Don’t worry, you can make her feel attracted to you again.
First, you need to get clear on where you have been going wrong, so you know exactly what to fix to make her feel attracted.
1. Did you become insecure or emotionally sensitive?
It’s a fact of nature that women are not attracted to emotionally weak, wimpy, insecure men.
Women are attracted to strong men who have the confidence, self-belief and emotional strength needed to make them feel protected and safe in a relationship and in life in general.
Even though women act like they are strong these days, they still feel vulnerable in this world, so they naturally feel attracted to men who are confident and emotionally strong no matter what situation they face in life.
So, when a man becomes insecure, clingy, needy and emotionally sensitive in a relationship with a woman, she instinctively starts to lose respect and attraction for him.
She might not ever think, “Hmm…I don’t feel safe with him,” but her instincts will kick in and she will think things like, “Something just isn’t right…I don’t know what it is, but I just don’t feel attracted to him anymore.”
If he doesn’t man up and change, she will begin to feel more like his mother, or big sister who has to take care of him and reassure him that everything is okay and that he will be safe, looked after and loved by her.
For example: A guy might ask his woman, “Do you still love me?” or, “Do you feel attracted to me like you used to?” or “You wouldn’t leave me would you? You know that I wouldn’t be able to cope if you ever broke up with me, right? You are everything to me.”
She then finds herself having to reassure him by saying things like, “No baby, it’s okay. Of course I love you,” or “Don’t worry. I’ll always be your girl.”
Yet, the more she has to reassure him, the less respect and attraction she feels for him and the less safe she feels with him as her man.
Here’s what you need to remember…
It’s a man’s ability to always be the emotionally stronger one in the relationship that allows a woman to relax and be the feminine woman that she wants to be.
She can just be his woman and feel safe that no matter what obstacles or challenges they face, he will always remain strong.
On the other hand, if she has to take on a dominant role and feels like she’s taking care of him and protecting him from the big bad world out there, she stops feeling feminine and girly in his presence and unavoidably, she also stops feeling sexually attracted to him as well.
She feels turned off by his insecurity and emotional weakness and just can’t seem to work up the desire to want to fully submit to him anymore.
She might still have sex with him, but she won’t be all there and will be wishing that it was over, she was doing it with another guy, or that he would change and become a more emotionally strong man.
So, if your ex has been saying things like, “I just don’t feel any attraction for you anymore,” to you lately, what you need to do is actively trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
You need to interact with her and let her experience your emotional strength via the way you talk, behave, interact with her and respond to what she says.
She will then automatically begin to feel some respect and attraction for you again, even if she says that she isn’t.
In cases like this, a woman will usually pretend not to be feeling anything for her ex boyfriend as a way of testing if his newfound confidence is real, or if he is still the same old insecure, emotionally sensitive guy that she dumped.
2. Did you make her feel as though she could no longer look up to you and respect you as her man?
If a woman can’t respect her man, she will feel less and less attraction for him and when that happens, she will gradually begin to fall out of love with him as well.
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and grow the love, respect and attraction that his woman feels for him.
If he behaves in ways that cause her to lose respect for him, she will gradually stop feeling attracted to him and will usually just walk away from the relationship saying things like, “I don’t feel attracted to you anymore.”
Some of the things that might cause a woman to feel that way, include:
- He belittles her or criticizes her (e.g. is never happy with anything that she does, or makes fun of her in front of other people).
- He disregards her opinion about things (e.g. usually or always makes decisions without ever taking her feelings into consideration).
- He lets her wear the pants in the relationship (e.g. allows her to dominate him and make all the decisions).
- He fails to keep his word to her (e.g. says that he will call her but doesn’t, promises to take her out and then doesn’t show up).
- He acts tough around her, but is nervous and shy in social situations around other people.
- He expects her to put up with his bad attitude just because they used to be in love and he used to be really nice to her when they were dating.
- He is way too nice to her and spends most of his time sucking up to her and trying to show her how much he cares, rather than just being a normal, good guy and making her feel respect and attraction.
Regardless of how good looking, nice or successful a man is, if a woman cannot look up to and respect him as her man, it will be very difficult for her to feel attracted to him and she will most likely just break up with him.
So, if you want your ex girlfriend back, make sure that you start the ex back process by making her feel respect and attraction for you first.
If you don’t do that, getting her back will be a long, drawn out and potentially impossible task.
3. Did you become jealous or controlling?
When a guy is in a relationship with a beautiful woman, it’s only natural that he will be a bit protective over her.
After all, pretty much any guy would love to stick it in her and many of those guys would even have a relationship with her, so it’s completely normal to be a little bit protective.
However, if a boyfriend (or husband) goes overboard and becomes jealous and controlling of his woman, she will begin to resent him and her feelings of respect and attraction will fade.
