4 things you need to ask yourself:
1. Why does her family disapprove of you?
If your girlfriend’s family disapproves of you, it’s not always going be your fault (e.g. they might be the kind of people who disapprove of everyone, they feel that their daughter is too young to get into a serious relationship and prefer that she focuses on her studies for now, they struggle to get along with people who are different than they are).
However, sometimes a woman’s family might have good reasons to feel concerned about their daughter’s man.
The question you need to ask yourself is, “Are there certain aspects of my thinking and behavior that makes me seem like a bad choice to my girlfriend’s parents?”
For example:
Do they see you as having no potential in life?
Examples of this could be…
- You’re drifting through life with no clear purpose of direction.
- You have no goals or big dreams that you’re working on and you’re not really interested in getting any.
- You have goals and dreams, but you’re not making any progress and have just been wasting time.
- You’re stuck in a job that has no prospects of advancement and even if there is, you’re happier to stay where you are than to change and improve so that you can progress further.
- You have no ambition and are happy to do as little as possible.
Do they worry that their daughter might get pregnant to you and then struggle?
Examples of this could be…
- They see you as being financially unable to take care of a family (e.g. because you’re stuck in a dead-end job, you are uneducated, you’re unemployed). (inserted this to round off the thought)
- They see you as irresponsible or reckless.
- They see you as being selfish and always put your own needs and wants before anyone else’s.
- They see you as being lazy and believe that you do as little as possible just to get by.
Were you unable to get along with her family because you’re from a different social class and didn’t fit in?
Examples of this could be…
- They are more, or less, educated than you.
- They are financially better, or worse, off than you.
- They are from a different racial/religious/cultural background to you.
- They’re more conservative or radical than you in their thinking or style (e.g. you like to dress in leathers and have piercing and tattoos while they’re more conventional and old-fashioned or visa versa, they have strong political views that are different to yours).
Do they feel that you treat their daughter badly?
Examples of this could be…
- You take her for granted (e.g. you expect her to wait on you hand and foot, she does all the housework and chores while you sit around doing nothing, you’re not there for her when she needs you).
- You disrespect her or belittle her in front of them and other people (e.g. you make fun of her views and opinions, you insult her and call her “Stupid,” or “Silly”).
- You cheated on her.
Do you and your girlfriend always fight and argue with each other?
Examples of this could be…
- You and your girlfriend don’t agree with each other on important matters which causes you to constantly disagree with each other.
- You’re always breaking up and making up.
- Your relationship is volatile and unstable.
Do they see that their daughter will have to take care of you?
Examples of this could be…
- She has to work to support you financially because you don’t have a job and you’re not doing anything about it.
- She has to support you and encourage you emotionally because you’re needy, clingy and insecure.
Depending on your answers to these questions, you may discover that your girlfriend’s family had some good reasons to disapprove of you and want you out of her life.
However, that doesn’t mean that because they were right about certain things, you can’t change and improve and show them that you are a good man and worthy of their daughter.
Another question to ask yourself is…
2. Can you make some quick changes to prove her parents wrong?
Regardless of how bad an impression a guy made on his woman’s family, it doesn’t mean he can’t change and improve and become a better man.
Then, when they see that he has manned up and taken control of his life and has changed the things about him that they disapproved of, they will naturally begin to feel respect for him for being an emotionally mature man.
When they respect him, it then becomes easier for them to accept him.
So, if you want to get back with your girlfriend, you need to show her family that you definitely are the right man for her and that means changing certain aspects of your thinking, behavior, attitude and maybe even your style.
For example:
- If a guy doesn’t have a job, or is stuck in a job where he’s going nowhere, he needs to find one, put in for a promotion, or quit and look for a job where he has better prospects for the future.
- If he doesn’t dress well (e.g. he’s a bit of a slob), he can give himself a makeover.
- If he talks about himself too much during conversation, he can change that by allowing other people to talk about themselves.
- If he doesn’t take an interest or listen when talking to her family members, he can quickly learn to be a better listener and show that he cares and values what they have to say.
- If he tries to turn his girlfriend against her family members, he can become more supportive and tolerant, even if he doesn’t always agree with them.
When you can show your girlfriend’s parents that you are continually taking steps to become a better man in ways that you’ve been lacking up to this point, they won’t be able to stay stuck in their negative opinion of you.
Of course, it might not be easy to change their mind about you (especially if you’ve really screwed things up with them), but as long as you treat them with respect regardless of what they say and do and you continue to change and improve and become a better man, they will likely begin to see you in a more positive light.
At the same time, your girlfriend will also feel more attracted to you for being emotionally mature enough to take action and improve yourself so that you can make things easier for her with her family.
She then automatically feels drawn to you again and wants to be with you, regardless of what her family says, because she can see that you’re a man worth fighting for.
