It definitely does happen.
How can you know if your ex is trying to get emotional revenge on you for how you made her feel during the relationship?
Here are 4 common signs that reveal it:
1. She’s boasting on social media about how happy she is now that you’ve broken up
For example: She might be posting lots of photos of herself having fun with friends (e.g. at clubs, parties, festivals) and saying things like, “So happy to be hanging out with my girlfriends again. #singlelife #girlsnight #fun” or “Single life is so much fun. I finally feel free!” or “It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that I have my life back. Loving life!”
Naturally, seeing that can make you feel upset and it’s only normal that you may be wondering, “Is my ex trying to get back at me for how I hurt her during the relationship?”
The answer is: It depends.
On the one hand, it’s a possible sign that she is really trying hard to rub it in your face that she’s fine without you.
Of course, if that’s the case, it may seem impossible for you to get her back and you might start thinking, “I guess it’s truly over between us. She hates me now and nothing I can do will change how she feels. It’s hopeless! I’ve lost her forever!”
Yet, the truth is, it’s not over.
Even if it seems totally hopeless, there is always a chance to get an ex back.
Why?
Feelings aren’t set in stone.
You can literally change how a woman feels about you.
Just like she went from feeling indifferent towards you (i.e. when you and her first met), to liking you, to loving you and then to hating you (i.e. after your break up), she can just as easily go back to loving you again when you reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
So, even though your ex may be trying to get back at you for how you hurt her during the relationship, it doesn’t mean she will stay stuck in those negative feelings.
It’s up to you to interact with her and reawaken more positive feelings inside of her (e.g. respect, love, desire, excitement, happiness), so she stops wanting to hurt you and starts wanting to be your girl again.
Of course, there’s also the possibility that your ex might actually just be happy and not be worried about how it affects you.
If that is the case, then it’s even easier for you to get her back if you want her back.
All it takes is for you to interact with her, re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you and her guard will then automatically start to come down.
You can then guide her back into a relationship with you and show her that this time it’s so much better than before.
Another possible sign that your ex is trying to get back at you for how you hurt her during the relationship is…
2. She’s showing off her new relationship on social media and making sure that you see it
Sometimes a woman will feel so angry with her ex for how he treated her in the relationship, that she will try to get back at him by showing him that she’s found a new (better) man than him.
Of course, if she’s not talking to him, she might decide to flaunt her new relationship on social media, knowing that he will most likely check up on her and see that she’s moved on with someone else.
For example: She might…
- Update her status from single to in a relationship.
- Post photos of herself laughing, smiling and looking happy in the arms of her new man.
- Talking about him in her posts and saying things like, “It’s so wonderful to be in love again,” or “My new boyfriend surprised me with a romantic dinner last night. Wow! What a man,” or “Tony – where have you been all my life? Lol!”
- Get her friends to comment on her posts/photos with things like, “You guys make such a beautiful couple,” or “You look so happy again. Congrats! I’m happy for you two.”
Then, when her ex sees how happy she is without him, he will feel guilty for how he hurt her and also the pain of losing out on a great woman like her.
Another possible sign that your ex is trying to get back at you for how you hurt her during the relationship is…
3. She’s moving on as quickly as possible to make it seem like you meant nothing to her
If a woman feels like her guy has hurt her in the relationship (e.g. because he takes her for granted, he cheated on her, he is too jealous and controlling, he doesn’t treat her with respect and appreciation), then when the break up happens, rather than waste a lot of time trying to deal with the pain and disillusionment of what happened, she may just focus on getting over him as quickly as possible and moving on.
For example: She might…
- Start going out more often with her single friends and doing fun things together (e.g. going to parties, hanging out at the beach, going away on weekends together and opening herself up to hooking up with guys for fun).
- Open herself up to meeting new men (e.g. by going to bars or clubs, flirting with guys she knows have been interested in her, joining a dating site).
- Focus more on her studies, work or hobbies, while at the same time making it obvious to the guys around her that she’s now single.
