5 possible reasons why:
1. You re-attract her a little, but then turn her off again
When a guy gets broken up with, but still loves his ex and wants her back, the first thing he’ll usually do is try to convince her that he’s changed some of the things that turned her off, so she will then give him another chance.
For example: A guy might remember that most of the arguments he had in the relationship with his ex girlfriend were about him lacking ambition and being too laid back about his future.
So, to convince her that he’s changed, he might tell her that he’s busy looking for a better job, or that he’s thinking about enrolling in classes to improve his qualifications so that he can advance in his career, or that he’s applied for a promotion at work.
Then, when his ex girlfriend sees that he’s taken her feelings and concerns into consideration and is actually making an effort to better himself, she might begin thinking things like, “It looks like I eventually got through to him, even though I had to break up with him for it to happen, but at least he’s finally making some positive changes in his life that will result in him progressing and having a better future.”
She then naturally starts to feel more respect and attraction for the new man that she now thinks he’s become and she starts to respond to him in a more positive (i.e. she acts hot) way.
Yet, over time, she may begin to realize that even though he’s saying that he’s moving forward in his life, nothing really seems to be happening.
Basically, he’s always talking about going to do apply for a promotion or, going to look for a better job, but it never actually happens.
As a result, she starts to feel like he’s messing with her and only saying those things to make her take him back and she may think things like, “He’s been pretending that he’s changed, but deep down he’s still the same lazy, unmotivated man I broke up with. I can’t believe I fell for his lies! He’s not really making progress in his life. Instead, he’s just saying that he is to reel me back into a relationship with him. What a jerk!”
Naturally, when she begins thinking that way, she responds by acting cold, disinterested and possibly even annoyed and hostile towards him.
This is why it’s so important for you to truly change and improve before you interact with your ex.
That doesn’t mean you have to become perfect to get her back, but you do have to genuinely make some improvements to yourself so she can see that you’re better now than you were before (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally masculine, more focused and goal oriented, more manly).
Remember: Actions speak louder than words.
When she sees the result of the changes you make to yourself, rather than you telling her about them, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
Then, she will automatically act hot all the time, because she feels respect and attraction for you again.
On the other hand, if you only pretend to change just to get her back, she will stay cold and then getting her back becomes a lot more difficult for you.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend acts hot and cold is…
2. She is testing to see how confident you are now after the break up
Genuine self confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have.
It doesn’t matter if he’s not very good looking, doesn’t have a lot of money or drives a small car, when he’s confident, he automatically becomes more attractive in a woman’s eyes.
Conversely, a man can be really handsome, rich or drive a fancy car, but if he lacks confidence in himself and is insecure around a woman, she will instinctively feel turned off by him.
That’s just how attraction works for a woman.
So, after a break up, a woman will usually test her ex’s confidence again (she almost certainly did it the first time around when he tried to get her to go out with him), before she lets down her defenses and opens herself up to giving him another chance.
Of course, there are many things she can do to test him, but one of the most common ways is to act hot and cold and then wait to see how her will react.
For example:
- Will her get upset and ask things like, “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you treating me this way?”
- Will he crumble and start doubting his chances of getting her back just because she isn’t being nice to him all the time?
- Will he beg her to tell him what he’s doing wrong and why she’s treating him that way?
- Will he try to suck up to her even more in the hope that she will be nice to him all the time, rather than being hot one minute and cold the next?
- Will he ask her to tell him what he needs to do to make her want him back?
- Will he give up on getting her back and just walk away, simply because he can’t handle the way she’s behaving?
If he reacts in any of those ways, it will prove to her that she made the right decision by breaking up with him.
She will then likely go completely cold and try to push him away for real this time.
On the other hand, if he maintains his confidence with her, regardless of how she treats him, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for him again.
When she starts to respect him, she will also feel attracted to him again and when that happens her guard naturally comes down and she opens up to interacting with him more and more to see where things go.
This is why, it’s very important that every time your ex girlfriend acts hot and cold you maintain your confidence with her.
