Here are 4 important questions to ask yourself to determine if she really was the one:
1. Was the connection you shared with her more special than you had with any other woman?
If you’ve dated other women prior to her (and maybe even after the break up) and have found that none of them ever made you feel the way your ex did, then it’s only natural that you will want her back.
A big part of wanting to be with a woman is based on how she makes you feel.
In most cases, a man will fall in love with how a woman makes him feel (i.e. confident, in love, proud to be her man, loved, wanted, appreciated, respected, manly) and if that is taken away, it feels as though his life will never be that good again.
As a result, he may begin to think, “I will never find another woman who understands me the way that she did. We had such an amazing, deep connection. She knew pretty much everything about me and still loved me” or, “I can’t imagine a future without her in it. I just don’t want to be with another woman. I want her” or, “My life feels empty without her in it, so I won’t stop until I have convinced her to give me another chance.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though you might be pretty sure that she is the one and that’s why you want her back, none of that really matters if she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
Right now, all that counts is how she feels.
She fell in love with how you made her feel and she then fell out of love, based on how you ended up making her feel.
If you want her back, you have to change the way she feels when she interacts with you.
That is what matters the most.
So, if you want her back, you need to be focusing on her feelings for you, rather than on your feelings for her.
You have to actively re-spark the respect, attraction and love inside of her, so she can realize for herself that you and her share a special connection that she now doesn’t want to let go of.
Only when that happens, will she truly become open to talking to you, meeting up with you and seeing where things go from there.
Another question to ask yourself to determine if your ex is really the one for you is…
2. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her?
Sometimes, the shock of breaking up can cause a guy to put his ex on a pedestal.
He starts thinking about all the good times and how great things used to be with his ex, versus how terrible it feels now that she’s gone.
When that happens, it’s only natural that he will start to think of her as being ‘the one.’
Yet, when the initial panic of losing her wears off, some guys realize that their ex woman really wasn’t who he thought she was.
If you think that you’re ex probably isn’t the one for you, then watch this video before you try to get her back:
If you’re still not sure if she is the one for you, ask yourself the following questions:
- Can you honestly see yourself spending the next 20, 30, 40 or even 80 years with her and still love her no matter what (e.g. even if she gets fat/old and wrinkled/has an accident and you need to take care of her)?
- Is she the kind of woman who will be loyal to you throughout the years, or do you secretly believe she might cheat on you if she gets bored, or if the relationship goes through a bad patch?
- Will she always put you first in her life, or are other things much more important to her (e.g. her career, friends, hobbies)?
- Do you and her want the same things in life (e.g. to get married, have children, travel), or are you hoping that over time you will be able to convince her to see things from your point of view?
If you can honestly answer those questions (without making excuses for her faults) and you still believe that she is the one, then you should start doing what needs to be done to get her back.
What needs to be done?
Use any and all of your interactions with her to reawaken her feelings for you (e.g. by making her smile and laugh, flirting with her to create a sexual vibe, showing her via your behavior and conversation style that you really are a new man now), so she can begin to see you as being the one for her too.
Another question to ask yourself to determine if your ex is really the one for you is…
3. If you get back together, will you be able to give her the kind of attraction experience she really wants?
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she usually has a good reason for doing it (e.g. she was tired of how insecure he was, or how much he took her for granted and got to the point where she’d had enough).
Although her guy might not be able to pinpoint exactly what her reasons for breaking up with him are, for her, it will be crystal clear.
She will know when and how he stopped giving her the kind of attraction experience she wants in a relationship (e.g. when he stopped being manly and started acting in a childish manner around her, when he stopped treating her as a sexy woman and began treating her like a friend or ‘one of the guys’).
So, if you want to get your ex back for real, one of the most important steps you have to take is to understand her real, secret reasons for breaking up with you.
Then, when you interact with her again (e.g. on a phone call or in person), you can make her feel attracted in the ways she always wanted.