- Get on Tinder and start accepting dates with random guys, which may lead to kissing and sex.
Essentially, she may be hoping that when her ex finds out that she’s already moved on and not sitting at home feeling sad or missing him, he will begin thinking things like, “I can’t believe she’s moving on so quickly after our break up. I guess she never really loved me after all. I meant nothing to her.”
She can then get back at him for hurting her during the relationship.
However, just because your ex is moving on quickly to make you think that you meant nothing to her, it doesn’t mean that that is the truth.
Instead, it might simply be a ploy to stop herself from missing you.
Alternatively, she may be hoping that you will be emotionally strong and confident enough to believe in your value to her to try and get her back, regardless of whether she’s moving on or not.
This is why, regardless of what your ex is saying and doing right now to make you feel like you don’t stand a chance with her, you need to be bold enough to take action (i.e. start re-attracting her during interactions).
When you can do that, her defenses will begin to crumble whether she likes it or not.
She may act like you’re not having an affect on her initially, but she won’t be able to hide her feelings for you for very long.
All of a sudden, she will text you, call you or just be much more open to replying to your texts, answering your calls and meeting up with you in person.
You can then build up her feelings for you and get her back.
Another possible sign that your ex is trying to get back at you for how you hurt her during the relationship is…
4. She’s being cold, mean or rude to you to get revenge for how you made her feel during the relationship
In some cases, a woman will become a completely different person than she was during the relationship (e.g. if she was sweet, nice and loving she may become mean, bitchy and spiteful), in an attempt to get revenge on her ex for hurting her during the relationship.
For example: She might…
- Get angry with him every time he interacts with her and say things like, “I don’t know why I’m even bothering to talk to you. You’re just wasting my time. There’s nothing you can say or do that will change how much I despise you right now!”
- Blame him for the break up (e.g. by saying things like, “I never want you to forget that we’re broken up because of you,” or “You’re the one who ruined our relationship so don’t try to sweet talk me into forgiving you, because that will never happen”).
- Refuse to talk to him over the phone or meet up with him in person.
- Say that she never felt anything for him, that the relationship meant nothing to her and that she was only sticking with him until someone better came along.
- Tell him that he was a bad lover and that she faked her orgasms.
- Talk badly about him to mutual friends, family, coworkers or even to his boss.
- Post on social media about what a bastard he was.
Naturally, if your ex is being intentionally mean towards you and is going out of her way to be hurtful, it’s difficult to imagine ever being able to get her back.
Yet, funnily enough, in most cases, all it usually takes is a spark of respect and attraction to make her drop her guard a little bit and open back up to the possibility of forgiving you and giving you another chance.
Then, if you continue to say and do the types of things that build on her feelings for you (e.g. maintain your confidence with her regardless of how cold, mean or bitchy she’s being, use humor to ease the tension between you and make her laugh and smile, show her via your attitude, actions and behavior that you’ve changed and improved some of the things that turned her off during the relationship with you), she will then go from being mean and bitchy and wanting to get back at you, to thinking something like, “Maybe I’ve been too hard on him. He really does seem different now. Maybe I should ease up on him a little bit to see what happens.”
You can then build on her feelings for you and get her back again.
3 Mistakes That Can Slow the Ex Back Process Down When You’re Trying to Get an Ex Back That You Hurt
When you reactivate a woman’s feelings of respect and attraction for you, regardless of how angry or hurt she was before, she will be able to let go of that, because she’s feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
However, if you stop focusing on that (i.e. re-sparking her feelings for you) and instead say, do or think things that make you lose confidence and turn her off, getting her back becomes a lot more difficult, if not impossible.
So, to avoid that from happening, make sure that you don’t make the following mistakes:
1. Falling into her trap and showing signs of feeling self-pity, rejection and sadness about her actions
Sometimes, a guy might feel so shocked that his ex is trying to get back at him, that he may complain about it to mutual friends, so that they can tell her and make her feel bad.
