The 5 possible reasons why your ex isn’t willing to talk things out and let you know what went wrong are…
1. She hasn’t felt a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you yet
If your ex doesn’t feel much respect or attraction for you, she isn’t going to feel motivated to want to work on the relationship or give you any clues on how to get her back.
Instead, she will remain closed up and try to move on because there is nothing for her to go back to you (i.e. you haven’t re-attracted her and made her feel like she wants you again).
Many guys don’t really know how to re-attract an ex woman, so they just try to convince her to give him another chance instead.
For example:
- He begs and pleads with her to give him a chance, in the hope that she takes pity on him and gives in.
- He tries to make her feel guilty or selfish for not being willing to talk things out and let him know what went wrong (e.g. “How can you do this to me? I can’t believe how cold-hearted you’re being now after all we’ve been through. Does what we had mean anything to you? I thought you loved me. You used to tell me what I was the one. What happened? Why won’t you just let me know what went wrong, so I can fix it?”).
- He sends her a long, emotional letter, e-mail or social media message where he expresses his feelings and talks about how much she means to him. He hopes that it will make her think, “He must be the one! He feels so much for me. This is real love!” but it doesn’t because he hasn’t reactivated her feelings of respect and attraction first.
- He makes promises to change and improve if she will just tell him where he went wrong.
He’s hoping that she thinks something like, “He’s right! We just need to talk things out. Why didn’t I think of that? We can get back together if we talk it out. How silly of me. I’m sure that once I tell him what went wrong between us, he will quickly change and improve and become the man of my dreams right away. What was I thinking by being so cold and closed off? Obviously he’s putting in the effort and I owe it to him to try as well. How selfish of me for being so closed off to him. I have to help him get me back!”
That kind of thing just doesn’t happen, obviously.
Instead, she just keeps saying, “No” whenever he asks her to talk things out and tell him what went wrong because he’s trying to get her back before he’s even re-attracted her.
Most guys don’t know when to stop using their ineffective approach and seriously try something else, so they just keep going.
He just keeps begging, pleading, pouring his heart out, asking for her help and generally going on and on about the same old things.
His ex then closes herself off from him even more and acts like she doesn’t care, in the hope that he begins to hate her and just moves on without her instead.
After all, he hasn’t really changed, so there’s nothing for her to want to give him another chance.
It’s just him wanting her back.
The feelings aren’t mutual yet.
So, if you want your ex to be willing to talk things out and give the relationship another chance, you must start saying and doing the things that will renew her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
That is what really counts.
If you interact with her and talk and behave in ways that naturally attract women (e.g. maintain your confidence regardless of how cold, mean or unfriendly she’s being towards you, use humor to get her out of a bad mood, make her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your emotional masculinity), her feelings for you will automatically change.
You won’t to waste time and energy trying to convince her to give you another chance because she will want to give you another chance for her own reasons.
She will feel drawn to you and it will feel good to her to hug you again, kiss you, have sex with you and say, “I love you” again.
It will be a fun experience to go through the ex back process with you now that she’s attracted to you again.
On the other hand, if you keep making the same old mistakes that you’ve been making so far, she’ll just keep thinking, “He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know what I need him to change to make me want him again. I’m not wasting anymore of my time on him.”
She then closes up and loses interest in communicating with him, having her number stored in her phone or keeping him as a friend on social media.
She decides that she will just have to move on and find someone else, before she makes the mistake of getting back into a relationship with a guy who hasn’t even really changed.
So, make sure that you really do change the things about you that were turning her off (e.g. insecurity, emotional sensitiveness, lack of emotional masculinity) to avoid turning her off from now on.
When she can see for herself that you’re not reacting like she’s expecting you to (e.g. begging and pleading, asking her to tell you what to do to make her happy, hoping that she will take pity on you), she will become open to talking things out with you because she will have reconnected with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
Another possible reason why your ex isn’t willing to talk things out and let you know what went wrong is because…
2. She doesn’t want to teach you how to get her back
In some cases, a woman won’t want to give her guy a clear reason why she’s breaking up with him because she doesn’t want to teach him or help him understand how to get her back.
So, to keep things vague and unhelpful, she might say something along the lines of, “This just isn’t working out anymore,” or “My feelings for you have changed. I think we need to take some time apart from each other to see if this relationship is worth fighting for.”
Her guy might then start pleading with her to tell him what has been turning her off and what he needs to change to make her happy.
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “Okay, he’s really trying here. He obviously wants to change and improve, so I’ll give him a list of all the things about him that have been turning me off to help him become the man I need him to be,” she will think something like, “I can’t believe that after everything that happened between us, he still doesn’t know what went wrong. He needs me to tell him how to behave like a real man now so I will give him another chance. Doesn’t he realize that I’m tired of having to help him understand how to be the kind of man that I want? I’ve tried for so long and I’m now at the point where I’ve just given up on him. I’m tired of trying to make things work with him. I want a relationship that just works naturally because the guy understands how to be a real man in a relationship. I have to get away from him. I have to move on.”
