5 possible reasons why your ex said that she still loves you, but doesn’t see you being together again are:
1. She is basing her decision on how she feels about you now
Right now, it’s only natural that your ex isn’t feeling too excited about the idea of you and her getting back together again.
She’s most likely still thinking about the break up and the things that caused her to go through with it in the end.
For example: Leading up the break up, a guy might have turned his woman off by:
- Not being affectionate enough towards her.
- Keeping his emotions closed off from her.
- Being too childish and immature (e.g. she wants him to get serious about their future together while he still enjoys being carefree and irresponsible).
- Being too clingy and needy about their future together (e.g. she just wants to relax and let the relationship happen, but he is constantly worried about the possibility that they might break up, or that she might find another guy attractive and leave him).
- Not having any direction in his life (i.e. just copying what his friends like to do, not having a big purpose or ambition that he is actively working towards, not caring about having direction and just wanting to do whatever).
- Getting angry at her for little things rather than being a calm, confident, loving boyfriend or husband.
- Being too emotionally sensitive (i.e. she had to be nice to him, give him compliments and make him feel good, or else he would sulk, get irritable or throw an angry tantrum).
- Not putting in enough or any effort to create feelings of love and make her laugh and enjoy being with him anymore.
So, that’s what might have turned her off leading up to the break up.
Then, after the breakup, a guy might panic and react in an unattractive way by being needy and desperate, begging, pleading, apologizing over and over again and possibly even crying to her.
Unfortunately, none of those things will make a woman think, “Wow, I want to get back with him!”
Instead, she will likely be thinking, “I know he wants me back, but he’s not really doing anything different from before. He’s just hoping that if we get back together again things will change and improve, but it doesn’t work that way. I just don’t see him being able to change if I give him another chance. It’s actually quite sad really. He’s really a sweet guy and I do still love him, but he’s not the right guy for me. I don’t feel a spark with him anymore. I feel like I need to move on and find a guy who can naturally make me feel more attracted, rather than a guy who needs me to help him fix the relationship and make me want him.”
In other words, to get your ex back, you need to focus on making her feel attracted to you again so she wants you naturally, rather than trying to discuss your way back into a relationship with her.
If you focus on attraction, she will naturally change her mind and want to give you another chance.
So, what’s an example of something a guy can do to make her change her mind and want to give him another chance?
One example is where a guy has been keeping himself closed off from his woman in the relationship (e.g. he never discusses his problems with her, he keeps secrets from her about himself, he doesn’t fully open up emotionally in fear of being hurt).
So, when he then interacts with her via text, on a phone call and in person from now on, he needs to be able to show her that he’s no longer like that.
It’s not about telling her, “Hey, I’ve changed. I used to be all closed off and secretive, but now I’m different,” because she’s probably just going to be thinking, “Yeah right! I’m supposed to believe that nothing I said before made a difference, but now suddenly you’re going to open up and let me in? How can I believe you?”
Instead, it’s about calmly and confidently being a different version of yourself, so she can experience it.
So many guys make the mistake of being frantic and desperate as they try to show their ex woman a different side of themselves.
That doesn’t work.
It’s the biggest mistake you can make…
Remember: The only thing that matters to her is her feelings.
It no longer matters how much you love her or care about her.
She just cares about how she feels and right now, she doesn’t feel enough attraction for you to justify being in a relationship with you.
So, the only way to get her to care, is to actively make her feel attracted to you when you interact with her.
When you’re interacting with her, you need to show her by the way that you’re talking, thinking, feeling, behaving, moving and responding to her, that real changes have been made.
Of course, just showing her that you’ve changed and improved doesn’t automatically get the relationship back together.
However, it does allow her to start experiencing a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you again.
When she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she naturally starts to look at you differently (i.e. she now not only loves you, but also feels much more respectful of you and sexually attracted to you).
She then starts to feel differently about the relationship and the possibility of getting back together.
She opens up and you can confidently guide her back into a relationship via hugging, kissing, having sex and falling back in love.
On the other hand, if you don’t actively make her reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you, then don’t even worry about trying to get her back because she’s just going to keep saying “I’m sorry. I do still love you, but I don’t see us being together again.”
Remember: Attraction first and everything else after that.
Another reason why your ex may be saying that to you, is because…
2. You didn’t attract her in the ways that she really cares about
A woman will often break up with a guy without ever telling him her real reasons for doing so.
For example: She might want her guy to be more focused and driven in his life.
She always wished he would stop messing around (e.g. not being serious about his studies, being unemployed or being stuck in a dead-end job, partying too much with friends, not thinking about his, and their, future) and put effort into setting and achieving some really big goals in his life.
Instead, he just said things like, “I promise I’ll do it soon. Don’t worry so much honey. Everything will work out fine,” when she talked to him about it.
He was essentially trying to tell her to go against her natural instincts (i.e. to find a man to breed with who will settle down with her, support her and the children and protect her).
He wanted her to abandon all that and just hang around and live life with him because he loved her and wanted to be with her.
Unfortunately, there’s only so long that a woman can ignore her natural instincts and urges.
