If your ex girlfriend is feeling pressured to be with you again, you need to stop trying to convince her to give you another chance, and start making her feel happy and attracted around you.
She will stop feeling pressured if she begins to feel like getting back with you will be a good thing for her, rather than just being a good thing for you.
To make that change happen you need to begin triggering feelings of respect, attraction, and love, rather than trying to get her to understand how much you care, how much you need her, or how it’s such a waste to throw away your relationship together.
A Woman Doesn’t Want to Feel Forced to Be in a Relationship
The more needy, urgent pressure that a guy applies to a woman to force her to get back together, the less respect and attraction she feels and the more she wants to get away from him.
Women don’t want to feel like they are being forced to be in a relationship, but instead they want to follow their heart based on the positive, desirable feelings they experience.
To make her feel positive, desirable emotions, you have to stop saying and doing the types of things that were turning her off in the past, or that have been turning her off since you broke up (e.g. begging and pleading with her for another chance, telling her that your life is over without her, telling her to remember how good you were together as a couple in the early part of the relationship), and start saying and doing the types of things that are going to trigger her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
For example: A guy might be in the habit of texting or calling up his ex and saying things like, “Please don’t be so stubborn. Why won’t you give us another chance? What we had before is too special to just throw away like this. You’re being unreasonable. I said I was sorry. Why don’t you believe me and give me a chance? You know that I can’t live without you. Please babe, just give me a chance to show you that I can change.”
With that type of approach, she’s naturally going to feel that he’s pressuring her into being with him again even when she doesn’t really want to.
Instead of trying to make your ex girlfriend feel guilty or pressured to be with you again, you need to make her feel like she’ll be losing out if she doesn’t get back with you.
How do you do that?
Start the ex back process by making sure that every time you interact with her, you trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you via the way you are talking to her and interacting with her.
For example: If you’ve been pleading with her, convincing her how special your love is, and generally behaving in a needy and insecure way around her, you need to focus on making her feel understood (i.e. you realize why she broke up with you, have already begun to change those things, but are not expecting her to get back with you just because you know understand), as well as on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you.
When you are talking to her on the phone, or in person, and she says something like, “I’m not sure what I want. Why do you keep pressuring me?” the old you might want to tell her, “It’s because I love you so much. I am willing to fight for what we had. What we had was special and I don’t want to lose you. Please just open your eyes and see that. I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
However, saying that isn’t going to change how she’s feeling right now and it’s not going to make her smile, laugh or feel happy to be talking to you.
It’s also not going to trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Every interaction you have with your ex girlfriend from now on needs to be used as an opportunity to make her smile, laugh, feel happy and feel new feelings of respect and attraction.
Don’t keep saying and doing the same old things that have been turning her off.
Change your approach.
When she says, “I’m not sure what I want. Why do you keep pressuring me?” a good way to respond would be to say something like, “I know that I’ve been pressuring you a bit lately and I now understand that it’s not cool to do that. I understand how you feel and I don’t want you to just give me another chance because I’m pressuring you into it. I want you back because you love me and because it now feels good for us to be together.”
She will then thank you for your understanding and you can then switch to making her smile and laugh by jokingly saying, “But, the main reason why I’ve been pressuring you to give me another chance is because I’d feel sorry for any other guy who would have to put up with you…especially your horrible cooking.”
She will then laugh and you can say, “Only kidding. You are the best cook I know…but, then again, I don’t know many cooks, so you’re probably still pretty bad at it. No, just kidding – your cooking is awesome.”
Again, she will most likely laugh and you can say, “Well, I tell you what – if you’re feeling up for it sometime soon, maybe you can cook me one of your delicious lasagnas. No pressure though” and then laugh with her about that.
In this way, you are making her feel understood and you are also taking the pressure off her to get back together with you again.
Then, by making a small joke about her cooking, you get her smiling and laughing, which makes her enjoy talking to you rather than looking for ways to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
When you interact with her in ways that trigger the positive feelings in her (e.g. respect, attraction, love) everything changes.
She can’t stop herself from actually looking forward to talking to you again.
She might even begin thinking, “I wonder what quirky thing he’s going to say next,” and she starts to look forward to interacting with you via text, on the phone and in person, even though she previously felt pressured to do so.
She feels drawn to you in a positive way and wants to interact with you, rather than feeling like you are forcing her to interact with you.
However, if you don’t focus on first triggering her feelings of respect and attraction for you again, she will just keep saying things like, “Stop pressuring me to get back with you! Leave me alone.” or “I just don’t feel like I want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Give me space so I can think about it.”
She Doesn’t Have to Stay With You Just Because You Were Once in Love
As difficult as this may be to read, the truth is that you cannot convince, force, or guilt a woman into getting back together again based on the fact that you were once in love with each other.
Why?
A woman is not a man’s property.
She is an individual who is free to make her own decisions based on how she feels in a relationship with a guy.
Where some guys go wrong is by trying to pressure a woman to give him another chance because he feels that it’s his right as her boyfriend to demand that of her.
