Here are 5 possible reasons why your ex wife can’t forgive you:
1. She currently doesn’t feel motivated to forgive you, due to a lack of attraction
For a woman to want to forgive a guy for what happened between them, she usually needs to have some positive feelings for him – even if it’s just a tiny spark of attraction and respect.
However, if she has lost touch with her sexual and romantic feelings for her ex and really did want to divorce him, then she’s not going to feel motivated to forgive him.
Instead, she’s usually just going to focus on moving on and finding another guy, rather than wasting time forgiving an ex husband she no longer feels attracted to and has no intention of ever getting back into a relationship with.
So, if you want your ex wife to feel motivated to forgive you, you have to start by re-sparking some of her sexual and romantic feelings for you first.
If you just push for forgiveness while she’s still thinking about you in a negative way (e.g. she’s angry with you for what happened, she blames you for the divorce), she’s not really going to be open to it.
On the other hand, if you re-attract her first, she will feel motivated to forgive you, so you and her can have another chance together.
So, from this point onwards, don’t try to get her forgiveness when you interact with her.
Instead, focus on re-attracting her.
If she tries to push you away and make you feel unsure of yourself by being cold, aloof or even bitchy towards you, just maintain your confidence with her.
For example: If she says something along the lines of, “I have nothing left to say to you. What do I have to do to prove to you that I don’t want you in my life anymore?” rather than get upset and start thinking negative thoughts like, “This is hopeless. My ex wife can’t forgive me,” turn the tables on her and spark some of her feelings of attraction for you instead.
How can you do that?
By responding to her bitchiness with humor and turning it into something you can laugh about together.
When you make her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you, it becomes difficult for her to remain closed off, angry or bitter.
Her walls naturally start to come down and she opens back up to at least interacting with you more to see if you really have leveled up as a man, or if it was a one-time thing and you’re still the same guy she divorced.
You can then use further interactions with her to build up that initial spark of attraction.
She will then naturally and easily forgive you, because it feels good for her to do it.
Another possible reason why your ex wife can’t forgive you is…
2. You haven’t been creating new, positive memories with her, so she is stuck emotionally
Imagine a divorced couple who always end up getting into arguments about things they don’t agree on:
For example:
They can’t agree about what’s best for their children (e.g. what school they should go to now, who’s allowed to pick them up after school or extracurricular activities, or what kind of friends they should be allowed to have. Alternatively, one parent is stricter than the other, which then makes the children confused and possibly begin to misbehave).
They might also end up rehashing the divorce and what led up to it (i.e. the mistakes and problems they experienced, the other person’s flaws).
Sometimes they might fight over money (e.g. she wants him to contribute more for the children, he’s late with his alimony payments, he accuses her of sucking him dry).
He may also get jealous when he notices that she’s going out and having a good time with her single friends.
In some cases, a woman may even have started dating again and her ex might say things like, “Be careful! You know that guys who date divorced women are only interested in sex,” which annoys her and makes her feel as though he is trying to stop her from living life, or is treating her like a naive child.
Essentially, most interactions between them since the divorce end up creating more stress, disconnection or division.
So, rather than seeing her ex husband in a new, more positive light, she continues to think of him in a negative way and feel glad that the marriage is over.
Now, imagine the opposite of that…
In this scenario, every time the man talks to his ex wife, he makes her laugh and smile and feel good.
For example:
- Rather than getting caught up in long discussions about the marriage and what went wrong, he uses humor to ease the tension between them and make her feel more relaxed while talking to him.
- Rather than feeling unsure of himself and thinking negative thoughts (e.g. “She hates me now” or, “Nothing I do is ever right” or, “She’ll never love me again”), he maintains his confidence and believes in his value to her no matter what.
- Rather than obeying her every demand regardless of how unreasonable it is, he sometimes stands up to her in an assertive, but loving way when applicable.
- Rather than feeling like a rejected ex husband who is no longer allowed to attract her, he flirts with her to create sexual tension so she naturally feels attracted and drawn to him.
