3 possible reasons why your ex is afraid to give your relationship another try are:
1. You are asking for a relationship before you’ve re-attracted her
One of the most common reactions a guy has when he gets broken up with, is to quickly try and convince his woman to give him another chance.
For example: A guy might come up with elaborate arguments and explanations to try and convince her.
Alternatively, he might resort to sending her bunches of flowers or buying her gifts, in the hope that she will forgive him and give him another chance.
Yet, if he doesn’t spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him first (this is not achieved by flowers or gifts!), she will usually just keep pushing him away.
She will say things like, “I’m sorry, but I can’t take the risk of getting hurt again. We gave it a shot and it just didn’t work out. It’s time that we acknowledge that we’re wrong for each other and move on.”
So, don’t make the mistake of trying to convince your ex to give your relationship another try, before you’ve fully re-sparked her feelings of respect and sexual and romantic attraction for you first.
Some of the ways you can re-spark her feelings are by…
- Making her smile, laugh and feel good when she’s talking to you, especially when she’s being cold towards you.
- Maintaining your confidence around her, even when she tries to make you feel nervous and insecure.
- Showing her by the way you communicate, behave and react to what she says and does that you’ve changed and improved some of the things that matter to her (e.g. you no longer allow her to push you around, you’re more emotionally independent and have goals that you’re working towards, you’re more emotionally mature).
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence by being more emotionally masculine than her.
- Believing in your value and attractiveness to her, regardless of what she’s saying to make you feel insecure.
The more that you allow your actions to speak for you, the more her feelings towards you will change.
Even if her lips keep saying things like, “No, I’m too afraid to give our relationship another try,” her heart will be telling her, “Can’t you see that he’s changed? He’s not the same guy you broke up with. He’s so much better now. He’s confident and self-assured and he’s clearly made an effort to improve and become a better man since the break up. Do you really want to risk losing him now? What if you push him away and end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Don’t let that happen. Give him another chance.”
She then stops putting up walls every time you interact with her (e.g. on the phone and in person) and allows the respect, attraction and love to come flowing back into her heart.
From there, just focus on making her feel good when talking to you (e.g. by using humor to get her out of a bad mood and break through her defenses) and she will naturally feel a desire to work on the relationship and give you another chance.
Another possible reason why your ex keeps saying that she is afraid to give your relationship another chance, is…
2. She can see that you still don’t understand what she really wants
When a guy gets dumps, he might begin to make the craziest promises and offer overly generous deals to her, if she will just take him back.
For example: A guy might promise his ex that he will do whatever she tells him from now on, no questions asked.
He’s thinking, “If I follow her rules and do what she says, then there will be no reason for her to get mad at me. We never have to get into another argument, or have any disagreements. Things will be perfect. I will be her slave if she wants me to. I just don’t want her to dump me. I have to do whatever it takes.”
Yet, that’s not what a woman wants.
She doesn’t want a man who is a puppet on a string and does whatever she tells him like a good little boy.
Instead, she wants a man who understands what she really wants him to change and then has the emotional intelligence to fix those things and become a better man.
If he can do that (without her guidance or direction), she will be able to fully look up to him and respect him again.
When she can respect him, she will also feel attracted to him and then she will feel comfortable reconnecting with the love in her heart.
On the other hand, if a guy tries to get his ex back without first understanding her real reasons for breaking up with him, he will continue offering to change and improve in ways that don’t matter to her and she will keep saying, “No.”
Here’s the thing…
Most guys are good guys and they don’t intentionally go out of their way to screw their relationship up.
It’s just that quite often, a guy simply doesn’t realize that he’s doing something wrong.
So, when his woman starts nagging or getting into arguments with him, rather than understand the problem and then take steps to fix it, he usually brushes it off and assumes that she’s being a typical, emotional woman.
This is why he is so shocked when she finally breaks up with him out of the blue.
He can’t believe it.
He thought things were okay, but she clearly wasn’t happy.
She wasn’t.
She was giving him hints, complaining and hoping that he would care enough to learn how to be the sort of man that can deepen a woman’s love through the stages of a relationship.