By the way…
If you’re unsure of what to look for, here are some more examples of some of the common things that destroy a woman’s attraction for a man…
- He goes from being confident and self-assured at the beginning of the relationship, to being insecure, needy and clingy as they spend more time together (i.e. because he lacks belief in his value to her and fears losing her).
- He tries to make her happy by letting her make all the decisions in the relationship and by always getting her way, but she then feels turned off because she feels more emotionally dominant than him.
- He goes from being loving and attentive towards her to taking her for granted (i.e. he put on an act to impress her at the start of the relationship and once things became comfortable he stopped putting in the effort with her anymore).
- He starts off being a confident, fairly manly guy, but ends up becoming emotionally sensitive and she feels as though she has to mother him and take care of him.
- He has no real purpose and direction in his life, causing her to feel insecure about her future with him.
Do any of those apply to you?
If yes, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Most guys make mistakes like that in a relationship and women know it.
Women know how difficult it is to find a man who has his stuff together emotionally and is able to build on the love, respect and attraction in the relationship.
So, don’t think of yourself as being a failure.
Instead, look at it as a good thing, because when you understand where you went wrong in your relationship with your ex, you can quickly change and improve.
Then, when you interact with her again, you can show her by the way you now talk, think, behave and interact with her that you’ve learned from the experience and have become a better man as a result.
If she can see that you are now at a level of understand that surpasses most men out there, she will feel compelled to give you another chance.
Another question to ask yourself to determine if your ex is really the one for you is…
4. Was she the most attractive woman you’ve ever had a relationship with?
If not, was it more about the emotional connection?
If you and your ex had an amazing connection (e.g. you viewed life from the same perspective, you loved each others quirks and odd personality traits, you shared a similar vision for the future, you felt more comfortable in each others company than with anyone else), then it’s only natural that it will be hard for you to let go of her and move on.
Yet, even if you believe what you and her shared was unique and special, it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t feel the same way too.
So, don’t go contacting her and telling her all about how special you think the connection that you and her shared was.
That doesn’t matter to her right now.
What matters is how you make her feel now, not how she felt with you in the past.
BTW: If your ex was the most attractive woman you’ve ever had a relationship with, was the sex good all the way, or did the spark die out?
If the spark died out, then you need to be prepared to bring it back to life and keep it alive when you’re back together, otherwise the relationship will fall apart again.
If you are okay with that (i.e. just getting back together for a while and then breaking up), then fine, no problem.
However, if you want the relationship to work this time around, then you’d better upgrade your understand about female attraction, so you are able to make her feel satisfied and in love with you for life.
It’s easy to do, but you have to know what you don’t currently know.
The only way to do that is to keep learning.
Fill in the missing pieces.
Discover the secrets.
On that note…
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get Back an Ex They Feel Sure is the One
Before you rush off and say or do something that might turn your ex off even more, first take a moment to learn the common mistakes to avoid in your situation.
Here’s where other guys go wrong when in a similar situation to yours…
1. Thinking that telling her she is the one will make her feel special and give him another chance
Sometimes a guy thinks that if he says, “I made a mistake. I know I stuffed things up between us, but I’ve now realized that you’re the one for me. It’s you and only you. I’ve never loved another woman as much as I love you. I will do whatever it takes to get you back. We belong with each other. I feel it deep within my soul,” his ex will then suddenly see the light.
She will then magically respond with something along the lines of, “Wow! You’re right! I never realized it before, but we ARE meant to be together for life. It was so silly of us to break up and almost lose what we have with each other. We had the most amazing connection. WHAT on Earth was I thinking by breaking up with you?” and run back into his arms and his life.
That would be nice, right?
Well, it’s not how the real world works.
Although that kind of thing might regularly play out on TV shows or in romantic movies, in real life, most women won’t rush back to an ex guy just because he tells her that she’s the one.
Why?
When a woman has stopped experiencing romantic feelings for her ex, him talking about her being ‘the one’ just turns her off even more.
