Here are 4 ways to regain control of your mind, so you can get her back:
1. Understand that your emotions come from your thoughts
If you spend most of your time thinking negative thoughts like, “I miss my wife so much, but it doesn’t matter because she hates me now and there’s nothing that will ever make her forgive me and give me another chance. The divorce is through and my life is ruined. I will never be able to get over this,” you will undoubtedly find yourself drowning in negative emotions like dejection, hopelessness and despair.
That’s why, if you want to stop losing your mind, you need to change the way you think about yourself and the divorce.
Think new thoughts and you will feel new emotions.
For example: Some new thoughts that you should be thinking at this point are…
- It’s possible to re-attract my wife.
- I can make her feel differently about me.
- Love doesn’t die, it just gets pushed into the background.
- The more relaxed, confident thoughts I have, the more confident I will feel on the inside and look on the outside.
- When she sees that I’ve changed and improved in the ways that are important to her, she will automatically feel some respect and attraction for me again.
- I believe in myself and in my worth to her and I will continue to feel that way when I interact with her, even if she’s being cold, dismissive or bitchy towards me.
- Even if she pretends that she doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore, I won’t feel insecure and unsure of myself around her.
Whatever negative thoughts might be going through your mind right now, focus on replacing them with positive thoughts.
Then, when you interact with your ex wife again, rather than projecting an image of a guy who is losing his mind, your confidence and self-belief will come through instead (e.g. in the tonality of your voice, your body language and in the way you behave and respond to her).
When she sees for herself that you are a much more emotionally attractive man now than you were in the marriage with her (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally strong, calm and relaxed under pressure), she will naturally start to feel respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build on that and get her to fall in love with you all over again.
However, if you continue to allow your negative thoughts to drag you down into a pit of hopelessness and despair, when you interact with your ex wife, she will pick up on it and she will then likely think something like, “I can’t believe he’s losing it like that. Even if I had my doubts about leaving him before, I see now that he’s definitely not the man for me. I made the right decision to divorce him.”
Another way to regain control of your mind is to…
2. Understand that more and more men are getting their wife back after a divorce these days
In the past, it was difficult for a guy to get back together with his ex wife after divorce, because the only options available to him were to seek help from a therapist or relationship counselor.
Then, the main advice in those situations was: “Give it time. Take up new hobbies and even start dating again. Just give her some space to recover and stop feeling so angry about everything. She will come back if she misses you.”
Of course, in almost all instances, if the guy followed that advice, he ended up losing his wife for good.
She either moved on and refused to have anything to do with him, or she met someone else, fell in love and started a new relationship.
This is why you need to use an updated approach that actually works.
Fortunately, today there are many more options available to a guy than just waiting around for his wife to start missing him.
He can now take control of the ex back process and actually do the types of things that will quickly reactivate his wife’s feelings for him so that he can get her back.
Here’s the main thing you need to get clear on…
If you want to get your wife back, you can.
However, it’s not something that will happen miraculously by you sitting around passively and waiting for her to wake up one day and think to herself, “I miss my husband. Maybe we can work things out after all.”
Instead, it’s something you have to actively make happen.
How can you do that?
You need to…
3. Interact with her and make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for the new you
What most guys do after a divorce is close themselves off from all outside interactions and try to heal from the pain caused by their failed marriage.
As a result, they also stop communicating with their ex wife.
In some cases, it’s because the wife says she doesn’t want anything more to do with him and in other instances, it’s because the guy can’t deal with the pain of being an ex in her life, rather than her man.
Whatever the reason though, if a guy wants to get his wife back, he has to stay in her life (e.g. via text, social media, the phone and by seeing her in person).
If he doesn’t, he won’t be able to replace her negative feelings about him and make her see him in a new, more positive light.
So, the most important thing for you to do right now to stop yourself from losing your mind, is to interact with your ex wife and make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
You will then see that there is hope.
You can make her feel differently.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that is by…
- Maintaining your confidence with her regardless of what she’s saying or doing to put you off, (e.g. she’s being disdainful or indifferent towards you, she’s blaming you for ruining the marriage)
- Showing her via your conversation style, actions and behavior that you’ve fixed some of the issues that caused her to disconnect from her feelings for you and that lead to the divorce, (e.g. if you weren’t going anywhere in your life/career which made her feel unsafe about her future with you, you are now more goal oriented and are working towards achieving them. If you took her for granted before, you’ve now learned from your mistakes and have become a better man as a result).
- Reacting differently to what she says and does, (e.g. if she tries to start an argument with you, rather than get upset or lose your temper with her like you did in the past, you now remain calm and use humor to diffuse the situation).
- Being more emotionally dominant with her, rather than allowing her to call all the shots because you feel guilty or bad about your behavior leading up to, and after, the divorce.
- Being more emotionally masculine around her and making her feel feminine and girly, rather than being too nice and neutral and making her feel like a friend or an acquaintance in your presence.
The more your ex wife interacts with you and discovers that you’re nothing like the man she divorced, the more her feelings of respect and attraction for you will be reactivated.
As a result, her defenses start to come down and she then becomes more open to talking with you over the phone and meeting up with you in person, to see what happens next.
In the meantime, don’t sit around at home losing your mind.
Instead…
4. Use this as an opportunity to become the man you know you should have become all along
Going through a divorce can be a hugely transformational experience for you if you let it.
You can change and improve and become a much better man than you were before.
So, you can sit around feeling like your confidence is destroyed and thinking dark thoughts like, “I’m losing my mind,” or you can use the time productively, by transforming yourself into a better version of the man you used to be before the divorce.
How can you do that?
By understanding your ex wife’s secret, subtle or deeper reasons for getting a divorce and then changing or improving those things about yourself.