Some guys know exactly how to be the kind of man that can keep a relationship together with a woman for life, but most guys don’t.
So, when a guy gets dumped, he will usually do what most guys do and try to stop the break up by apologizing and promising to change, even though deep down he doesn’t really have a clue what it is that he needs to change.
If she can sense that, she won’t want to give him another chance.
She will be afraid to give the relationship another try, because deep down, she will know that he probably won’t be able to change and become the man she needs him to be.
How about you?
How did you react when she dumped you?
Did you promise to change and do whatever she wanted?
Did you honestly have any idea of how to change, improve and become the kind of man that she would never want to leave?
Probably not, right?
Don’t worry.
Right now, it doesn’t matter how you reacted before.
What matters the most now is what you do from now on to get her back.
If your ex is afraid to give your relationship another try, she’s not getting the impression that you understand her real, deep reasons for breaking up with you.
So, if you want her back, the best way to convince her is by fully understanding what she really wants you to change about yourself (e.g. to be more emotionally dominant and not allow her or others to push you around, to have more focus and direction in life, to be more emotionally independent of her and do your own thing once in a while).
Then, the next time you interact with her on a phone call or in person, she will be able to see for herself that you’ve figured out where you went wrong and have already taken steps to improve yourself.
She will then instinctively feel herself opening up to you once again.
The idea of working on the relationship and giving you another chance starts to make sense to her again.
However, if you are just trying to get her back without understanding what she really wants, you will just keep offering her things she doesn’t want and she will most likely keep rejecting you.
Another possible reason why your ex keeps saying that she is afraid to give your relationship another chance, is…
3. She doesn’t want to give you another chance and you then break up with her to get revenge
Some of the reasons why a woman might think like that are because…
- She broke up with the guy and he got angry with her and even said things like, “I’ll get you back for doing this to me!” or “I’ll never let you get away with dumping me!”
- She cheated on him and then broke up with him and now she’s afraid he wants to hurt her emotionally for what she did.
- She has had a guy do that to her in the past (i.e. reel her back in, make her love him again and then dump her, so he can walk away as the one in control).
- He’s a vindictive guy and doesn’t let people get one up on him.
No matter what your ex’s reasons might be for thinking that you want to take revenge on her, it’s up to you to show her that you are serious.
Let her see that you’re not a petty, vengeful or emotionally immature guy.
Instead, you’re a loving, emotionally mature man who is ready to start a new relationship with her with a clean slate.
You understand where you went wrong before and you’ve taken positive steps to change, improve and become a better man as a result.
When she experiences the new you for herself (every time she interacts with you) and realizes that you wanting her back has nothing to do with getting revenge, her defenses will start to melt.
Just remember: Don’t try to convince her with WORDS though!
You need to show her with your ACTIONS and BEHAVIOR that you’ve truly changed.
She will then open herself up to the idea of giving your relationship another try.
If You Want Her to Give the Relationship Another Try, Don’t Make These Mistakes
You now probably have a better understanding of your ex’s possible reasons for not wanting to get back together again.
However, you may not be sure of what to do to change how she feels now.
So, here are 4 mistakes you should avoid making when you interact with her from now on:
1. Declaring your undying love to her and hoping it will make her realize what she is throwing away
If a woman has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for her ex, him saying, “I know we’re broken up, but I want you to know that I am still in love with you and nothing can ever change that. I will always love you no matter what and I’m going to do whatever it takes to show you that what we had together was special and worth fighting for,” isn’t going to make much difference to her.
Why?
When a woman no longer feels respect and attraction for her ex, it doesn’t really matter to her that he still loves her.
Rather than think, “Oh, he’s right! I would be a fool to throw what we had together away because he loves me so much. After all…what if I never find a guy who can love me that much again?” she won’t care because her feelings for him have been switched off (i.e. she no longer respects him, feels attracted or feels in love).
Sure, she might feel a bit sorry for him, or even a little guilty that he’s not coping with the break up very well, but that isn’t going to make her want to give the relationship another try.
The truth is, a woman doesn’t want to be with a guy just because he wants it.
