7 possible reasons why a woman might say that to her guy are…
1. He doesn’t make her feel feminine and girly because he tends to think, talk, behave and act like her, or like a boy
Sometimes, a guy just doesn’t know how to be a mature, emotionally strong and masculine man in a relationship with a woman.
For example: Since a woman enjoys talking about her feelings all the time, gossiping on the phone with her girlfriends and even have a good cry once in a while, he assumes that it’s okay for him to do that too.
He may even think that it’s a way of showing his woman how connected he is to her by thinking, talking and behaving like her.
He wants to show her that they are soul mates and think, feel and experience life in the same way.
Yet, that’s not what a woman wants.
She wants a man that she can look up to and respect, not a guy who wants to be like her or who wants to act like a little boy who needs his mommy.
Here’s an example…
For example: A woman might be having a bad day and then start to rant and rave about her work, the state of her life and her feelings in the moment.
She might say something like, “My life is such a mess! Nothing is going right. I hate my job. I’m tired of always trying to make everyone else happy and putting myself last. I’ve had enough!”
In most cases, she’s just letting off some steam and simply wants her guy to listen to her while she vents her feelings.
What she doesn’t want though, is for her guy to copy her, react like one of her girlfriends (e.g. by getting overly emotional, or by throwing a tantrum of his own).
She doesn’t want to see him react and start saying things like, “I can’t deal with seeing you this way. I can’t handle it when you’re upset. It makes me feel so depressed” or “Stuff the world! Society sucks. I hate working. Why is life so difficult? We should just run away and live off the grid” or, “You need to quit your job. They just don’t appreciate you” or “Why are you always getting mad? Can’t you see that I have problems too? I’m in a bad space too. What about my feelings for a change?”
What he doesn’t realize is that she is just venting her feelings like a woman (i.e. rambling on about her feelings, without actually want to get to a solution or change anything).
She just wants to express her feelings and as a result, behave like a girl/woman.
She doesn’t want to say, “Okay, here’s what I’m going to do to fix the problem” and be all serious like a man.
She just wants to be an emotional girl for a moment.
Yet, she doesn’t want her guy to copy her and be an emotional girl too.
She also doesn’t want him to take her rant too seriously, become upset and say things like, “How can you say that your life is a mess? I thought we had something special between us. Are you happy with me? Are we okay? I love you more than anything. Please tell me that we are okay.”
When a guy reacts in this way, rather than make a woman feel loved, understood and happy, she feels turned off at a deep level.
Why?
For a woman to maintain her sexual attraction for her man, she has to feel as though he is the emotionally dominant one in the relationship.
She has to see that he is in control of his emotions and life, rather than being like a woman, or a little boy, who is always losing control of his emotions, throwing tantrums, crying, being insecure and needing her to constantly reassure him that everything is okay.
When a woman feels emotionally more dominant than her man, she begins to lose respect for him.
Without respect, she can’t feel sexually attracted to him and eventually she will disconnect with her feelings of love for him.
When that happens she will say something like, “I can’t take this anymore. I need a man, not a boy. It’s over” and break up with him.
2. He lacks confidence in social situations
Where a lot of guys lose the respect of their woman is by lacking confidence in social situations, especially around other men.
For example: He…
- Allows all kinds of people to push in front of him in a queue. Of course it’s okay to let thugs push in front, because there’s no need to get into a fight over it. Yet, when everyday people push in front and the guy just lets it happen, a woman loses respect for him.
- Gets stuck with paying all or more of the restaurant bill every time he goes out with his friends, or always ends up shouting way more drinks than his friends.
- Avoids making conversation with anyone else other than his woman.
- Allows other guys to get away with flirting with his woman. Again, he doesn’t have to get into a fight over it or approach guys who look at her. Instead, it’s just about guys hitting on her right in front of him and him then looking like he doesn’t belong and she’s no longer his woman.
When a woman sees that her man doesn’t have the balls to stand up for himself socially, she will begin to question whether he is man enough for her.
Here’s the thing…
A woman is always watching to see how much of a man her guy really is because it’s about her feeling safe in this world.