Here’s the thing…
Even though your intentions with her are good (i.e. you really want to know what you’ve been doing wrong, so you can then quickly improve and become the man she wants you to be), asking your ex to tell you what to fix is one of the quickest way to turn her off even more.
Why?
If a woman has to tell her guy how to attract her, it just won’t feel real to her.
In the back of her mind, she will think something like, “He’s just putting on an act to make me feel better, so I give him another chance. I don’t want a guy who is like a robot that follows my instructions and does whatever I say. How does he even know that I will tell him the right things? Why would he put his trust in a woman to take care of him and guide him? Doesn’t he realize that I could just take advantage of him and tell him to behave in ways that aren’t even about being a real man? It’s just too tiring and annoying and confusing with him. I want a real man who knows how to be a man without my help and guidance. I have to move on now before he gets me back into a relationship and wastes more of my time.”
This is why it’s very important that you stop asking your ex to talk things out and let you know what went wrong.
She doesn’t want to be your teacher or guide.
She wants you to find the answers yourself and just start being the kind of man that she can respect and feel attracted to.
For example: Ask yourself…
- Did I feel like I got lucky with my ex, which then caused me to feel insecure about losing her?
- Did I go from being a confident guy, to becoming a clingy, needy or jealous guy over time?
- Did I stop making her feel like my sexy girl and instead started treating her more like a neutral friend or roommate?
- Was I too much of a pushover with her by allowing her to get away with bad behavior, which caused her to feel unsafe with me because she could see that I didn’t know how to stand up for myself?
- Did I become too aggressive or angry when standing up to her, rather than putting her back in her place in a loving, but dominant way like a real man would?
- Did I get on well with her friends and family, or was there always a fair bit of awkwardness and negative tension, so she felt like she had to choose between me or them?
- Did we want the same things in the relationship (e.g. a serious commitment, to have fun, to focus on career), or were we going in completely different directions in life?
- Was I a man of my word, or did I let her down one time too many times?
- Did I spend way too much time on my work or studies and not give her enough attention?
- Did I spend too much time playing video games or hanging out with my buddies, which then made her feel unappreciated?
- Did I turn her off by being insecure and shy in social situations, especially around confident people?
- Did I give her too much power in the relationship, to the point where she no longer felt respect and attraction for me and lost interest in sex?
- Did I take away too much of her power by being overly controlling, which then made her want to reclaim her sense of freedom?
Some of those questions may ring a bell for you and help you understand what really turned her off and made her want to leave the relationship.
From this moment onwards, it’s essential that you begin to get to the core of why you acted in that way, so you can fix it immediately.
Then, when you interact with her and show her (via your actions and behavior) that you’ve taken action to change without her help, she will automatically feel some respect for you again.
If she can respect you, it means that you can then build on that initial spark and make her reconnect with her feelings of sexual attraction and love as well.
On the other hand, if you keep nagging her by saying things like, “Please, let’s just talk things out. Please tell me what went wrong. I am willing to do whatever it takes” or even worse, you try to get her discuss it all via text, she’s just going to keep saying, “No. I don’t want to talk about it. Leave me alone. It’s over.”
Another possible reason why your ex isn’t willing to talk things out and let you know what went wrong is because…
3. She’s embarrassed to admit the kind of attraction experience she really wants from a man
Although a woman might be independent, have a career and is in a position of power in her professional life, in a relationship she usually wants an emotionally strong man who will allow her to truly relax into being a feminine woman around him.
Being feminine means that she will cry, change her mind about things all the time, get upset over little things, be happy one minute and moody the next and so on.
If a guy is able to remain confident and in control of his emotions no matter what she says or does, she will respect him for that.
If he’s also able to laugh at her when she throws a tantrum or gets angry all of a sudden, she will love him for it.
She will then show him a sweet, loving, warm and affectionate side of herself that she never reveals to other guys.
That’s not because women are crazy, a pain in the ass or intentionally being difficult to win over.
There is a very important reason for women behaving in that way with a man when in a relationship.
What is that reason?
It makes men stronger.
One of the most important roles that a woman plays in a man’s life is to make him become emotionally stronger all the time.
She does this out of a natural instinct to ensure that her man has the ability to protect her from danger and not be bullied or taken advantage of by mean or difficult people.
If her man doesn’t feel intimidated by her, doesn’t get upset when she changes her mood like the weather and doesn’t get angry if she gets angry, she will feel attracted to him and in love with him on a deep, primal level.
She will not want to leave him because she will know (especially if she’s had experience with relationships) that other guys simply do not have that kind of emotional strength and emotional masculinity.
Of course, this isn’t something that a woman will admit to her man.
Most women don’t feel comfortable coming out and admitting what they want these days, especially because of all the women’s lib stuff she reads about or sees on TV.
Most women in the media talk about being strong and acting like a man, but it’s not what they really want to be like in a relationship with a man.
A woman really wants to be free to be a girl around her man.
That is what makes her the happiest and most in love.
So, if a woman is in a relationship with a guy who hands over his power to her and expect her to take the lead like a man, she will be deeply upset and turned off by him.
Additionally, if he expects her to be emotionally consistent like a man, she will feel like she has to break up with him and find a man who understands how to make a woman feel like a real woman.
