5 possible reasons why your ex won’t make time to see you are:
1. She knows that you’re going to want to discuss the relationship
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she will usually try to cut herself off from him completely, to allow herself to move on, rather than being seduced back into a relationship.
If her ex keeps contacting her and asking to see her and gives her the impression that he’s hoping to discuss the relationship and work things out, she will usually just continue making excuses to avoid seeing him.
In her mind, she will be thinking something like, “I know why he wants to see me. He wants to talk about our relationship and make me feel guilty for not giving him another chance. I’m don’t want to talk about the relationship and I don’t want to teach him how to be the man I want him to be. If he really wants me back, he needs to figure that out by himself and make the necessary changes first. If he can do that, then I would be okay with meeting up with him to see how I feel. However, based on his interactions with me so far, I can tell that nothing has really changed. So, hopefully, if I just keep avoiding him, he will eventually get the message and leave me alone.”
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to make time to see you, you have to stop giving her the impression that you want to discuss things and try to come to an agreement, so you can get her back.
Instead, you need to focus on reawakening some of her sexual and romantic feelings for you first during interactions (e.g. over the phone), so she actually feels like there is still something between you and her.
For example: Call her on the phone and rather than getting into serious discussions about your relationship, or begging and pleading with her to make time to see you, just focus on breaking down her defenses.
You can do that by using humor, especially when she is being cold and distant.
You can be easy-going and light-hearted about everything to put her at ease and making her feel good to be talking to you again.
The more relaxed she feels talking to you over the phone, the more her guard will come down.
Then, when you suggest a meet up, she will be more likely to think, “Talking to him over the phone hasn’t been that bad and maybe seeing him in person will actually be nice. So, I guess I will agree to meet up.”
By the way…
At the meet up, make sure that you don’t scare her off by talking about the relationship and trying hard to work things out.
Leave serious discussions for after you have at least hugged, kissed and had sex again, if possible.
If you don’t feel confident to get to that point with her, then at least leave serious discussions for after you have made her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
If you’re good at attracting and seducing women, you can achieve that during a few minutes of conversation.
On the other hand, if you’re a bit rusty or a bit out of touch with how to attract, flirt and seduce women, you should improve your abilities before interacting with her.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t make time to see you, is because…
2. You haven’t re-attracted her yet
When a guy gets broken up with, his first reaction is usually to quickly try and get her back before she moves on.
Rather than stopping and thinking about her real, hidden reasons for breaking up with him, he instead starts texting, messaging or calling her to get her to meet up with him right away.
He thinks, “The sooner I can get her to see me, the quicker I’ll be able to convince her that our breakup is a mistake and we can then sort everything out and get back together again.”
Yet, the more he begs and pleads with her for a meet up and then says things like, “Please just give me one more chance. I still love you and all I ask is for you to make some time to see me, so we can talk things out. For the sake of what we once had together, can you please just consider it?” the more closed off she becomes.
Why?
A woman doesn’t care how much a guy cares for her, if she has lost respect and attraction for him (i.e. if she doesn’t really care about him in a sexual or romantic way anymore).
Unless the feelings are mutual or at least close to mutual, she’s just not going to feel much or any motivation to work things out and give him another chance.
So, him begging, pleading and talking about his feelings for her only annoys her even more because she just doesn’t care.
She may then even think things like, “He’s being so selfish! All that matters to him is what he wants. He hasn’t even stopped to consider how I feel and what I want! I’m not giving him another chance. He hasn’t even changed! He doesn’t even know what I really want from him! I have to move on.”
She then closes herself off from him and continues to make excuses not to see him.
Naturally, this may confuse him because from his perspective, all he’s doing is trying to show her how much he cares about her and how he’s willing to do anything to work things out between them and get her back.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that she just isn’t going to care about what he wants or how he feels, until he makes the feelings mutual or at least close to mutual between them.
So, if you want your ex to make time to see you, don’t keep trying to convince her by nagging, begging, pleading, or telling her that you care about her.
If she’s not feeling a lot of respect and attraction for you right now, it’s just not going to make her change her mind.
What will persuade her is if you re-spark her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
When you make her feel that way, the idea of seeing you in person doesn’t feel like such a bad idea to her anymore.