The more you can do that, the more attracted to you she will feel, even if she doesn’t want to, making it easy for you to get her back.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend acts hot and cold is…
3. Sometimes she feels confident and happy without you and other times she doesn’t
Something that a lot of guys don’t know about women is that they are so much less confident about themselves than they let on (according to a global study conducted by Dove cosmetics, 96% of women don’t consider themselves to be beautiful).
So, when a woman breaks up with a guy, chances are she will initially feel a bit unsure about her decision.
In her mind she may be wondering things like, “What if I’m just too unattractive and no other guy wants me? Will I end up being single forever? Will I be the only one of my group of friends who is alone while they’re all in love and happy in relationships?”
Naturally, when she’s feeling like that, she may act hot when interacting with her ex, because at the back of her mind she may thinking something along the lines of, “Well, at least he still finds me attractive and wants to be with me. I guess if I can’t find another man I can always go back to him. It will be better than nothing.”
On the other hand, she might go out to a club or bar with friends and get approached by many different guys who tell her that she’s hot.
Alternatively, a guy at work or university may tell her that he’s had his eye on her for a long time but has been avoiding her because she had a boyfriend before.
Additionally, she might join a meet up group in her area and start going out more with like-minded people and having loads of fun.
In these instances, she will almost certainly be feeling very confident about herself and her attractiveness as a woman.
She will likely also be feeling happy and more positive about her future.
If she then happens to interact with her ex boyfriend when she’s feeling like that, she will usually act cold, because she’s feeling more sure about herself and her chances of moving on with a new man if she wants to.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend acts hot and cold is…
4. She wants to see if you will get angry and give her a reason to completely cut you out of her life
Sometimes, when a guy won’t let go of his ex and continuously tries to get her back, she might decide that the only way to get rid of him for real is by making him lose his temper with her.
As a result, she ends up acting hot and cold from one interaction to the next in the hope that he will get angry with her and say something along the lines of, “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like such a bitch? Why can’t you just stick to being one thing? I’m fed up with your games!”
She can then say something like, “I knew that you were just sucking up to me because you wanted me to give you another chance! How dare you get angry with me? Did you forget that I’m no longer your girlfriend? You don’t own me and now that I’ve seen your true colors, you can be sure that I would never get back with you. So, please don’t bother contacting me again, because I never want to see or talk to you ever again!”
She’s then able to make a clean break from her ex, without constantly having to deal with him trying to get her back.
Of course, if this is the case with your ex girlfriend, you can actually turn it around and re-attract her instead (e.g. by using humor to change her coldness into hotness, maintaining your confidence with her regardless of how she’s behaving, flirting with her to create sexual tensions between you).
Then, rather than give her a reason to completely cut you out of her life, she will instead begin feeling drawn to you again.
When that happens, her guard will naturally come down and you’ll begin to notice that she no longer acts cold when she interacts with you.
You can then fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend acts hot and cold is…
5. She doesn’t know how else to deal with breaking up with you
If a woman doesn’t have much experience with break ups (e.g. this is her first or second serious relationship), she may not really know how to deal with all the different emotions she’s experiencing.
For example: Imagine a woman is sitting at home alone and remembering all the good times she had with her ex.
She’s feeling sad and lonely and this makes her miss him.
She then decides to call him on the phone to say “Hi” and to take away some of her loneliness.
Understandably, the guy might then interpret her behavior in a positive way and he may even begin thinking things like, “She’s being so nice all of a sudden. Maybe she’s finally started to regret her decision to break up with me and this is her way of giving me a sign that she wants to get back together again.”
Then, a few days later the guy calls her on the phone to ask her to meet up with him.
Essentially, he’s following through on what he assumes is her openness to work things out with him.
Yet, rather than happily accept his invitation she instead says something along the lines of, “Why would I want to meet up with you? We’re broken up, or did you suddenly forget? I don’t want to see you. I’m busy trying to get on with my life and you need to accept that and stop pestering me about getting back together again, because it’s not going to happen.”
Naturally, the guy is left feeling hurt and wondering, “Why is my ex girlfriend acting hot and cold? What’s the matter with her?”
The reason is, she doesn’t know how else to behave.
She’s just reacting to how she feels in the moment.
When she’s feeling sad, lonely or depressed, she instinctively turns to her ex for comfort and this can be interpreted as her acting hot.
