If your ex girlfriend doesn’t want to get back together again because she felt stressed out by the relationship, you might be feeling like there’s no hope of getting her back.
Fortunately, there is hope and you really can get her back.
Here are 7 tips to help you change her mind and give you another chance…
1. Make her smile, laugh and feel good whenever she interacts with you from now on
You’re probably familiar with the old saying, “Laughter is the best medicine.”
When it comes to easing the tension and making an ex drop her guard, humor to create smiling and laughter is so important.
Remember: Right now, your ex girlfriend probably feels reluctant to interact with you and she might be thinking, “I don’t want to see him or talk to him anymore. It’s just too stressful. I have broken up with him and that’s it. I’m not giving him another chance.”
So, if you want her back, it’s up to you to change how she feels by making every interaction a happy, enjoyable experience for her.
Watch this video for some examples:
The more she smiles and laughs when interacting with you, the more that her feelings of respect and attraction for you will start to come back.
For example: Imagine that you’re on a phone call with your ex girlfriend and she says something like, “Look, I don’t want you call me anymore. It’s just too stressful for me. Please accept that it’s over. I’m not giving the relationship another chance. Please just leave me alone.”
The wrong way to react would be by trying to be extra nice, sweet and polite to her and say things like, “Please, just give me a chance. I promise I won’t say or do anything to upset you. You know how much I care about you. The last thing I would want to do is cause you to feel more stress,” in that hope it makes her feel understood and respected.
Yet, rather than please her, it stresses her out even more. Why?
Essentially, because the guy is being a wimp and doesn’t have the confidence or emotionally masculinity to stand up to her in a loving, but assertive way – which is what she really wants.
Instead, he’s being submissive to her and letting her call all the shots, which is stressful to her because it’s not what she wants from a guy and she’s sick and tired of acting like she’s okay with it when she’s not.
As a result, she closes off to him even more and says that he just stresses her out too much and she doesn’t want to talk to him or see him anymore.
So, a better way to react when your ex says, “Look, I don’t want you to call me anymore. It’s just too stressful for me,” is to turn it into something the two of you can laugh about.
You might say in a joking way, “Yeah, I know what you mean! Saying hello over the phone can be soooo stressful. I don’t know how people all over the world do it every day without having a nervous breakdown. Hold on a sec… please don’t say another word or I might have a heart attack from all the stress of having a simple conversation!” and then have a laugh about it.
She’s most-likely going to laugh at your silliness and possibly even realize that she’s being too serious about a simple phone call.
She will then drop her guard a little bit and allow herself to enjoy the interaction with you.
Alternatively, if she says, “Look, I don’t want you to call me anymore. It’s just too stressful for me,” you can jokingly say something like, “Okay, I won’t call you anymore. Instead, you can call me. I’ll expect a call from you tomorrow at 7pm for a chat and a laugh” and then have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, you might laugh and say, “Hah! You’re such a drama queen these days” and have a laugh with her about that.
You might then laugh and add, “What’s next? You can’t open the fridge because the door is too heavy for you, or you can brush your teeth because the toothbrush is too prickly” and have a laugh with her about that.
When you approach the conversation in that way, she can then relax a little and stop being so serious and uptight about things as she talks to you.
By the way…
Cracking one joke to her isn’t the only thing that is required to fully get her back into a sexual, loving relationship with you. (Of course!).
It’s just something to do in the spur of the moment that will make her smile and maybe laugh, so she can relax and open up a little.
Using humor like that also makes her feel respect for the fact that you don’t lose confidence in yourself when she is being difficult.
When you make her smile and laugh during interactions with you, she just won’t be able to stop herself from feeling good.
Even if she tries to resist it, she won’t be able to hold on to her negative, feelings about you for long, because you will be replacing her stressful memories of you with new, positive feelings.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes open to the idea of being with you again.
Another tip to avoid her feeling stressed is to…
2. Stop trying discuss or work through the problems that you used to have in the relationship
Trying to discuss the problems you used to have together or work things out by talking about it, isn’t what she wants right now.