She wants a man that can handle difficult people and situations (without having to get into fights) and be respected, rather than feeling like she’s with a guy who needs her to protect him and shield him from challenging people and situations.
So, if she notices that her guy doesn’t have the confidence to be a man socially and even allows other people (especially other men) to boss him around, she will perceive him as being emotionally weak and will lose respect and attraction for him.
She may then begin to think, “I need a man, not a boy” and will start closing herself off from him emotionally until she decides to fully break up with him.
3. He is afraid to follow through on his big goals in life and is always making excuses or wasting time hanging out with her
Most guys will say that they have a big dream in life, but few will actually set real goals and then keeping following through until they achieve it.
So, when a guy has a girlfriend that he really loves, he might use the importance of his relationship with her as an excuse to avoid making any of his dreams come true.
For example: He might say to himself, “I’m very lucky to have found her. She is the most important thing in my life and nothing else matters. She is my real dream come true. I don’t need to do anything else in my life because I have her. I don’t care about the dreams I used to have. Besides, I can’t be bothered pursuing that now. I am happy with her. She is all that matters.”
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that being emotionally dependant on a woman and making her his purpose in life is the fastest way to lose her respect.
Why?
A woman doesn’t want to feel responsible for a man’s emotional state in a relationship.
She also doesn’t want to be his sense of identity in this world or reason for living.
She wants him to be happy, confident and forward moving in his life, with or without her support or reassurance.
Of course, in pop songs, romantic movies and TV shows, you will see women swooning and falling in love with guys who only focus on them.
That’s just for the lonely women who wish they had a guy who would pay them some attention…and for the lonely guys who wish that women in real life would enjoy it when they pursued so desperately.
In real life, women want a man that they can look up to and respect because he is following through on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
Women still want their man to love them, appreciate them and spend time with them, but not to make his whole life about the relationship.
He needs to have a strong identity and purpose outside of the relationship with her, as well as with her.
Not just with her.
Here’s the thing…
A woman knows that there are many very intelligent men out there who have dreams, but don’t have the balls or the awareness (of what women really want in a man) to actually follow through on those dreams.
The rare men are the ones who follow through on their dreams and make their mark in the world, with or without a woman’s reassurance.
That is very attractive to women because it allows a woman to feel safe and trust in her man to guide them to a better future together.
She doesn’t want to have to be the strong one and make sure that their future is secure, while her guy makes excuses about why he’s not getting anywhere in his life.
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex that she needs a man, not a boy is that…
4. He still thinks, behaves, talks or acts like a boy when other guys his age act like men
Sometimes, a guy likes the idea of living a carefree, irresponsible life (i.e. like a boy or a teenager).
For example: He might…
- Spend most of his time watching TV, playing video games, listening to music or hanging out with friends.
- Avoid getting a serious job and depend on his family, or his woman to help him out financially.
- Still live at home with his parents, even though he’s more than old enough to be on his own or sharing a place with housemates.
- Act recklessly (e.g. by getting drunk and driving his car, getting into fights with other guys over unimportant things, take too much drugs to make sure that he is always high and can’t really work on important things).
- Is immature and doesn’t care about grown up stuff, even though he’s in his 20s, 30s, 40s or 50s.
- Flirts with other women and tries to hook up with them behind her back.
- Gets into silly fights with her, throws tantrums and acts like a child who always needs to get his way.
His woman will say something like, “Why don’t you stop acting like a child and start thinking about what you want to do with your life? Most guys your age are making important, significant things happen in their life. How much longer are you going to mess around and do nothing?” but he just says something along the lines of, “You’re being such a drag. Why don’t you lighten up for a change? You’re just so serious. Life isn’t that serious. I don’t have to grow up if I don’t want to. Society sucks. People don’t know what I know. They’re all sheep following the crowd.”
Yet, while he’s messing around and not taking responsibility for his life, he doesn’t realize that his woman is gradually losing all of her respect and attraction for him.
Why?
