Here are 5 reasons why your ex might not be telling you the full story…
1. She doesn’t want to help you realize what will get her back
It would be great if a woman said, “Look, here’s the full story. I’m breaking up with you because… (and she then lists everything you’ve done wrong in full detail). So, here’s what I think you should do so that we can get back together.”
Yet, that rarely, if ever happens.
Instead, a woman will usually say something like, “It’s not you, it’s me. I just need some space,” or “It’s just not working out between us. We’re not connecting anymore,” or even, “I need to focus more on my studies/career/family, so it’s better if we don’t see each other for now.”
Naturally, that often leaves a guy feeling confused and thinking things like, “My ex isn’t telling me the full story. Maybe if I ask her to explain to me what’s really going on with her and why she wants to break up, we can then work on fixing things between us and getting back together. Maybe she wants to see that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work.”
Yet, that’s not what a woman usually wants after breaking up with a guy that she is no longer attracted to or in love with.
If you she is going to give you another chance, she will want to see that can change and improve without her guidance or instruction.
If she tells you what to change, then the changes in you won’t feel natural and will instead feel forced.
Then, in the back of her mind, she will always be wondering, “Is this really what he wants/who he wants to be, or is he only being like this to please me? What if he eventually gets tired of being what I want him to be? Will he suddenly decide to change back to the way he was before? If he switches back to his old self, months or years from now, it might then be too late for me to get out of the relationship because we’d married or would have a child together. I don’t want to trap myself like that. I want a man who genuinely wants to change for his own sake as well as mine. I don’t want a guy who is faking things just to be with me. That’s desperate.”
So, if your ex isn’t telling you the full story at the moment, make sure that you show her that you’re now a better, more attractive man than before, without her needing to tell you how to be that way.
When she sees for herself that you really have changed, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you again.
Another common reason why your ex might not be telling you the full story is…
2. She doesn’t want you to react badly if she tells you the real reasons why she broke up with you
Women are instinctively programmed to avoid getting into a confrontation of any kind with a man (i.e. in the past, men could beat and kill women and get away with it, so the instinct is hard-wired into women to avoid making a man react in that way).
So, rather than potentially causing to react in a way (i.e. angry, aggressive, controlling, threatening) that will make her feel uncomfortable, or even unsafe, a woman will often use a fake reason to break up with you (e.g. she needs time to think, wants to focus on her career or studies, wants to be alone for a while).
For example: Imagine if a woman broke up with a guy because he was too soft and gentle with her, but rather than giving him a fake reason for ending the relationship, she gave him the full story.
She said something like, “I’m breaking up with you because you lack the emotional masculinity and toughness I want in a guy. When we’re together you make me feel more like your mother than like your woman. I always feel like I’m taking care of your emotional needs, rather than the other way around. You’re too much of a wimp for me. I need a real man. You lack balls and it makes me feel like I’m tougher than you. I don’t want that. I want to feel girly in comparison to the man I’m with. Sorry, but that’s just the way I feel.”
When he hears the truth about why she’s breaking up with him, he then reacts by getting angry with her for being so selfish and expecting him to be emotionally tougher, after all he has been through in the past (e.g. with his childhood, failed relationships).
He then starts crying to seek pity from her, or begging for her to give him a chance so he can prove to her that he can be emotionally tougher and stronger as a man.
So, to avoid that kind of reaction, a woman will often keep the full story to herself and just use whatever excuse she feels will get her out of the relationship without too much drama.
Another common reason why your ex might not be telling you the full story is…
3. She doesn’t feel obligated to tell you everything
In today’s world, a woman is not a man’s property, so she can decide to say and do whatever she pleases.
Even though it might suck to hear this, if your ex wants to break up with you and not tell you the full story, it’s her right to do so.
I know, I know…not very nice, right?
How dare she be so selfish, what has happened to women, the world isn’t what is used to be and so on.
Here’s the thing though…
Even though it would be nice if your ex had to come clean and spell everything out for you, the fact is that she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to.
As much as that sucks for you, you need to accept it and not try to force her into telling you what she doesn’t want to tell you.
If you keep pushing her to explain everything, rather than getting the full story out of her, you’re more likely to annoy her and cause her to close up even more.
Then, interacting with her so that you can get her back becomes a lot more difficult, because she is refusing to answer your texts, social media messages or calls and she won’t meet up with you.
Some guys refer to ex women like that as being stubborn.
Here’s a video I made to help men get a stubborn ex woman back…
For now, I recommend that you forget about trying to find out the full story and focus instead on using every interaction you have with her to restore her feelings for you again.
For example: Maintain your confidence with her even if she’s being closed off, make her laugh and smile, flirting with her to create sexual tension and make her feel girly in comparison to your masculine approach to conversations and interactions.
When your ex feels sparks of respect, attraction and love for you again, she will naturally open back up to you and not want to lose what you and her now have together.
If she tries to fight it by ignoring you, she will begin to worry that you are going to be the one who got away.
She will go to bed thinking of you and how there seems to be a spark between you and her again and as a result, she will feel compelled to see you in person and see what unfolds between you and her.
When you meet up with her in person, don’t try to get the full story from her.
Just focus on building on her feelings and getting to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
Another common reason why your ex might not be telling you the full story is…
4. She didn’t take the relationship as seriously as you did
Sometimes a guy will invest a lot more into a relationship than the woman does.
For example: He might think, “She’s the one for me. I know we are meant to be together. This relationship is for real. I have to show her that I am 100% committed to her. I have to treat her like a princess.”