She wants to feel good around you.
She wants to be able to feel sexually and romantically attracted, relaxed, happy and open as she interacts with you.
She doesn’t want to feel as though talking to you is a difficult job or task that she has to handle in life.
She just wants things to flow smoothly, based on the fundamental feeling of mutual sexual and romantic attraction.
So, if you want to avoid stressing her out, you’ve got to stop trying to work things out with discussions.
Instead, focus on making the feelings mutual again (i.e. You respect her and she respects you. You feel attracted to her and she feels attracted to you. You love her and she is feeling like she’s in love with you again).
That’s what works to get an ex back fast.
Another tip to avoid stressing your ex girlfriend out as you get her back is to…
3. Stop apologizing for your mistakes
It’s totally fine to apologize to a woman for your mistakes once or twice, but if you keep apologizing over and over again, it starts to become stressful for a woman.
Why?
She gets annoyed that the apologies keep coming, but she still feels the same about you.
What you need to do is apologize once (or twice if you really messed up and hurt her feelings) and then get on with re-attracting her and making her feel good around you again.
This rule applies, even if she is complaining and bringing up issues and seemingly expecting you to keep apologizing to her.
For example: A guy is on a phone call with his ex and she says something like, “I don’t want to get back together. Being with you is too stressful. Remember when you (mentions all the things he did wrong)? Well I’ve had enough of that. I’m not going to put myself through it anymore. I just can’t believe you did those things to me.”
Naturally, most guys are good guys and when a woman is bringing up his past mistakes, he will want to apologize to her.
That’s fine, but there is a line that can be crossed where apologizing starts to become desperate and seem like a weak, confused act on a man’s part.
For example: If a man is constantly apologizing for his past mistakes, it can make a woman feel like she is more dominant than him.
When a woman feels more dominant than a guy, she can’t look up to him and respect him.
When she can’t respect him, she doesn’t feel sexually attracted to him and without those two things, there’s nothing much left to build a happy relationship upon.
So, if your ex brings up the same old issues again and again, rather than apologize to her repeatedly and give her the upper hand, you can laugh and say something like, “Hey, we’ve already talked about that. You stress yourself out by bringing up old problems all the time. How many more times do you want to bring it up? 10 more times 30 more? 50? Will complaining about it 100 more times get you to accept that people make mistakes, learn and become better as a result, or do you want to keep complaining about it and thinking that if you just stress about it enough, you will eventually feel relaxed and at peace with it?” or “Haha, okay, here we go again. Tell me all about it and stress yourself out again. You’re such a little drama queen these days, aren’t you? Always wanting to rant on and on about old problems to create drama. It’s funny. Go ahead. Tell me how bad of a boyfriend I was” and then have a laugh about it with her.
By saying something like that to her, you’re having a bit of fun to lighten the mood and relax her unnecessary anger.
You’re also establishing your role as an emotionally mature, dominant man, which she is going to respect and feel some attraction for whether she admits it or not.
Note: I’ve heard back from many men who’ve my ex back approach on their woman and they’ve told me things like, “She said – why weren’t you like this before? I like this new you” or, “What has gotten into you? You’re so different now. I actually kind of like it.”
Of course, not all women are that open about their feelings of attraction.
Some women will feel respect and attraction and say NOTHING about it.
Other women will feel it, but say that they’re not feeling it to test your confidence.
In other words, every woman will express herself in a different way, but what you can count on for sure is that every woman does feel respect and attraction when a man is being emotionally masculine and is able to turn a potentially stressful or annoying conversation into something to smile and laugh about together.
Another tip to avoid stressing your ex out and pushing her away is to…
4. Get her to forgive you for her own benefit
When your ex girlfriend forgives you, it will make HER feel better.
All of a sudden, she will feel a shift in her emotions and perspective of you and the relationship.
She realizes that everyone makes mistakes in relationships, but she doesn’t need to hold a grudge against you for it for life.