Mainly because he’s not achieving anything in his life, which makes her feel like she doesn’t have a future with him.
She feels more like his mother that has to take care of him, rather than his woman.
While he is right about not having to take life so seriously (life really should be fun), he does need to take responsibility for the future if he wants her to stick around.
Women need a guy who can make her feel safe and if he doesn’t, she will take on that responsibility herself and then dump him, or she will leave him for a guy who is making things happen in his life.
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex that she needs a man, not a boy is that…
5. He cries to her
There’s no denying that life can get tough sometimes and it’s only normal that a guy might find himself bogged down with worries at some point (e.g. he loses his job, he’s faced with a serious illness, his business is going under, a family crisis).
When things go wrong like that, it’s understandable that a guy might feel upset and he may want to talk about it with his woman.
That’s totally fine.
Yet, there’s a big difference between discussing his problems in a calm, rational and composed way and falling apart, crying and whining about his life to her like a woman or a boy would.
Here’s the thing…
Problems are a normal part of everyone’s life.
However, in order for a woman to maintain her feelings of respect and attraction for her man, she needs to be able to see that, no matter what life throws his way, he is man enough to remain mentally strong and in control of his emotions.
More importantly, she wants to see that he can quickly start to focus on a solution and then take action to follow through on that solution.
She doesn’t want him to remain stuck in being upset, confused, angry or disappointed for too long.
She is fine for him to feel the emotion temporarily, but to then get on with fixing the situation or acting on the solution like a man.
Women don’t go around explaining this to men (because they don’t want to teach guys how to be men), but it’s what they secretly want.
The more a woman feels like she can depend on her man to be a man all the time (without her teaching and guidance), the more she will be able to respect him, feel sexually attracted to him and love him.
On the other hand, if he falls apart and comes crying to her every time he’s faced with a hiccup along the road (e.g. he has a disagreement with his landlord, he loses a promotion at work), she will think that he’s being immature and childish and then begin to lose respect for him.
She will then think something like, “Why is he always crying to me? Can’t he just man up and find a way to deal with his problems without whining like a little boy? This isn’t working for me anymore. I need a man, not a boy,” and she will break up with him.
Remember: Women naturally look for emotionally strong men who can handle the challenges of life head on.
At the same time, women try to avoid emotionally weak men who crumble under pressure because they don’t want to end up having to take care of a wimpy, insecure guy who needs his mommy to protect him from the big, bad world out there.
Another possible reason…
6. He begged and pleaded when she broke up with him
Sometimes, the shock of being dumped can cause a guy to react in a way that goes against his better judgment and he will act completely out of character.
For example: Although a guy might never consider begging and pleading, when his woman is saying things like, “I’m tired of trying to make things work. It’s over between us,” he may lose control and say something like, “Please don’t do this! I can change. Just give me one more chance and I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make it up to you. Just tell me what will make you happy and I’ll do it. I beg you! Please baby… don’t walk away. I can’t be without you. I need you. Please!”
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “Awww, that’s so sweet. I feel so flattered that he’s prepared to beg and plead to stay with me. I guess he deserves another chance for that. I can definitely teach him how to be the man that I need him to be. It’s time for me to become his teacher and guide him through the process of becoming the man I need. Yippee!” she will just feel even more turned off by him.
Why?
She starts to think things like, “I need a man, not a boy. This guy is too emotionally weak for me. At the first sign of trouble, he’s falling apart and expecting me to give him another chance out of pity. I don’t want to be with him because I feel sorry for him. I want to be with him because he makes me feel safe, protected, taken care of. I want to feel like I can 100% depend on him when times get tough. If he can’t cope with a break up, how will he handle something more serious in life, like his finances, our family or our future? Based on his current behavior, it seems to me that I would have to take care of him instead. I will need to give up being a man’s girl and have to become his mother. He just doesn’t understand how to be the man that I need him to be, so I need to get out of this relationship while I still can.”
Here’s the thing…
If a woman has to explain to a guy how to be a man, she will automatically start feeling attracted to other men who don’t need her to explain it.
