If she’s playing hard to get and won’t give you another chance, just use these 5 tips and she will change back to how she used to be with you…
1. Stop chasing her and start joking around with her
You’ve tried chasing her and pursuing her to get her back, right?
She doesn’t like that approach.
It’s too stressful and it doesn’t make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you.
In fact, all of your efforts to hopefully convince her to give you another chance, end up making you appear desperate (even if you’re not).
As you may know, women aren’t attracted to desperation in men, so stop chasing in a hurried, “Please give me another chance!!” kind of way.
What should you do instead?
Use every interaction that you have with her as an opportunity to make her laugh, smile and feel good talking to you.
Don’t try to get her back.
Just get her laughing, smiling and feeling good every time she interacts with you and she will the naturally want you back.
She will see that you’re not desperately chasing her, while also realizing that she misses you when you and her aren’t interacting.
She will then start to question why she is missing you and conclude that it must be a sign that she is supposed to get back with you.
As a result, you get her back without having to pressure her into it.
Here’s the thing…
Sometimes, a guy becomes so desperate to get his ex back that he starts acting out of character and being someone he’s not.
For example: He might…
- Beg and plead with her to give him a chance to make it up to her and do better this time around.
- Apologize to her over and over again.
- Keep asking her if they can start over again and just forget about the mistakes he made.
- Send her loads of texts about random things as a way of staying on her mind and hopefully stopping her from moving on.
- Tell her how much he still cares for her and how lost he feels without her.
- Pour his heart out in a letter and explain that he will never be able to love another woman the way that he loves her.
- Tell her that no other guy would love her the way he does.
- Show up at her home or work and demand that she speak to him.
- Send her emotional, needy texts to hopefully make her feel sorry for him.
…and the list goes on.
Yet, rather than make her think, “Aww… that’s so sweet. He’s really trying hard! So, I should stop messing him around and just give him another chance,” a woman will think something like, “He’s driving me crazy! He’s like a leech that won’t get off me. He is always crying, whining and being sad and wimpy like a girl. Doesn’t he realize that nothing about his behavior is making me want to talk to him again, let alone give him another chance? Doesn’t he realize that this isn’t about him anymore? It’s about me. My feelings. Not his. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t even realize that he has to make me have feelings for him first. He just wants me back so he can feel better about himself. I’m over it! I’m sick and tired of having to be nice to him.”
So, even though you might feel desperate about wanting to get her back, don’t show her that because it will turn her off and push her away even further.
Remember: Before your ex decides to give you another chance, she first wants to see that you have changed and improved some of the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place.
For example: You were too controlling because you doubted your value to her and feared losing her, you were disrespectful towards her views and opinions about things or you became too emotionally sensitive and stopped being manly enough for her.
Have you changed, improved or adjusted the things that turned her off?
That’s what really matters.
It’s not about telling her that you’ve changed though.
You have to let her experience it, rather than telling her that you’ve changed.
So, if you’ve been pursuing her in a way that has been turning her off and annoying her, you need to stop using that approach from now on.
What should you do instead?
Just focus on making her laugh, smile and feel good around you.
When you do that, the conversations and interactions will flow more easily and she will be able to pick up on the fact that you have changed.
For example: While talking to you, she will notice that you’re not insecure like you used to be, or that you’re not trying to control her like you did in the past.
You won’t even need to tell her that you’ve changed.
She will be feeling good, looking at you in a positive light and noticing the changes for herself.
As a result, her guard will come down and she will stop playing so hard to get with you.
The next thing you can do is to…
2. Attract her in the ways that she really wants
Do you know the real reasons why your ex broke up with you, or did she give you some vague excuse like, “I need some space to sort things out in my life,” or “I’m just not ready to settle down right now,” or “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore”?
Most women give vague excuses or reasons for the break up, without ever really explaining the actual things that are turning her off and what a guy would need to change, adjust or improve to successfully get her back.
Why?
She doesn’t want to give him instructions on how to get her back.
Why?
At the point of the break up, a woman has usually had enough.
For example: During the relationship, she may have tried to hint and give her guy clues as to what was turning her off.