She can forgive you based on the fact that you made those mistakes before and are a new, improved man now.
You’re not the man who made those mistakes. You are the man who has learned from those mistakes and become a better man.
However, don’t try to get her to forgive you for the reason that you are a better man now.
No.
She has to forgive you for HER benefit (i.e. that she will feel better about herself and relationships when she forgives you).
That’s how it works.
If you try to get her to forgive you for YOUR benefit (i.e. “Forgive me, because I’m a better man now,”) she will close up and be unwilling to give you that gift, because it doesn’t seem like it will be of any benefit to her.
It’s very important that you get her to forgive you for HER benefit.
When you do, her guard naturally begins to drop and she starts to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Them, the idea of getting back together again doesn’t seem that impossible to her anymore.
She doesn’t feel stressed out by the new you, so she thinks, “Well, why not? I feel good now. It’s not like it was before.”
At that point, you can get her back.
Another tip to avoid making your ex feel stressed about being in a relationship with you is stop…
5. Stop saying and doing the kind of things that used to stress her out
This one sounds a little obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many guys get it wrong.
A guy will continue talking to her and behaving in ways that make her feel stressed and annoyed, because he doesn’t know what else to do.
As a result, she will become increasingly rude, cold and distant and he won’t know what to do about it.
What he needs to do is change his approach and use an approach that matches her personality, wants and needs.
For example: Here are some things that can cause a woman to feel stressed about being in a relationship with a guy:
- He texts her or calls her every day, always wanting to text chat or talk on the phone for a long time.
- He spends most or all of his spare time just hanging around with her, rather than following through on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
- He has no real sense of purpose in life that he is actively following through on and thinks that a woman will be okay about that in the long run.
- He is unreliable (e.g. he breaks his promises to her, borrows money from her all the time and doesn’t pay it back, goes from job to job because he keeps getting fired, or taking on jobs that he doesn’t like).
- He is moving too fast for her (e.g. after only a few weeks of dating, he is already talking about moving in together, getting married and having children, while she wants to see how the relationship goes for a year or two before committing to that).
- He doesn’t want to commit to her (e.g. she wants to settle down and have a serious relationship and he wants to party and be irresponsible).
- He is too controlling (e.g. he wants to know her every move, reads her text messages, e-mails or social media posts, stops her from seeing her friends).
- He keeps focusing on her past (e.g. he constantly brings up her past mistakes, starts fights with her about previous relationships with other guys, feels jealous about how she used to really love her ex boyfriend).
- He keeps getting into fights and arguments with her all the time over trivial things, rather than creating a relationship dynamic based on happiness, love, trust and mutual support.
- He always needs her to reassure him of her love for him, otherwise he gets insecure.
- He needs regular compliments, displays of affection and loving attention from her, otherwise he feels like he is losing her and starts becoming clingy.
As you can see, there are many mistakes a guy can make to cause his woman to feel stressed about being in a relationship with him.
However, the main thing that you need to bear in mind is that whatever made your ex felt stressed out in the relationship, you need to make sure that those things are no longer going to be an issue.
It’s not about promising her that you WILL change if she gives you another chance.
Instead, you actually have to begin to really change those things about yourself, so she can sense and pick up that it wouldn’t be a problem anymore.
You don’t have to tell her that you’ve changed those things.
Why?
Women are very good at picking up the changes in a guy without him even having to say it, by analyzing how he talks to her, reacts to her, behaves, thinks, feels and takes action.
It’s obvious to a woman if a guy really understands where he was going wrong and is now capable of being a better man.
So, how can you make sure that picks up on the changes?
For example: If she felt that you were moving too fast for her and were trying to push her into something that she didn’t feel ready for, then just slow down, relax and focus on having fun without giving off the energy of, “I want a committed relationship. You have to commit! Commit! Show me signs that you want to commit!”
If you and her kept getting into fights and arguments all the time, stop taking things so seriously and focus on turning disagreements into something both of you can laugh about.