Of course, almost all women are embarrassed to admit that kind of thing to a man because they don’t want a man to then accuse her of being stupid, crazy or childish.
So, rather than be made to feel that way, she just breaks up with him and tries to find a real man who will let her be a real woman.
Here’s the thing…
Many modern women go around saying that they can do anything that a man can do, but they are still instinctively attracted to and respectful of a man who is more emotionally dominant than they are.
This doesn’t mean that she wants a man who pushes her around and bullies her, is controlling and domineering and doesn’t take her opinions or feelings into consideration.
It’s simply means that she wants her man to be the emotionally stronger one who takes on the role of leading the way in the relationship, so she can then relax and feel like a feminine woman around him.
If he constantly keeps handing the reigns over to her and saying things like, “Whatever you decide is fine with me,” or “I’ll do whatever you want. As long as you’re happy that’s all I care about,” she won’t be able to relax and be girly, get emotional and focus on being in love with him.
As a result, she loses respect and attraction for him as a man and that usually leads to her breaking up with him pretty quickly.
Then, after the break up, if he continues to put her in control by saying things like, “Please let’s talk things out so that you can let me know what went wrong,” it turns her off even more.
He doesn’t realize that she doesn’t want to have to come out and admit that he’s not emotionally dominant enough for her.
She doesn’t want him to take it the wrong way and start being an asshole or treating her badly, because he doesn’t know how to be emotionally dominant in a loving way.
She just doesn’t want to take that risk, so she tries to move on.
Another possible reason why your ex isn’t willing to talk things out and let you know what went wrong is because…
4. She might have cheated on you and doesn’t want to admit it
When her ex starts saying things like, “Let’s talk about what went wrong. Maybe we can work things out. Please just talk to me” she isn’t going to want to open up and tell him that she cheated on him and then risk him getting angry at her.
Instead, she hopes that the less she opens up to him, the faster he will give up and move on without her.
When a guy can’t seem to get a straight answer from his ex woman, he might decide that he has to give her some space (e.g. 30 to 60 days).
Yet, as you will discover from the video above, giving a woman a lot of space after a break up rarely results in getting her back.
If your ex did cheat on you and you want her back, then you have to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you, so she actually has a reason to give you another chance.
After cheating, a woman will often feel disconnected from her ex because of the attraction she felt from the guy she cheated on him with.
To get her back, you’ve got to get her to reconnect with her feelings as soon as you can, rather than giving her loads of space and hoping that she will come back on her own.
In many cases, a guy won’t know what else to do, so he will give his ex woman a lot of space.
Yet, when he eventually calls her (e.g. 30 to 60 days later), he is disappointed to hear her say something like, “Sorry, but it’s over between you and me now. I’m in a new relationship and I’m happy, so it’s pointless for us to talk things out and discuss what went wrong in our relationship. What’s done is done and there’s no reason to go over that now. You have to move on and leave me alone. Goodbye.”
He then has to deal with getting her back from another guy.
Additionally, if she did cheat on him prior to the break up, she can now avoid admitting that and use his lack of contact after the break up as a reason why she moved on.
So, if you want your ex back the easy way, don’t make the mistake of giving her loads of time to move on.
You can re-attract her very quickly if you approach it correctly.
A final possible reason why your ex isn’t willing to talk things out and let you know what went wrong is because…
5. She feels like you’d just talk her into getting back with you, but the same relationship problems would still exist
When a man is very charming and persuasive during conversation, he can sometimes talk an ex woman into giving him yet another chance, even though he hasn’t really changed.
If she has fallen for that trick before, she will be less likely to fall for it again.
In cases like that, a woman will try to avoid her ex and refuse to talk things out with him to ensure that he can’t somehow manipulate her into giving him another chance.
She knows that even though he has a lot of good qualities, he just doesn’t understand how to really change the dynamic in the relationship to make her truly happy.
For example: She might want him to be more assertive and make more decisions in the relationship, but he’s too easy going and doesn’t want to take on that kind of responsibility or be so serious about life.
Alternatively, she might want him to stop putting up with her fake drama and letting her control him, but he might think that it’s the right thing to do to always be nice to a woman and do whatever she says.
Another example is if the woman wants him to be more socially confident, so they can lead a more interesting life, but he isn’t putting in any effort to overcome his social shyness or he doesn’t see the need for socializing.
Rather than try to fix him or change him, she just tries to move on.
She doesn’t want to open her heart to him, only to get hurt once again when he makes her feel unhappy and unfulfilled for the same or similar reasons.
So, the first step to getting your ex back is to identify the problems that existed in your relationship and then take action to fix and change those things about yourself.
Then, the next time you interact with your ex (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) she will be able to see that you’re not just trying to convince her to give you another chance without even changing.
You have already changed and she can now envision a much happier, brighter future with you.
Once you make her feel that way, don’t make the mistake of wanting to keep discussing the relationship.
Don’t make the process of getting back with you feel difficult or stressful for her.
Make her feel attracted, happy and alive when she interacts with you and she will naturally want to give you another chance.
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