Here are 4 questions to ask yourself that will determine the correct answer for your situation:
1. Will she actually care if you stop contacting her?
Sometimes if a woman still has feelings for her ex, she may secretly be thinking things like, “I just want him to realize his mistakes. Maybe if I pretend to be angry with him for a while and like I don’t want to get back with him, it will shake him up and make him change. Then, I will forgive him and give him another chance.”
In a case like this, if her ex suddenly cuts off all contact with her and stops calling, texting or messaging her, it will likely shock her into running back to him.
However, that’s not always the case and sometimes this approach may even backfire, because the woman takes it as a sign that her ex is no longer interested in her.
So, rather than chase after him and risk being rejected by him, she focuses instead on fully getting over him and moving on.
Of course, in the majority of ex back cases, by the time they’ve broken up, the woman has disconnected from her feelings for her ex.
Additionally, if the guy spent a lot of time after the break up begging and pleading with her for another chance, or chasing after her in a needy, desperate way, she will likely be feeling even more annoyed and turned off by him.
So, if he then decides to use No Contact as a way of getting her back, rather than panic at the idea of losing him, she will usually feel relieved that he’s finally out of her life.
She will then likely focus on moving on and finding herself a new man as soon as possible to have sex with, date and fall in love with.
Then, when her ex gets back in touch with her (usually after 30 to 60 days), she will probably be over him and not interested in anything he has to offer her.
Here’s the thing…
Although using the No Contact Rule does work sometimes, it actually backfires more often than not.
The question you need to ask yourself is, “Am I willing to take the risk of losing her forever?”
If your answer is “No,” then it’s definitely not a good idea to use No Contact right now.
Fortunately, there is a much easier and more effective ex back approach that you can begin using right away.
Essentially, you need to interact with your ex (ideally over the phone and in person, rather than via text) and begin re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you again, showing her via your actions, behavior and attitude that you’re a new and improved man, building up the sexual tension between you and her and making her want to release that tension with kissing and sex).
The more drawn to you she feels in a way that makes her feel good, the more open she becomes to getting back with you again.
On the other hand, if you just ignore her, she will more than likely get over you and move on.
Another question to ask yourself is…
2. Have you re-attracted her before going No Contact?
Attraction is the main thing that makes a woman drop her defenses and open up to the idea of being with a man sexually and romantically.
This is why re-sparking those feelings inside of your ex is the best approach to getting her back.
When she is feeling turned on, attracted, excited, happy and other similar positive emotions, she stops focusing on all the things about you that turned her off.
If you then decide to us No Contact for a few days (anything longer than a week is a waste of time), to make her miss you, it will actually work, because she is already attracted to you and the idea of losing you actually bothers her.
On the other hand, if you do nothing to reactivate her feelings for you and possibly even do things that turn her off even more (e.g. beg and plead for another chance, cry, get angry with her and insult her, behave like a jerk towards her), then if you start ignoring her, she will almost certainly feel relieved that she no longer has to deal with your emotional outbursts.
Additionally, she’s not going to feel like she’s missing out on much and won’t feel drawn to you.
This is why, it’s almost always better to stay in contact with your ex and focus on reactivating her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
You can then decide to ignore her for a few days to make her miss you even more if you want to, or, you can just go ahead and get her back without the need to play mind games with her.
That approach works almost every time.
Another question to ask yourself is…
3. Do you know what approach to attraction she secretly wishes you would have used on her during the relationship?
Sometimes, a guy might use the No Contact Rule to get his ex back and it actually works in getting her to make the first move, only to lose her again once she realizes that he still doesn’t get her real reasons for breaking up with him.
Imagine this…
A guy cuts off all contact with his ex for 30, maybe even 60 days to make her come running back to him.
However, after a few days or a week of not hearing from him, she calls him on the phone to say hi.
He then suggests that they meet up to say hello in person and she agrees.
She then arrives at the meet up feeling a bit excited about the possibility of working things out with him and getting back together again.