He feels like he somehow owns her and that she owes it to him to give their relationship another try, based on his past title of boyfriend, fiancé or husband.
Yet, that’s not how a modern relationship works.
A relationship is a decision taken by a man and a woman to be together, for as long as they both feel like they want to be together.
In the distant past, a woman was considered to be her husband’s property and she was bound to him for life whether she wanted to be or not.
However, in today’s world, a woman won’t stick with a man for long if he can’t maintain her feelings of respect, attraction and love over time; and society supports that.
If you look at divorce statistics, you will see that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, and according to research, women initiate 69% of the splits, compared to 31% by men.
Based on those statistics, you can see that a woman is not obligated to be with a guy if she doesn’t really want to and if she isn’t happy, she just leaves.
These days, to make a woman want to stay with you for life, you actually need to make sure that you deepen the love, respect and attraction she feels for you over time by being the sort of man she can look up to and respect.
At the start of a relationship, it’s very easy to make a woman feel some respect, attraction and love for you because you’re both feeling a lot of excitement, lust, and feelings of new love.
However, as the relationship develops, if a guy can’t maintain and develop those feelings in his woman, or if he is turning her off with his behavior (e.g. being clingy, needy, and insecure, taking her for granted, being jealous and controlling) then her initial feelings of respect, attraction, and love will begin to fade away.
So, don’t expect your ex girlfriend to want to get back together again just because she once said that she loved you.
If you want her back, you’ve got to actively trigger positive, desirable feelings of respect, attraction and love inside her again, rather than turning her off by pressuring her with begging, pleading, convincing and other unattractive behavior.
Take the Pressure Off By Making Her Smile and Feel Happy to Be Interacting With You Again
There’s an old expression that goes like this, “You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”
A loose interpretation of what that means is, “it is easier to persuade others with a positive, win-win approach, than with negativity or unfair demands.”
In the same way, you cannot force your ex girlfriend to be with you again by pressuring her with a vinegar-like approach.
Instead you need to make her feel that the prospect of being with you will be a sweet proposition for her.
If you focus on trying to pressure her back into a relationship, she will feel like she’d have a miserable relationship with you that is based on her giving you another chance through guilt or feelings of pity for you.
That’s not what you want from her, and it’s definitely not a good basis for a loving and lasting relationship.
I’m a happily married man and I can tell you with absolute confidence that a real relationship is based on mutual love, respect and attraction, rather than on pity or guilt.
So, don’t waste any more time trying to pressure your ex girlfriend to be with you again.
Simply focus on triggering her feelings of respect, attraction and love in every interaction that you have with her from now on.
It’s actually easier to do than you might think.
From now on, every time you interact with her, you need to show her that you are at a different level than you were before.
For example: If a guy has been saying to his ex girlfriend, “We need to get back together again. Can’t you see we were meant for each other? Think about the love we shared, we can’t let it die. Please just give us a chance,” it’s only natural that she will be feeling pressured to be with him again.
To change how she feels and make her open herself up to the idea of getting back together again, he needs to adjust his communication style and behavior in a way that makes her feel attracted.
He needs to make her smile, laugh, and feel happy to be interacting with him again.
A simple way to do that is by making a joke of the pressure he has been putting on her in the past.
For example: He might say something like, “Wow! I can’t believe you’re still talking to me after all the pressuring, begging and pleading I’ve been putting you through lately. I always knew that you couldn’t resist me” and have a laugh with her about that.
In this way, he is firstly acknowledging that he has been behaving in ways that are unattractive to her, while also making her smile by turning it around and making a joke about his attractiveness and appeal to her.
When you say something like that, you take the pressure off your ex girlfriend to get back together again, and you focus instead on making her feel good in your company.
By making some attractive adjustments to your behavior and the way you talk and interact with her, being around you becomes fun for her, so her guard naturally comes down and she opens up to you again.
She begins to wonder, “What has changed? Why am I feeling this for him all of a sudden?” and may even start to feel confused or shocked at the sudden changes in her desire, but she’s not going to be able to stop herself from feeling attracted to you again.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that men and women have to each other when attractive traits are displayed.
By being an emotionally strong, making her feel understood and using humor to get her smiling and laughing, she will naturally feel attracted to you whether she wants to or not.
When you approach the ex back process correctly, she will reconnect with her feelings of love for you and feel like she will burst if she can’t be with you again.
There’s only so long that she can keep her feelings for you bottled up inside before you get a text like, “I miss you. Want to catch up tonight?” or a phone call where she is happy, friendly and willing to meet up with you.
That’s how it works.
Most guys can get their ex back (or at least get her to meet up in person) with one or two attractive interactions and you can too.
In difficult cases, it sometimes takes 3 or 4 interactions (on the phone and in person) to get the woman back, but those cases are rare.
Most guys can get it done pretty quickly and have their woman back with simple adjustments to their approach and by following the correct ex back process.
Once you trigger her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again, her heart will begin filling up with new, exciting emotions and she will feel exited about becoming your girl again rather than feeling like you’re pressuring her into it.
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