If you’re not quite sure what those things might be, here are some questions to ask yourself to gain clarity…
Did you always treat her well (i.e. with respect and love) and pulled your weight in the marriage (i.e. did your share of the chores, took care of your half of the responsibilities), or did you slip into a habit of taking her for granted and treating her badly (e.g. you stopped doing your part and let her do everything, you became too selfish/abusive/controlling)?
Were you a reliable husband who kept his promises to her, or were you undependable and left her in the lurch on a regular basis (e.g. unavailable when she needed you, went back on your word)?
Were you nice and loving towards her in front of other people, but critical or emotionally distant when you were alone?
Were you moving up through the levels of life and creating a safe path for your future together, or were you drifting along and living only from day to day (which caused her to feel anxious and unsafe)?
Were you able to maintain her feelings of attraction by making her feel like an attractive, desirable woman around you, or did you treat her more like a neutral friend or housemate?
Once you understand where you went wrong, you can focus on showing your ex wife that you’ve moved past the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
When she sees for herself that you’re now behaving and responding in a completely different way to the way she remembers, her guard will naturally come down and she will start thinking of you in a more positive light.
You can then build on her feelings for you and revive your marriage from there.
Where Men Go Wrong After Divorce
Something important to remember is that if you want to get your wife back, you can’t let the divorce get to you and make you give up.
Where a lot of guys in similar situations to yours go wrong, is to lose hope and make mistakes that ruin their chances of ever getting their ex back.
Don’t let that happen to you.
So, make sure you don’t make any of the following mistakes…
1. Falling into a deep pit of depression
There’s no denying that divorce is a big deal and you wouldn’t be human if it didn’t affect you.
However, if you let your divorce break you and cause you to think things like, “Losing my wife is the worst thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my life is over and that I will never be able to recover. Everything feels hopeless and empty without her and my life is not worth living without her,” you’ll actually be hurting your chances of getting your wife back.
Why?
When you allow yourself to sink into a bottomless pit of depression and despair, you’re actually preventing yourself from moving forward and becoming the kind of man who can attract her back (e.g. confident, emotionally strong, undaunted, not easily beaten).
Then, when you next interact with your ex wife (e.g. on a phone call or in person) and she senses that you’re losing your mind without her, she will feel turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness.
She will see your inability to cope as a sign that you’re not the kind of man she could depend on in a crisis and she may then decide that she made the right decision to divorce you after all.
On the other hand, if you pick yourself up quickly and get on with your life, she will feel drawn to you again for being an emotionally strong man and cool under extreme pressure.
She then becomes open to seeing you in a new light and you can then build on her feelings and make her open up to the idea of being a couple again.
So from this point onwards, make sure that you stop focusing on the pain of the situation and only focus on what is required to get your wife back.
Another mistake is…
2. Trying to mask the pain with random hobbies that he doesn’t really care about as much as her
When a guy tries to hide from the pain he’s feeling (e.g. by pursuing random hobbies), he’s basically avoiding facing up to what he really wants (i.e. to get his wife back).
In his mind he’s likely thinking things like, “It’s over. The divorce is final and there’s nothing I can do now to get her back. I need to accept it and try to move on.”
Yet, that’s not what he wants to do, but he also doesn’t know what else to do to make himself feel better.
Here’s the thing though…
Wasting your time messing around with hobbies that don’t matter to you is not going to help you feel better.
On the other hand, if you set yourself a goal that is actually important to you (i.e. getting your wife back) and then take action to make it happen, not only will you stop needing superficial distractions, you’ll also find that you automatically feel better because you are now focused on the right things in your life.
So, if you want to get your wife back, don’t pretend you want to collect stamps/play computer games/play darts instead.
The only thing that will accomplish is make you miss her more.
Another mistake is…
3. Distracting himself with work and the responsibilities of life
In some cases, a guy will decide that the only way to take his mind off the divorce and how bad he’s feeling, is to keep himself very busy.
He then puts all his attention on his work and on his other responsibilities, in the hope that he will be too distracting to think about how much he misses his ex wife.
Yet, no matter how busy he gets, he still goes to bed alone at night and missing her.
Here’s the thing…
Distraction isn’t the solution to feeling better.
It’s just another way for you to stay stuck in limbo where you’re not really getting over your wife at all.
So what can you do to truly feel better?
Get your wife back.
So, rather than trying to take your mind off of her, focus instead on interacting with her and reactivating her sexual and romantic feelings for you and getting her back.
Another mistake is…
4. Feeling like it’s just impossible to turn his situation around
Even though your situation might seem hopeless to you right now (e.g. because your divorce is finalized, your ex wife is refusing to talk to you), when you spark new feelings of love inside your wife, anything becomes possible.
The truth is, millions of women go back to their husband after a divorce every year.
You can be one of those men.
Remember: Even after divorce, it doesn’t mean the love between you and your ex wife is completely dead.
Right now it’s just buried under a lot of anger and emotional pain.
However, you can bring it back to life (i.e. by interacting with her and showing her that you truly are a better man now).
When she sees for herself that you really have changed in some of the ways that matter to her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for you again.
When she starts to respect you, she naturally also starts to feel attracted to you again and she then becomes open to reconnecting with her feelings of love for you as well.
So, don’t sit around feeling hopeless and thinking, “I’m losing my mind” and just go get your wife back.
You can do it.
Men from all over the world get an ex wife back every day.
You can do it too.
It might seem impossible to you at the moment, but it is possible.
You really can change how she feels and get her to start falling back in love with you again, to the point where she really wants to try again.
All of a sudden, her perception of you and her changes.
You and her feels good to her again, but in a new way.
She feels a kind of love for you that she has never felt before.
That is what is possible.
It really is.
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