Here are 9 of the most common reasons why a guy will feel as though he’ll never be able to get over his ex:
1. Deep down, he knows she’s the one for him
It’s only natural that a guy is going to struggle to get over a woman that he perceives as being ‘the one’ for him.
Some reasons why might be:
- He feels like he’s lost the most valuable person in his life.
- He perceives her as being irreplaceable and believes there’s no one else out there whom he can share the same, or a similar connection with.
- He blames himself for not realizing she was unhappy so he could try to fix things with her before it became too late.
- He’s worried about going through life knowing that he lost her and possibly even watching her move on, get married and start a family with another man.
- He doesn’t know how to convince her that they are meant to be together (i.e. make her see him as being ‘the one’ for her too), so she will give him another chance.
- He believes that because she said, “It’s over between us. I’m never going to get back together again. I need you to accept that and try to move on,” there’s no way for him to change her mind and he has to simply go with her decision.
As a result of these reasons (and possibly many others), he remains stuck in limbo.
Essentially, he doesn’t do anything to get her back (e.g. because he doesn’t know how to re-attract her, he doesn’t believe it’s possible), but he also can’t let go of her so he can find and move on with a new woman.
2. He feels guilty about how everything turned out and wants another chance to make things right
Sometimes a guy feels 100% responsible for the breakup with his girl.
Some of his reasons why might be:
- He took her love for him for granted and just assumed she would stick with him no matter what. As a result, he stopped contributing enough to their progress as a couple, took more love than he gave, stopped being as nice as he was in the beginning and just expected her to put up with his annoying or unattractive behavior.
- She warned him that she would break up with him if things didn’t change, but he thought she was just being overly dramatic or creating drama. As a result, he didn’t bother to change or improve in any way.
- He realizes now that he put her in second place in his life and put more attention and focus on his career, family problems or in some cases, even his hobbies and interests (e.g. he would spend the weekend playing video games or on social media rather than doing things with her).
- He broke her trust (e.g. he wasn’t a man of his word and often let her down, he lied to her more than once, he was too emotionally unavailable with her but not with other women in his life such as his mother, sisters or even a female friend, he emotionally cheated on her with someone on social media).
- He promised her he would treat her better than her ex boyfriend, but in the end he didn’t.
As a result, the guilt he feels is eating him up and preventing him from getting over her.
Additionally, he believes that he’s learned his lesson and wants to be able to prove it to her, but she’s not interested anymore.
3. He’s at stage 5 of the phases of grief after a breakup
When a breakup happens, a person usually goes through 7 steps before they can finally feel better.
Those 7 steps are:
- Shock: This is mostly because one person in the relationship is being dumped by the other. So, if a guy didn’t see it coming, or he assumed things weren’t that bad, he will almost certainly be in shock initially.
- Denial: Once the initial shock wears off (that can take minutes, hours or days), a guy will begin to resist the reality. He might try to convince himself that she’s just bluffing to teach him a lesson, or she will come back once she’s calmed down.
- Anger: This can be anger at himself or at her. At himself for not seeing the signs and doing something to prevent the breakup before it happened. At her for dumping him and not being open to giving him another chance.
- Bargaining: Again, this can be with himself or with his ex. For example: He might bargain with himself that if he can get her back, he’ll be the best boyfriend possible. Alternatively, he bargains with her to give him one more chance in return for doing whatever she wants from now on.
- Depression: If nothing he tries works in convincing his ex to give him another chance, he starts to feel depressed and a little bit hopeless.
- Testing: Most guys get past depression quickly enough. From that point onwards they feel a bit more optimistic about the future and start testing to see if there’s a chance of working things out with their ex after all (e.g. he sends a text or voice message to see how she responds).
- Acceptance: If nothing comes of his attempts to get her back, a guy eventually accepts that it’s over with his ex. He then puts his mind on moving on and finding another high quality woman to be with, rather than stay stuck pining for an ex who has already moved on.
Usually, those steps are something that a guy can go through very quickly and then either start the ex back process to get his ex back, or be able to get over her and move on.
Yet, when a guy finds himself in stage 5 (depression) of the grieving process, it can seem impossible for him to ever get over his ex.
Of course, it’s not.
He just has to get to the next stage (Stage 6: Testing) to realize that there is still hope and with the right approach, he can get her back if he wants to.
4. He has tried things that didn’t work and now he feels helpless
Most guys who get dumped by the woman they love won’t just accept it and walk away.
Instead, they will try to get her back as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t know the right approach to use, so they do things that reduce their chances and turn her off even more.
For example: A guy might…
- Plead with her for a second chance.
- Send her walls of text, or long messages or email apologizing over and over again for what happened and beg for her forgiveness.
- Take the blame for everything (even though it wasn’t all his fault) and ask for a chance to make it up to her.
- Promise to do anything she wants to make her happy.
- Ask her to tell him how to be a better man in the relationship.