That feels unfair to her and like she’s only giving in to him as a favor.
Instead, she wants to feel so much respect, sexual attraction and love for him that SHE wants to be in a relationship with him.
So, if you want your ex to want to give your relationship another try, you need to make her experience the type of feelings she wants to experience when she’s with you (e.g. respect, attraction, love, joy, excitement), rather than declaring your undying love for her and hoping that will change her mind.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Promising to do whatever it takes to make her happy
For example: A guy starts begging and pleading and saying things like, “I’m so sorry. I know I stuffed up, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I promise. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. As long as you’re happy. That’s all that matters to me now. Just tell me what you want.”
Unfortunately, rather than making his ex feel satisfied that he’s now at her beck and call, it actually scares her off instead.
Saying something like that only highlights to her that he doesn’t know how to be the kind of man she needs.
He is essentially asking for her guidance and help on how to be a man now.
A woman doesn’t want to take on that role.
If a man tries to hand over that responsibility to her, he will end up looking like a lost, confused boy who hasn’t yet grown up and become a man.
So, don’t make that mistake with your ex.
Rather than promising her that you will do whatever it takes to make her happy, focus instead on figuring out what happened to cause her feelings for you to change.
Make the changes yourself, without her guidance.
Level up as a man and prepare to properly re-attract her in the ways that are important to her.
For example:
- Did you become too emotionally sensitive in the relationship?
- Did you stop making her feel attracted to you?
- Did you allow her to push you around and dominate you with her confident personality?
- Did you treat her more like a friend than an attractive, desirable woman?
- Did you lack purpose and direction in life?
- Were you closed up emotionally and didn’t properly convey your love for her?
These are the kind of things that really matter to her.
When you make the necessary improvements to yourself without her having to tell you what to do, she naturally feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She then begins to believe that you’ve learned from your past mistakes and are now a better man.
When that happens, she feels comfortable trusting you again and then, giving the relationship another try starts to feel good to her.
On the other hand, if you just promise to do whatever she wants to make her happy, she will keep saying things like, “I don’t know… I’m afraid of getting hurt again,” and pushing you away.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Promising that you will never hurt her
As far as she is concerned, that has already happened.
You have already hurt her and that is why she’s afraid to give your relationship another try.
So, saying to her, “Look, I know you’re scared, but I promise I won’t hurt you again. Just give me a chance to show you that things will be different now,” is unlikely to be enough to convince her.
Instead, she’s probably going to be thinking, “Yeah right! I’m just going to take his word that things will be different this time. Then, when I’ve fully fallen in love with him again, he’s going to go back to behaving in all his old ways and I’m going to find myself with a broken heart once again. Like the saying goes ‘Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me.’ I’d be a fool to let that happen again and I’m no fool. So, he can just forget about getting back together again. I’ve got to stick to my decision to remain broken up from him.”
Here’s the thing…
In many cases, a guy has made promises not to hurt her, only to break his word later on after she’s forgiven him.
So, don’t bother promising your ex that you won’t hurt her, because it just won’t matter to her if she isn’t feeling much (or any) respect and attraction for you right now.
You’ve got to regain her respect and attraction for you first, if you truly want her to believe you and open back up.
Once you’ve done that, her defenses will drop and she will begin to feel like it’s possible for her to give your relationship another try.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Saying that you are willing to take it slow
When a guy tells his ex that he’s willing to take things slow, rather than think that he’s being considerate and that he’s taking her feelings into consideration, she may in fact feel like he’s trying to force her back into a relationship.
Rather than look at it from his point of view (i.e. that he doesn’t want to rush her) she will likely be thinking something along the lines of, “I haven’t agreed to give our relationship another try and he’s assuming that more time will make me change my mind. He still doesn’t realize that the only thing that will make me agree to take him back again, is if he changes the things that turned me off and shows me that he can be the man I need him to be. I don’t think he gets that yet. He’s just pushing for a relationship. He has no idea how to make me feel the way I really want.”
So, don’t focus on trying to convince her that you are willing to take things slowly.
That just stresses most women out and turns them off, because the guy looks a little desperate.
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