Whatever the case is for you, the most important thing is that she can see that the things that were stressing her out before are no longer an issue.
When that happens, she will start to feel drawn to you again and from there you can build a new, happier, more relaxing and enjoyable relationship together.
On the other hand, if your ex girlfriend sees that you’re behaving in the same old ways that made her feel stressed, then she’s not going to be very interested in getting back together with you no matter what you say or promise to her.
You’ve got to make her experience and feel the changes for herself, so she can come to the conclusion that things really are different now and she doesn’t need to keep her guard up around you.
Another tip to avoid stressing your ex out as you try to get her back is…
6. Don’t let her create unnecessary stress and drama over little things
Your ex girlfriend may have good reasons to feel stressed about you and your relationship.
However, sometimes a woman can be very emotional and pick a fight with a guy over insignificant things.
If a guy doesn’t realize that she actually wants him to put her back in her place in a loving, but dominant way, he might react by trying to be even nicer to her to make her happy.
For example: He might suck up to her to hopefully calm her down, promise to do whatever she tells him, take the blame for everything that happened between them or let her belittle him.
Yet, when a woman is throwing a tantrum and behaving like a spoilt brat, giving in to her is not a good idea, no matter how guilty you feel about what happened in the relationship.
Why?
Rewarding a woman for her bad behavior is never, ever a healthy way to build a lasting relationship.
Instead, it just makes her feel like she can push you around and be bratty and selfish without any consequences.
As a result, she loses respect for you for not being man enough to put her in her place when she deserves it.
So, how could you handle the situation when your ex is creating unnecessary stress and drama over little things?
You need to remain emotionally strong, laugh about it and not take her so seriously.
For example: If she’s being a pain in the butt and throwing tantrums for no reason, just laugh and say, “Oh, you’re such a drama queen,” or “Relaaax…you stress yourself out over the smallest things. Chill out girl” and have a laugh with her about it, rather than taking it all so seriously.
When she sees that you’re not buying into her drama, she’ll naturally feel respect for you for being man enough to stand up to her in a dominant, but loving way.
He guard will then come down and she’ll suddenly find herself feeling attracted to the new you.
7. Let her see that your life is happy now, with or without her
Living a happy life without her is something that makes her feel respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t admit it, or if she pretends to be angry about it to test your confidence.
When a woman can sense that you’re getting on with other important things in your life (e.g. going out with friends, pursuing your goals, doing the things you’ve been putting off, enjoying your life), she will instinctively start to feel attracted to your confidence and ability to cope with the break up like a man.
She won’t be able to stop herself from looking at you in a new, more positive way, because you are now behaving like the kind of confident, emotionally masculine, forward moving man that she can look up to and respect.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to rub your new life in her face and try to make her feel bad about it.
Instead, just let her see how happy your life is based on how you talk about life now and what you’ve been up to.
Be an example of how easy life is when you don’t stress out about little things and just get on with enjoying the moment, the day, the night, the week and your life.
When she realizes that you’re now a more relaxed, easy-going, emotionally strong man without her, she automatically starts to feel attracted to you…even if she doesn’t want to, or even if she doesn’t admit it.
What you need to understand is that attraction is an automatic reaction that humans have to each other.
A person either displays attractive traits or they don’t.
If you display traits that women find attractive (e.g. emotional masculinity, confidence, charisma, ambition, high self esteem), women will naturally feel attracted to you.
If you display traits that women find unattractive (e.g. emotional weakness or sensitivity, suppressed personality, lack of ambition, insecurity), women will naturally feel turned off by you.
So, when you display attractive traits to your ex girlfriend, she just can’t help but feel attracted to you.
It happens automatically.
She also can’t stop herself from dropping negative perceptions about you and beginning to look at you in a new, more positive way.
Based on your new approach, she now feels relaxed and happy when talking to you and interacting with you.
As a result, the idea of getting back together again makes her feel excited, curious and alive, rather than anxious, stressed out and tired.
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