If your ex doesn’t want to meet up right now because it’s still too soon, here’s what you need to do…
1. Tell her that you and her should meet up in a week
The next time you talk to your ex, rather than do what you’ve been doing up to now (i.e. asking her to meet up with you right away), suggest that you and her take a week of space and then meet up.
If she says something along the lines of, “No. I don’t think a week is enough time. It’s still too soon,” you can say to her, “Look, I don’t want to drag this on longer than it needs to. There’s really no point going on and on for weeks and months to find out how we really feel. If you and I want to break up for real, we will know within a week. To be mature and respectful towards each other, we should at least agree to meet up and say goodbye in a friendly way at a coffee shop or diner.”
In most cases, a woman will then agree to meet up in a week.
In some cases where the woman is really angry with her ex for what happened, or she still has feelings for him, she may resist the idea of meeting up completely.
If that happens, you just need to stay relaxed and in a confident way say, “If nothing else, think of it as our goodbye cup of coffee. After that, if you don’t ever want to see me again, we can go our separate ways and I will never contact you again. Let’s set a definite day and time to do this. I promise it will be good for both of us to wipe the slate clean and say goodbye in a friendly way. We can then move forward without all the baggage from the past. So, how about it? I can do Tuesday and Thursday at the moment. Which of those days suit you best?”
You can then go ahead and make plans to meet up with her.
From there you need to…
2. Quickly transform yourself emotionally
The key to getting your ex back is to make sure that when you meet up with her, you have already transformed yourself into the type of man she always wanted you to be.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to become perfect, but at least begin to get rid of your insecurities and emotional weaknesses, so you can be emotionally attractive to her.
For example: If one of the reasons why she dumped you was due to you becoming too insecure or emotionally sensitive, it’s absolutely essential that you use the week apart to focus on making yourself more confident, self-assured and emotionally stronger than ever before.
You should also pay close attention to the subtle or obvious problems that arose in your relationship with your ex and take steps to improve on those things.
For instance, if you always allowed your ex to get her own way because you didn’t want to get into an argument or fight with her, focus on becoming more emotionally dominant and manly.
If you treated her more like a neutral friend than a sexy, girly, feminine woman, shock her (in a good way) by flirting with her and making her feel feminine and girly in your presence.
Remember: Women are naturally attracted to certainly personality traits and behaviors in men (e.g. emotional strength, emotional masculinity, masculine vibe, confidence, drive and determination, emotional independence, emotional maturity).
At the same time, there are also personality traits and behaviors that turn women off (e.g. emotional weakness, insecurity, neediness, emotional immaturity, a lack of purpose in life, neutral or feminine vibe).
The key to getting your ex back is to make sure that when you interact with her from now on, you are displaying some of the behaviors and traits that will naturally attract her to you again.
The more emotionally attractive you become, the less she will be able to resist the idea of giving you another chance because interacting with you feels so good to her.
The next step is to…
3. Prepare for the meet up
The meet up with your ex is where everything happens.
In other words, you’re either going to reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction and make her want you back, or you’re going to turn her off and cause her to want to remain broken up.
This is why it’s so important that you are fully prepared to re-attract her when you meet up with her.
How can you do that?
Start by answering the following questions:
- Do you know how you are going to make her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you when you interact with her?
For example: One of the best ways to spark a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you is by making her laugh, smile and feel good to be in your company again, especially if she is being cold, distant or rude.
The happier she feels in your presence, the less she can hold on to all the negative things about you she doesn’t like.
Another way to make her feel some respect and attraction is to show her your confidence by remaining calm when she’s being cold, aloof or even rude towards you.
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men (i.e. balls), so when your ex can see that you’re not feeling insecure or doubting your value to her no matter what she says or does, it automatically triggers her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Another way is by making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine vibe.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is by being too afraid to flirt and create sexual tension with an ex, so they end up being too nice or neutral around her, which doesn’t turn her on at all.
So, don’t suppress your masculinity to seem extra nice, polite or sensitive.