She may have said, “I need you to accept me for who I am and stop trying to change me into someone I’m not,” but the guy didn’t listen.
He kept being controlling, insecure and unloving and just expected her to put up with it because they had great sex, or used to be so in love.
Yet, she didn’t want to just keep putting up with it.
As a result, she started to change into a moody, grumpy or nagging girlfriend (or wife) and stopped being as affectionate and loving as she used to be.
In reaction to her change, the guy then became more angry, irritable, controlling and demanding.
She then became even less loving, interested and involved in the relationship.
The downward spiral continued on until she eventually said something like, “Enough! I don’t want this anymore. I’m leaving you.”
Each relationship will break up for subtle things that turn into bigger and bigger problems over time, so it’s important that you understand where you really went wrong with her.
When you truly understand where you went wrong, you can then make the correct changes to your thinking, behavior and approach to her and the relationship from now on.
When she can sense those changes in you, it will be like a breath of fresh air for her because you finally get it.
She doesn’t need to explain all the fine details to you and try to get you to understand the subtle things that had been turning her off.
You know it now and are able to attract her in the ways that she really wants (e.g. if you became too insecure and emotionally sensitive in the relationship, you are now so confident and emotionally masculine).
Attracting her in the ways that she really wants is what works to get a woman back.
So, don’t waste time on any other method.
If you do, you will just waste your time and energy, get rejected by her and end up feeling more hurt and disappointed than before.
For example: A classic mistake that some guys make is using relationship advice that they picked up from watching TV or movies, as a way of getting his ex back.
For example: A guy might…
- Send his ex a bunch of flowers with a card saying something like, “I’m so sorry! Please forgive me” or, “I love you so much. Please give me one more chance. xoxoxo”
- Get her favorite radio station to play ‘their song’ on air when she’s likely to be listening.
- Blow up hundreds of balloons and place them around the exterior of her house or apartment with the words, “I’m sorry” or, “I love you” printed on them.
- Arriving at her home or work with flowers, chocolates, a teddy bear or some other gift to hopefully show how much he cares and how sorry he is.
- Write her a long love letter or e-mail, explaining his feelings, expressing his sorrow, apologizing, asking for forgiveness and asking for another chance.
That sort of thing works well in the movies, but not in real life.
In real life, no matter how flattered a woman may feel initially, none of these things show her that he has changed the things that really matter to her.
For example: If a woman wants her guy to be more manly, him sending her flowers, playing love songs or decorating her yard with balloons isn’t going to work.
She will think something like, “Does he really think that being more romantic and expressing his feelings is what I want? He doesn’t get it.”
Yet, if she’s the sort of women who wants to play games with her ex and mess with his head, she might say something like, “Oh, wow…thanks. That’s really nice of you. You didn’t have to do that. It’s very thoughtful of you” to make him feel like he has a chance with her.
Hearing words like that is enough to make most guys think, “Cool! She’s being nice to me! She is open to getting back with me. I’m nearly there!”
Then, when he suggests a meet up, she says something along the lines of, “How easy do you think I am? Do you think that flowers or balloons are enough? You’re going to have to do a lot more than that to get me back.”
He might then feel angry that she showed interest after he was so nice to her, but then rejected his offer to catch up 1 on 1 and hang out.
Yet, she doesn’t feel like she’s done anything wrong.
Why?
He isn’t attracting her in the ways that really matter to her.
He’s just copying what he’s seen on TV, in movies and in advertisements.
It’s just superficial things (e.g. flowers, balloons, a card) that he has bought and is presenting to her.
Alternatively, it’s just an e-mail or a letter that he’s typed up or written.
It’s not him interacting with her and making her feel attracted in the ways that really matter to her (e.g. she wants him to be more masculine and ballsy, she wants him to be more driven in life, she wants him to stop giving her so much power).
He might think that she is being a bitch and needs to stop, but she thinks that he needs to stop being a soppy romantic actor and start attracting her in ways that actually matter.
So, make sure that the next time you interact with your ex, you clearly understand her real reasons for breaking up with you and are able to attract her in the ways that actually matter to her.