Then, when she’s feeling more confident and in control of her life, she pushes him away, thereby acting cold.
However, what the guy doesn’t realize is that while his ex is acting hot and cold, she’s still open to interacting with him and this is the opportunity he needs to reactivate her feelings for him and get her back.
This is why, if your ex is currently talking to you, it’s a good thing.
Use the open communication between you and her to re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you and make her want you back.
3 Mistakes to Avoid Making When Your Ex Girlfriend is Acting Hot and Cold
If you want to get your ex back, you need to re-attract her first and that likely won’t happen if you make any of the following mistakes:
1. Trying to get her back via text
It’s almost guaranteed that a woman will be hot and cold via text.
Here’s why…
Even if a woman really likes you or loves you, she will still be hot and cold via text at times.
That’s just how women are.
For example:
- Some women see that as flirting (e.g. she’s playing a bit hard to get and you will then chase her and this will create some sexual tension between you and her).
- Some women do it to test your confidence (e.g. will you crumble and doubt your chances of getting her back, or will you remain emotionally strong, get her on a call, then to a meet up and back into a relationship with you).
- Some women do it to reconfirm who is the boss or in charge in the relationship (e.g. will you be the man and take control of the situation by not allowing her to mess you around, or will you step back and allow her to call the shots in the hope that this will please her and make her want you back).
- Some women do it because they feel bored of texting back and forth with their ex, so they do it to amuse themselves, or to force him into calling.
The fact is, you can never fully interpret a woman’s intentions via text.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back for real, you need to get her on a call or to a meet up with you.
In that way, you get to be the one who calls the shots.
No matter how much she acts hot and cold, when you focus on saying and doing the types of things that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. being confident, emotionally masculine, manly), she will automatically stop because she will feel drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Offering her the same attraction experience that got you dumped and expecting her to be hot all the time
Sometimes, a guy is so eager to get his ex back as quickly as possible, that he fails to realize that to get her back this time, he’s going to have to give her a new and improved attraction experience.
This means, even though things like flowers, romantic dinners, long walks on the beach, or other romantic gestures worked in seducing her before, they’re almost certainly not going to work again.
Why?
Essentially, the first time the relationship was starting with a clean slate.
He hadn’t made any mistakes to turn her off, so these gestures seemed sweet, romantic and special to her.
However, this time her opinion of him is clouded by what happened to cause them to break up, so she’s not going to be very impressed if his idea of getting her back is to send her flowers (or something equally insignificant).
So, even though she might initially respond by being friendly and nice, once the initial thrill wears off and she realizes that he’s stuck offering her the same old attraction experience as before, she will likely begin thinking things like, “I can’t believe that he thinks flowers/being extra nice to me/ romantic dinners/ buying me gifts is going to take away all the negative stuff that happened between us and make me give him another chance. Doesn’t he realize that there are much more serious issues that need to be addressed before I would ever consider getting back together again? This just proves to me that I made the right decision to break up with him. He just doesn’t get it and he clearly never will. I need to forget about him and move on.”
She then turns cold and pushes him away, leaving him feeling confused and wondering why she’s being so inconsistent.
This is why it’s very important that when you try to get your ex back, you offer her a new and improved attraction experience.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Misunderstanding her behavior
Sometimes a woman will act hot and cold after a break up because she is worried that her ex guy will reel her back in and then dump her.
She fears that he wants to get revenge on her for dumping him.
So, when she’s feeling positive about his intentions with her, she responds by being open and friendly towards him.
However, when she’s feeling more insecure and unsure of herself, that’s when the doubts begin eating away at her and that’s when she pulls away from him, acts cold and pretends that she wants nothing to do with him.
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex back, you can’t let her behavior influence you.
You need to do what you need to do (i.e. interact with her, make her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you again, reactivate her feelings and get her back), regardless of what she does to put you off or encourage you.
The more that you give her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from you, but never got, the more she feels like she’s willing to take the risk of you dumping her, or else she might end up regretting it later on.
When you make her feel that way, her sexual and romantic feelings for you begin flooding back and you can then get her back and enjoy a new relationship.
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