As a result, interactions with him feel more fun and interesting for her.
Then, when he’s not around, rather than thinking about all the bad things that led up to their divorce, she now has new, happy memories to think about.
This then naturally leads to her feeling more positively about him, which motivates her to want to forgive him, so she can experience more of what she is now feeling.
So, if you want your ex wife to forgive you, it’s essential that you begin replacing her negative memories of you with positive ones.
From there, not only will things naturally start to get better between you and her, she will also find herself enjoying your company more and more.
You can then build on her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back if you want to.
Another possible reason why your ex wife can’t forgive you is…
3. She doesn’t know that love can be rekindled and when it is, forgiveness naturally follows
When a woman is sitting on the other side of a divorce, chances are high that she can’t imagine ever being able to look at her ex husband in a positive light again.
As a result, forgiving him doesn’t even cross her mind, because as far as she’s concerned there’s no point.
They’re divorced and she has no feelings for him anymore.
Case closed.
Yet, what a woman doesn’t realize is that if the guy can reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for him again, she won’t even think twice about forgiving him, because it will happen naturally.
She will want to forgive him, because falling back in love after a divorce, or a breakup, is one of the most amazing feelings a couple can experience in life.
It feels right.
It feels good.
It feels like something she really wants to do.
This is why, rather than focusing on getting your ex wife to forgive you, put your attention on making her fall back in love with you instead.
The more you use interactions with her to re-spark her feelings for you, the faster forgiveness will follow.
Another possible reason why your ex wife can’t forgive you is…
4. She is focused on the fact that the relationship will never be the same as it was before
The reality is that no relationship ever remains the same.
A relationship is an ongoing experience together as a couple and it always changes over time.
However, just because it doesn’t remain the same, it doesn’t mean it can’t feel just as good, for other reasons.
It can, which is why billions of couples throughout human history have been able to remain in love and together for life.
Countless amounts of couples have also gotten back together after a divorce, or separation and then remained together for life.
According to research conducted by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D., professor emeritus of psychology at California State University, Sacramento, married couples that reunite after divorce have a 72% chance of staying together for life.
So, if you want your ex wife back, you should get her to start imagining a better, more enjoyable future with you.
How?
By attracting her in new ways that you haven’t done before, or haven’t done well enough in the past.
If you don’t give her a new and improved attraction experience, she’s not going to feel motivated to forgive you.
Instead, she’s likely going to focus on putting you and the marriage behind her, by finding herself a new man who can make her feel excited, attracted and turned on in ways that you can’t, or aren’t willing to do.
This is why, from this point onwards, your interactions with your ex wife need to be the opposite of what she’s expecting.
For example:
- If she expects you to be nice and sweet (i.e. because you want her to forgive you), focus on being more emotionally masculine with her. That doesn’t mean you’re rude, offensive or brash with her. Instead, you’re assertive, in a loving way, without sucking up to her and putting her above you in terms of value and importance.
- If she thinks you’re going to be serious and on your best behavior around her all the time, shock her (in a good way), by bringing humor into your interactions with her. Make her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you again, rather than her always being tense and on guard and expecting your conversations to turn into disagreements and arguments.
- If she expects you to be neutral around her, go ahead and flirt with her instead to create some sexual tension between you. Remember: If you’re not actively making your ex wife feel sexually attracted to you anymore, she’s not going to feel much or any motivation to want to forgive you and give you another chance at a sexual, romantic relationship.
- If she assumes you’re going to feel nervous and unsure of yourself when talking to her (i.e. because you’ve been doing it all along), focus on being more confident and self-assured with her from now on. Regardless of how cold, unfriendly or even mean she is towards you, you remain confident, calm and relaxed.
The more you begin to attract her in ways that she doesn’t expect, the more she will begin to feel attracted to you in new and interesting ways.
She will then likely start to realize that even if the relationship won’t be the same as it was the first time around, it’s possible that it will be even better.
