In many cases, a wife will threaten her husband with divorce, but won’t actually intend on going through with it.
Yet, in other cases, she will be serious and will want the divorce to proceed and then be finalized as soon as possible.
Of course, a husband usually still has a high chance of changing her mind and keeping the marriage together, but he needs to know how to approach that correctly, which I will talk about later in the article.
Firstly, here are 5 signs that suggest she is serious about the divorce:
1. She has contacted lawyers, paid fees and begun the process
A woman is usually very serious about divorce when she has taken those steps.
However, even then, it’s not necessarily the end of the marriage.
According to a report by William J. Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and Leah Ward Sears, a retired chief justice of the Georgia Supreme Court, 40% of couples “already well into the divorce process say that one, or both of them are interested in the possibility of reconciliation.”
In other words, regardless of what actions your wife has taken, you can still change her mind if you use the right approach (e.g. reawaken her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you vs. begging, pleading or getting into pointless arguments with her).
2. She has moved out and is happy about it
If a relationship has been very stressful (e.g. there was a lot of arguing and fighting, the couple never agreed on anything so decision making was annoying, they spent a lot of time being closed off and avoiding each other), it’s only natural that being apart will feel great in comparison.
Yet, just because a woman feels happy about not dealing with the issues in her marriage, it doesn’t mean she’s genuinely happy.
In fact, people often put on a front of looking really happy and content in their life, especially when interacting with the person they’re divorcing (or breaking up with).
So, even though a woman might be smiling and laughing when she interacts with her husband whom she’s divorcing, it doesn’t mean she’s not really sad and miserable when he’s not around.
This isn’t just a guess.
In a study by Randy M. Page and Galen E. Cole, 29.6% of separated couples say they are lonely compared to 20.6% who are widowed, 20.4% divorced, 14.5% never married and 4.6% married.
So, don’t give up on changing your wife’s mind about going through with the divorce because you assume she’s happy without you based on superficial evidence (e.g. she’s smiling in photos on social media, she acts happy whenever she talks to you on the phone or in person).
3. She is in love with a new man who is helping her through the divorce process
It’s easy for a woman to feel as though she’s in love with someone who is very different from the husband she’s divorcing (e.g. he’s more patient and kind, he’s always nice and never argues with her, he always goes with what she wants).
Additionally, because she feels grateful that this man is helping her through the divorce and giving her the emotional and physical support she needs (e.g. he’s there as a shoulder to cry on and give her a hug, takes her out for dinner to distract her, acts as a go-between her and her husband so she doesn’t have to), she may easily mistake gratitude for love.
Yet, when everything settles down, a lot of women realize that the man they thought they were in love with was simply a rebound (i.e. he was filling in the gaps that were missing in the relationship with her husband, but he’s not her ideal man).
She then dumps him and moves on again.
In fact, according to some studies, up to 90% of rebound relationships fail within the first 3 months.
So, when a woman starts dating a new guy while she’s still going through a divorce with her husband, the chances of it lasting more than 3 months is pretty slim.
4. She stands to gain so much more from divorcing, rather than staying together
Sometimes, a woman might believe that her life will be so much better without her husband (e.g. in terms of her emotional experience, lifestyle, finances, freedom, happiness, career opportunities or the opportunity to be a better mother).
For example: If her husband is very jealous and controlling, she will gain more emotional and physical freedom.
She won’t have to always worry about him losing control of his emotions if she talks to another man, or have to hide her messages and emails from him in case something sets him off.
She can also go out anytime she wants with whomever she wants.
Alternatively, if her and her husband are always arguing and fighting in front of their children, she may feel that a calmer, more relaxed environment will be better for them.
She may also believe that being away from her husband will make her a better mother to her children, because she’s no longer as annoyed, angry or distracted around them.
5. She has threatened you with divorce many times before, nothing really changed and she’s finally had enough
In some cases, a man is not really serious about keeping his marriage together.
Instead, he makes promises to change, only to go back to thinking, acting and behaving the same ways as before.
In cases like that, a woman will stop trusting her husband to be a man of his word.
Yet, trust is one of the most important components of a relationship.
So, if a woman gets to the point where she truly doesn’t trust her husband anymore and instead believes he’s only trying to manipulate her into sticking with him, then, no matter how much he tries to change her mind, she will likely try to get revenge by taking steps to go through with divorcing him.
