Here are 5 common reasons why a woman will become selfish after a breakup and how a man can turn that around and get her back:
1. She no longer feels any need to be nice to him
By the time a woman gets to the point where she breaks up with a guy, she has already disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him.
Basically, over a period of weeks, months and in some cases even years, her feelings for him have dissolved away and she has prepared herself for the breakup.
As a result, being broken up is not that much of a shock to her.
The guy on the other hand, usually doesn’t see it coming, so when the breakup happens, he’s often left feeling emotionally battered and bruised.
Of course, in most cases, his first instinct is to say and do whatever he can think of to try and make her change her mind.
For example: He might…
- Keep asking her to explain her reasons for the breakup, so he can then give her what she wants.
- Promise her that he really will change if she just gives him one more chance.
- Tell her how much he still loves her and how he believes they have a special connection.
- Offer to go to couples counseling with her if she wants to fix their relationship problems.
Yet, rather than change her mind, she instead says something along the lines of, “Forget it. I’ve made up my mind. Breaking up with you is the right decision for me. From now on, I’m going to put my wants and needs first and that means I’m going to focus on moving on and living the life I want without you in it.”
Of course, when a guy hears something like that, he’s probably not going to like it and he may even think things like, “My ex is being so selfish. How can she throw away what we had without even wanting to try and fix things? Why is she being such a bitch?”
Yet, here’s what a guy like that doesn’t realize…
If a woman no longer has feelings for a guy, she doesn’t have to stay with him, or even be nice to him, just because they were in a relationship together.
Even if they once talked about being together forever, none of that matters anymore if she isn’t feeling respect, attraction and love for him now.
That was then and this is now.
So, if you want your ex to stop being selfish and open back up to giving you another chance, you have to make her have feelings for you again.
When you interact with her and give her an upgraded attraction experience (e.g. you’re more confident and emotionally strong than before, you make her feel more sexy and desirable in your presence rather than making her feel like a neutral friend, you’re more of a challenge so she feels like she has to impress you), her feelings about you will automatically begin to change.
She will start to feel respect and attraction for you again and her will guard will automatically come down.
She then naturally starts to be nice to you again, because she has something to gain (i.e. a new and improved relationship with you).
On the other hand, if you keep trying to make her listen to you and be nice to you without reactivating some of her feelings for you first, you can be almost certain she will continue to be selfish and put her wants and her needs ahead of yours.
2. She wants him to suffer for what he put her through during the relationship
Most women will get into a relationship with a man with the intention of someday being able to settle down with him and build a future together.
That might not be something she consciously thinks about or even wants right away, but instinctively that’s where she’s headed (i.e. to find one man, get him to fall in love with her and stick with him for life).
So, when the guy she’s decided to give her time, trust and heart to fails to put in enough effort in the relationship and instead does things that make her feel unloved, unappreciated and let down (e.g. he takes her for granted, he doesn’t take the lead so she is forced to take on all the relationship responsibilities, he stops making her feel like a desirable woman and instead makes her feel like a neutral friend or roommate), it’s only natural that she will feel angry and resentful towards him and want to break up with him.
She may then close herself off to him and refuse any attempts he makes to get her back.
He might then wonder something like, “Why is my ex being so selfish?”
What he doesn’t realize is that she’s making him suffer for everything he put her through when they were together.
Although that might sound nasty, the fact is, even a nice, sweet woman can turn selfish and mean when she feels like she’s been wasting her time with an unworthy man.
This is why, if you want your ex to stop being selfish and get her back, you need to change your approach to attraction with her.
When she can see for herself that if she gives you another chance, you won’t be making the same attraction mistakes and treating her the way you did before, she will be able to reconnect with some of her feelings of respect for you again.
When she respects you, she will also start to feel attracted to you.
When that happens, her defenses will come down and she will open back up to talking to you and hanging out with you again to see where things go.
3. She is acting based on the fundamental human instinct of self-preservation
A woman’s instinct is to protect herself from getting harmed by a man, whether it’s physically (i.e. he becomes violent towards her) or emotionally (i.e. he breaks her heart).
So, when a relationship doesn’t work out, rather than remain open and allow herself to potentially be emotionally hurt by her ex again, she instead pulls away and starts putting her own well-being in first place in her life.
From the guy’s point of view it may seem as though she is being selfish, but what’s really happening is that she’s protecting herself.
Here’s the thing…
For a woman to be happy in a relationship with a man and want to stick with him and be good to him, she needs to feel like she can look up to him and respect him for being a real man (i.e. loyal, dependable, caring, trustworthy).
So, when a guy fails to fulfill her relationship needs and instead ruins her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him (e.g. because he takes her for granted, is unreliable, he cheats on her, he makes her feel unsafe when she’s with him), her instincts of self-preservation kick in and she breaks up with him.