Yet, she might be thinking, “He’s a nice enough guy, but I don’t think he’s the one for me. I’m just going to enjoy what we have for now, but it’s not serious for me. If I meet another guy who makes me feel more respect and attraction, I will break up with my current guy and move on.”
Then, when she meets a new guy, she might break up with him by saying something like, “I need some space to figure out what I want,” when what’s really happening is that she needs some time to establish a relationship with the new guy.
Her boyfriend is then left thinking, “I don’t understand why this happened. She’s not telling me the full story. I can feel it. Something is up.”
When she has established a relationship with the new guy, she will then feel safe to say, “I’ve met someone else and I’m happy now. Please respect that. I wish you all the best.”
Horrible, but some men and women do that to each other at the end of a relationship.
It’s not just women.
In other cases, rather than moving on with a new guy right away, a woman will just keep asking her ex for more and more space, in the hope that he eventually gives up and leaves her alone.
Not everyone has the courage to come right out and say, “It’s over. I don’t want to be with you anymore because I’m no longer attracted to you.”
Additionally, sometimes a person will break up a relationship in that way because they don’t want their ex to move on before they do.
So, the person will say, “I need space. Please give me that. We can then talk about getting back together after that” and then use that time to move on before their ex does.
Another common reason why your ex might not be telling you the full story is…
5. She doesn’t want to open up a dialogue with you that could give you ways to convince her to give you another chance
Even in a woman still has some feelings left for a guy, she might still go through with a break up because, deep down, she just doesn’t believe that he will ever change and be the man she wants him to be.
So, rather than spell things out for him (i.e. tell him exactly what he’s doing wrong) and risk him trying to talk her out of her decision, she breaks up with him and tries to move on.
For example: A woman might want her man to be more focused and goal oriented in his life, rather than just drifting through his life without any real purpose or direction.
However, if she says that to him, he might then start making promises to change and even try to prove to her that he’s more focused now than he was before.
She may then give him another chance with her, only to realize that he didn’t really change anything at all and that he just said he would change to stop her from breaking up with him.
So, the next time she makes her decision to break up with him, rather than risk him talking her out of her decision again, she simply breaks up with him without telling him the full story and then tries to move on.
Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Get the Full Story From Your Ex
Whether your ex is telling you the full story or not, to get her back, you need to make sure that your interactions with her from now on are turning her on, rather than turning her off.
To turn her back on, be sure to avoid making the following mistakes…
1. Seeking pity for how she is making you feel by not telling you the full story
Sometimes a guy might say to his ex, “How can you do this to me? How can you just walk away from what we had without even giving me a proper explanation of what is going on? I just don’t understand how you can be so coldhearted. I know that I stuffed up, but don’t I at least deserve to hear the full story after all we’ve been through? If you ever loved me at all, you owe me that. Please… have a heart. I need to know. Tell me what is going on. Tell me why you are doing this. I love you more than anything. I don’t want to break up. If you leave me, you are going to ruin me. You are what I care about most in this world. Please, tell me what is going on.”
Essentially, he’s hoping that by making her feel sorry for him, she will change her mind, give him an explanation and make it easier for him to get her back.
Yet, it just doesn’t work like that.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s being manipulated by her ex, simply because he can’t figure out where he went wrong or what he needs to do to get her back.
Additionally, when a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her ex, a man’s whining and nagging for an explanation only confirms to her that she has made the right decision (i.e. because he doesn’t know what she wants and needs her to teach him and guide him to be a better man for her).
So, don’t bother trying to make your ex feel pity about not giving you the full story.
Instead, focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
2. Trying to get her to work on having a relationship when she’s not even attracted
When a woman breaks up with a guy, her main focus is usually to limit her interactions with him, so she can get over him and move on.
If her ex keeps contacting her, asking her for the full story and trying to work things out based on the details, she will continue making excuses to avoid giving him any hope that she is open to getting back together.
Here’s the thing…
Right now, your ex probably doesn’t care that you want to get her back, how sincere you are or how much you need her.
She likely doesn’t have strong enough feelings for you at the moment, so discussing the relationship and then working things out based on the details is probably the last thing on her mind.
So, if you want her to care, you first have to focus on reawakening some of her sexual and romantic feelings for you during interactions, so she then feels like it’s worth it to give you another chance.
On the other hand, if you just keep pushing her for a relationship without first reactivating her feelings for you, she’s probably going to remain closed off and refuse to give you another chance.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Thinking that the way to get her back is to dig deep into the full story
Getting all the details, or the full story on why she has broken up with you isn’t going to get her back.
What will?
Restoring her feelings of respect, sexual and romantic attraction and love for you.
That is what really counts and is what works to get a woman back quickly.
For example: Here are some ways that you can begin to restore her feelings…
- Show her how confident you now are, but not feeling nervous or unsure of yourself when she is being cold, distant or even rude towards you.
- Use humor to diffuse a tense situation and get her laughing, smiling and feeling good to be talking and interacting with you again, rather than feeling nervous and trying to be nicer to her in the hope that she feels bad for treating you badly and begins being nicer herself.
- Stand up to her in a loving, but dominant way if she tries to disrespect you during a conversation.
- Make her feel feminine and girly by being more emotionally masculine when you interact with her.
When you focus on re-attracting her, she naturally begins to drop her guard and want to open up to you because it now feels great to interact with you.
On the other hand, if you just keep pushing her to tell you the full story without reactivating her feelings, she’ll probably become even more closed off and determined to keep you out of her life.
So, forget about what she is or isn’t telling you and focus instead on what she is and isn’t feeling.
Her feelings for you are what will make her want you back.
Focus on that.
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