To her, he will seem like a confused guy who hasn’t fully grown up and she will then say something like, “If you can’t figure out where you stuffed up by yourself, I’m not going to spell it out for you. It’s not my job to teach you how to be a man. I need a man, not a boy that I have to lead.”
So, even though a guy might have good intentions (by begging and pleading and asking her what to do) because he wants things to work between him and her, his approach is all wrong.
He’s trying to get her back by displaying traits and behaviors that actually turn women off (i.e. lack of masculinity, insecurity, submissiveness, emotional weakness), so it’s simply not going to work.
Finally…
7. He doesn’t yet know what it means to be a masculine, mature man
When a woman breaks up with a guy by saying, “I need a man, not a boy,” he might make the mistake of thinking that being a man is all about showing how much he can take care of her.
He may then decide to show her that he can take care of her by being available to her every beck and call, taking care of her financially and sometimes, even getting into fights with other guys over her, to show her what a physically strong guy he is.
He hopes that it will show her that he’s willing to do anything for her, but women don’t respect that kind of insecure, reckless behavior from men.
She doesn’t want a guy to take her so seriously that she is essentially using him as a weapon (to fight other guys) or as a way to get through life (e.g. by getting him to pay her bills, run errands for her).
She wants a man with self-respect who will love her, appreciate her and respect her, but not become her willing slave.
If she feels like she can push him around, or as though she has to play referee when he loses control of himself (by getting into arguments and fights) to prove to her how “manly” he is, she won’t be able to look up to him and respect him and feel attracted to him.
Remember: Being a masculine, mature man in a relationship is not about being aggressive or controlling.
It’s also not about building bigger muscles, growing a beard or any other superficial masculine thing.
It’s about who you are on the inside and how that comes through in how you think, feel, behave and act around her and in life.
It’s about believing in yourself as the leader of the relationship and taking on that role (without ever questioning yourself and wondering if it’s okay to be the man/the leader), while also respecting her and caring about her.
You have to be the type of man she can look up to, respect and rely on to be a man all the time (i.e. always be confident, emotionally strong and masculine, while also being attentive, loving and gentle when needed).
Don’t worry – it’s easy.
You simply have to start letting go of your boyish ways, one by one.
You can still have fun, enjoy life and be silly at times, but make that 20% from now on.
80% of the time, you should be serious, forward moving and responsible so you can actually be the sort of man that she and other people can look up to and respect.
If you don’t do that, she won’t be the only woman dumping you.
Some women do put up with having a boyish man for a boyfriend or husband, but most women don’t.
The women who do, usually end up cheating on their boyish man and then leaving him.
If you want a woman to love you, respect you and feel attracted to you for life, you’ve got to be a man, not a boy.
When you start thinking, talking and behaving like a mature, emotionally masculine man from now on, you ex won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
She will start to feel the doubts creeping into her head (e.g. “Did I make a mistake breaking up with him?” or, “What if he meets another woman and I lose him forever?” or, “What if he really has changed now and I lose a great man? Will I ever be able to find a real man like him? Should I just give him another chance and see how it goes?”).
When that happens, she will stop being so cold towards you and she will open up again.
She will then allow herself to feel respect, attraction and love for you again for being man enough to figure things out by yourself and become the man (not boy) she always needed you to be.
By the way…
If you decide to learn more from me or anyone else, don’t tell her that you’re getting help.
Women don’t want to know that you’re learning or getting help to be a real man.
They just want you to learn it and then start being that man, without essentially saying to her, “Now do you like me? I’ve been learning to be a man. I’m now more of a man? Is that good mommy?”
She just wants you to take on the role of being a man and stop looking to her to give you approval.
A real man approves of himself and doesn’t need a woman to pat him on the back and say, “Good boy.”
So, if you are serious about getting her back, make sure that you continue learning how to be a man and then just start being that man.
Don’t hope to get a pat on the head from her.
Instead, start being the kind of man that she can look up to and respect.
She will then be hoping to cuddle into your arms and look up to you as the man she now respects, trusts, loves and wants to be with for life.
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