Here are 5 possible reasons why she is willing to get back with you, but wants to take it slow:
1. She wants to see if you will remain confident under that kind of pressure
One of the most important qualities that a woman looks for in a man is his ability to stay confident and emotionally strong when he’s in a stressful or difficult situation.
So, in a case where a woman agrees to get back with her ex, but she also insists that they take it slow, it may be her way of testing to see if he has the kind of confidence she wants in a man.
This is especially true if one of the reasons she broke up with him in the first place was that he was too insecure about himself, which caused him to be needy and clingy towards her.
So, to make sure that he’s changed, she might slow down the ex back process and wait to see how he reacts.
For example:
- Will he become insecure?
- Will he start overanalyzing her words and behavior?
- Will he give her too much power?
- Will he panic and start behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. beg and plead with her to take things faster, ask her why she’s messing him around, look for pity at how she’s hurting him by not getting back with him right away).
If he can maintain his confidence with her regardless of what she says or does to make him feel uncertain, she will naturally start to feel strong surges of respect for him again.
When she respects him, her feelings of sexual attraction will also awaken and then she will be the one pushing for the relationship to get back together again right away for her own reasons (e.g. she doesn’t want him to get tired of waiting for her so he finds himself another woman, she wants to be 100% his girl again rather than taking things slow and missing out on the joy of being with him).
Another possible reason why your ex wants to get back together but take it slow is…
2. She’s not sure if it’s going to work out, so she doesn’t want to commit too heavily just yet
Even though your ex wants to get back together again, at the back of her mind there may be a little voice telling her things like, “Yes, you want him back because you still love him, but you have no guarantee that things will be better this time around. You need to take it slow and see what happens. Don’t rush back into a relationship with him and then end up getting hurt all over again. You have to protect yourself.”
So, rather than getting back with you right away, she first wants to see if you have truly changed and improved the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place (e.g. you had lost your confidence and had become insecure and needy, you weren’t ballsy enough for her and she felt more emotionally dominant than you, she no longer felt very attracted to you sexually because you treated her too much like a friend), or if you have just been putting on an act to get her back and will soon go back to being the same guy that was turning her off before.
For example: A guy might be jealous and controlling in a relationship with a woman, so after she breaks up with him, to get her back he might try to show her that he’s more easy-going, relaxed and secure in himself.
Yet, once she commits to being in a relationship with him again, he may then slowly start falling back into his old ways (e.g. insisting on knowing her every move, checking up on who she’s texting/e-mailing or chatting with on social media, getting upset if she wants to go out and do something independently of him, getting angry or sulking every time she talks to another guy when they are out together, interrogating her about her male coworkers).
She will then know that he hasn’t really changed and was only putting on an act to get her to agree to get back together again.
She then has to go through the emotional trauma of breaking up with him and dealing with the pain, disappointment and regret all over again.
A woman doesn’t want to do that.
So, rather than risk it, she will usually say something along the lines of, “I want to get back with you, but we need to take it slow,” and wait to see what happens over the weeks or even months (i.e. will he continue to remain calm and secure, or will he begin getting jealous and being controlling all over again?).
Then when she feels confident that he has truly changed the things about himself that turned her off and isn’t just pretending so that he can get her back, she will relax her guard and open back up to fully being his girl again.
Of course, if you want to speed things up with your ex and get her back sooner, you just need to keep showing her (via your attitude, communication style, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her), that you really have changed.
When she can see that no matter what she says or does, you now respond in a totally different, more emotionally mature way, she will naturally want to commit to the relationship 100%.
Another possible reason why your ex wants to get back together but take it slow is…
3. She is keeping you around as a back up plan, in case she can’t find a replacement guy
In some cases, a woman hates the idea of being single and not having a man desiring her, so rather than risk it, she might decide to string her ex along by saying that she wants to get back together but take it slow, while she secretly looks for a new man.
Then, by the time he gets frustrated and says something along the lines of, “Hey, you’ve been putting off fully getting back together again for such a long time. When are you going to commit to the relationship so that we can move forward as a couple?” she will have found herself a replacement guy.
She may then say something like, “I’m sorry. I know I said I wanted to get back together again, but I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think it will work out between us after all. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but that’s just how I feel.”
She can then freely move on with her new guy, without having had to deal with being single.
The truth is, your ex may currently be actively looking for a replacement, even though she would never admit it if you asked.
In fact, if you decide to ask her about it (e.g. you say something like, “I hope you’re not just stringing me along until you find another guy and then dump me again,”) she may even use it as a weapon against you by responding with something along the lines of, “How could you ask me something like that? This is exactly why I said we should take it slow! I just don’t know if I can fully trust you again.”
You might then become all apologetic and feel guilty for not trusting her, dropping your guard around her as a result.
This leaves her free to continue looking for a new man without worrying about you finding out before it happens and dumping her before she’s settled in a new relationship.
Don’t let her put you through that.
Take control of the situation by fully re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you and making her fall back in love with you, before she starts moving on.
When you do that, the idea of being with another guy will disappear from her mind, because she can see that no one else can make her feel the way you do.
Another possible reason why your ex wants to get back together but take it slow is…
4. You have put her in the position of power, so she is being a typical woman
Sometimes a guy is so grateful that his ex has agreed to get back together again, albeit slowly, that he’s more than happy to hand all his power over to her and allow her to call the shots.
