5 things you should ask yourself now:
1. Is he really better than you, or just different?
Right now, your ex-girlfriend might be saying that she has found someone better than you, but in most cases, the new guy will usually just be filling in the emotional gaps that you left open in the relationship.
For example: When a woman breaks up with a guy because he was too jealous and controlling, her new guy will usually be a lot more easy going and relaxed with her.
Yet, that doesn’t mean that the new guy is perfect, or that other aspects about his thinking and behavior won’t turn her off once the novelty of being with him has started to wear off.
He might be ‘better’ than you because he’s not as controlling towards her as you were, but that may actually stem from a lack of confidence and self-belief in his value to her.
He feels lucky to have a chance with her and just lets her get her way all the time, because he’s afraid of annoying her and getting dump.
Over time, she will pick up on that and suddenly he will seem less attractive to her.
She may then start to think, “My ex wasn’t as insecure as my new guy. Yes, maybe he was a bit too controlling, but at least he believed in himself and in his value to me. Maybe my new guy isn’t better than my ex after all. Maybe my ex and I can actually work things out. Maybe I had to leave the relationship and experience this to realize how much better my ex really is. It wasn’t a perfect relationship, but I’m sure he will be willing to change and stop being so jealous and controlling if I offer him a chance to get back with me.”
Then, if she happens to interact with her ex and she notices that he has already made changes to the way he thinks, acts, behaves and responds to her (e.g. he no longer gets jealous when she talks about other guys, he is so much more relaxed and easy-going now, he respects her decisions and doesn’t try to force her to think like him), she will truly start doubting her decision to breakup with him.
He can then build on her feelings, seduce her and get her back.
So, just understand that your ex’s new man isn’t necessarily better than you.
Instead, he is simply different than you.
Rather than thinking of him as being better than you and feeling unworthy of your ex, know that you can re-attract her, seduce her and get her back.
Start by focusing on changing some of the things that turned your ex off (e.g. you were too emotionally dependent on her, you took her for granted, you stopped making her feel desirable).
Learn from your mistakes and then interact with your ex to make her feel respect, attraction and love for the new and improved you.
Don’t push for a relationship right away though.
Just let her feel attracted to you again and worry that she has made a mistake by walking away from you.
She will then begin to focus on the emotional gaps in her new relationship and realize that her new guy isn’t any better than you, just different.
The next question you need to ask yourself is…
2. Are you going to use this break up as an opportunity to improve yourself and become more confident so you can get her back, or are you going to lose confidence in yourself and give up?
Hearing that your ex has found someone better is naturally going to cause you to feel a bit upset.
Yet, don’t let it get to you.
You have to look at yourself as being better than the new guy, regardless of how much ‘better’ he is than you in certain ways.
If you look at him as being better than yourself, you just won’t be able to feel confident enough in comparison to him and when you talk to your ex, she will sense that and feel turned off.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that and end up allowing the fact that she has found someone new to kill his confidence.
For example: A guy may think, “Well, I guess I’ve lost her completely now. I can’t compete with her new guy. He’s better than me and she even said it herself, so what chance do I stand with her now? If the woman who used to love me says that I’m less than in comparison to him, then it must be true. I’m never going to find another woman like her ever again. I’m screwed.”
He then loses confidence in himself and begins to give off a vibe that says, “I’m not worthy of an attractive woman. I’m not good enough.”
If he happens to interact with his ex, she picks up on his lack of confidence (via his vibe, the tonality of his voice, his body language, behavior, choice of words) and feels turned off by him on a deep, instinctive level.
She then thinks something along the lines of, “Wow, I’m glad I broke up with him when I did. He has gotten even worse than he was before. He doesn’t even believe in himself at all. My new man is so much better. He’s so much more confident. That’s how a man should be. Clearly my ex doesn’t have it anymore. He used to be confident when I liked him, but he has lost that edge. I just don’t look at him the same way anymore because of it. He’s not good enough for me anymore. I’m glad that I moved on.”
This is why, if you want to get your ex back (even though she has found someone new), you have to believe you are more than good enough for her, otherwise she will pick up on your self-doubt and feel turned off.
The new guy is most likely acting very confident around her because she likes him at the moment.
It’s easy for a guy to feel confident under those conditions.
Yet, when your ex can see that not only are you a good guy when you talk to her and make her smile, laugh and feel good, but you’re also 100% confident in yourself and your value to her, she will feel attracted to you on a deep, instinctive level.
Women can’t stop themselves from feeling attracted to a man who can be confident under pressure, while also being a good guy.