5 Tips to Help You Avoid Divorce With a Wife Who Seems Serious About it
1. Use any opportunity you have to interact with her, to create a new spark between you and her
New sparks of attraction can make a woman begin to doubt her decision to get divorced and feel curious about spending more time with you to see how she feels.
On the other hand, if you try to change her mind about the divorce by using the approach you used in the past when you were making her fall in love with you for the first time, it will probably backfire.
The reason is, she will likely feel as though you’re trying to get her to want what she used to like about you when things were good (e.g. grand romantic gestures, long meaningful conversations).
Yet, that approach won’t work on her now, because she’s not falling in love with you for the first time.
She knows you and has gone through the stages of being in love, all the way to wanting to divorce you.
So, to change her mind, she needs something different and unique that will convince her things will be different this time around, rather than the same old attraction experience she got fed up with.
This is why you need to make sure that you use every opportunity you get to interact with her to spark new feelings of attraction in her.
Focus on creating a relationship dynamic that’s new and different from now on, so she feels she’s got something to lose.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Reacting differently to what she says and does (e.g. if she tries to start an argument with you, rather than get upset or angry like you did in the past, you use humor to diffuse the situation).
- Being more emotionally masculine and using flirting, so she feels sexy and desirable with you again, rather than treating her like the enemy who is breaking up your family.
- Being good to her, but also standing up to her in a dominant, but loving when she creates drama and blames you for the state of your marriage.
The more your wife interacts with you and discovers that she’s feeling attracted to you in new and interesting ways, the less serious she’ll be about divorcing you.
2. Tell her that you accept the divorce and will go through the process with her
For example: You might say, “Hey, I understand why you want to get a divorce. Things have been rough between us for a while and I can see that you’ve been unhappy. So, I want you to know that even though I still love you and would like to save our marriage, I accept your decision. I’m not going to make things difficult for you and I promise to go through the process with you and try to make it as easy as possible. In the meantime, let’s try to stay friends and be nice to each other, as we go through this difficult time, okay?”
That takes the pressure off her and makes her feel more relaxed and open around you, rather than tense and defensive.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you sit around and do nothing, or act like her buddy from now on.
You need to make sure that you’re re-attracting her every chance you get during that time (e.g. by maintaining your confidence even though it seems that she’s not going to change her mind about the divorce, not being afraid to flirt with her now and create attraction between you, using humor to make interactions less stressful than they’ve been), so she changes her mind.
Change how she feels and she will change her mind.
3. Let her see that you’ve already changed the things that were turning her off or annoying her
One of the best ways to make your wife change her mind about divorcing you, is to give her clear evidence that you really have changed.
If she can’t see any changes, then she’s naturally not going to feel motivated to change her mind.
Important: You have to let her see and sense that you’ve changed, rather than tell her.
Why?
Actions speak louder than words.
Additionally, you’ve likely already told her multiple times that you will change, or that you have changed and yet, here you are… at the point of getting divorced.
In other words, from her point of view, your words were empty.
As a result, if you again say to her that you’ve changed, she won’t believe you.
It may then have a negative effect on her behavior, attraction and interest towards you, because she feels that you’re messing with her to make her change her mind.
So, don’t bother trying to prove to your wife that you’ve changed, by telling her about it.
Just be the new you when you talk and interact with her and she will pick up on it.
That will be so much more convincing to her than anything you might have to say.
4. Don’t behave like a victim or seek pity in any way
One of the fastest ways to further ruin a woman’s feelings for you, is by acting like a victim and trying to make her feel sorry for you.
The truth is, women hate it when guys break down emotionally and whine or sulk to get their way with them.
Additionally, a woman doesn’t want to be manipulated into staying in a relationship that makes her miserable out of feelings pity of guilt.
Then, rather than change her mind about divorce it may make her more determined than ever to go through with it.
So, don’t bother using the pity card.
Re-sparking her feelings is so much more effective, so focus on that.
5. Make her feel as though she’s losing a better version of you
Your wife may be seriously considering divorce because she can’t really see herself staying with you in the long term anymore (i.e. she no longer feels attracted and in love with you).
So, when you re-attract her and she then notices that you’re enjoying life without her, seem so much more confident, are able to make her laugh and smile so much easier, are calm and in control and so on, she starts to wonder if the divorce is really what she wants.
Suddenly, the idea of losing this version of you feels stressful and scary to her.
She begins to wonder what will happen if she walks away and then ends up never finding another man like the one you have become.
This then causes her to want to work on fixing the marriage, rather than potentially making the biggest mistake of her life if she walks away from you.
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