After a while, the alarm bells in her mind become too loud to ignore and she begins to hear, “Find a real man. He’s not going to change. You need to get out of this relationship. Time is running out.”
Not understanding the natural urges and instincts of women, the guy may have just laughed and said something along the lines of, “Stop being so serious all the time and relax. We’re only young once, so what’s the point of not enjoying ourselves? I’ll get on to the serious stuff in life soon enough. For now, I want to enjoy being young and carefree. Let’s just focus on our love. There’s nothing to worry about. As long as we have each other, everything is fine.”
She might have then gotten upset and said, “You don’t understand me. Can’t you see that your behavior is stressing me out?”
If he still doesn’t realize that she needs him to be more ambitious and goal oriented, she will begin to feel unsatisfied.
She will then start asking herself, “Will I ever feel safe in my relationship with him, or will he continue being childish and immature and lacking ambition in his life? Do we really have a future together, or am I going to wake up one morning and discover that I’m living a sad, unsuccessful life because of him? His lack of interest in the future is actually holding me back. I can’t just sit around and wait for him to change. What if the changes never happen? I’ll have wasted the best years of my life waiting for a guy who is never going to grow up and make me feel the way I want to feel in the relationship with him. As much as I love him, I realize now that I have to break up with him. I have to listen to my heart. I have to take care of myself.”
When a woman gets to the point where she can see that her guy is not giving her the attraction experience she really wants and likely never will, she will break up with him and focus on getting over him and finding a guy who can fill that need for her.
So, if your ex is saying that she still loves you but doesn’t see you as being together again, it’s very important that you find out what she secretly wanted from you in the relationship that you weren’t giving her, and start improving on that right away.
Note: In your case, it might not have been that you weren’t goal oriented.
In your case, it might have been that you just stopped making her feel attracted and didn’t know how to get the spark back.
As a result, you started being nicer, more giving and more patient with her and she eventually grew dissatisfied with that.
Why?
Sexual and romantic attraction is what makes a man and a woman want to be together and it’s what keeps them together.
You might think that love keeps a man and a woman together, but romantic love only exists on top of sexual and romantic attraction.
Sexual and romantic attraction is the basis upon which a sexual relationship between a man and a woman exists and remains together.
So, make sure that you’re not trying to get your ex back by saying things like, “But, I love you” or, “But, what we have is so special.”
She’s only going to care if you are actively making her feel sexually and romantic attracted to you again.
Another reason why your ex may be saying that she still loves you, but doesn’t see you as being together again, is because…
3. She doesn’t believe that you will ever change
Most of the time, a break up between a man and a woman doesn’t just happen without at least a few disagreements or fights first.
For example: The woman will get angry over a certain aspect of the guy’s behavior (e.g. his insecurity, lack of empathy for her, neediness) that she feels he’s not improving on and she may then throw a tantrum.
She might say something along the lines of, “I’m sick and tired of always fighting with you about the same things. If you don’t change, I’m going to break up with you and that’s final! Don’t think I am joking about this. I am serious.”
The guy may then respond by saying things like, “I’m sorry! I know that I stuffed up, but I promise I’ll do better. Please don’t break up with me. Believe me – this time I really will change. I promise.”
She might then give him another chance and maybe even two or three chances additional chances after that.
However, over time, she will come to realize that he’s only saying he will change to stop her from breaking up with him and that he has no intention of following through on his promise (e.g. because he doesn’t know how to change, or he’s unwilling to change).
She then breaks up with him.
When he tries to get her back, she says, “Sorry. Even though I still love you, I don’t see us being together again,” because she doesn’t believe that he will ever change.
So, if you want your ex to want to get back together again, you need to show her via your actions, behavior and the way you talk and interact with her that you’ve already changed and improved on some of the things that matter to her.
When she can see for herself that if she gets back with you, you and her are not just going to start arguing and fighting all over again about the same things, she’ll be able to start trusting you again.
When that happens, her defenses will come down and she will become more open to talking with you over the phone and meeting up with you in person to see where things go from there.
Another reason why your ex may be saying that she still loves you, but doesn’t see you as being together again, is because…
4. She only loves you as a friend now
When the spark dies in a relationship (i.e. there’s no longer any sexual attraction), a woman will lose interest in being with the man.
She may then say something along the lines of, “I still love you, but I don’t see us as being together again. I think it’s best if we stay friends for now,” as a way of easing his pain.
He might then think to himself, “Friends? Well, that’s okay. I can be friends for now. At least this way I can stick around and still talk to her over the phone, or meet up with her in person. Then, if I’m really good to her and show her that she can count on me no matter what, she will eventually fall back in love with me and we can get back together again.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman almost never changes her mind about feeling neutral, friendly feelings towards a guy based on how good and reliable he is.
She changes her mind because he actively makes her feel respect, sexual attraction and romantic love for him again when he interacts with her.
So, if your ex has put you in the friend zone, don’t waste time hanging around her and being a sweet, friendly pushover to her.
If you really want her back, you need to use every interaction you have with her (e.g. on the phone, or in person) to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you and make her feel strong surges of respect and sexual attraction again.
Don’t pretend that you’re not interested in getting her back, or that you don’t find her sexually attractive anymore.
That doesn’t work.