Alternatively, he may send her a letter or a text saying something along the lines of, “How can you do this to me? I admit that I stuffed up pretty badly and that I hurt you during the relationship, but I never stopped loving you. You always meant the world to me and it was never my intention to hurt you. You on the other hand are going out of your way to do that. I’m so shocked to see you behave this way. I just never imagined you could be so cold and calculating. I truly thought you were a better person than this, but I guess I was wrong. I hope you’re satisfied though, because if revenge is what you were after, you sure got your wish. Congratulations! You can now feel proud of yourself for hurting me too.”
By saying something like that to her he’s likely hoping to spark her feelings of pity and guilt and cause her to start being nice to him again, which will then give him a chance to get her back.
Yet, rather than make a woman feel pity or guilt for the pain that he’s experiencing, it usually only turns her off even more, because she doesn’t want to be responsible for his emotional wellbeing.
At the same time, if she is truly trying to get him back for hurting her, she then likely just doubles her efforts because she can see that it’s working.
Here’s the thing…
You will have a lot more success in getting your ex to stop trying to get you back for hurting her and even open back up to being a couple again when you portray some of the qualities and personality traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, emotional strength, self-belief, manliness), rather than by trying to make her feel sorry for you.
So, if you’re tempted to adopt a “Poor me” attitude to make your ex stop treating you the way she is, just forget about it and focus instead on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for the confident, emotionally strong you.
When you approach getting her back from a position of strength rather than weakness, she feels drawn to you again in a good way and she then automatically wants to be nicer to you.
Another mistake is…
2. Focusing on what she is doing, rather than focusing on what you need to do to get her back
Sometimes a guy will sit around over-analyzing his ex’s every move and interpreting her intentions.
For example: She if she post photos of herself on social media laughing and having fun at a party, club or bar, he might think to himself, “She’s just doing that to rub it in my face that she’s happy without me now.”
Alternatively, if he accidentally sees her when he’s out (e.g. at the mall, at a familiar restaurant or coffee shop, at the movies) he might then go home and analyze her every action, look and gesture and wonder things like, “Was she intentionally giving me the cold shoulder to get back at me for hurting her, or did she simply not see me?” or, “What did it mean when she looked at me?” or “Why was she laughing like that? I wonder if it was at me.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you focus all your attention on what your ex is doing and what her intentions are for doing it, you will end up driving yourself crazy.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter what she’s doing.
What matters is what you are doing.
This is why, you need to forget about what she’s up to and focus instead on actively making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
If you’re not doing much (or anything at all) to actively get her back and are simply hoping she will somehow make it clear that she’s not really trying to get back at you for hurting her after all, so you can then make a move, then you might be waiting for a long time and she may just move on without you.
On the other hand, if you call her on the phone or meet up with her in person, spark some of her feelings for you by making her laugh and smile and then getting her to forgive you, you’ll be well on your way to getting what you actually want (i.e. to get her back).
So focus on that and forget about everything else.
Another mistake is…
3. Feeling like you’ve lost your chance with her now because she’s behaving in that way
Even though your situation might seem hopeless to you right now (e.g. because your ex is refusing to talk to you, she’s doing things to get back at you), when you spark new sexual and romantic feelings inside her, anything becomes possible.
Even after a break up, it doesn’t mean the love between you and your ex is completely dead.
Right now it’s just buried under a lot of anger and emotional pain.
However, you can make her reconnect to that love again by interacting with her and showing her that you truly are a better man now.
When she sees for herself that the man she broke up with isn’t who you are anymore, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for you again.
When that happens, she naturally also starts to feel some attraction for you again and she then becomes open to hanging out with you some more to see what happens.
So, don’t sit around feeling hopeless and believing you’ve lost any chance you might have had of getting her back.
The truth is, millions of couples reunite with each other every year.
You and her can be one of those couples.
You can do it.
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