Don’t try to gloss things over with romantic gestures, or distract her with deep and meaningful conversations about how much you feel for her and how sorry you are.
She will see that as you being selfish, because it’s all about you getting what you want from her.
So, if you want her back, you’ve got to focus on making her have feelings for you by attracting her in the ways that actually matter to her, rather than trying to change her mind by talking about your feelings, your realizations and your wants and needs.
When you make her feel heard and understood, you gain back one of the things that a critical for a successful relationship between a man and a woman; respect.
If she respects you, she will then allow herself to feel attracted to you again and from there, getting her to reconnect with the love she used to feel is simply a matter of time.
For some couples, it happens right away and for others it takes days for the love of the woman to come flooding back.
Next tip…
3. Don’t take her games so seriously
You literally need to laugh at her and be more playful when she is being a pain in the butt by playing hard to get.
Just use it as an opportunity to create some laughter and feel good emotions between you and her, rather than taking her behavior so seriously.
For example: If you ask her to catch up and she says, “I’m not sure. I need more time” you can laugh and say, “Okay, I’ll call you back in 10 minutes” and then hang up the phone.
Then, call her back in 10 minutes and say, “So, do you need another 10 minutes?” and have a laugh with her.
Then say something like, “Anyway, let’s just catch up and say hi” and continue on from there.
Don’t get angry, upset or frustrated if she plays hard to get.
Remain confident and lead the way to you and her getting back together.
This is what she will be looking for from you.
She wants to see if you have the balls to handle the pressure.
So, one of the worst things that a guy can do when his ex woman is playing hard to get, is to get caught up in her fake drama and become upset, angry or disheartened.
Women hate seeing that.
Why?
A woman wants to see that a man can maintain control of his emotions and guide a situation to the outcome he wants, without the help or support of a woman.
This is why women always test men by being difficult, changing their mind all the time and throwing tantrums.
She wants to see what kind of man he really is.
If he regularly fails her tests, then she loses faith in his ability to handle himself out there in the world.
As a result, she stops feeling safe with him and starts feeling attracted to other men who seem more manly and grounded than her boyfriend/husband.
She doesn’t want to have to leave him and find a new guy, but she will if she has to.
Her instincts will tell her to leave if she doesn’t feel safe with him as the leader of the relationship.
A lot of guys don’t know that and mistakenly demand that a woman be nice, gentle, sweet, consistent and logical all the time, rather than testing him by being difficult.
Yet, she can’t stop.
It’s her natural instinct to align herself with a guy who is emotionally strong enough to handle the challenges that life throws at him, without sulking, seeking pity or losing control of his emotions.
So, what are some of the mistakes that guys make when their ex woman is playing games with them?
Mistake 1: Asking her to be serious and stop playing games
A guy might get annoyed and say, “Why won’t you just be straight with me? Just grow up and stop playing games! If you want to get back together then just say so. If you don’t, then stop messing me around. Just tell me what you want.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
In most cases, she is just testing to see if he can remain confident and believe in himself when she is being cold, bitchy or playing hard to get.
No matter how strongly he demands that she stop playing games, she never actually will.
Mistake 2: Saying how much it hurts him that she is playing games with him
A woman’s breeding instincts prevent her from feeling sorry for a guy who can’t handle her kind of pressure.
She will put up with it for a while in a relationship if she is otherwise happy and in love, but if he doesn’t level up and become an emotionally stronger man, her instincts will be too hard to ignore anymore.
She will begin to feel turned off by him at a deep, primal level and eventually break up with him.
So, after the break up, she isn’t going to want to take pity on her ex, unless she is really missing him and having a hard time living without him.
If she’s doing fine and doesn’t really care about leaving him, then his pleas for her to stop hurting him by playing games will be secretly laughed at by her.
Many guys don’t know that though, so they try to seek pity from their ex woman for how badly she is making him feel.
For example: A guy might say, “How can you be so cold and heartless? Don’t you remember how in love we used to be? Doesn’t anything I’ve ever done for you count now? You’re acting like what we had didn’t mean anything to you. Can’t you see how much you’re hurting me with your actions? You have ruined my trust in relationships. I will never care about another girl the way I care about you. I love you with all of my heart and I’ve done my best to be the best boyfriend/husband I could and this is what I get?”
