Here are 7 common reasons why a woman will say something like, “Just let it happen naturally” or, “A relationship shouldn’t feel forced…it should feel natural” to her ex boyfriend:
1. She felt as though the relationship required too much work to keep going
Most women know that it’s possible for a relationship to be happy and full of love, without having to put in loads of work or effort.
In other words, the love and happiness occur naturally because the couple either clicks well, or the man knows how to create that kind of dynamic in a relationship.
So, if a woman finds herself in a relationship that requires too much work to keep it going, she will start to feel irritated, frustrated and unhappy.
Here are some examples of a relationship requiring too much work or effort:
- The guy always needs her reassurance that she loves him (e.g. cuddling him, showing him affection, saying that she loves him, saying that she only wants to be with him). If she doesn’t, he loses confidence and becomes insecure, clingy or controlling.
- The guy texts, messages, or calls her too much throughout the day to the point where she doesn’t have much time for anything else.
- The guy requires her to text him when she gets home, or text him prior to going to sleep at night, so he knows that she’s safe. If she senses that his real reason for doing that is to hopefully prevent her from cheating on him, she will lose a lot of respect and attraction for him and begin to feel trapped by the relationship. It will also feel like too much work to always have to provide proof of where she is, to calm his insecurities down.
- The guy doesn’t know how to keep the spark alive between them, so she is always trying hard to make the relationship more enjoyable (e.g. by making herself look attractive for him, initiating kissing and sex, arranging romantic dates or weekends away). Yet, despite the efforts she puts in, the spark really isn’t there because he has no idea what to do (e.g. he’s just a nice guy who loves her. He doesn’t know how to be a challenge, or flirt with her, or make her feel girly in comparison to his manly approach. He’s just a nice guy and that is boring to her).
Any of the above can make a woman feel like a relationship is being forced to stay together, rather than being able to unfold naturally in a mature, loving, and trusting way.
It can also make her feel like she has to put way more effort into the relationship than him, due to his incompetence (e.g. he lacks relationship skills, or doesn’t really know how to attract women and is just winging it and hoping for the best).
Think about it this way…
Think of a man and a woman dancing and being in sync.
The man leads, the woman follows and both of them know where to step to make the dance flow and feel good.
Yet, when one person isn’t in sync, it will almost always result in discomfort or pain (e.g. trampled toes, going in the wrong direction, looking robotic, awkward movements, unnecessary problems).
Suddenly, the dancing won’t feel fun and will feel more like a huge, annoying effort to achieve nothing.
The same applies to a relationship.
When the dynamic is out of sync (e.g. one person has good relationship skills and the other is clueless or amateurish, one person is putting in way more effort, the woman feels way too dominant, the man feels less important or valued), it won’t feel like a fun, in love, enjoyable relationship.
It will feel like too much work and will be too annoying, frustrating and exhausting to continue on with.
This is why if you want your ex back, you must change the dynamic between you the next time you and her interact.
For example: A woman is turned off because her ex always lets her dominate him during conversations (e.g. to avoid arguments, or because he’s worried he’ll lose her forever, or because he isn’t confident or manly enough for a girl like her).
If he suddenly changes the dynamic by being more assertive and emotionally dominant (e.g. takes the lead, stands up to her in an assertive, but loving way), she will be pleasantly surprised and impressed.
She will also feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him, which will then make her feel naturally drawn to him.
He won’t have to try to convince her by pleading, begging or groveling for another chance.
She will naturally feel like giving him another chance.
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex boyfriend that a relationship should feel natural, rather than being forced is…
2. She noticed that he was always trying to win her over, rather than her naturally wanting him
If a woman has experience with relationships, she will know that a guy doesn’t have to try hard to win her over if she is genuinely attracted to him.
It will just work.
So, if a woman finds herself in a relationship with a guy who is always trying to win more of her love, or to hopefully get her to like him as much as he likes her, the relationship will begin to feel a little forced to her.
This often happens in relationships where a guy believes that being as nice, generous and kind as possible to a woman is the secret to making her love him and feel attracted to him.
It’s not.
The reality is that the ‘nice guy’ approach to women doesn’t ever create a strong, irresistible, everlasting feeling of attraction.
Instead, it results in a woman caring about a guy as a person and somewhat appreciating his efforts, but never being able to truly love him or feel attracted to him.
The spark just isn’t there, so no matter how much she tries, she just can’t ever bring herself to be as affectionate, or emotionally available as she really wants to be in a relationship.
When the guy notices that he’s no longer getting the affection, attention or love that he wants from her, he will often make the mistake of being even nicer to her, or trying to suck up to her and win her over in any way he can (e.g. buying her things, paying for expensive holidays, doing chores for her, paying her bills, following her lead and doing whatever she wants).
Yet, the nicer he becomes, the less attracted she feels.
Eventually, the relationship starts to feel more like a friendship (i.e. because she doesn’t feel a spark), or a business arrangement (e.g. because he’s paying her bills).