Another question to ask yourself is…
3. Are her parents worried about her safety?
In some cases, a woman’s family has good reasons for pushing her to break up with her guy.
For example: If a guy is very jealous or controlling, has a temper, uses a lot of drugs, or hangs around with people they see as being bad, it’s only natural that her family will be worried about what might happen to her.
They might even think things like, “His jealousy is stopping her from enjoying her life. Instead she’s just become a robot who is always saying and doing things to please him. She’s just too young to be stuck with a guy who controls her like that,” or “He’s just too volatile. He’s always getting angry about something; even irrelevant things. What happens if he loses it one day and decides to hit her?” or, “He’s out of control and can’t function without the help of drugs. What if he and ends up hurting our daughter?” or “He might not be too bad, but the people he hangs out with are and I fear for my daughter’s safety when she’s around them.”
As a result, they pressure her to break up with the guy as a way of keeping her safe.
So, if you did make any of these mistakes when in the relationship with your girlfriend, you can recover from it and get her family to forgive you.
How?
Start by telling her and them that you understand what you did was wrong and it was stupid and immature.
Then, show them via your actions, behavior and the steps you take to change and improve (e.g. go to therapy for your anger issues/jealousy/controlling behavior, go for drug rehabilitation, cut off contact with all the people who have a negative influence on you) that you’re serious about becoming a better man and getting her back.
When they can see for themselves that your intentions are sincere, they will naturally open back up to giving you another chance to show them that you deserve to be with their daughter.
Another question to ask yourself is…
4. Are you 100% sure that her family is the real reason why she is breaking up with you?
It may have sounded convincing when your girlfriend said something along the lines of, “I just can’t be with you anymore because of my family. Please understand that even though I care for you, I can’t handle the stress anymore. Maybe sometime in the future when things have calmed down we can try again, but for now, I think it’s better if we break up,” but the fact is that most women often give guys an alternative reason for the break up to avoid having to be honest and say, “I don’t feel attracted to you anymore” or, “I want to be single again.”
Basically a woman will do that because she doesn’t want to have to deal with her guy’s reaction where he tries to talk her out of her decision, keeps asking her why and promising to change whatever she wants him to, begs and pleads with her to give him one more chance, or in extreme cases, he becomes angry and violent towards her.
Instead, she wants to make a clean break so she can move on quickly with as little drama as possible.
This is why, it’s quite possible that when your girlfriend broke up with you blaming her family as being the cause, she was actually hiding her real reasons from you to avoid a confrontation.
So, if you want to get her back, not only do you have to change and improve in ways that will earn her family’s respect, you also have to uncover the secret reasons why she broke up with you, so that you can reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you too.
If you don’t do that, it won’t make any difference how much you change to impress her family, because she will likely just continue making excuses like, “I know you’ve put in a lot of effort to change so that you can win my family over, but let’s not push the situation just yet. Maybe in a year or two we can try again, but for now, it’s best if we take some time apart and let things calm down.”
Then she will focus on moving on so that the next time you try to get the relationship back together again she can say something like, “Sorry, but it’s too late for us. I’ve met someone else and my family loves him. So, let’s just accept that it wasn’t’ meant to be and move on. You really are a great guy, just not for me. I’m sure a lucky girl will snap you up in no time at all.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
You need to know the real, hidden reasons your girlfriend broke up with you, so that you can offer her what she really wants in a relationship with you.
By the way…
If you’re unsure of what to look for, here are some questions to ask yourself to help you figure it out:
- Were you confident and emotionally independent around her, or were you insecure, needy and clingy?
- Did she feel like a feminine, attractive, desirable woman in your presence, or did she feel more like a neutral friend, or one of the guys?
- Did you take the lead in the relationship with her (i.e. by being the more emotionally dominant one), or did she wear the pants and make you jump to her every command?
- Were you a bit of a challenge to her (i.e. she was afraid of losing you), or did she feel as though you needed her more than she needed you?
- Could she look up to you and depend on you as her man, or did she feel like she had to be the emotionally stronger one in the relationship and take care of the both of you?
- Did she feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel like you were taking her for granted?
- Did you have a strong life purpose outside of your relationship with her, or did you make her your sole reason for living and as a result you became jealous, over protective, controlling or need and clingy?
When you fully understand where you went wrong with her, you can then change the things she really wants you to change and re-attract her.
Then, no matter how her family feels about you, she will put up a good fight to be with you, because she won’t want to lose you.
Where Guys Go Wrong With an Ex Girlfriend Who Broke Up With Them Because of Her Family
Sometimes a guy might struggle to deal with being dumped because his girlfriend’s family doesn’t like him.
He might then end up saying and doing things that actually turn her off and make her think something along the lines of, “Maybe my family had a point after all. He’s just being so emotionally sensitive and immature, that I feel turned off by him.”
She then tries to move on, rather than give him another chance.
So, don’t make that mistake with your girlfriend.