Women are attracted to balls, not fear.
Be the man and let her experience that as she interacts with you and she will definitely feel some attraction for you.
Another question is…
- Do you know the subtle reasons why she broke up with you?
In most cases, a woman will break up with a guy without giving him a full explanation about her real, more subtle reasons for breaking up with him.
For example: She might say something vague like, “Look, I’m just tired of trying to make things work between us. We’re always arguing and fighting. Maybe it’s better if we take a break from each other to see how we both feel.”
Unfortunately, that leaves a guy not knowing what her real reasons for breaking up with him are and as a result, he doesn’t know what to change and improve about himself to get her back.
It seems to be about the arguing and fighting, but it’s not.
She was creating arguments and being moody because she was turned off at how emotionally sensitive he was, or annoyed at how much power he gave her in the relationship, which ended up making her feel more like the ‘man’ rather than the girl.
So, if he says to her, “Okay, I promise to stop arguing with you. I will be nicer” she knows that he just doesn’t get it.
He doesn’t understand her real reasons for breaking up with him and he probably won’t ever realize it, so she decides to leave him and hopefully find a guy who knows how to be a real man in a relationship.
This is why you must discover your ex’s real, subtle reasons for breaking up with you before you meet up with her.
She needs to see that you’ve understood what caused her to disconnect with her feelings for you and that you have already taken steps to improve on those things.
For example: Some of the most common reasons why a woman will break up with a guy but not tell him about are:
- He took her for granted (e.g. he didn’t pull his weight in the relationship, he expected her to look good for him, but he didn’t do the same for her, he always put her in second place to his work, family or friends).
- He became jealous and controlling.
- He broke his promises to her.
- He wasn’t supportive of her ideas, dreams and goals.
- He became emotionally distant towards her.
- He became too emotionally dependent on her (e.g. stopped hanging out with his friends, gave up on his big goals and dreams in life to spend more time with her).
- He became too insecure about his value to her and as a result, he was clingy and needy.
Do any of those ring true for you?
If so, you now have a better idea of your ex’s real, hidden reasons for breaking up with you and what you actually need to change to get her back.
Another question is…
- Have you actually changed and improved?
A lot of guys will quickly try to get an ex back before they’ve actually made an effort to change and improve.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “I just need to get her to meet up with me as quickly as possible so I can convince her to give me another chance, before she gets over me and moves on. Then, when we’re back together again, I will make the effort to change and be more of the man she wants me to be. I have to get her back first. I can change later. Getting her back now is the most important thing.”
Yet, it’s not the most important thing to her.
She wants to be able to feel proper respect, attraction and love for the guy that she is in a relationship with.
After breaking up, she doesn’t want to have to give him another chance and wait and hope that he might be able to figure out her real reasons for leaving him, change and then be a better man.
She wants him to change first, interact with her and re-attract her and then, she will open back up to giving him another chance.
So, if you want your ex to give you another chance, make sure that you change and improve before you contact her.
When you change and improve on the things that caused your ex to lose respect and attraction for you, her feelings for you will also change.
It happens naturally and automatically.
On the other hand, if you try to convince her to get back together again without changing, she will remain turned off and continue to refuse your attempts to get back with her.
Another question is…
- Do you know what type of relationship dynamic will make her the happiest, or are you hoping to make her happy by giving her all the power now?
Sometimes a guy makes the mistake of thinking that a woman will be happiest if she is in charge of the relationship.
He believes that if she gets to call the shots, make all the decisions and get her way all the time, she will have nothing to get annoyed with him about and they can then have a perfect relationship and live happily ever after.
Yet, it rarely works out that way.
For a woman to maintain her feelings of respect and attraction for her man, she needs to be able to look up to him and respect him as the leader of the relationship.
It’s not about bossing her around and being controlling or demanding.
Instead, it’s about being a confident, good man and leading the way, so she can relax into the feminine role of being your girl/woman, rather than having to be more masculine and help you lead the way.