So, right now, you need to using any time apart from your ex to improve and become an even more confident man than you ever were before, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and feeling unworthy of her now because she has found someone new.
The next question you need to ask yourself is…
3. Do you know what parts of the attraction experience were missing from your relationship with her?
When your ex broke up with you, she may have given you vague reasons for leaving such as, “I’m tired of trying to make this relationship work. I just can’t do it anymore” or, “I don’t feel the same about you anymore” or, “I don’t think I love you anymore” or, “I just want to be on my own for a while.”
Essentially, she didn’t really tell you WHY she stopped feeling attracted to you and then fell out of love with you.
So, if you want her back, you absolutely must get clear on that because if you don’t, you simply won’t be able to make her feel attracted in the ways that she really cares about.
Ask yourself:
- Did I maintain the kind of confidence and self-esteem that she originally felt attracted to, or did I become an insecure, needy or clingy guy as the relationship went on?
- Did I make her feel loved, appreciated and taken care of, or did she feel neglected and as though I was taking her presence in my life for granted?
- Did I take the lead in the relationship and allow her to relax into being my girl, or did she feel like she had to wear the pants and make all the decisions like a man?
- Did I make her feel feminine and girly around me by being more emotionally masculine than her, or did I end up becoming emotionally sensitive and soft?
- Was I a man of my word, or did I let her down and betray her trust?
- Did I make her feel as though her and I were on the same level socially, or did I end up making her feel as though she was cooler than me and I was dragging her down?
- Did I encourage her to follow her dreams and enjoy life, or did I try to keep her all to myself because I was worried that other guys would hit on her?
- Did I make her laugh and feel happy to be with me, or did I end up becoming a stressful, annoying boyfriend to be around?
When you understand what really turned your ex off and why she now feels as though her new man is better, you can then start improving yourself in the ways that will actually matter to her (e.g. become very confident and emotionally masculine, if she felt turned off by how insecure and sensitive you became).
Then, the next time you interact with her, you will be able to give her the type of attraction experience that she always wanted from you, but wasn’t getting.
That will plant seeds of doubt in her mind about the new guy.
She will begin to wonder whether she is going to end up regretting letting you go and being the one who gets left behind.
If she begins to feel that way, she will naturally open up to you and begin trying to establish a relationship with you.
You can then build on her renewed feelings for you, hook up with her and get her to dump the new guy.
The next question you need to ask yourself is…
4. Do you remember how happy she was with you at the start?
Most relationships start out feeling happy, but then end in a break up within the first few months.
Think about it…
You and her were happy together at the beginning of the relationship.
You may even have discussed things like moving in together, getting married or starting a family.
Yet, it didn’t work out, even though at the time, it felt like you and her would stay together forever.
In the same way, she could seem happy with her new man right now, but as the novelty starts to wear off, she may lose interest in being with him or break up with him for some reason that you’re not aware of.
So, the important thing for you to do now is not give up.
Of course, don’t desperately chase her or tell her that you’ll wait around forever.
Instead, just stay in her life (you can pretend to be her friend if you want to) and use every interaction you have with her to reawaken her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
The more drawn to you she feels, the less perfect her new man will seem.
If they get into a fight, or he does something that turns her off or makes her doubt whether a relationship would last, she will automatically begin thinking about getting back with you.
The next question you need to ask yourself is…
5. Are you ready to contact her, re-attract her and get her back from the new guy?
It might be true that your ex believes that her new guy is better than you, but it could also be true that she is only saying that to get a reaction out of you.
She wants to know whether you are going to sit around feeling defeated and thinking things like, “Oh well, I guess there’s nothing I can do anymore. She said she found someone better, so I’ve now lost any chance with her,” or are you going to believe in yourself, take action and get her back?
If you’re ready to get her back (i.e. you know how you’re going to attract her when you talk to her on the phone and in person to make her want you again), here’s what you need to do…
Get her on a phone call with you.
Remember: She’s likely going to be a bit resistant to talking to you at first and she may even try to put you off by saying things like, “Why are you calling me? I told you that I’m with someone else now.”
Regardless of what she says or how unwelcoming she is towards you initially, just remain calm and maintain your confidence.
Then, use some humor to ease the tension between you and make her feel happy and relaxed to be talking to you again.
Once you’ve broken down her defenses with confidence, a relaxed attitude and some humor, get her to agree to meet up with you.
If she resists, just tell her that it’s an innocent coffee to say goodbye to each other in a mature way.
Tell her that you respect her new relationship and just want to say goodbye and end on friendly terms.
