5 possible reasons why:
1. You haven’t done anything to sexually re-attract her yet (even though you might think you have)
Quite often, when a guy gets broken up with, but still has feelings for his ex, his main course of action to get her back is to stick around in her life and act like a nice, neutral friend with her.
He may even justify his decision by thinking things like, “If we can stay friends, I will be able to stick around in her life. Then, over time, she will hopefully realize that she misses what we had and we can then get back together again. However, I have to make sure that I stay on my best behavior and not flirt or let her know what my intentions with her actually are (i.e. to get her back), because if she finds out before she’s ready, she might decide to cut me out of her life completely.”
He might then make himself available to his ex’s every beck and call, help her out with whatever she needs (e.g. run errands for her, lend her money, fix things around her house) and maybe even become her shoulder to cry on when she gets dumped by another guy.
Secretly though he’s likely hoping that she will soon come to her senses and realize that the man for her is actually him.
After all, that’s how it works in Hollywood movies, right?
Wrong.
In real life, if a guy isn’t actively making his ex feel sexually and romantically attracted to him again, she’s probably never going to look at him and think, “I can’t believe how nice and sweet he is. How could I have missed that when we were together? I don’t need all that sexual desire and romantic passion stuff. I just need a sweet guy who will do anything I ask him to.”
It just doesn’t work that way.
Instead, she will likely give her ex a nice, neutral hug and say something along the lines of, “You’re a really great guy and I feel so lucky to still have you in my life. However, we’re just friends now.”
The guy might then feel hurt and confused and wonder why things didn’t work out the way he hoped.
The answer is, because he didn’t do anything to re-attract her.
Here’s the thing…
Although a woman might appreciate it when a guy is being nice to her, it’s not what causes her to have ongoing sexual and romantic feelings for him.
She might like him and care about him as a person, but without that extra spark of sexual attraction, the relationship will remain firmly in the friend zone.
So, if you want your ex to see you as being more than just a friend, you need to make sure that you act like you’re more than just a friend.
In other words, you need to use your interactions with her to spark her feelings of respect and sexual desire for you.
How can you do that?
By using humor to bring down her guard and make her feel good around you again, by flirting with her to create sexual tension and by displaying some of the traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, maturity, determination).
The more she experiences this side to you, the more difficult it will become for her to keep feeling as though you and her are just friends.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend said she feels as though you and her are just friends now is…
2. She can see that you still don’t have the masculine edge she wants in a guy
Sometimes a guy gets into a relationship with a woman and because he’s a nice guy he subconsciously decides that his woman will be happiest if she gets her way all the time in the relationship.
As a result, he steps back and lets her take on the leading role where she makes all the decisions and he is in the background being a nice, sweet and supportive boyfriend.
If she then tries to push him into taking the lead, he will usually say something like, “I don’t mind. It’s your decision. You know I will go with whatever you want” or, “Baby, whatever makes you happy is fine with me.”
Yet, what a guy like that may not realize is that even though modern women are independent and have their own jobs, earn their own money and are perfectly capable of looking after themselves, they are still instinctively attracted to and respect a man who has a masculine edge and can take the lead in a relationship with them.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that a woman wants a man who is controlling, bosses her around, disrespects her or her opinions and ideas, or makes all the decisions every time.
It simply means that the man is the emotionally stronger, more masculine one, which then makes a woman feel feminine and girly in his presence.
She can then relax and be the feminine woman who gets emotional and cries, laughs and even throws tantrums, knowing that she is safe in her relationship and that her guy won’t crumble or fall apart.
She can then focus on loving him and being a good woman to him, rather than feeling like she needs to take care of him and the relationship.
So, when a woman doesn’t have that in a relationship she will gradually disconnect from her feelings of respect and attraction for a guy and she may begin seeing him as more of a friend or a big brother than a boyfriend/lover.
When that happens, she will usually break up with him and try to find herself a guy who has more of a masculine edge than her ex.
If he then tries to get her back by being a nice, sweet guy and offering to do whatever she wants him to do she will likely think something along the lines of, “He still doesn’t get it. He thinks that what I want is to be in charge, but what I really want is for him to take the lead and sweep me off my feet with his masculinity. I know this isn’t a romantic novel or Hollywood movie, but I still want to feel like he’s the man and I’m the woman, rather than like I’m his mother or big sister.”
She will then gently, but firmly push him away by saying something like, “I really do care for you, but I feel as though we’re just friends now. So, let’s focus on that and not try to go back to what we had before.”
This is why, if you want to change how your ex girlfriend currently feels and get her back, you need to show her that you now have the ability to be masculine in a way that makes her feel feminine.