6 Mistakes to Avoid When an Ex Doesn’t Want to Meet Up Right Away
When a woman doesn’t want to meet up with her ex because she feels that it’s still too soon, a guy may begin to fear losing her completely.
He might think to himself, “If I don’t see her right away, she will get over me and then I won’t be able to get her back. She might meet another guy, have sex with him and then I will lose my chance with her. I need to do whatever I can to see her right now, so that I can explain to her what happened, apologize and try to make it up to her. Then, she will give me another chance. I can’t afford to let her go and then lose her forever. I have to push for a meet up immediately.”
As a result, he might make some of the following mistakes, which turn her off even more:
1. Begging and pleading with her
Why does this turn her off?
A woman’s attraction to a man is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can look up to him, respect him, feel attracted to him and feel proud of him as her man.
So, when a guy is begging and pleading and being emotionally weak and needy, he’s actually making her feel the opposite of the way he needs to make her feel to get her back.
2. Seeking pity for how hurt he is that she’s acting this way
Why does this turn her off?
A woman doesn’t want to be manipulated into giving her ex another chance simply because he can’t handle his emotions or deal with the reality of being broken up with.
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has lost too much respect, attraction and love for him as a man.
So, when he whines to her and tries to get her to feel sorry for him, rather than regretting her decision to not meet up with him, she feels like she is doing the right thing by steering clear of him.
3. Pouring his heart out via text, e-mail or letter to say that she is the one for him
Why does this turn her off?
When a woman can’t see a guy’s body language, or at least hear the tonality of his voice over the phone, she has to guess at how he was feeling when he wrote her the text, e-mail or letter.
Rather than feeling flattered that he considers her to be the one for him, she will interpret everything that he is writing based on her perception of him around the time of the break up, during the break up or after the break up (i.e. not in a favorable light).
So, if he was insecure and needy, she will interpret his text, e-mail or letter as a sign that he’s still same because he doesn’t have the balls to call her on the phone.
4. Pleading with her to tell him if there is another guy
Why does this turn her off?
Women are attracted to alpha males.
Alpha males don’t look at other guys as being on their level.
An alpha male knows that he is the man and no other guy compares.
Of course, he doesn’t have to go around saying that.
It’s just a vibe he gives off and is something that a woman picks up on based on his thinking, behavior and actions.
So, pleading with his ex girl to tell him if there is another guy in the picture, makes him look like an insecure, lower ranking male, which is an automatic turn off for her.
5. Pleading with her to remain faithful to him during the time apart
Why does this turn her off?
As far as a woman is concerned, once she’s broken up with her ex, he has no rights to decide on if and who she dates, has sex with or even falls in love with.
So, if a guy is pleading with her to remain faithful to him, she will feel annoyed with him for telling her how to behave now that they’re no longer together.
In some cases, a woman might even intentionally hook up with another guy just to show her ex that he doesn’t have a say in her life anymore.
6. Not giving her 3-7 days of space to cool down and miss him
Why does this turn her off?
When a guy gives a woman a few days of space, she has the opportunity to calm down and stop focusing on things about him that she doesn’t like.
She gets to experience being alone and may even begin to really miss him (e.g. she remembers the nice things they used to do together in the evenings, how he used to bring her coffee in bed on Sunday mornings, how they used to go shopping together on Saturday’s, how good it felt to be a couple, rather than being on her own).
So, if her ex keeps calling her, texting her, sending her e-mails and messages on social media, rather than having a chance to miss him, she will feel smothered by his neediness and remain closed off.
This is why giving her 3 to 7 days of space is essential.
If your ex doesn’t want to meet up with you right now because it’s still too soon for her.
Don’t let that upset you or make you panic and fear losing her forever.
Instead, just focus on improving your ability to attract her based on the man you are now.
When she can see for herself that you really are different now, her feelings will naturally begin to flood back into her heart and mind.
When that happens, she will agree to meet up and will enjoy how she feels as she interact with the new and improved you.
As a result, you and her will naturally get back together and then enjoy and even better relationship than you had before.
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