4 possible reasons why your ex is already on Tinder, even though you just broke up are:
1. She is using it as a self esteem boost
After a break up, it’s quite normal for a woman to feel lose confidence in her attractiveness to other men.
This can happen because the relationship with her man became boring or stale (e.g. her guy treated her more like a buddy than a desirable, sexy woman, they were always doing the same things, the sex became boring or dried up altogether, he always seemed to be looking at other women and checking them out).
It can also happen if her guy took her for granted in the relationship (e.g. he stopped noticing and commenting on her efforts to look attractive for him, he was indifferent or even rude towards her, he talked down to her and made her feel stupid or unattractive).
As a result, after she breaks up with him, it’s only natural that she might feel unloved, unappreciated and unattractive.
So, to make herself feel better, she might get on Tinder and instantly connect with hundreds of men who will make her feel like an attractive, desirable woman once again.
Here’s the thing though…
Just because your ex is already on Tinder, it doesn’t mean that she’s over you or that you can’t get her back.
In fact, you can easily change how she feels by making some adjustments to the way you interact with her from this point onwards.
You need to show her via the way you talk, think, behave and interact with her, that you now have the ability to make her feel the way she really wants to feel when she’s with you (e.g. attractive, desirable, loveable, happy).
When you start giving your ex the attraction experience she always wanted (e.g. make her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculinity, take charge and lead the way rather than being too nice, neutral or complacent around her), her feelings will automatically change.
She might openly admit it to you and say that she feels differently now and is interested in giving the relationship another chance.
Alternatively, she might keep her guard up a little, just to spend a bit more time with you before she can believe in the changes and fully open up to you again.
She will begin to think things like, “I don’t know what’s changed, but talking to my ex actually makes me feel excited again. It feels good to be around him. No one makes me feel the way he does. Why wasn’t he like this before? I would have never broken up with him if this is who he was before. Maybe we really can have another chance after all.”
She will either then quit Tinder, or just begin to ignore it and focus back on you.
Another possible reason why your ex is already on Tinder even though you just broke up is because…
2. She wants to move on before you do
Whether it’s because a guy broke up with her, or because she wants to teach him a lesson for treating her badly in the relationship, a woman will often try to move on as quickly as possible after a break up.
For example: She may think something like, “I bet he thinks I’m just going to sit around crying over him for days or weeks. Well, I’ll show him that I don’t need him. I’m going to quickly find myself another man and move on. Then, when he realizes that I’ve already moved on, he will regret treating me the way he did and letting me get away. I’ll show him how valuable I am.”
She will then make herself available (i.e. by going on Tinder) to meet new guys.
Here’s the thing though…
Rather than wasting a lot of time worrying about it and thinking things like, “My ex is already on Tinder even though we just broke up. How could she do that?! Didn’t she care about me at all? Did our relationship mean nothing to her?” simply focus on using every interaction you have with her from now on, as an opportunity to re-spark her feelings for you.
The more you make her feel respect, attraction and love for you, the less she will be able to settle for another guy she might meet on Tinder.
She will begin to feel uncomfortable with the idea of being with another guy and you can then guide her back into a relationship that is better than ever before.
Another possible reason why your ex is already on Tinder even though you just broke up is because…
3. She knew you would check, so she is trying to make you jealous
There are many reasons why a woman might want to make her ex jealous after a break up.
3 of the most common reasons are…
1. He was jealous and controlling in the relationship with her and she wants to test him to see if he’s changed, or if he’s still the same
If he has truly changed and is now more confident and self assured (i.e. he doesn’t care if she’s on Tinder, Match.com or any other online dating site or app), she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
She will then open herself up to getting back together with him.
On the other hand, if he’s still the same jealous guy (e.g. he gets upset with her for being on Tinder and says things like, “How can you do this to me? Did what we had together mean nothing to you? How can you be such a slut?”) she will feel justified in her decision to remain broken up with him.
She will move on a lot more easily, without feeling guilty or like she may have made a mistake about dumping her ex.
