Here are 6 reasons why a woman will break up with a guy because of his low self-esteem:
1. His low self-esteem ruins her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for him
Generally speaking, most women don’t just give up on a relationship with a guy for no reason at all.
In fact, a woman will usually give her guy several chances to change and improve before she eventually decides to break up with him.
So, in a case where a guy had low self-esteem, she probably tried to help him feel better about himself many times in the hope that he would change and the relationship would improve.
For example: She may have…
- Reassured him that she loved him and that he was the only guy for her, but he still couldn’t believe it and worried about her potentially finding other guys attractive or leaving him because he wasn’t good enough.
- Listed all the great things he does for her and other people, in the hope that he would begin to see how valuable of a man he really is.
- Praised him for being such a great boyfriend, in the hope that he began to believe in his place as her man.
- Been supportive of pretty much everything he did (e.g. cheering him on at sporting events, encouraging him to follow his dreams/apply for that promotion he wanted).
Yet, when a woman realizes that her boyfriend isn’t able to shake his low self-esteem and be a confident guy, she will usually reach a point where she’s had enough.
She may begin to think something like, “I don’t know why I’m with him anymore. No matter how hard I try to make him feel more confident, nothing seems to work. It’s becoming such a drag to be around him. I used to enjoy being with him and he used to make me feel good, but now I don’t feel attracted to him anymore. I don’t feel like I’m being my real self when I’m around him either because I have to be softer and more gentle with him than I really want to be with a man. I’m always be encouraging him to feel good about himself, but I want a man who is able to feel confident without needing me to mother him or baby him. I want to be able to smile and feel happy with my man, rather than feeling like I need to get away from him to breathe and feel normal again.”
When she gets to that point, she loses respect for him and stops looking at him as her man.
It then becomes very difficult for her to feel sexually attracted to him and eventually, she decides that she will break up with him and try to find a more confident man.
It doesn’t mean that her ex can’t get her back though.
He can.
He has to show her that he has risen above the level that he was at when she broke up with him.
Not only that, but he has begun to go beyond the new level of confidence and is now able to make her feel instinctively attracted to him again, rather than being such a turn off due to his low self-esteem.
Another reason why a woman will break up with a guy for having low self-esteem is…
2. She falls out of love with him and ends up feeling pity, or resentment instead
When a guy goes around putting himself down and saying things like, “I’m such a failure. Nothing I do ever goes right. I can’t be bothered with life anymore. I don’t even know why you stick around with me,” it’s only natural that a woman will eventually get tired of it.
Initially, she might put up with it because she loves him, but if she realizes that no matter what she says and does, he simply can’t or won’t change, she will eventually start resenting him for not being man enough for her.
She may begin to think, “No matter what happens to him, good or bad, he always puts himself down. At first I thought he was just going through a bad patch in his life and would eventually snap out of it, but now I see that he will never change. I can’t stand being around him anymore. If I have to hear him whine or complain one more time, I’m going to go crazy! This isn’t what I signed up for in a relationship. I can’t even remember why I fell in love with him in the first place, because all those feelings are gone now. All I want is to get away from him because he’s bringing me down. I want to find myself again and be confident and happy. I can’t do that around him.”
If she doesn’t break up with him right away, she will begin to behave in a cold, bitchy, mean or heartless way towards him.
Unfortunately, when that happens, rather than shock the guy into changing, he usually becomes even more insecure and self-doubting about his place in her life, which turns her off even more.
She may think something like, “It’s sad really. I wish he could see that he’s such a great guy with so much to offer a woman. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to convince him of that and now my feelings for him have been switched off. Maybe he will find another woman who can accept him this way, but I can’t. I pity him because I used to really love him, but at the same time, I resent the man he has become and how it has been making me feel.”
Some guys try to keep a relationship together with a woman based on pity, but it doesn’t work in the long run because a woman doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a guy where she feels like she is doing him a favor by being with him.