You’ve got to be actively making her feel sexually attracted and aroused by your approach to conversations and interactions.
That’s what works.
If you only focus on making her feel neutral, friendly feelings for you, there won’t be a strong, compelling reason for her to want you back sexually and romantically.
So, make sure that you flirt with her and make her experience feelings of respect, sexual attraction, arousal and romantic love for you again, rather than making her think of you as just a friend now.
Another reason why your ex may be saying that she still loves you, but doesn’t see you as being together again, is because…
5. She is interested in another man
Sometimes a woman might have already met another guy that she’s interested in and wants to see where things go with him.
However, she may not want to come out and tell her ex right away (e.g. because she’s afraid of how her will react, she doesn’t want to hurt him, she wants to make sure it works out with the new guy first).
So, rather than have to explain to him about her feelings for another guy, she simply says, “I love you, but I don’t see us being together again,” in the hopes that her ex will say something along the lines of, “How about I give you some space to think about things? Maybe, then we can talk again about getting back together.”
She will then have the time to hook up with the new guy and see how it goes, before eventually either saying, “I’m with someone else now” or, “Okay, I’ll give us another chance” if it didn’t work out with the new guy.
This is why I always recommend that a man take control of the situation (i.e. by actively making his ex woman feel sexually and romantically attracted to him again), rather than just leaving it all up to her, or making the mistake of begging and pleading for another chance based on his love, need or desire for her.
3 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Want Your Ex to See You and Her Being Together Again
When you respark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you, the way she feels about you will naturally begin to change.
She will go from not seeing you and her being together again, to imagining what it would be like if she gave you another chance and allowed herself to fall in love with you again.
It’s a natural reaction based on what you’re saying and doing when you interact with her.
However, for that to happen, you need to be saying the types of things that are turning her feelings on for you, not turning them off.
Some common mistakes that turn a woman off even more, are:
1. Declaring your undying love for her and promising to wait
Sometimes, when a woman says, “I love you, but I don’t see us being together again,” a guy might decide that if he shows her how loyal and committed he is to her, she will then change her mind.
He might then say to her, “Even though you don’t see us being together, I’m not going to give up. I love you and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for you to realize that we are meant to be together. The truth is, a life without you is meaningless to me. There’s nothing I want more than for us to be together again. So, just take some time to think about it and I will be right here waiting for you.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although a woman appreciates a man who loves her and is devoted to her, she doesn’t want to be his purpose for living.
She wants him to be confident enough to move forward and enjoy his life whether she’s in it or not.
That doesn’t mean he has to hook up with new women though.
Instead, he just needs to be able to show her (not tell her!) that he doesn’t need her for his happiness or sense of purpose in life.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys are afraid to do that because they worry it will cause the woman to move on.
Yet, the fact is that women just aren’t excited about the idea of a guy (who they don’t feel attracted to) desperately needing them for his sense of happiness and purpose in life.
If a guy sits around waiting for his ex to hopefully one day give him a second chance, she knows that it means he’s too emotionally dependent on her and doesn’t have the courage to be his own man and live his own life.
Being like that is unattractive to her and convinces her even more to move on and find a guy who is less needy of her.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Giving her reasons why you and her can work, rather than making her feel it
Sometimes, a guy might try to convince his ex to get back together again by giving her reasons why he thinks they should be together.
For example: A man might say, “What we have is special. Sure we had some problems, but I know we’re meant to be together,” or “All of our friends and family say that we make such a great couple. We can’t let them down. We owe it to them to at least try,” or “You’ve got exams coming up. Do you really want the stress of a break up to get in the way of that? Besides, no one else can help you prepare the way I can. I’ll be there for you.”
Yet, regardless of whether his arguments are valid or not, a modern woman doesn’t have to stay with a guy out of a sense of duty, or because she feels guilty, or pity for him.
She knows that she has the freedom to be single, dating or in a relationship.
It’s completely up to her and she decides based on how she feels.
The fact is that a woman wants to be with a guy because she loves him and because it feels good to be in a relationship with him, not because he gives her a whole bunch of reasons why she should be feeling attracted and in love.
In other words, a woman reacts to how she feels, rather than just listening the logical, sensible arguments you raise to hopefully get her to stay with you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Asking her to explain to you what will make her happy
This is probably one of the most common mistakes guys make that end up turning a woman off even more. Why?
When a guy asks a woman to tell him what he needs to do to make her happy, he’s effectively telling her that he’s clueless about how to think, act and behave like a real man.
Instead, he wants her to guide him and teach him.
Yet, a woman doesn’t want to be responsible for teaching a man how to be a man.
In her mind, that is the job of a male role model (e.g. a father, uncle, guru, mentor), not hers.
She just wants him to figure out how to be the kind of man she wants and then start being that man, rather than relying on her to help him through it.
So, if your ex said that she still loves you, but doesn’t see you and her being together again, make sure you show her that you’re now a better, more attractive man than before, without her needing to tell you how to do it.
When she sees for herself that you really have changed, she won’t be able to stop feeling respect and attraction for you again.
Then, the idea of giving you another chance starts to feel like something she wants too.
As a result, you and her naturally get back together.
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