This is why, when the guy then tries to make her change her mind, she rejects him.
Essentially, there’s nothing for her to go back to.
He isn’t changing his approach to make her feel attracted and is just offering her the same thing and expecting a different reaction from her.
As a result, her instincts tell her something like, “Hey! Don’t let him sweet talk you into giving him another chance, because you’re going to regret it. No matter how much you want him to be, he’s not the right guy for you and nothing about his actions and behavior indicate that he will change. Get away from him now before you get hurt even more,” and so she pushes him away and focuses on moving on.
So, if you want your ex to give you another chance and stop being so selfish, make sure you’re making her feel the way she wants to feel when she interacts with you (e.g. attracted, respectful, excited).
If you keep offering her the same old attraction experience as before, chances are high she’s going to stick to her decision to be broken up so that she can protect herself from being hurt any further by you.
4. She worries that if she is nice to you, then you will continue to like her and want her back
If a woman has disconnected from her sexual and romantic feelings for a guy, him trying to get her back is usually not something she wants to encourage.
So, rather than continue to interact with him from time to time (e.g. via text, over the phone or see him in person), or even pretend that she’s okay with being friends now, she instead decides to be cold and unfriendly towards him, or just avoid him as best she can.
In that way, she’s hoping that he won’t feel encouraged to pursue her, or stay in touch with her anymore and she can then move on and find a new man to be in a relationship with.
Here’s the thing though…
Even if a woman is initially offish towards you, she won’t remain like that for very long if you use the interactions you still have with her to spark some of her feelings for you.
If you’re not sure how to go about doing that, here are a few examples to help you get started:
- Use humor to snap her out of her protective shell and make her smile, laugh and feel relaxed when interacting with you again, rather than stressing her out by trying to get her to talk about the relationship with you.
- Make sure that you believe in yourself and in your value and attractiveness to her, rather than feeling as though you’re not good enough for her anymore, which she will pick up on (via your body language, conversation style and the way you respond and react to her) and feel turned off about.
- Be aware that she’s going to continue being cold, mean and selfish, so make sure that you maintain your confidence with her, rather than needing her to be nice, gentle and friendly towards you in order for you to feel confident around her.
- Don’t be afraid to flirt with her and create some sexual tension between you, rather acting like a neutral friend.
- Show her, via your actions, behavior and conversation style and the way you respond to her that you’re now at a different level to when she broke up with you, thereby allowing her to truly be able to look up to you, respect you, feel attracted to you and love you from now on, rather than continuing to make the same old attraction mistakes as you did before.
Then, once you’ve reawakened her sexual and romantic feelings for you again, guide her to a hug, kissing and sex to help get things back on track and make her open back up to the idea of being your girl again.
5. She wants to show you that you no longer have any power over her
Sometimes, a guy might be too protective and even controlling and jealous in a relationship with a woman (e.g. he stops her from seeing her single friends, checks her phone/e-mail/social media to see who she is interacting with, forbids her to talk to/hang out with any guys at work).
However initially, because she cares for him, she might submit to his unreasonable demands and even make excuses for him to herself by saying things like, “He loves me. That’s why he’s always being so protective over me.”
Yet, over time, she may begin to feel angry and resentful towards him for having so much power over her and her life.
If she then breaks up with him, it’s only natural that she will want to celebrate and enjoy not having him tell her what to say and do anymore.
If he then tries to get her back, she will almost certainly reject him and even say things like, “No way! I’m finally free and I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”
Of course, he might see her actions and behavior as being selfish, but from her point of view, she’s enjoying the fact that he no longer has power over her.
Here’s the thing…
Even though most women do like to be with a man who is dominant, they don’t like to be with a man who is controlling to the point where she ends up feeling as though she’s not her true self.
Whether a man is controlling because he’s insecure about his value to her and is worried about losing her, or because he doesn’t know how else to behave in a relationship (e.g. because he never had a strong male role model while growing up), it really doesn’t matter to the woman.
What matters to her is how she feels when she’s with him (i.e. does she respect him, feel attracted to him and love him, or does she look down on him, feel contempt for him and feel turned off by him?)
If she can’t respect him and feel attracted to him, it doesn’t matter how much he tries to suck up to her after she breaks up with him.
She won’t be interested and will instead focus on herself and her wants, needs, desires and preferences.
This is why, if you want to make your ex stop being selfish and get her back, your first priority must be to regain her feelings of respect for you by interacting with her on a phone call or in person and letting her see that you really are different now.
When she can see for herself that no matter what she says or does to bring out your jealous and controlling streak, you just remain calm, relaxed and in control of your emotions, she will naturally drop her guard a bit and allow herself to interact with you to see where things go.
You can then fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back into a new, happier and more balanced relationship than before.
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