4 things you should do right now to begin the process of getting her back:
1. Get clear on what made you seem like an appealing rebound to her, but not an appealing lifetime relationship
Sometimes, a woman might come out of a serious relationship with a guy and immediately get into another relationship to help her get over the pain of the break up.
Yet, quite often, her rebound guy is not someone she perceives as being her ideal man.
Instead, he is usually the kind of guy who different to her ex.
For example: If a woman’s ex was very confident in his attractiveness as a man and it caused him to flirt with other women in front of her, she may decide to now date a guy who is a bit more insecure and who feels like he’s lucky to have her as his girl.
In this way, she will be able to feel safe with him, knowing that he would never dump her for another woman.
Yet, deep down she knows that being with an insecure guy who lets her get her way all the time, isn’t what she really wants in the long-term.
He’s great for the time-being while she heals and gets over the pain her ex caused her, but when it comes to settling down and committing to being with one guy for life, she knows that she wants a guy who is confident, self-assured as well as loyal and devoted only to her.
This is why, if you want your ex back, you need to get clear on what it was about you that she felt attracted to versus her ex and why it wasn’t what she wanted for life.
For example: Some of the things that most women look for in a man they want to settle down with are…
- He is kind, loving and devoted to her, but he doesn’t let her walk all over him and get away with being disrespectful towards him or behaving badly around him.
- He is confident and self-assured, but he doesn’t become insecure and starts doubting himself if her or anyone else doesn’t approve of him.
- He believes in himself and in his attractiveness to her and to other women, but he doesn’t have a wandering eye or make her feel like she’s not good enough for him.
- He is easy-going, relaxed and playful, but he also has a plan for his life (and by association hers) that he’s actively pursuing.
- He likes to be around her and spend time with her, but he also has his own interests, hobbies and friends that he likes to hang out with.
- He is the boss in the relationship and makes most of the decisions for the both of them, but he also values her ideas and opinions and lets her lead when appropriate.
- She is also his friend in the relationship, but he makes sure that she feels like a sexy, desirable woman when she’s with him.
- He feels attracted to her and loves her, but he also knows that in order for her to want to stay with him for life, the attraction between them needs to be mutual.
These are just a few of the things that a woman looks out for in her relationship with a man.
When you discover where you went wrong, you can then quickly make some attractive adjustments to yourself and interact with your ex to re-attract her.
She will then be able to sense the changes in you simply by listening to how you talk and by observing your body language.
When she does, she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and open back up to at least talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person more often, to explore those feelings.
Then, when she realizes that you really are everything she ever wanted in a man and more, she will naturally want to get back together again right away, before some other woman snatches you up.
The next thing you can do to get her back is…
2. Quickly improve on your weaknesses
By first getting clear on what made you seem like an appealing rebound to your ex, but not an appealing boyfriend/husband in a lifetime relationship, you’re likely to have a better idea of where you came up a bit short.
That’s actually a good thing and nothing to beat yourself up about.
You now have a chance to improve and transform yourself into an even better man than you already are.
The main thing is that you understand and improve on your weaknesses.
For example: Some of the things you can improve in yourself are…
- Become more confident and self-assured.
- Believe more in yourself and in your value to her.
- Improve your ability to flirt and create sexual tension between you and her.
- Be more manly in your attitude, thinking, behavior and conversation style.
- Improve your ability to make her feel like an attractive, desirable woman in your presence, rather than making her feel like a friend.
- Become more emotionally independent and get to the point where you are happy with or without her.
- Be a good guy, but stop being a pushover around her and allow her to dominate you.
- Be more fun-loving and carefree, while still maintaining your emotional maturity.
- Be a leader when it comes to your relationship with her, rather than waiting around for her to give you guidance and direction.
The more emotionally attractive you become (e.g. emotionally strong, emotionally masculine, confident, driven, emotionally independent, emotionally mature), the more your ex will begin to look at you as being someone she can be with in the long-term.