However, as the interaction progresses, she begins to notice that nothing about him has really changed and he still has no idea how to make her feel attracted in the ways that she really wants (e.g. she wants him to be more manly in his approach to her but instead he’s submissive and timid, she wants him to flirt with her and create sexual sparks between them but he just acts like a neutral friend instead).
She then says something along the lines of, “Look, it was nice seeing you again, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I realize now that our relationship is beyond repair and we are better off letting go and moving on. Please don’t contact me after this.”
He is then left feeling confused and wondering, “I thought No Contact had worked and we were going to get back together again, so what happened? Where did I go wrong?”
The answer is: He forgot to prepare himself to re-attract her sexually and romantically.
Instead, he used No Contact as his sole approach, which was enough to get her to call him, but not enough to make her want to get back with him.
For that to happen, he needed to offer her a new and improved attraction experience.
So, if you want to get your ex back using No Contact, make sure that you first understand the approach to attraction she wants you to use on her.
If you don’t, you may end up with the same results as the above scenario.
By the way…
If you’re unsure of what attraction approach your ex might secretly be wishing for, here are some examples to help you get started…
- Instead of letting her call all the shots during interactions with you, take control in an emotionally masculine manner and lead the way.
- Instead of being unsure of yourself and worrying about your chances with her, be confident and believe in your value to her.
- Instead of being nice or neutral around her and pretending that you only want to be her friend, flirt with her and create as much sexual tension between you and her so that she wants to release it with hugging, kissing and sex.
- Instead of being too serious around her and only talking about the relationship with her, use humor to make her laugh, smile and feel happy to be around you again.
- Instead of getting upset when she acts cold or aloof towards you, remain calm and easy-going.
The more she notices that you’re making her feel attracted in the ways that she always secretly hoped you would, the more her sexual and romantic feelings for you begin coming back.
You can then get her back and enjoy a new and improved relationship.
Another question to ask yourself is…
4. How long are you planning on sticking to No Contact?
Generally speaking, the people who recommend using No Contact as a way of getting an ex woman back, suggest that the optimum amount of time to ignore her is 30 to 60 days.
As a result, many guys will sit around waiting for weeks and months (some guys even take it to an extreme and wait for years) for their ex to come running back.
Yet, in almost all of those cases, rather than make her come back, several other, negative things happen instead.
For example: Some of those things are…
She forgets all about him, meets someone else, falls in love and moves on.
Remember: In most ex back cases, a woman has already disconnected with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her guy by the time she breaks up with him.
So, if he then ignores her for weeks and months, rather than feel disappointed and worried that she’s losing him, she takes it as a clear sign that the relationship is truly over and she then focuses on moving on.
Another negative thing that might happen is…
Waiting around for her slowly destroys his confidence with other women.
Although a guy might initially feel good about his decision to use No Contact on his ex, as the days, weeks and months go by, his confidence begins to erode.
He may then start to wonder things like, “Why isn’t she calling me? How can she not be missing me by now? I guess it was too late for No Contact to work. Obviously I blew it and she’s already forgotten about me. Maybe she never even cared for me at all. Maybe she only went out with me in the first place because she felt sorry for me and then she realized I’m not that loveable, so now she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. If she doesn’t want me back, what chance do I have of ever attracting another woman? It’s hopeless. I’m just not good enough. I guess I’m doomed to be one of those guys who are destined to be alone for life.”
He then gives up all hope of getting his ex back, or of ever meeting a new woman and ends up being alone and bitter.
Another negative thing that might happen is…
It makes him feel unworthy of her.
In some cases, the longer a guy goes without interacting with his ex, the more perfect she becomes in his eyes.
He forgets about all the things that used to annoy him about her and all her mistakes and he instead begins to think things like, “She was my ideal woman and I ruined it. I’m such a jerk for what I did to her. I don’t blame her for breaking up with me and not contacting me all this time. If I was in her shoes I would do the same thing. She’s just too good for me and she knows it and now so do I.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that feeling unworthy of his ex only makes him seem less attractive to her and other women (i.e. because women are instinctively turned off by emotional weakness in men).