She wants to feel like he’s the kind of guy she can look up to, respect and be proud to call her man (i.e. because he has made the necessary adjustments to his thinking and behavior and is now causing her feel attracted in ways that she really wants), not like she has to take care of him because he’s too emotionally weak, insecure and doesn’t believe in himself or his value to her.
So, if a guy can’t change and man up, a woman will fall out of love with him and when that happens, breaking up seems like the only option for her.
Sometimes, a woman will hope that the break up will wake the guy up and he’ll come back to her, stronger and more confident than ever.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that until it’s too late and when they eventually try to get her back, she has moved on and is happy without him.
3. She doesn’t want to have to be a helper or support system for her man
A woman is happy to be supportive and attentive if her man is emotionally strong, but if he’s always leaning on her for emotional support and needs her to keep propping him up, she will no longer feel like he is her man.
Instead, she begins to see him as a guy that she is being forced to take care of and lift up.
As a result, she stops feeling like a feminine woman around him.
She has to be the strong one, which ruins her sexual desire for him and makes it difficult for her to want to submit to him sexually (i.e. because he’s not the more emotionally strong one in the relationship).
Here’s the thing…
A woman will sometimes accept a guy who has low self-esteem in the beginning of the relationship because she is enjoying the thrill of falling in love, having sex and doing things with a new guy.
Yet, after the novelty of being with someone new wears off, his low self-esteem starts to annoy her and turn her off.
She then realizes that she has made a mistake and will then want to get out of the relationship.
The truth is, almost all women want a man who is confident and emotionally strong, because it allows them to relax into thinking, feeling and behaving like a feminine women around him.
So, if a woman gets a sense that she can’t do that with her man (i.e. because she always has to be the emotionally strong one and take care of him), she will want to break up with him and look for a replacement guy.
Another reason why a woman might break up with a guy for having low self-esteem is…
4. It makes the sex less enjoyable and real
When a woman has sex with a man who has low self-esteem, it can feel weird for her to submit to him.
So, even though physically the sex might feel good at times, it doesn’t feel good to her emotionally.
Essentially, she feels stronger than him emotionally, so she’s not surrendering fully and completely, because it feels wrong to submit to a force less powerful than her.
Here’s the thing…
For a woman to fully and completely surrender herself to a man during sex, she needs to feel that he is more emotionally dominant than her.
When she can sense that he is, she can then fully relax into thinking, feeling, behaving and like a feminine woman during sex and around him in general in the relationship.
In other words, she can get emotional, focus on the love she feels for him, be loving and attentive towards him, open herself up to whatever he wants and fully enjoy being taken by him during sex.
If a woman can’t do that with her man and always feels like she’s holding herself back, she will eventually become unhappy with him and the relationship.
If there are other problems in the relationship, they will become more annoying and his low self-esteem may just be the final straw that makes her break up with him.
Another reason why a woman might break up with a guy for having low self-esteem is…
5. She ends up having to give a lot more love to him than he gives to her
When a guy has low self-esteem, he will often need a woman to give him a lot of love and to feel okay about himself and to feel worthy, happy and secure as a man.
For example: He might repeatedly ask her things like, “Are you still attracted to me?” at which point she has to respond with something like, “Of course, I love you and yes, I feel attracted to you” and for a brief while, he will feel happy and good about himself.
Yet, those feelings never last for him because he lacks real confidence.
So, he asks her more questions, “Can you promise to never cheat on me? I could never deal with that. I love you more than anything” and she might say, “Look, I love you too and I don’t want anyone else” and for a brief while, he will feel happy and good about himself.
Yet, he just can’t accept that and needs more.
So, he keeps trying to get more and more assurance of her love and devotion for him, to the point where it feels emotionally draining for her.
She then thinks something like, “I’m always giving him my love and it’s never enough for him. He’s like a bottomless pit and no matter how much love I throw into it, it never seems to makes a difference. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”
In the meantime, the more she distances herself from him, the more needy, insecure or clingy he becomes.
Eventually, his neediness for her and insecurity without her reassurance pushes her over the edge and she breaks up with him.