Instead of being swept off her feet by the notion of them being made for each other, she perceives his talk about her being the one as a desperate attempt to change her feelings for him.
He has no idea how to re-attract her sexually and make her feel respect, lust and love for him again, so he tries to flatter her into getting back together by talking about ‘the one’ or ‘soul mates’ or some other romantic idea.
So, if you don’t want your ex to see you as being a desperate, hopeless, romantic who has no idea how to make her feel lust and love again, then don’t waste your time telling her that you think she is the one for you.
She just won’t care about being ‘the one for you’ if her feelings for you are currently turned off.
You have to turn her feelings back on first, before she will begin to wonder if you and her are meant to be together, or if she should at least give you another chance to avoid being left behind by you and regretting it later.
Another mistake that a guy might make in a situation like yours, is…
2. Talking about his feelings, wants and needs in a long letter to her
Not knowing how else to express himself or get through to her, a guy will often make the mistake of unloading on her with a long, drawn out letter.
He tells her how sorry he is, how much she means to him, how sad he is without her, how seriously he takes their relationship, how he now understands where he went wrong, how much he wants a future with her and then asks her to reconsider her decision.
Yet, a woman is usually thinking, “All he’s doing is talking about his feelings, needs, desires and what he wants from the situation. Does he honestly think I’m going to give him another chance based only on his feelings for me? If anything, him trying to manipulate me by telling me all this only reinforces my decision to remain broken up. I don’t want to be with a guy who only thinks about himself and what he wants!”
Even though the guy had good intentions by sending the letter, a woman won’t see it that way.
She will see it as him trying to manipulate her into giving him another chance with cleverly written, romantic lines.
She has no, in person proof that he really has changed or that she feels differently when around him.
It’s just a letter, email or long message.
It’s not him.
So, whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of trying to convince her of things via the written word.
Words can be appropriate in some situations in life (i.e. this article I’ve written to help you), but words aren’t always the best solution to get through to someone.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Waiting too long to get her back and she moves on and is happy enough without him
Sometimes a guy thinks that if he waits long enough, his ex girlfriend or wife will come to the same conclusion as him on her own (i.e. that he’s the one for her).
To hopefully get that result, he will either limit, or completely cut off contact with her and wait to see what happens from there.
Then, when he calls or texts her after a few weeks or months, he will usually be disappointed to hear something like, “Oh, hi…it’s you. Well, I initially missed you and thought maybe we could work things out, but you never called or even sent me a text. So, rather than wasting my time pining over you, I focused on moving on. Now I’m over you and I’m happy. So, please don’t contact me anymore. I wish you all the best.”
Alternatively, rather than cutting off contact, a guy might stay in contact with his ex and pretend that he’s not interested in getting back together again.
As a result, she thinks something like, “Oh well, if he’s not interested in a relationship, I’m not going to waste my time waiting for him to make a move. I’m going to go out with my girlfriends and find a guy, or get on Tinder and start going on dates.”
She then focuses on fully getting over him and moving on.
So, if you want to get your ex back for real, don’t waste time waiting and hoping she will coming running back to you one day if you just give her enough time.
Instead, interact with her and actively reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you, so she naturally feels drawn to you and wants to hug you, kiss you, have sex with you and get back together.
If you don’t use that approach, you may end up spending the rest of your life thinking, “She was the one and I lost her. Now I will never be happy with another woman again.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
Another mistake is…
4. Not knowing how to make her feel attracted in new and interesting ways, so she doesn’t feel excited by his re-approach
If you try to get your ex back by making the same old attraction mistakes you made before, she’s just going to keep saying things like, “No, I’m not interested. It’s over between us,” or “Please stop bothering me. I don’t want to get back together again. Maybe you think that we’re meant to be together, but I don’t. Just leave me alone. Move on.”
If you want to get your ex back, you need to use a new and more exciting approach to making her feel attracted.
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