For example: A jealous, controlling guy might say to his girlfriend, “I forbid you to hang out with your friends anymore. I don’t know if some other guy is going to be there and hook up with you, so I won’t allow you to hang out with your friends anymore unless I am there.”
He might also call her up at all hours of the day or night to check up on her and find out where she is and with whom.
He may even get into the annoying habit of going through her phone, checking her calls or text messages, or even reading her private e-mails and social media messages.
That’s just way too much.
A strong and healthy relationship is built on mutual trust, not on controlling each other in an insecure, overly protective way.
If a man and a woman cannot trust each other, it will eventually stop the flow of respect, attraction and love in the relationship and they will either cheat or break up and move on.
4. Did you give up on your important goals just to spend more and more time with her?
Sometimes, a guy might think to himself, “I really love my girlfriend so much. I don’t want to be away from her even for a second. I want her to know that she’s the most important thing in my life, so I will stop pursuing my goals and dreams and just spend as much time as I can with her.”
He might then give up on achieving his big goals, dreams and ambitions to spend every spare moment with her.
Yet, contrary to what many guys think, that isn’t what a woman wants.
Although a woman does love and appreciate a man who is caring, loving and devoted to her, most women do not want a guy who has nothing else going on in his life besides her. Why?
A woman needs to be able to look up to, respect and feel proud of the guy she’s with.
Imagine if a woman has to introduce her boyfriend to her friends and family and she says, “Hi mom, hi dad. This is my new boyfriend Michael. He’s really great. He loves me so much that he just sits around at home spending all his time with me. He won’t even let me go to the grocery store without him. He’s so devoted. He doesn’t have any plans for the future, but that’s okay because he loves me so much. We just spend all of our time together. Screw the rest of the world – we don’t need them. We will just remain stuck at this level of life forever. We don’t need to strive to achieve anything because we have each other.”
Will she be feeling proud of her man, or will she be a bit embarrassed that her man is behaving like a young boy who hasn’t yet realized what it means to be a man and live a great life and maintain a happy relationship for life?
She may not know that he is making a mistake and might feel as though everyone else is wrong for striving and having goals and dreams, but she will eventually realize that life just gets tougher and tougher the more you avoid stepping up and becoming a mature adult.
When she sees that her sisters, girlfriends and other women that she knows are in a relationship with a man who is making progress in life, she will begin to nag and complain about her boyfriend who spends most of his time hanging out with her, playing video games or working in a job that he doesn’t really like or that doesn’t offer him any chance of promotion.
If he doesn’t step up to the plate and start focusing on making progress toward his big goals, dreams and ambitions, she will start to feel unsafe with him.
She will feel as though she has to take on the role of being the more grown-up one and as a result, she will feel less and less feminine around him.
Regardless of how young or old a woman is, she will want a man (now or in the near future) who:
- Is striving to reach his true potential as a man (e.g. pursuing his big goals, dreams and ambitions).
- Has more to his life than just her (e.g. friends outside of the relationship, hobbies, interests).
- Will work hard on achieving his purpose in life, while at the same time giving plenty of time, love and emotional support to her.
A big part of maintaining and developing a woman’s feelings of respect and attraction over time, is having a purpose in life outside of the relationship with her.
You don’t have to constantly be busy and rushing around doing things, but you do have to have your own goals and dreams that you’re working towards, rather than just spending all of your time with her or all of your time procrastinating and avoiding your true potential.
5. Did you take her feelings of attraction for granted?
A lot of guys fall into the trap of believing that the love between a man and a woman is unconditional and will last for life, as long as it was amazing at the start of a relationship.
Yet, clearly that isn’t the case.
Love, respect and attraction grows based on how a man and a woman make each other feel in the relationship together every day.
So, for a relationship to last a lifetime, it’s the guy’s responsibility to guide himself and his woman into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction over time, rather than falling into the trap of taking each other for granted.
Many guys are very loving and attentive at the start of a relationship, only to start taking their woman for granted once the initial excitement wears off, or when he feels like she is properly hooked on him and doesn’t want to leave.
For example: A guy might begin criticizing his girlfriend, become selfish, expect that she does whatever he wants her to do (e.g. take care of all the cooking and cleaning, only go to the places he likes, wear what he wants her to wear) now that they are in a relationship.
Essentially, a guy like that is assuming that just because his girlfriend cares for him, she’ll put up with anything, forever.
Of course, there are some women who will accept being treated in that way for a while and even for years, but eventually, most women will begin to lose so much respect and attraction that they will either cheat or leave.
Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Their Ex Girlfriend No Longer Feels Attracted
Some guys mistakenly think they can make an ex girlfriend feel attracted again by…
1. Showing how much they care.
If a woman has lost respect and attraction for a guy, hearing him say things like, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I really care about you as a person. You mean everything to me. You’re the best woman I’ve ever met. No other woman is like you. I know I stuffed up, but I promise I can make it up to you. Just give me one more chance to show you how good it can really be. There’s no other guy out there who can love you the way that I do. Please let’s try and work things out,” isn’t going to suddenly make her change her mind.
Instead, she’s likely just going to be thinking, “The words sound great, but the actions speak for themselves. I just don’t feel anything for him anymore.”
So, don’t bother telling your ex girlfriend how much you still care for her because it just won’t matter to her if she isn’t feeling much (or any) respect and attraction for you right now.
You’ve got to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you first.
Once you’ve done that, she will then start to enjoy hearing how much you love her and care about her.
Her guard will come down and she will begin to feel like it’s possible for her to respect you and be attracted to you again.
2. Buying better clothes.
When a woman says, “I don’t feel attracted to you,” a guy might make the mistake of thinking that it’s all about his physical appearance.
He might then decide to change the way he looks by buying better clothes, buying new shoes and possibly even changing his hairstyle, in the hopes that his ex girlfriend will see him and say, “OMG! My ex is looking so great! I love his new look. I feel so attracted to him now. I just have to get him back.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
Although a woman might appreciate a guy’s effort to look good, what he’s wearing (or even how big his muscles are) isn’t as attractive to her as his ability to attract her emotionally.
Essentially, what matters most to a woman is how a guy makes her feel when she’s with him based on how he thinks, feels, talks, behaves and acts.
For example: Does he make her feel sexy and feminine in his presence, or does she feel emotionally dominant because he’s too self-doubting and insecure?
Is he emotionally mature and confident and can he make her laugh and feel good in his company even when she tests him, or does he become upset and emotional if she shows some resistance towards him?
Can she look up to him, respect him and feel proud to show him off to her friends and family as her man, or does she feel a little embarrassed to be associated with him?
These are the things that are much more attractive to women than a guy’s physical appearance.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with putting in some effort to look good, but it’s not as important as how you make her feel emotionally based on how you think, feel, talk, behave and act around her and in life.
So, if you want to make your ex girlfriend feel attracted to you again, focus on making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with you (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotional like a woman, turned on, aroused), rather than trying to impress her with your clothes and other superficial things.
3. Taking her out to fun places.
Sometimes, a guy might say to himself, “Well if my ex girlfriend is saying that she doesn’t feel attracted to me anymore, it’s probably because we stopped doing all the fun things we used to do when we first got together. In the early days, we used to go clubbing, eat out at fancy restaurants, go to parties with friends and even camp out on the beach at night. So, maybe if I take her out to some of the fun places we used to love again, it will re-spark her feelings of attraction for me.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that even if a woman feels good about going places, those feelings are only going to be temporary.
If he doesn’t do anything to regain his ex girlfriend’s respect and attraction for him other than taking her out to fun places, her feelings of happiness won’t last for very long.
She will be analyzing how he still thinks, feels, talks, behaves and acts and she will realize that he still doesn’t really understand how to make her feel real, lasting attraction.
4. Trying to get her to remember the good times that they had at the start.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could make your ex feel attracted again simply by bringing up all the good times you shared together in the past?
Life would be so simple and easy.
A guy could simply say to his ex girlfriend, “Remember how we couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we met? I don’t think we ever saw a movie from beginning to end because we were so busy kissing. What about the way we used to dance together… I don’t know another woman who can move the way you do,” and she would then jump back into his arms and everything would go back to the way is used to be.
Unfortunately, that’s not how things work.
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, being reminded how good things used to be between them will usually only highlight to her how bad things are now.
So, if you want to make your ex girlfriend feel attracted to you again and get her back, you have to actively make her have feelings for you based on who you are now.
Don’t bother wasting time rehashing all the good times from the past.
How you make her feel right now and from now on is what really counts.
Attraction Can Be Created
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that a woman’s attraction can be created or sparked and brought into life based on how the guy thinks, talks, behaves, feels and acts around her.
For example: If a guy is being confident, charismatic and using humor to make her feel good, she will feel attracted to him.
He created that.
He made it happen.
Likewise, if a guy is being nervous, tense and too polite around his ex to suck up to her, she won’t feel attracted to him.
He created that.
He made it happen.
You can literally create or destroy a woman’s feelings of attraction for you.
So, just because your ex girlfriend said that she doesn’t feel attracted to you anymore, it doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels.
You can.
You made her feel attracted to you once before, so you can definitely do it again.
From now on, you have to stop saying and doing the things that turn her off and start making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you.
When you interact with her in ways that re-spark her feelings for you, everything changes.
She starts to want you again because she is attracted to you and it feels really good to talk to you, be around you, kiss you and have sex with you.
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