He’s hoping that if she notices how much her actions are making him suffer, she will feel sorry for him and then stop messing him around.
Yet, she doesn’t.
Her instincts are telling her, “He’s not strong enough for a girl like you. You won’t feel safe with him. Find a stronger man. Move on.”
Mistake 3: Ignoring her texts to hopefully beat her at her own game, but it then backfires when she ignores him even more
When a guy can’t get his ex to stop playing games with him (e.g. being friendly one minute and cold and distant the next, texting him things like “I miss you” and then, when with something like, “I miss you too. Let’s meet up,” she then ignores him for days), he might decide to give her a taste of her own medicine by ignoring her back.
Yet, in most cases, when a woman has stopped feeling respect, attraction and love for a guy and he hasn’t actively done anything to make her reconnect with those feelings, she’s just not going to care much about the fact that he isn’t contacting her anymore.
Instead, she might think something like, “Let’s see which one of us lasts out longer, you, or me. I’m betting you want me back a lot more than I want you. So, go ahead and ignore me. Sooner or later I know you’re going to crack. Let’s see how long you can last before you text me again.”
Then, while she is ignoring him, she starts going out with her single girlfriends, using dating apps like Tinder and potentially dating a guy from work (or university) who has been interested in her for a while.
Soon enough, she’s having sex and possibly even falling in love with a new guy and forgetting all about her ex.
So, from now on, you need to stop taking her games so seriously.
See her mind games for what they really are; tests.
She’s testing to she if you will crack under the pressure she is applying to you now.
To pass her tests, you need to remain confident and believe in your attractiveness and value to her, no matter what she says or does to try and make you feel insecure or unworthy.
4. Make her miss you
Making an ex woman miss you is not about ignoring her for weeks, or even months at a time and hoping she will wake up one morning and say to herself, “What has happened to me? I haven’t heard from my ex in such a long time and I really miss him. What if he’s met another woman and moved on? OMG! I better call him up right away before it’s too late!!!”
It would be nice if getting an ex woman back was that simple, but it’s not.
The truth is that if a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex guys anymore and he starts ignoring her, she will usually just use that time apart to move on and forget all about him.
She might miss him a little bit in the beginning, but if her feelings for him aren’t strong enough, she will soon forget about him and begin to move on.
So, what should you do instead?
Interact with her, re-attract her and build up some sexual tension between you.
Then, once you’ve got her thinking things like, “This is really so nice. I never thought I’d feel this way about him again. I’m actually happy and excited every time I hear from him now,” back off for a few days (nothing longer than 3 to 7 days) and then get in touch with her again.
Whenever she interacts with you, she feels attracted now and because you’re leaving gaps of 3 days in between, she gets to miss you and want to hear from you.
As a result, she may even contact you and suggest meeting up or even getting back together.
However, if your ex is a bit of hard case and is refusing to open up to again, just repeat the process again until her walls come down.
5. Hook up with her and let her experience the new and improved you
At this point, your ex will probably be feeling a lot of sexual attraction for the new and improved you.
She may be thinking, “I’m tired of playing hard to get. I want us to stop the games and get back together…and I think he’s ready for that too.”
She may then start giving you signs that she’s open to hooking up again, (e.g. she suggest you and her go out for a drink at night, rather than meet for coffee in the afternoon, she invites you to her place for dinner, she sends you a sexy photo of herself, she keeps complimenting you on being different now and telling you how much she likes it).
Whatever the case, if you and her are hanging out together and she seems attracted and open, just lean in and give her a quick kiss.
If she doesn’t pull away, deepen the kiss and either suggest you go to her place or yours, or if you’re there already, proceed to having sex.
From there, the most important thing to do is keep building her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
The more you build on her feelings, the less she will want to play games with you, because she will genuinely begin to fear the idea of losing you.
You will have her back and she won’t want to play games anymore.
She will just want to be with you and be a good girl for you.
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