In his mind he may be thinking things like, “If she wants to take it slow, I’m not going to do anything to pressure her or cause her to feel uncomfortable and make her change her mind about us getting back together again. So, whatever she wants from me, I’m going to make sure she gets it. I’m playing this by the book so I can show her that I’m serious about making things work between us.”
Yet, even though his intentions are good, rather than make a woman feel more attracted and want to be together with him even more, him being a good little boy and doing whatever she says only makes her lose respect for him.
If she can’t respect him, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to him and without those two all-important feelings, there’s no reason for her to want to stick to her decision to get back together again.
So, if you have been allowing your ex to lead you around in circles based on her ever-changing emotions, you need to be emotionally strong enough to take back your power right now.
Remember: It’s not the woman’s role to lead the relationship; it’s yours.
However, if you aren’t strong enough to lead and hand your power over to your ex, you will get lost in her changing emotions, moods and behavior and none of it will make any sense to you.
You may then end up feeling like you’re not actually getting anywhere with her (i.e. the relationship is not progressing at all), and that you’re actually stuck at that place between being a couple and being broken up.
This is why you need to have the balls to start calling the shots.
That doesn’t mean you should bully her and say things like, “I’m tired of taking things slow with you. We’re going to be a couple again starting right now and I’m not going to hear another word from you about it!”
Instead, you need to stand up to her in a loving, but respectful way when she tries to take control of the ex back process.
From there, you need to just focus on using interactions with her to fully reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you so she can’t stop herself from wanting more (i.e. to kiss, have sex and get back together again for real).
Another possible reason why your ex wants to get back together but take it slow is…
5. She’s trying to give you the hint that she doesn’t want you pushing for a relationship and thinking that it will seal the deal
Sometimes a guy gets so excited when his ex agrees to give him another chance, that he assumes everything that happened in the past is now over and they can go back to being the way they were before.
Yet, a woman doesn’t want that.
She wants to know that if she fully commits to being in a relationship with him again, this time will be different.
This is why she will say that she wants to take it slow.
As far as she’s concerned, agreeing to be in a relationship with him isn’t a guarantee that she will stick with that decision.
The only thing that will make her want to stay with him is if he is able to make her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love she wants in a relationship.
So, if you want your ex to stop holding back, you need to create a relationship dynamic that causes her to want to be in a deep and loving relationship with you, because not only does it feel good to her, she’s also worried that if she doesn’t commit to you, you will get tired or bored of waiting for her and move on with another woman.
When you make her feel so much respect, sexual attraction and love, the idea of taking it slow seems silly to her.
She begins to only want to be with you in a committed relationship because that’s when she feels the best, most fulfilled, most loved and happiest.
Get Her Back Quicker By Avoiding These 2 Mistakes
Just because your ex wants to take things slow, it doesn’t mean you have to sit around helplessly waiting for her to tell you what to do.
In fact, the more you do that, the more you’re delaying fully getting her back, because by doing that, you’re actually handing your power over to her and losing her respect in the process.
This is why you need to ensure that you’re not making the following mistakes:
1. Taking the whole “take it slow” thing too seriously
A woman will often say that she wants to take things slow as a way of maintaining control (e.g. she doesn’t want to make it too easy for him to get her back, she wants to test his confidence, she wants to see if he’ll put up with it which then makes her doubt whether he’s the right guy for her after all).
This is why, it’s very important that you don’t take it so seriously every time she says something along the lines of, “I do want us to be together again, but I’m still nervous about what happened before. I don’t want to rush it. Let’s take it slow and see what happens, okay?”
How can you do that?
It’s best to just laugh and make light of it.
For example: You might say in a joking way, “Okay, let’s talk at a really sllllllllow pace now” and have a laugh with her about that.
Remember: The important thing is that you use it as an opportunity to create attraction and reclaim the position of leadership.
If you take control of the situation in a confident, manly and emotionally mature way, she will be able to respect you again.
When she respects you again, she will also begin to feel sexually attracted to you and with those two things in place, reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you then becomes possible.
However, if she gets the sense that she has power over you and that you’ll continue being soft and submissive around her because you’re desperate to get her back into the relationship with you, she’s likely going to drag the process on and on because she’s not feeling attracted to you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Putting up with her unreasonable demands
For example: She might say things like, “I want us to take this slow. So, let’s agree that we’ll only go out once a week for now and I only want you to text or call me once a day. We can then see how it goes.”
If you agree to her demands and say something along the lines of, “Okay baby. You know I’ll do anything you want, just as long as we’re getting back together again,” she will lose respect for you.
She will feel turned off by what she perceives as your emotional weakness and lack of balls for putting up with her unreasonable demands.
She may then begin doubting her decision to get back together again.
So, if you don’t want that to happen, make sure that you don’t lose your ex’s respect by handing over your power to her and putting up with her unreasonable requests.
BTW: Not putting up with her demands is not about sulking, complaining in an angry way or seeking pity for how she is making you feel.
Instead, it’s about using everything she throws at you as a way of re-sparking her feelings for you and making her want the relationship even more than you do.
The more she feels drawn to you in new and exciting ways, the less she will want to postpone getting back together again.
She will then likely say something like, “I know I said that I want to take things slow, but I’ve changed my mind. I want to be your girl again right away.”
So, stand your ground with her and make it happen.
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