Instead, she feels curious to see if you really have changed and she then makes the time to see you to find out for herself.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t make time to see you, is because…
3. She doesn’t believe that you will ever change
Sometimes, based on her past experiences with a guy, a woman simply doesn’t believe that he will ever change (e.g. because he’s promised to change before and has either been too lazy to follow through, or he didn’t actually know how to change and was just trying to hang on to the relationship as long as possible).
Rather than wasting more of her time, a woman will make excuses not to meet up with her ex again up and focus on finding a new guy to move on with.
So, if you want your ex to make time to see you again, you first need to make some attractive changes to your way of thinking and behavior.
Then, when you are ready (it should take more than a few days to a week), get in contact with her, re-attract her on the call and get her to meet up with you in person, so can fully experience the changes in you and how good it now makes her feel.
On the call, if she can sense that you really have changed and improved some of the things that matter to her (e.g. you’ve become more confident and self-assured, you’re more emotionally mature than before, you’re less easily manipulated by her and stand up for yourself when she’s being out of line, you’re able to make her laugh and smile when she is being cold or distant), she will be more open to seeing you in person.
However, if you rush to interact with her and end up coming across as being the same as before, she’s not going to be keen waste more time on a relationship that won’t work.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t make time to see you is because…
4. She hates how she has so much power over you
After a break up, a guy will sometimes make the mistake of being on his very best behavior around his ex (e.g. by being extra nice to her, bending over backwards to accommodate her schedule, doing whatever she wants) in the hope that she will feel sorry for him and then agree to meet up with him.
He might say to himself, “If I want her to make time to see me, I need to do things her way, or she will keep saying no. So, I’m going to let her call all the shots and show her that I’m willing to do anything for her. She will then realize how much I still care for her and agree to meet up with me.”
Yet, in most cases, the opposite happens.
Here’s the thing…
A woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect, not a guy that is willing to submit and follow her orders like a good, little boy.
A woman might give a guy the impression that she wants to be in control, but she’s not going to respect him if he actually falls for it and submits to her demands, regardless of how ridiculous she is being.
For example: A woman might say to a guy, “I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to see you right now. I’m busy with a big project at work. Maybe my schedule will clear up next month and we can discuss catching up then. In the meantime, please just leave me alone so I can get my work done.”
If he backs off and after a month and then contacts her to ask, “How is your project going? Do you have time to see me now?” rather than think, “Oh, how sweet! He’s so considerate of my needs. I should meet up with him now. He has earned it!” she’s just going to feel turned off by his lack of balls for not standing up to her when she placed a ridiculous demand on him (i.e. to not contact her for a month).
The fact is, regardless of how busy a woman is at work, she will always make time to meet up with a guy she feels respect, attraction and love for.
Even if it’s a 10-minute catch up, or an hour together to get something to eat, she will make time for it because she doesn’t want to lose him.
So, if your ex is saying that she’s too busy, what it really means is, “Hey, I don’t feel attracted to you anymore. Therefore, I don’t care if I lose you. Leave me alone. Go find someone else. Goodbye.”
Of course, she’s not going to say that because she doesn’t want her ex to start begging and pleading her for another chance.
She just wants to create a month of space for herself to be able to find a replacement guy and move on.
So, if you want your ex to make time to see you, make sure that you don’t lose even more of her respect by handing over your power over to her and putting up with her unreasonable requests.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should be rude or a bully towards her if she makes excuses not to see you.
Instead, you need to stand your ground with her and show her (in a loving, but dominant way) that you’re not going to let her push you around anymore.
For example: You can laugh at her in a loving way and say, “A month? Hah! Come on…you have 10 minutes to catch up for a coffee. I’m not asking for anything more than that and a 10 minute coffee isn’t going to prevent you from getting your work done. So, let’s meet up tomorrow night or the next night to say hi over coffee for 10 minutes. If you want to leave after that, I promise to not try to stop you. All I am asking for is a quick catch up to say hi. That’s it.”
In other words, take control of the situation in an assertive manner, but still be a good guy about it.
Don’t make the mistake of waiting for your ex to make time for you because if she doesn’t currently have feelings for you, she’s almost certainly not going to go out of her way to arrange a meet up.
Another possible reason why your ex won’t make time to see you, is because…
5. You’re asking her via text
Texting is easy to do, but it’s not a very effective way of getting an ex back.
It’s a lot easier for a woman to reject you when she can’t see you or hear your voice and is only getting text messages from you.