When that happens, she won’t be able to resist giving you another chance because interacting with you feels so good to her.
The next thing you can do to get her back is…
3. Don’t overlook the things she claimed to NOT like about her ex
Just because a woman says she doesn’t like something about a guy, it doesn’t mean she’s actually looking for the complete opposite in her next man.
For example: Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy because he didn’t treat her very well.
Naturally, she didn’t like that about him, but she did like his confidence and manly attitude and behavior.
So, even though she may have complained about him being an asshole, that doesn’t mean she is looking for a sweet, good boy type of guy to take his place.
Instead, she is looking for a man who is confident and manly, but is also a good guy.
Based on that, what are the things your ex woman hated about her ex?
Did you try to be the complete opposite of that to please her?
For example:
- If she said her ex was too possessive and jealous, did you try to be too laid back, thus making her feel like you didn’t really care that much about her?
- If she said her ex was too emotionally independent and did everything without her, did you compensate for that by spending all your time with her and making her feel smothered and stifled as a result?
- If she complained that her ex wasn’t emotionally open enough and never told her how he felt about her, did you go the opposite way by proclaiming your love for her all the time, turning her off in the process by what she perceived as your emotional wimpiness?
- If she talked about how her ex always made the decisions in the relationship without ever asking her for her insights or opinions, did you decide to let her call all the shots to make her happy and ended up making her feel more emotionally dominant than you?
- If she whined about how her ex always wanted to have sex with her to the point where she felt too much like a piece of meat, did you then treat her more like a friend to show her that you like her as a person, extinguishing the spark of attraction between you as a result?
Once you understand what your ex is really looking for in a guy, you can easily change and give her those things.
When she experiences some of these changes for herself, over the phone and especially in person, she will realize that you really are the man she has been looking for after all.
She will then automatically reconnect with some of her sexual and romantic feelings for you and become open to at least interacting with you more often to see where things go.
The next thing you can do to get her back is…
4. Understand what would make her want to give you another chance
Sometimes, when a rebound guy gets dumped, he might start thinking things like, “Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? She always said that I was a nice guy and that she liked that about me, so it must be something else. Maybe, I’m just not good looking/rich/successful enough. When I think about her ex, the one thing that stands out about him is that he was really muscular and enjoyed going to the gym a lot/drove a really fancy car/was a successful business man. Maybe that is what was missing in me. Maybe I need to improve myself in those areas to re-attract her. Then, when she sees that I’m not only a nice guy, I also look good/have more money/have a better job, she will want me back again.”
He might then put in a lot of effort into improving himself externally as a way of getting his ex back.
Yet, although a woman might appreciate it that he’s improved himself physically, or has made some progress in his career, in most cases, it’s not going to change her mind about dumping him.
Why?
Most women are more excited by a man’s ability to attract them emotionally during interactions, than they are to other more superficial things such as his appearance, money or status.
So, although those things (appearance, money or status) can initially attract a woman’s attention, what really attracts her and makes her want to stay with a guy for the long term is how he makes her feel as he talks to her and spends time with her.
This is why, running out and changing things about yourself like your appearance, or even your car, to impress your ex and hopefully get her back is usually just going to be a waste of your time.
What really counts is your emotional attractiveness.
When you are emotionally attractive on the inside (i.e. confident, self- assured, emotionally masculine, assertive, charming) it will automatically come through on the outside for her to see and feel attracted to.
She will feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for the real you (i.e. the man you are inside, not your muscles, car or money).
Suddenly, you seem like the right guy for her and she wants to give you another chance because she feels that if she doesn’t, she may end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
3 Common Mistakes That Rebound Guys Make When Trying to Get Her Back
It doesn’t matter that you were her rebound and she dumped you.
What matters is what you do from now on to get her back.
Are you going to be saying and doing the types of things that will re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you and show her that there’s more to you than she originally thought, or are you going to be turning her off and convincing her even more that she made the right decision to break up with you?
