to know for sure that things really will be different this time around.”
So, you need to prove it to her based on your behavior, actions and the way you now react to her and to life in general.
For example: Some of the things your ex may be looking for are that…
- You’re now a much more loving, caring and attentive husband/boyfriend, but you don’t let her push you around and get away with being disrespectful towards you or with treating you badly. You still have a backbone and are a man that she can look up to and respect, but you’re more loving and understanding now.
- You no longer feel upset or left out when she talks about how important the children/her career is to her.
- You now support her and encourage her to pursue her dreams, while also focusing on achieving your big dreams and goals in life.
- You now use humor to change her mood from angry to happy, rather than losing control of your emotions and getting into an unnecessary argument or fight.
- You’re now more responsible and she can rely on you to keep your word when you promise to do something (e.g. pick up the children from school, run an errand, fix something around the home, stop getting angry at her for little things).
- You now make her feel like a desirable woman again, rather than allowing the everyday problems and responsibilities of life to kill the sexual spark between you and her.
- You now have a plan for your life together as a family and you’re motivated, focused and active in pursuing that plan, rather than aimlessly drifting through life or continuing to fail at things that you try.
When your ex can see for herself that if she gave you another chance, you wouldn’t let her (or your children) down this time, she will be much more open to the idea of giving you another chance.
Once again though, don’t tell her that you have changed and then ask for another chance.
Show her that you have changed and then build up sexual tension between you and her, so she naturally begins to want you in a sexual and romantic way.
Another thing you can do to make your ex want to be a family again is…
5. Make her want to be back together as a family once again, but don’t pressure her into it
Although you’re very certain about wanting to be a family again (i.e. because you still love her, you believe she is the one, you miss your children, you know that you will do a better job this time around), pushing her to get back together before she feels 100% sure is the fastest way to scare her off.
So, from now on, stop putting any pressure on her to get back together and just focus on re-attracting her and having fun whenever you talk to each other.
For example: Every time you interact with her (on a phone call and especially in person), just put your focus on making her smile, laugh and feel at ease.
The more she enjoys herself during interactions with you, the more she will be able to relax and reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
She will then start to want a relationship again for her own reasons (e.g. because she feels good being around you again, she misses the way you used to be a happy family together, she feels she can trust you to be a responsible parent and share the load now, she feels desirable again, she is curious about why she wants to kiss you and maybe have sex with you again).
From there, getting back together again happens naturally, because it’s feels good for both you and her to go through the reconciliation process together.
4 Mistakes to Avoid Making When Trying to Be a Family Again With Your Ex
Some of the things that might keep you from getting your family back are…
1. Trying to be a family again by talking about the importance of being a family unit
Sometimes a man will try to convince his ex woman to get back together by giving her a bunch of reasons why he thinks they should be together.
For example: He might say things like, “Look, we’ve had our differences, but isn’t our family worth making some sacrifices for? We owe it to our children to try and make this relationship work. Besides, haven’t your read all the statistics about how negatively a separation or divorce affects the children? Do you want our children to suffer? What kind of future example would we setting if we don’t at least try to be a family again? We would be teaching our children that relationships are destined to fail. We can’t do that to them. They deserve to have a strong family unit to model their future relationships on, so they can be happy.”
Yet, regardless of whether his arguments are valid or not, a woman doesn’t have to stay with a man due to logical arguments.
Instead, her willingness and desire to stay is based on how she feels.
In other words, if you make your ex fall back in love with you, then she will go with how she feels and get back with you.
However, if you try to convince her with logic or make her feel guilty about her choices, then she will resent you for trying to manipulate her into being with you.
The best approach to getting a woman back is to honestly make her feel respect, attraction and love for the new and improved you.
When you do that, she wants you back on her own, without you having to pressure her into it.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Trying hard to impress her by being way too generous or helpful
Sometimes a man might try to show his ex woman that he is willing to take care of her and the children by paying for most of her expenses (e.g. grocery bills, rent, gas for her car, school fees).
He might also make himself available to her every beck and call (e.g. run errands for her, watch the children so she can have a girls night out, fix things around her house).
Secretly, he’s hoping she will realize how necessary he is for her survival and she will then give him another chance.
Yet, although a woman might appreciate that he’s being so generous, it’s not the main thing that will change her feelings for him.
What will?
He needs to show her that he’s changed in the ways that actually matter to her (e.g. he’s more confident now, he is actively pursuing his goals in life, he’s stopped socializing with friends who were irresponsible and influenced him in a negative way, he’s now able to talk to her in a way that makes her feel sexually attracted).
The fact is that a woman doesn’t feel sexually and romantically attracted to a guy because of what he can do or buy for her.
That might work initially, if a woman wants to use a guy, but in the long run, being her lackey/sucking up to her/giving her all the power/making her your purpose in life does not work.
If you want her to want you back, you need to start attracting her in the ways that actually matter to her.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Never knowing the real, secret and very subtle things that turned her off in the relationship
A woman won’t always tell a guy her secret reasons for breaking up with him.
Instead, she might say something like, “This isn’t working anymore. We’re always fighting and arguing and it’s just too stressful for us and the kids. I think it’s best if we separate.”
She doesn’t tell him what he needs to change to get her back, because she doesn’t want to take on that role for him.
This is why you need to get to the bottom of what really caused your ex to break up with you (e.g. were you too emotionally needy, so she felt stifled in the relationship? Did you put your work ahead of everything else and only gave her scraps of your time and attention, so she end up feeling like you took her for granted? Did you lack ambition, so she ended up feeling uncertain about her future with you? Did you give her too much power in the relationship? Did you end up becoming a softer, more sensitive version of yourself, rather than being the confident man she fell in love with?).
If you don’t uncover her real, secret reasons for leaving, you may end up trying to get her back by offering her things that she doesn’t even care about, which will make her feel as though you don’t understand her and probably never will.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Being neutral around her and expecting her to feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for that
To avoid scaring his ex away, a man might decide to be neutral around his ex woman to show her that he’s not interested in anything sexual (e.g. he’s very nice and polite, he doesn’t flirt with her or show that he still feels attracted to her, he acts like a helpful friend, he talks as though they are brother and sister, rather than lovers who could fall in love again).
He hopes that she’ll notice that he isn’t pressuring her to get back together and just wants to get along with her in a nice, friendly way.
He hopes that she will then want him back because of that.
Yet, that’s not how the ex back process works.
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