Via text, she can’t see your body language or hear the tonality of your voice, so she will think things like, “Why should I even bother to make time to see him? He doesn’t even have the balls to call me and ask me over the phone. I’m just going to be wasting my time if I say yes to a meet up. I’ll be better off putting him behind me and moving on with my life. What’s done is done and he and I are old news now. Nothing about his behavior is convincing me that it’s worth my while giving him a second chance.”
She then stops replying to his texts, or begins to reply in a cold, distant way.
He might then make the mistake of texting her and asking, “What’s wrong? Is everything okay? Was it something I said? I’m sorry. Please just meet up with me so we can talk.”
Yet, even though his intentions are good, he comes across as being desperate and giving her too much power over him, which causes her to lose even more respect and attraction for him.
Here’s the thing…
In most ex back cases, you can’t completely change how a woman feels by texting back and forth with her.
Texts can help, but you shouldn’t use them as your number one way of getting her back.
If you stick to texts, all she has to do is keep saying, “No. I can’t meet up with you. I just don’t have the time right now,” and there’s nothing you can really do about it.
However, if you get her on a phone call and spark some of her feelings for you first (e.g. by making her smile and laugh, making her feel good to be talking to you again, by maintaining your confidence when she tries to reject you), it will be a lot more difficult for her to brush you off.
Then, when you meet up with her in person, you can build on her feelings and get her back.
3 Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Trying to Convince an Ex to Meet Up
It sucks that she currently won’t make time to see you.
However, you need to maintain control of your emotions and avoid making one or more of the following mistakes that other guys make…
1. Pleading with her to spare some time for him
For example: A guy might…
- Send her loads of text messages or long e-mails begging her to make some time to see him.
- Get friends, co-workers and family to put in a good word for him and encourage her to meet up with him.
- Pour his heart out to her on a phone call in the hope that she will feel sorry for him and agree to see him.
Essentially, he’s hoping that when she sees how desperate he is to see her, she will feel flattered and agree to meet up with him.
However, that rarely (if ever) happens, because most women feel turned off by the desperation and use it as a reason to avoid seeing him again.
Another common mistake that guys make when in your situation is…
2. Making her feel like she is his number one purpose in life
Although a woman appreciates it when a guy values her, loves her and respects her as his woman, she doesn’t want to take on the role of being his main purpose in life.
Rather than think, “OMG! That’s so sweet! He only cares about me! He doesn’t care about anything else in life! I am his reason for living! It must mean he truly loves me! I will never find a man who loves me as much as he does!” she simply feels turned off by his neediness.
Here’s the thing…
Neediness and desperation are qualities that women all over the world, find unattractive in a man.
If you want your ex to see you again, it’s fine to let her see that you do care about her, but don’t give her the impression that she is your number one purpose in life or reason for living.
Women hate that.
Another mistake is…
3. Making her feel as though he needs her back so he can feel whole again
Sometimes a guy will try to get his ex woman back by telling her how lost he feels without her and how much he needs her in his life.
For example: A guy might say, “Please baby, can’t you see that I’m a broken man without you? I simply can’t function properly without you. I need to see you. Please have a heart and meet up with me at least once. You’re everything to me and without you, my life is meaningless. I need you in my life to feel whole again. Please make some time to see me.”
Yet, in most cases, rather than feel flattered that her ex is so emotionally dependent on her, she just feels even more turned off by him.
Why?
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for supporting a guy emotionally and making him feel worthy, confident and happy in his life.
She wants him to be those things on his own and for his own reasons, rather than needing her to give him that feeling.
It’s too much of a burden for a woman to have to carry a man throughout life, continually patting him on the back and essentially saying, “Good boy. You can do it” or, “It’s okay, I love you. Keep your chin up. Everything will be okay. I’m here. It’s okay.”
A woman wants a man who is happy, confident and forward moving in life, regardless of what she says or does.
So, if a woman senses that her ex can’t feel whole without her, she will perceive him as being emotionally weak and it will cause her to lose respect and attraction for him.
If you want your ex to make time to see you, focus on getting to the point where you truly believe that you can be happy, even if you never see her again.
I know, I know.
You do want to see her again and I am going to make sure that you do see her and get her back.
The point is that you need to get yourself to a place emotionally where you really, truly don’t need her in your life to feel happy and confident.
You can achieve that within hours or a couple of days.
It doesn’t have to take long at all.
Then, when you interact with her, she will sense your lack of neediness and feel attracted to the new approach you are taking to conversations and interactions with her.
Her guard will then come down and she will want to see you again.
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