In fact, now that you’ve leveled up as a man and are able to make her feel attracted in ways that she never imagined possible, she doesn’t want the old relationship back after all.
As a result, the idea of forgiving you and giving you another chance starts to appeal to her.
It’s then pretty easy for you to fully reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you and get her back.
Another possible reason why your ex wife can’t forgive you is…
5. She is worried that if she does, she will open back up to being with you again
Sometimes, even divorce can’t totally destroy all a woman’s feelings for her husband.
However, when he interacts with her, his attitude, thinking, conversation style and behavior is exactly the same as it was before.
As a result, she blocks any feelings she might still have for him and instead holds on to the un-forgiveness as a way of making sure she doesn’t weaken and open back up to giving him another chance.
Basically, she knows that if she does, they will almost certainly break up again somewhere down the line and she will then have to relive the pain and trauma of breaking up again.
This is why, if you want your ex wife to forgive you and give you another chance, you need to show her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you talk and interact with her that you’ve leveled up as a man and are now able to give her the attraction experience she always wanted but didn’t get.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Becoming more confident and self-assured about your attractiveness and value to her, rather than feeling insecure and unsure of yourself.
- Improving your ability to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in your presence, rather than making her feel neutral towards you like a friend, or turned off by you.
- Being more manly in your attitude, thinking and behavior, rather than allowing her to call the shots and dominate you with her confident, or difficult personality type.
- Focusing on achieving some of your own goals and dreams in life, rather than drifting along without much purpose.
- Taking the lead in the relationship with her, thereby allowing her to fully relax into thinking, acting and behaving like a feminine woman with you, rather than feeling as though she is more powerful and losing respect for you in the process.
When your ex wife can see for herself that you’re no longer stuck at the level you were at when she divorced you and that if she gets back with you, you’re not going to go back to making the same mistakes as before, she’ll be able to start seeing you in a more positive way.
When that happens, her defenses will come down and she’ll want to forgive you for your past mistakes.
You can then fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.
However, if you try to get her to forgive you without changing your approach, she’s likely just going to remain closed off and keep saying things like, “We’re divorced! When are you going to accept that and leave me alone?”
5 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Want Your Ex Wife to Forgive You and Give You Another Chance
As hopeless as things might seem right now, you can turn it around and get your ex wife to not only forgive you, but also to give you another chance if you want her to.
It all depends on the approach you take from now on.
In other words, make sure that before you do anything, you ask yourself this question: “Are my actions and behavior sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for me, or are they turning her off?”
As long as you’re turning her on, your chances of getting her back increase.
However, if you’re making mistakes that turn her off, you’re making it harder for her to forgive you.
For example: Some mistakes to avoid making are…
1. Pleading for forgiveness
Naturally, if whatever a guy has said and done so far hasn’t produced the results he’s been hoping for (i.e. for his ex wife to forgive him), he might begin to feel desperate.
As a result, he may get to the point where he starts begging and pleading with her and saying things like, “Please forgive me! I know I stuffed up really badly, but I’m truly sorry. I beg you. Please just find it in your heart to let it go. What can I do to prove to you how sorry I am? I’ll do anything if you’ll accept my apology. Please!”
Unfortunately though, regardless of how sincere he’s being, that’s not what a woman wants.
She doesn’t want a guy who is willing to say or do whatever she wants, just so she will forgive him and give him another chance.
Additionally, a woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can look up to him and respect him as a man.
So, when a guy is begging and pleading for her forgiveness and being emotionally weak, wimpy and desperate, he’s actually making her feel the opposite of the way he needs to make her feel to get her back.
Basically, he’s turning her off and making her see him in a negative light, when what he should be doing is quickly re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for him again, so she naturally feels as though forgiving him is in her best interests.
So, if you want your ex wife to forgive you and give you another chance, don’t plead with her for forgiveness.
A better approach is to use interactions to spark her feelings for you again, so that she wants to forgive you for her own reasons.