She needs to be able to see that she can relax and trust that you really are the man now.
When she experiences this side to you during interactions, she will naturally begin to feel surges of respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, she stops seeing you as “just a friend” and she begins feeling drawn to you in ways that feel good to her.
She wants to talk to you more and she also wants to see you in person and you can then fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend said she feels as though you and her are just friends now is…
3. She is tired of waiting for you to change and become the kind of man she wants
For a woman to break up with a guy, she usually needs to get to the point where she doesn’t have any hope of him changing and improving in the ways that are important to her (e.g. she wants him to stop being so clingy and needy of her and stand up on his own two feet for a change, she wants him to stop being so irresponsible and unmotivated in his life and start thinking about his and her future, she wants him to put in more effort to get to know her family rather than being anti-social and making her feel uncomfortable when she has to lie for him to them).
Then, after the break up, if her ex tries to get her back, the first thing she’s going to look out for, is his ability to change and improve.
However, if she gets a sense that he’s not going to change and become the guy she really needs him to be and that he doesn’t even know what, or how, to change, she will keep him at arms length by telling him that she only sees him as a friend now.
In the meantime, she will focus on fully getting over him, moving on and finding herself a replacement man as quickly as possible.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend back, you have to make sure that you change and improve in some of the ways that are important to her (e.g. become more emotionally independent, find your purpose in life and go after it, become more confident and self-assured) and let her experience it during interactions.
You need to show her via the way you think, talk, behave, interact with her and respond to what she says and does, that you really have changed this time.
Remember: You don’t have to become perfect to regain her respect, attraction and love for you, but you do have to become better than before.
Then, when you interact with her and she encounters a very different guy to the one she broke up with, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
However, if you try to get her back without making some improvements to the things that really matter to her, she’s just going to say, “Sorry, but I feel as though we are just friends now.”
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend said she feels as though you and her are just friends now is…
4. She hasn’t felt a spark with you for some time now
Most relationships start off with the man being charming, attentive and passionate towards the woman.
He will usually compliment her on her appearance, take her out for romantic dinners and send her flirty texts to make her feel desirable and even more attracted to him.
Unfortunately though, in most cases, all the romance and flirting starts to fade away once the relationship becomes more comfortable.
Of course that doesn’t mean that the guy becomes a jerk and stops treating his woman well.
Instead, he just falls into the habit of treating her more like his friend, or a roommate than anything else.
As a result, the spark of sexual attraction that the woman once felt for her man will gradually start to fade away.
She might still have sex him and even love him, but it just isn’t the same as being romantically attracted to and in love with him.
When that happens, she may begin thinking things like, “Our relationship feels so dull and uninteresting. There’s just no spark between us anymore. All we ever do these days is watch TV or go out with friends. He doesn’t even notice me. I’m tired of feeling like his buddy. I want to feel like a real woman again. I want to feel sexy and noticed,” and start to pull away, be more closed off and stop having sex with him over time.
If the guy picks up on her unhappiness and begins giving her the attention that she is craving, she will then quickly settle back into being a loving and attentive woman to him.
However, if he remains oblivious to her and her needs, she will eventually get to the point where she feels unfilled in her relationship with him, so she breaks up with him.
He might then try to get her back by begging and pleading with her and telling her how much he still loves her, but that won’t make her change her mind.
Instead, she will usually tell him something along the lines of, “You’re a great guy and I really do still care about you, but I don’t see you as being anything more than a friend. Please accept that and let’s be friends from now on.”
So, if you want your ex girlfriend back, make sure that you reactivate the spark of sexual attraction inside of her first.
When she begins to feel like a desirable, sexy woman around you again, her feelings for you will automatically begin to change.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend said she feels as though you and her are just friends now is…
5. She loves you as a person, but isn’t in love with you in a sexual, romantic way
When a relationship becomes boring and stagnant (e.g. because the guy has stopped building on his woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for him and has become too predictable and dull), a woman might start thinking things like, “I’m confused. I still love him, but I’m not sure if it’s the kind of love I want to be experiencing. I just don’t feel exited when I’m around him anymore. In fact, I feel kind of numb and detached. Maybe I should take some time away from him to see if I will miss him.”
She might then break up with him to see how she feels.
However, as the time passes, she may discover that she doesn’t miss him at all and that although she does love him, that love is platonic rather than sexual and romantic.
Right now, that might be exactly how your ex girlfriend is thinking and feeling about you.
The good news though, is that you can actually change her feelings for you and make her want you sexually and romantically again.
How can you do that?
For example: You might…
Focus on becoming more emotionally independent (e.g. by making progress on your own goals and ambitions, going out and having fun with other people, taking up a new hobby or interests). When she can see that even though you still want her back, you don’t need her back to feel confident and happy in your life, she will automatically start to feel drawn to you again.