It’s all up to you.
However, if you want to get her back, make sure you don’t make any of the following attraction mistakes that guys make in situations like yours:
1. Trying to appeal to her in all the wrong ways
For example: A woman might initially be attracted to her rebound guy because of his bad boy attitude.
However, once she dumped him, he turned into a needy, clingy guy who seemed lost without her.
In his mind, he likely thought that she would feel flattered to see how important she was to him and that he loves her and needs her to be happy in his life.
Yet, that usually has the complete opposite effect.
Rather than make a woman think, “Wow, I never realized how important I was to him. Maybe he was the right guy for me after all,” she instead feels turned off by what she perceives as emotional weakness and thinks something along the lines of, “I now see that my instincts about him were right. He wasn’t really as emotionally strong as I thought he was. Instead, he’s actually quite wimpy and needy. I was right to dump him. He’s definitely not the man for me!”
This is why, it’s very important that if you want to re-attract your ex, you don’t suddenly change your core personality and start behaving in ways that actually turn her off (e.g. being needy, insecure), rather than on.
What you need to be doing is adding to your good points not taking away from them.
So, if you were a good guy to her, but a bit unsure of yourself, don’t try to be extra nice and sweet to her now to get her back.
Instead, get more confident and self-assured, while still maintaining your niceness.
If you and her got on well together, don’t pretend that you only want to be her friend now.
Instead, be friends with her, but also focus on sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you during interactions.
When you give her the attraction experience she really wants, she will begin seeing you as more than her rebound and you can then get her back and keep her.
Another mistake that some guys make in a situation like yours is…
2. Writing a letter or email to explain how much she means to him
Although this might seem like a good idea, it usually backfires for two main reasons.
Firstly, when a woman has lost touch with her feelings for a guy, him telling her how much she means to him isn’t something she cares about or wants to hear.
The feelings aren’t mutual so it doesn’t matter to her what he feels or what he wants.
Secondly, a letter or email is just a bunch of words on a screen or a piece of paper.
It doesn’t give her any firsthand, real life evidence that he’s changed.
So, in most cases, because she can’t hear his confidence in the tonality of his voice, or see it in his body language, she just assumes that he’s still the same guy she broke up with (e.g. wimpy, submissive, easily pushed around).
This is why it’s never a good idea to hide behind letters or e-mails with an ex woman.
If you want to convince your ex to feel the same way you do about her, the best way to go about it is by letting her fully experience the new, improved you in person.
When she can see your body language and the way you maintain your confidence around her, regardless of what she says or does to mess with your head (e.g. she’s cold and aloof, tells you she just can’t love you), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for the new and improved you.
When that happens, she also starts to feel attracted again.
From there, her defenses come down and then, even if she tries to fight it, she can’t stop herself from feeling drawn to you again and wanting to at least hang out with you more to see how she feels.
Another mistake that some guys make in a situation like yours is…
3. Not changing his approach to attraction
For example: A woman might have dumped her rebound guy because she got bored of him.
Basically, he was just too nice and sweet for her and she never felt like she had to do anything to impress him or be a good woman to him.
He always accepted her no matter how badly she behaved or how she treated him.
Yet, he is behaving like that as he tries to get her back.
Regardless of whether she’s being pleasant towards him, or a cold, unfriendly bitch, he continues to be nice and sweet to her.
As result, she continues to feel turned off by him and doesn’t want to give him another chance.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back, you need to change your approach and do what actually works.
What works is offering her a new and improved attraction experience (e.g. instead of putting up with her bad behavior like you used to, you stand up to her and put her back in her place in a loving but assertive manner, instead of being needy and clingy, you start being a truly confident man around her who loves her and wants her, but who doesn’t need her).
The more that you give her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from you, but never got, the more she feels like she just has to give you another chance, or else she might end up regretting it later on.
You can then get her back and get on with enjoying an amazing relationship together.
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