Most women want to be able to end a relationship on friendly terms, so she will almost certainly agree to meet up.
If she doesn’t agree, insist in a relaxed, but confident manner and get her to catch up to say goodbye in a friendly, mature way.
Then, at the meet up, don’t respect her relationship by being all nice and friendly.
Instead, use the meet up to flirt with her to build up sexual tension between you and her and when the moment is right, get to a hug and potentially a kiss if you can.
If she is open to the kiss, you can then suggest hooking up sexually one last time to say goodbye.
If she isn’t open to kissing or sex, don’t worry – as long as you at least get to a hug after building up sexual tension, she will go away experiencing new feelings for you.
She will realize that it isn’t really over between you and her because she still has feelings for you.
You can then suggest staying in touch from time to time as ‘friends’ and when she agrees to that, use any interaction that you have with her from then on to build on her feelings and make her want to see you again.
Note: Many guys do get to a kiss and sex at the first meet up when they are prepared to re-attract their ex.
However, when a guy goes to a meet up and uses the same old approach to attraction that she got bored of in the relationship, she just doesn’t feel motivated enough to want to hug, kiss or have sex.
So, make sure that you’re prepared to attract her in a new and exciting ways as you talk to her.
4 Common Mistakes That Some Guys Make When Their Ex Woman Finds a New Guy
Just because your ex is saying that she has found someone better (or you think she has found someone better), it doesn’t mean you can’t get her back.
Whether or not you get her back all depends on your attitude and what you say and do from now on.
So, ask yourself: Are you going to reawaken her feelings for you and get her back, or are you going to make some or all of the following mistakes?
1. Thinking that it’s too late now that she has a new boyfriend
It’s understandable that when a guy sees his ex girlfriend happy with someone else, he may think that he no longer stands a chance with her.
He might then give up, stop contacting her and wait to see if she’ll eventually break up with her new guy, so he can then contact her and see if she’s interested.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you don’t actively do something to reawaken your ex girlfriend’s feelings for you right now, even if she does break up with her new guy, she’s probably not going to come running back to you.
Instead, she’ll just keep dating new men until she finds the one who can give her the kind of attraction experience she’s looking for (e.g. she wants a guy who is more masculine in his behavior, but keeps on attracting guys who are too nice or gentle).
Then, by the time you realize what is happening, she will have likely gotten married and possibly even started a family and then it really will be too late.
So, if you want her back, start doing what needs to be done to get her back now, rather than wasting the next 6 months to a year of your life waiting around for her to hopefully break up with him.
You can get her back in about 1-2 weeks.
Most guys who are in a situation like yours are able to accomplish that when they focus on re-attracting and then seducing their ex girlfriend.
Some guys get it done within days, but most guys get it done within 1-2 weeks.
I’m sure you’d agree that getting her back in 1-2 weeks from now is better than waiting 6 months and then seeing her move on with another guy, or waiting around for years and remaining single in the hope that she calls you one day.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Focusing on the new guy’s good qualities and not realizing that he’d be making mistakes in the relationship too
Yes, the new guy probably is better than you in some ways (e.g. he’s more settled in his career and can offer her the stability that you couldn’t, he treats her like a princess and gives her everything she wants).
However, that doesn’t mean he’s not turning her off in other ways too (e.g. he’s too boring and predictable, he can’t stand up to her in a conversation so she feels more emotionally dominant than him).
Whatever the case is, you shouldn’t waste time comparing yourself to him and thinking that he is better.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Losing confidence as you wait around and hope that she will eventually break up with him
The longer a guy sits around waiting for his ex girlfriend to break up with her new guy, the more likely it is that he’ll start doubting himself and his value to her (and other attractive women).
Then, if he happens to interact with her (e.g. she calls him to ask him something, they bump into each other in a social environment and say hi) and she notices that he is now insecure, stuck and hasn’t been able to move on with his life, she will naturally think that her new guy is better than him.
So, if you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you must believe that you are worthy of her and are more than good enough for her, regardless of what qualities the new guy has that you might think are ‘better.’
If you don’t believe that you’re good enough for her anymore, she will sense that and naturally feel turned off and repelled.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Not doing anything to interrupt the process of her moving on and make her want you again
When an ex girlfriend has a new guy, the best approach to take to get her back is to interrupt the process of her moving on.
Mess with her feelings by interacting with her and re-attracting her.
Make her feel confused about her feelings and feel drawn to you.
Then, meet up with her, seduce her and get her back.
You can do it.
She is your woman, not his.
Get her back!
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