2. She wants to see if he’s confident enough to get her back, even though it appears that she’s moving on
If a guy gives up on getting his ex when he sees that she’s already on Tinder, she will lose attraction for him for assuming that other guys are more attractive than him.
On the other hand, if a guy doesn’t even care what she is doing and just focuses on re-attracting her, she will feel respect and attraction for him for not feeling inferior to other guys that she may be interested in.
Alternatively, he could also laugh at her (in a joking way) when they are talking in person and say something along the lines of, “Oh, no…what am I going to do? You’re already on Tinder. I’m sooooo jealous!” if she brings it up as an attempt to make him feel jealous or uncomfortable.
When she sees that he isn’t losing confidence in himself, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a surge of respect and attraction for him for being so confident and emotionally strong.
3. She still has feelings for him and she wants to shock him into taking action and getting her back
In some cases, a woman may still secretly be in love with her ex, but she might not want to come out and say it.
So, as a way of shocking him into taking action, she tries to make him feel jealous by going on Tinder and pretending to be hooking up with other guys.
She’s hoping that he will take the lead in the ex back process and guide her back into deep feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
Whatever the case might be between you and your ex, the important thing is that you don’t sit back and allow your feelings of jealousy to cause you to give up on her, or to behave in ways that will turn her off (e.g. get angry, be rude, try to make her feel guilty for the way she’s behaving).
Instead, regardless of what she’s doing on Tinder, just focus on reawakening her feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction you make her feel for you, the less she will care about anyone else she might meet on Tinder or any other dating app.
Another possible reason why your ex is already on Tinder even though you just broke up is because…
4. She was never really committed to you
In some cases, a woman might hook up with a guy that she doesn’t feel fully compatible with, simply because she doesn’t want to be alone.
Alternatively, a man might be a woman’s rebound guy (i.e. the guy she gets with after a serious break up to make herself feel better).
In her mind, she might be thinking, “He’s okay for now, but he’s not the one for me. He’s not manly enough for me. He’s too emotionally sensitive. When I get tired of him, I will simply move on and find another guy that suits me better.”
So, naturally when she breaks up with him, it’s not too difficult for her to then move on (i.e. get on Tinder) because she was never really committed to him in the first place.
Of course, if this was the case with you and your ex, it doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels.
In fact, when you make her feel surges of respect and attraction for the new you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good in your presence, making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your emotional masculinity), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again.
She will begin to wonder something like, “What’s going on here? Why am I feeling this way? Why do I suddenly want to be his girl again? Why does the idea of losing him for good suddenly make me feel like panicking? Could he actually be the one for me after all?”
This is why you should focus on what YOU are doing to get her back, not on what SHE is doing in the meantime.
Don’t Waste Time Worrying About What She’s Doing. Focus on What You’re Going to Do to Get Her Back
It doesn’t matter what your ex is doing right now.
What matters are the actions you are taking to re-attract her and get her back.
That said, not all actions get a positive result.
There are many classic mistakes to avoid when in your situation.
For example: If you want to get her back quickly, make sure that you…
1. Don’t text her to ask why she is on Tinder
It might be very tempting to send your ex a text message and demand an explanation from her.
For example: A guy might text something along the lines of, “How can you already be on Tinder when we’ve only just broken up? Did what we have together mean nothing to you? Were you just using me? Explain yourself. I deserve to know.”
He’s hoping that she will feel guilty and respond with something like, “I’m so sorry! I never meant to hurt you. Of course our relationship meant something to me. You’re the love of my life and I’m only on Tinder because I can’t deal with the pain of losing your forever. Will you ever be able to forgive me and give me another chance?”
Wouldn’t that be nice?
He could then graciously forgive her and they can get back together again and live happily ever after.
Ahhh, how sweet.
That scenario might be played out in a Hollywood romantic movie, but in real life, a woman will usually just get annoyed at her ex for being needy, desperate and demanding.