If he then happens to interact with his ex, she will quickly be able to pick up on that based on his tonality, body language and the way he talks and behaves around her and it will only confirm to her that she made the right decision to break up with him.
These are some of the reason why it’s very important that you know how long you intend to stick with your No Contact approach.
Remember: The longer you stay out of touch with your ex, the more you risk losing as a result (e.g. her, your confidence, your belief in your value to her and other women).
So, don’t let that happen to you.
If you insist on using No Contact, then make sure it’s not for anything longer than a week.
Alternatively, if you’ve already realized that ignoring your ex is a waste of time in almost all ex back cases, then focus instead on using an approach that actually works and get her back (i.e. interact with her, re-spark her feelings, kiss, have sex and start a new relationship with her).
Get Her Back Faster By Avoiding These 3 Mistakes
If your goal is to get your ex back sooner than later, then it’s better to do the kind of things that will re-attract her now, rather than things turn her off or make her begin to forget about you and move on.
So, if you are serious about getting her back, make sure you don’t make any of the following mistakes:
1. Begging and pleading with her and then going No Contact to hopefully make her care
If you’ve already made it obvious to your ex that you want her back by begging and pleading with her and saying things like, “Please don’t throw away what we had together. I know I stuffed up but I can change. Please just give me one more chance. I promise that things will be different. I will do whatever it takes to make it work between us this time around. Please baby, I beg you!” then if you suddenly cut off all contact with her, she’s more than likely going to know you’re up to something.
The truth is, most women have come across the No Contact technique on the internet or heard about it from their friends, as a way of getting an ex back, so chances are high, your ex has heard of it too.
So, rather than get the effect you’re hoping for (i.e. for her to miss you and come running back), she will instead likely see it as lost, desperate attempt to get het to change her mind.
Here’s the thing…
If your ex has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, ignoring her is hardly the way to reignite those feelings in her.
Instead, she will see it as another sign of desperation and she will lose even more respect for you.
So, if you don’t want that to happen, stop trying wimpy tricks to hopefully re-attract your ex back, and just man up and re-attract her for real.
In other words, interact with her on a phone call or in person and say and do the types of things that will spark her feelings for you again (e.g. make her laugh and smile and feel good, flirt with her to create sexual tension, show her that you’re a new and improved man now).
When you do that, you’ll be surprised at how quickly her mind changes.
You do NOT have to sit around waiting for 30-60 days for her to change her mind.
That approach rarely if ever works for men who want to get a woman back.
No Contact is best used when a woman wants to get a man back and she cuts off contact with him after getting dumped.
Yet, for a man who wants to get a woman back, what he will find is that if he cuts off contact with her when she isn’t attracted to him anymore, she will just move on.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Not realizing that No Contact is more about healing and less about re-attracting
The original purpose of No Contact is to get over an ex, not get them back.
Of course, some women do come back if the guy stops contacting her, but not is she’s turned off by him.
So, rather than waste even more time by ignoring your ex for 30 or 60 days, you’re better off getting her on a phone call or to a meet with you, where you can begin reactivating her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction you make her feel, the more she will want to give you another chance.
However, if you just ignore her, you’re giving her even more time to think about why she’s happy to be rid of you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Giving her too much space and she then moves on
Another drawback to using No Contact on a ex woman as a way of getting her back, is that because you’re not around to re-spark her feelings, someone else can come along and do it instead.
So, while you’re waiting out your 30 or 60 days and hoping that she’ll eventually want you back, she will most-likely be meeting, having sex with, dating and getting into a relationship with another man.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want your ex back, don’t ignore her to make it happen.
Instead, be courageous enough to take action right now.
Call her or meet up with her, re-attract her and get her back.
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