It doesn’t feel like a natural romance full of feelings of mutual respect, attraction and love.
Eventually, she decides to go through with a breakup despite how much he has done for her, or how much he still loves her.
3. She noticed that he felt more sexually attracted to her than she did to him
This can happen when a guy gets lucky and fumbles his way into a relationship with a pretty woman, or if he is initially able to attract her, but then loses that ability during the relationship (e.g. he becomes insecure and unsure of himself as a result of certain things that happen in the relationship).
In almost all cases, a woman will give a guy plenty of chances to level up and start making her feel attracted (e.g. become more confident, more manly in his behavior, more flirtatious, more of a playful challenge).
Yet, if he doesn’t ever change and as a result, she doesn’t feel much or any sexual attraction, the relationship will start to feel forced, fake or unnecessary to her.
If she then starts being cold or closed off, it can lead to arguments and fights, which then add to the problems in the relationship.
4. She didn’t feel motivated to give him what he wanted from the relationship
When a woman feels very attracted to a guy, she will feel motivated to do whatever she can to make the relationship work, or maintain his interest in her.
Yet, when the attraction is barely there, she simply won’t feel much or any motivation to try.
As a result, the relationship will feel forced or insincere to her.
A woman might put up with that dynamic for a while, but she won’t stick with it forever.
Eventually, she will realize that if she’s going to be happy, she’ll need to find a guy who actually knows how to make her feel attracted (e.g. he’s confident, manly in his behavior around her, knows how to flirt with her to create sexual tension, knows how to be a playful challenge during conversations, is charming or charismatic).
5. She didn’t care about losing him, which made her realize that the attraction just wasn’t there
When a woman feels little or no attraction for a guy, she will usually behave in ways that reflect it.
For example: She might…
- Be cold and closed off towards him, regardless of how much he does for her.
- Not want to spend time a lot of time together, even though he is good or fairly good at sex, or is successful in life, or is good looking.
- Not want to text back and forth, or talk on the phone when they’re apart because there’s just no spark or excitement. It feels like texting a neutral friend, or coworker.
- Avoid sex and other signs of affection, rather than forcing herself to fake it (e.g. hug him and kiss him in a loving way. She might hug and kiss him in a distant way, but not in a loving way).
- Not laugh at his jokes, or attempts to be funny around her.
- Flirt with other guys behind his back.
- Cheat on him and never tell him about it because she doesn’t value him.
- Break up with him and not really care as she walks away.
On the other hand, a woman will behave very differently when she feels attracted to a guy.
For example: She will often…
- Be affectionate (e.g. hug, touch, kiss) in a loving way.
- Feel excited and giddy around him, or get ‘butterflies in her stomach’ when around him.
- Initiate sex.
- Spend as much time as possible with him.
- Feel jealous and protective when other women show interest.
- Text him first, or quickly reply to his texts when they’re not together.
- Find even his lamest jokes funny, interesting, cute or cool.
- Be loyal to him because other guys simply don’t make her feel the way he does.
So, if you want to get her back, you must ensure that you are prepared to re-attract her and make her want you in a sexual and romantic way.
Don’t try to get her back by telling her about your feelings, or providing reasons why you and her can make it work.
Don’t try to change her mind.
Change how she feels and her mind will change automatically.
She will naturally feel like giving you another chance, rather than feeling like you’re trying to force, or pressure her into it.
6. She noticed that he wasn’t being his true self around her, in case she didn’t like it
Sometimes a guy will put on an act of liking things that he doesn’t like (e.g. the same food, music, hobbies and even people), in the hope of making his girlfriend or wife want him more.
That can work for a little while.
Yet, if she realizes that he isn’t being his true self around her, she will lose respect for him for not having the backbone to stand up for himself, not being sincere with her and giving her too much power over him.
Rather than feeling flattered by his behavior, she will see it as an attempt to trick her into staying with him by pretending to be someone that he’s not.
As a result, the relationship will unnatural, fake or forced to her because she’s not really with the real version of him.
This can lead her to worry that his real self might come out one day (e.g. he might be very aggressive or violent, selfish or unloving, manipulative or revengeful) and she will have then wasted 5, 10 or 15 years of her life with him.
So, rather than continuing on with a relationship that seems fake, or forced, she breaks up with him and tries to find a more authentic man.
Of course, he can get her back, but he has to stop being fake by having the courage to be his true self around her (e.g. actually say no to some of the things she asks for, rather than just being a yes man to hopefully make her happy, or get her to feel pity for him).
7. She became tired of coming up with excuses when talking about the relationship with others
Sometimes a woman’s family, friends and coworkers will ask her why she is sticking with a boyfriend who doesn’t make her happy.
She might then lie and make excuses by pretending that things aren’t that bad after all.
Yet, eventually, she will get tired of hiding the truth.
She will realize that a real relationship should feel natural, not forced and that a woman shouldn’t have to lie about her relationship to other people in her life.
At that point, she will break up with him rather than continuing to make excuses for a relationship that just isn’t working out.
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