Use interactions with her to flirt with her during conversations to create some sexual tension between you and her and make her stop seeing you as a neutral friend. In other words, make sure you create a new spark with her.
Stop being a “Yes,” man around her and take the lead in the ex back process.
Be more emotionally dominant around her so that she can relax into thinking, talking and behaving like a feminine woman when she’s with you.
Use ballsy humor to make her laugh and smile and feel good every time she is talking to you.
The more you make her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you, the more she will start to think things like, “I guess breaking up was exactly what I needed to show me that he really is the man I want to be with after all. I don’t want to be friends anymore, I want to be his woman. I want him to hold me and kiss me and make love to me.”
As a result, she drops her guard and opens back up to the idea of being a couple again.
Common Problems Guys Experience When Trying to Get an Ex Back Who Only Sees Him as a Friend
You can get your ex girlfriend back, even though she says that she only sees you as a friend now.
However, make sure you don’t give up at the first sign of resistance from her, or blow it by making common mistakes that guys make when in a similar situation to yours.
For example: Some of the problems or mistakes you might encounter are…
1. She says that she’s open to being friends, but then changes her mind
When a guy still has strong feelings for his ex girlfriend and wants to get back with her as quickly as possible, he may decide to use her openness to being friends as a way of convincing her to give him another chance (e.g. by always hanging around her and being nice and helpful, bringing up all the good times they had together as a couple during conversations with her, telling her how much he still cares for her).
Yet, rather than make her think, “I don’t know what I was thinking by breaking up with him. He’s so loving towards me that I would be stupid to let him go. Maybe we should get back together again after all, even though I don’t feel sexually attracted to him. That’s not so important, is it? As long as he loves me and takes care of me, what more do I really need?” she instead starts to regret her decision to stay friends with him.
Why?
She can tell that he’s only being her friend because he’s trying to get a relationship with her again.
However, she doesn’t want that, because he hasn’t changed his approach to attraction, so she still doesn’t feel drawn to him in a way that feels good to her.
She may then begin to avoid him (e.g. talk to him less and less over the phone, make excuses not to see him in person, stop responding to his texts or social media messages), in the hope of slowly drifting out of his life without him noticing.
She might also put in extra effort to meet a new man, so that she can then say, “Hey, guess what? I’ve met someone and we’re dating now,” in the hope that he will give up and leave her alone.
This is why, if you want to get your ex girlfriend back for real, focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, rather than pushing for a relationship.
The next problem or mistake you might encounter is…
2. You accept a friendship, act like a neutral friend and she then loses interest
By all means accept a friendship with you ex girlfriend if that is all she’s offering you right now.
However, don’t make the mistake of being her nice, innocent non-flirtatious friend who’s in the friend zone.
If that’s how you behave around her, her feelings for you simply won’t change and you may even be shocked when you realize she’s busy moving on without you, having sex and going out on dates with other guys.
This is why you need to make sure that you use your friendship with your ex to spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, every chance you get.
You’re not going to just act like a friend and wait in the friend zone and hope that she gives you another chance.
You’re going to actively make her feel attracted to you again.
The more you do that, the more she will stop looking at you as just a friend or as her ex who she doesn’t have any feelings for.
She will feel good when she interacts with you and will become more open to giving the relationship another chance or have sex with you again to see how she feels about you now.
The next problem or mistake you might encounter is…
3. You aren’t willing to step up and be a more emotionally strong and emotionally masculine man for her
Sometimes a guy might think to himself, “This is who I am. This is the guy she originally fell in love with. I don’t understand why that’s not enough for her anymore?”
As a result, he doesn’t change anything about himself, but secretly he still hopes that his ex will wake up one day and realize she made a mistake by breaking up with him.
Yet, that almost never happens.
Here’s the thing…
Women are attracted to strong men who have the confidence, self-belief and emotional strength needed to make her feel like a real woman (e.g. feminine, girly, desirable).
So, when a man is being too emotional and sensitive and refuses to take the lead in the ex back process, she instinctively starts to lose even more respect and attraction for him.
She feels turned off by his emotional weakness and lack of masculinity and just can’t seem to work up the desire to want to even stay friends with him anymore.
She then cuts herself off from him and tries to move on without him in her life.
So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, you need to make sure that you quickly change and improve and then interact with your ex girlfriend and let her experience your emotional strength and masculinity via the way you talk, behave, interact with her and respond to what she says.
She will then automatically begin to feel drawn to you again in a sexual and romantic way.
When that happens, you can then easily get her back into a relationship with you.
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