By the way…
If you’ve already tried pleading with your ex wife to forgive you, don’t worry about it.
As long as you learn from the experience and focus on showing her from now on that you’re an emotionally strong and mature man, she will gradually begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build up those feelings inside of her and make her see that forgiving you is really what she wants.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Trying to convince her to forgive you for the sake of your children
In some cases, a guy will use whatever argument he can think of to get his ex wife to forgive him, even if it means trying to make her feel bad by dragging the children into it.
For example: He might say things like, “If you can’t forgive me, it will affect our children. They will pick up on it and then they will probably develop all sorts of insecurities because they won’t want to play favorites between mommy and daddy. They may end up feeling like they’re betraying you if they’re nice to me, or vice versa. That will scar them for life. I know you hate me right now, but I also know you’re a good mother. You don’t want our kids to be left damaged that way, do you? If you can’t forgive me for me, at least do it for the children.”
Yet, even though he’s making a good argument, the fact is that a modern woman doesn’t want to be blackmailed into forgiving her ex husband out of a sense of guilt or pity.
She wants to forgive him because he’s proven to her that he’s worth forgiving (i.e. he’s leveled up as a man and she can now look up to him, rely on him and respect him).
So, show your ex wife via your attitude, actions and behavior that you’re at a different level now than you were when you and her divorced and she will forgive you naturally and easily.
Try to blackmail her by using the children and she may end up resenting you even more.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Making her feel like forgiving you is mainly for your benefit, or for you and her to be able to get back together
If your ex wife gets a sense that you need her forgiveness to feel better about yourself and what happened, she’s likely going to resist.
Why?
She’s probably just going to take it as a sign that you’re being selfish and egotistical and she’s going to see that as an added reason not to forgive you.
Here’s the thing…
Right now, her feelings are what matter the most.
So, if you want her to forgive you, you need to make her feel as though it’s in her best interests, not yours.
Explain to her that if she doesn’t forgive you, she will always be going through life feeling angry and bitter about what happened with you and it will most likely cause her problems with future relationships.
In that way, she has a good reason to want to genuinely forgive you.
Yet, when you give her the freedom to not have baggage in her future relationship and she forgives you as a result of that, she stops looking at you with resentment, anger and bitterness.
Her guard starts to come down, and when that happens, you can then start making her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Giving her the impression that the relationship dynamic would be the same, or would be one where she would have a lot more power over you
Here’s the thing…
In most cases, a woman wants to be with a man who is more emotionally masculine than her and who can take the lead in the relationship, thereby allowing her to relax into thinking, talking and behaving like a feminine woman around him.
So, if she gets the sense that her ex is too submissive and wimpy and afraid to be more assertive with her and that things will stay the same as before, she isn’t going to feel motivated to forgive him and give him another chance.
This is why, if you want to get your ex to forgive you, the first step you need to take is to stop allowing her to call the shots during interactions.
Instead, you need to take the lead in the ex back process, reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and make her want to forgive you.
Don’t be a bully about it.
Just don’t give in to her and let her have power over you anymore.
Even if she acts as though she’s annoyed, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you for manning up.
The more respect and sexual attraction she feels for you, the less she will be able to resist forgiving you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
5. Trying to soften her up with flowers, gifts or by being helpful
That approach can work on some women and over a long period of time, but in today’s fast-paced dating scene, she can easily move on during that time.
Besides, what a lot of guys don’t realize is that a woman doesn’t forgive a guy because of what he can buy or do for her.
A woman forgives him and then wants to give him another chance based on how he makes her feel when she’s with him (e.g. attracted, in love, safe, turned on, excited about their future together, relaxed, happy, light-hearted).
So, rather than trying to soften your ex wife up with flowers, gifts or by being at her beck and call, just focus on making her have strong surges of respect and attraction for you during interactions.
The more drawn to you she feels in a good way, the more naturally she will want to forgive you.
So, focus on that.
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