- Send her flowers, thoughtful gifts, or boxes of her favorite chocolate.
- Tell her that he still loves her and can’t live without her.
- Cry and act lost and broken in an attempt to make her feel guilty for dumping him.
- Cut off all contact with her for 30 or 60 days, or even longer, in the hope that she will miss him, realize her mistake and come running back to him. See: The Horrible Truth About the No Contact Rule
Of course, in almost all cases, these approaches just don’t help get an ex woman back.
As a result, the guy is left thinking, “I tried everything and nothing has worked. It’s hopeless. I’m never going to get her back.”
5. He doesn’t yet know that it’s possible to change her mind, by changing how she feels
Most guys don’t realize that when a woman feels attracted to a guy, she can’t resist giving him a chance.
It doesn’t matter if he’s a new man or an ex boyfriend.
Attraction works the same way.
When a guy can make a woman feel sexual and romantic attraction for him, she will struggle to let him go or forget about him.
Remember: A woman will almost always want to give an ex man who can spark her feelings again another chance, over walking away and getting into a relationship with a guy she doesn’t know.
The reason is, the new guy is a risk.
She could spend a lot of time building a relationship with him and have things fall apart at the last minute.
She will then have wasted even more time (and lost more of her youthful attractiveness).
On the other hand, when she can see that her ex has changed and improved in some of the ways that matter to her (e.g. he’s more confident, more motivated and goal-oriented, less needy) and is able to spark her feelings again, it feels silly to walk away.
She’s already invested time in a relationship with him and if she can see proof that it can work, she’d rather take the chance with him.
6. He no longer feels confident around women of her quality, which makes her seem like his only good option
Sometimes a guy feels as though he got lucky when his ex agreed to go out with him.
Some reasons might be:
- She’s very attractive and he sees himself as being average, or even not good looking at all.
- Other attractive women he tried to talk to or ask out on a date always rejected him.
- He never had a girlfriend before her, or his girlfriends were always average looking or even unattractive.
So, when he won her over and got into a relationship with her, it gave him a confidence boost.
He may even have thought, “If a woman like her wants to be with me, then I must be a pretty cool guy after all. I don’t have to settle for second best anymore. I can get the woman I want now.”
Yet, that confidence was superficial and mainly dependent on having her love and want him.
Naturally, when she eventually broke up with him, his confidence disappeared too.
The thought of going out and finding a new high quality woman to date feels too stressful for him and creates feelings of nervousness, insecurity and doubt inside of him.
As a result, his ex seems even more amazing to him.
He can’t get over her, because she’s the only woman he feels would accept him.
Unfortunately, that’s not true.
Some women might give a shy guy a chance initially.
However, once she gets into a relationship with him, his lack of confidence will eventually turn her off and cause her to feel more attracted to confident, emotionally strong men.
She will then break up with him and try to find a man like that (i.e. genuinely confident and self assured), rather than go back to an insecure, needy ex.
7. He knows that he could give her a better relationship experience this time around and she’d love him more because of it
He’s learned from his mistakes and has become a better man as a result.
He’s now emotionally stronger than before and understands what makes a woman feel attracted to a man (e.g. being a bit of a challenge rather than a wuss, leading in the relationship rather than allowing her to be the boss all the time).
He also knows how to maintain that attraction in the long term.
As a result, he truly believes he could be a better boyfriend (or husband) to his ex than he was before.
That knowledge makes him feel like he will never get over his ex.
If this is how you feel too, then don’t waste any more time moping.
Take action and get her back.
8. No other woman has made him feel the same way since, or he doesn’t believe another woman ever will
If a couple has an amazing connection (e.g. they like the same things, have a similar idea of where they want to be in the future, the sex is great, they are in sync with each other to the point where they finish each other’s sentences), it’s only natural that will seem impossible to replicate with anyone else.
So, when they break up, it’s difficult for a man to see himself feeling that kind of connection with another woman.
Yet, he can.
There are millions of women around the world with who he can have an equally deep connection with, or an even deeper one, if he wants to.
However, he can’t find a woman like that if he doesn’t believe in himself and in his ability to attract her.
Alternatively, if he doesn’t want another woman, he can get his ex back.
However, he has to believe in himself first before that can happen (i.e. because insecurity and self-doubt are a turn off for most women).
9. He truly loves her and true love doesn’t die
Sometimes external pressure (e.g. work commitments, family problems, health issues) can lead to misunderstandings and unhappiness in a relationship and cause a breakup.
Yet, that doesn’t mean the love is dead.
Instead, it’s buried under feelings of disappointment, dejection and hopelessness.
In some cases, a guy knows that what he had with his ex was true love, so he struggles to get over her and move on.
Yet, he doesn’t have to.
He can get his ex back by bringing the love back to the surface (by re-sparking her feelings of attraction again during interactions).
When she realizes that the love they share isn’t dead after all, her defenses naturally come down and she wants to work things out, rather than risk losing the love of her life.
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