She will then say something along the lines of, “You don’t have any right to tell me what to do. We’re broken up now and I can do whatever I want, date anyone I want and even have sex with whomever I want. You need to mind your own business and leave me alone. Goodbye.”
So, don’t bother texting your ex to ask her why she’s on Tinder!
Instead make sure that every time you interact with her, whether it’s via text, e-mail, on social media, over the phone or in person, you’re sparking her feelings for you.
The more you make her feel respect and attraction for the guy you have become since the break up, the less she will want to meet other men on Tinder, or anywhere else.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Don’t lose confidence in your chances of re-attracting her
It’s understandable that when a guy sees that his ex girl is already on Tinder, even though they just broke up, he might begin to think something like, “I guess it’s truly over between us then. If she’s already moving on so quickly like that, then I don’t stand a chance with her anymore. It’s hopeless to even try. I’ve lost her forever.”
He might then lose confidence in himself, in his value to her and in his ability to re-attract her.
Yet, thinking like that only makes him more unattractive in her eyes and convinces her that she’s doing the right thing by being on Tinder.
Why?
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the emotional weakness.
In other words, when a man is emotionally strong in his relationships with women, he is going to be confident, have high self-esteem, be self-assured, be determined to succeed, be assertive and he’s going to believe in himself and in his value to her.
That’s attractive to women.
On the other hand, when a man is emotionally weak, he is going to be insecure, self-doubting, have low self-esteem and he’s going to believe that his woman is better than him in terms of value.
That’s not attractive to women.
Instead, it makes a woman think things like, “If he doesn’t feel like he deserves me, then why should I bother with him? I’m sure I can do better than him. I need to find a man who is confident and self assured, rather than settle for an emotionally weak, insecure guy who I can’t respect and feel attracted to.”
So, remember: If you want to get your ex back (even though she might already be on Tinder) you need to believe that you can.
You need to show her (via your actions and the way you react and behave around her), that you know you are the man for her.
She is your girl and you are her man.
So, be confident.
Believe in yourself and in your value to her.
When you think, feel, behave and act like a self-approving, confident man, you automatically become more attractive to your ex.
All of a sudden, she can’t stop herself from thinking about you in a more positive light because you are now behaving like the kind of man she can actually look up to and respect.
She then feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
3. Don’t use the “No Contact” approach
After a break up, a lot of guys feel really insecure about how to approach getting their ex back (especially if she’s already on Tinder pretty quickly after the break up).
A guy might then start thinking things like, “What should I do to make my ex see me as better than the guys she’s interacting with on Tinder? What strategy will work best? Should I use the No Contact Rule and ignore her for 30 to 60 days? Will that make her miss me and convince her that I’m better than the other guys she’s meeting?”
No.
The NC rule (ignoring an ex for 30 to 60 days after a break up) is usually the worst thing that a man can do.
Why?
To begin with, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has lost respect and attraction for him over time.
So, unless a woman is still desperately in love with her ex and is hoping that he will get jealous when he sees that she’s on Tinder and then get her back, ignoring her for weeks or months isn’t really going to bother her much at all.
Sure, she might wonder why he’s not contacting her, but if she believes that he can’t change and become the kind of man she needs him to be (e.g. more confident, more emotionally independent, more emotionally masculine), then she’s just going to focus on moving on quickly with the guys she’s meeting on Tinder or online dating sites.
So, if your ex currently doesn’t have feelings for you, using the no contact approach isn’t a very good idea.
Instead, you will most likely just be making it easier for her to get over you and move on.
Don’t make that mistake.
If you want her back, you need to actively re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you (i.e. by quickly getting her on a phone call with you, making her laugh and smile and convincing her to meet up with you in person).
When you meet up with her and she sees for herself that you’re now a new man (e.g. more confident and emotionally strong, emotionally masculine, living a happy and fulfilling life without her) she will automatically feel attracted again.
She’ll stop feeling so drawn to Tinder and will want to explore her newfound feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
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