Here are 4 ways that guys go wrong in a situation like yours:
1. Saying bad things about family members that she loves and cares about
As tempting as it might be for a guy to want to say things like, “Who cares what your family thinks about us? It’s how we feel about each other that is important. They’re just being jerks and trying to ruin what we have. Why should we let them do that? We should just tell then to butt out and mind their own business,” saying bad things about a woman’s family is not the best way to make her change her mind about breaking up with him.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman values and loves her family, she won’t appreciate it if her ex disrespects them to her; even if they did cause the break up between them.
So, even though he may feel justified in saying bad things about them (e.g. because he is frustrated or annoyed), she might take it the wrong way and begin thinking things like, “Maybe my folks have a point about not wanting me to date him. He’s being so disrespectful to my family and it’s making me see a side to him that I don’t like. He’s just so bitchy and mean. What if that’s who he really is deep down and if we ever got married and he became annoyed with me he would end up being that way with me? Maybe I’m better off without him after all.”
This is why, regardless of how frustrated you feel about your break up with your girlfriend, don’t say anything bad about her family to her and cause her to lose respect for you for being emotionally immature and childish.
Instead, just interact with her and re-spark her feelings for you and show her by your attitude and actions that her parents are wrong about you.
When that happens, she may end up ignoring their wishes because she knows you’re the man for her and she doesn’t want to lose you.
Another way that guys go wrong in a situation like yours is…
2. Begging and pleading with her
A guy might say things like, “Please don’t allow your family to destroy what we have. I promise I’ll do anything to win them over. Just tell me what they want from me and I’ll do it. Please just give me a chance to prove to them that I’m the right man for you. I promise you won’t regret it!”
However, rather than make a woman think, “He must really love me if he’s willing to do anything to win my family over! This is amazing! He must be the one!” she’s likely just going to pull away from him even more.
Why?
A woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can look up to him and respect him as a man.
So, when a guy is begging and pleading and being emotionally weak, wimpy and desperate, he’s actually making her feel the opposite of the way he needs to make her feel to get her back.
Basically, he’s turning her off and making her see him in a new, more negative light, when what he should be doing is quickly re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for him again, so she naturally becomes unsure about her decision to break up with him.
By the way…
If you’ve already tried begging and pleading with you ex girlfriend to make her change her mind about breaking up with you, don’t worry about it.
As long as you learn from the experience and focus on showing her from now on that you’re an emotionally strong and mature man, she will gradually begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
You can then build up those feelings inside of her and make her see that being with you is really what she wants.
Another way that guys go wrong in a situation like yours is…
3. Writing her long letters or e-mails to express his undying love for her
As romantic as it may seem for a guy to write a love letter (or e-mail) to his ex girlfriend to tell her how much he still loves her and wants her back, it’s unlikely to make her change her mind.
Why?
Basically, because it doesn’t get to the core of the problem (i.e. that she doesn’t want to be with him because of her family).
Instead, he’s just pouring his heart out to her and talking about his feelings, but he’s not taking her or her family’s feelings into consideration.
He’s not addressing the issues that are causing her family to want him out of their daughter’s life, but is instead just trying to convince her to ignore them based on his feelings for her.
Unfortunately, a woman usually doesn’t want to do that (e.g. because she still cares what her family thinks about her man, she will still have to deal with the stress of arguing with her family if she gets back with him).
So, if you want to re-attract your girlfriend, don’t be sweet and romantic by declaring your undying love for her in a letter of e-mail and focus instead on addressing the issues that caused the break up in the first place.
When you fix those, you can win her and her family over.
Another way that guys go wrong in a situation like yours is…
4. Promising to wait for her for as long as it takes
Sometimes a guy thinks that if he gives his ex girlfriend enough space and time, things will calm down and eventually she will choose to be with him again, regardless of what her family thinks (i.e. because she’s overwhelmed by his devotion and willingness to wait for her).
This is especially true if the woman is quite young and her family wants her to focus on her studies, or mature a bit more emotionally.
The guy might then say to himself, “They’re only against me because they think she’s too young to date right now. However, if I wait, both her and her family will know that my intentions are pure and then I will get another chance with her.”
Yet, it rarely works out that way.
In most cases, while the guy is sitting around waiting and putting his life on hold, his ex ends up meeting another guy who she finds interesting and attractive and whom her family like more, so she starts a new relationship with him and moves on.
Then, by the time her ex figures out that he’s lost her, it’s already too late because she’s in love and not interested in working things out with him anymore.
So, don’t let that happen to you.
If you want your girlfriend back, you need to interact with her (on the phone and especially in person) and spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love, so she wants to stand up to her family for you, regardless of what they say.
Don’t waste anymore time waiting for her to get permission to come back to you.
If you do, you may be shocked to discover that she’s moved on.
If you want her back, make it happen now.
She is waiting for you.
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