Here’s the thing…
Although a woman wants to be loved and appreciated by her man, she doesn’t want to feel smothered by his need for her.
So, if you want your girlfriend back, you must show her that even though you still care about her and want her back, you don’t actually need her back.
Show that to her by living your life, having fun without her and beginning to pursue your big goals and dreams with a more focused passion and determination.
When you stop needing your ex girlfriend to give your purpose, direction and self-esteem, you suddenly become the kind of man that she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
Then, rather than feeling like you’re draining her emotionally by taking her love, but not giving much back in return, she will start to feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
She will see that you are now more confident and emotionally independent, which means that are now capable of giving her the love that she needs, rather than you needing to get more and more of her love to feel okay about yourself.
Another reason why a woman will break up with a guy for having low self-esteem is…
6. It makes her feel like she’s too good for him, when she really isn’t
A woman most enjoys being with a confident, emotionally strong man who believes that he is more than good enough for her, while also treating her well and making her feel wanted, loved and appreciated.
So, when a guy has low self-esteem and doesn’t believe in his value to his woman or to the world, it does nothing to maintain and build on her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him.
Instead, she feels turned off by his lack of belief in himself.
She then starts thinking things like, “Why am I wasting my time with a failure like him? I’m way too good of a catch, to be stuck in a relationship like this. I deserve a much better guy than him. He’s not good enough for me.”
She will then start looking down on him and treating him badly (e.g. she disrespects him and mocks him in front of other people, doesn’t take anything he says or does seriously, treats him like he is lucky to even be talking to her).
Unfortunately, that change in her behavior usually causes a low self-esteem guy to feel even more insecure and self-doubting, which in turn makes her treat him even worse.
That vicious cycle will usually continue until she eventually gets fed up, breaks up with him and tries to find herself the kind of man that she believes she deserves.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because a woman thinks she’s too good for a guy, it’s not necessarily true.
He is making her feel that way, based on his approach to her.
He is making her feel as though she is better than him, even when she really isn’t.
So, if you want your girlfriend back, you first must believe in yourself and in your value to her.
Believe that you are more than good enough for her and then, based on that confidence, interact with her and let her sense that.
She might not believe the change in you right away, but if you talk to her on the phone or in person for a few minutes, she will see that the change in you is real.
As a result, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Back After Being Dumped Due to Low Self-esteem
Everything that you say and do from this point onwards is either going to show your ex that you truly have changed and are now a self-assured, emotionally strong and confident man, or confirm to her that you’re still a low self-esteem kind of guy.
If you want to get her back, you’ve got to allow her to sense that you really have changed.
Here’s where other guys mess up when in a situation like yours…
1. Telling her that he’s more confident now and ready to make things work
If you overcome your low self-esteem issues, it’s unlikely that your ex girlfriend will believe you just because you say so.
This is why you have to make her sense the changes in you as you interact with her on a phone call or in person, rather than telling her that you’ve changed and hoping that she believes you.
When she can sense the changes in you, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, she will naturally open up to the idea of getting back together again without you needing to push her.
The next mistake that other guys often make in a situation like yours is…
2. Not getting to the core reason for his insecurities
A guy doesn’t have low self-esteem for no reason at all.
Instead, it usually stems from a deep-seated belief about himself that he may be unwilling to openly admit.
For example: He might…
- Believe that his ex is too good for him.
- Believe that he is incapable of keeping a relationship together with an attractive woman.
- Believe that women are hard to get and even harder to keep.
As a result, he naturally feels insecure in a relationship, no matter what he achieves in life or what a woman says to him to reassure him.
So, if a low self-esteem guy tries to his ex woman back by acting as though he is confident when he isn’t, she will be able to find that out.
All she has to do is test him by being bitchy towards him and saying things like, “I never want to see you again” or, “Do you really think I’d ever get back with you? I can do so much better than you” to see how he reacts.
If he crumbles and appears dejected and uncertain around her, she will know that he was only faking confidence and is still the same, low self-esteem guy that she dumped.
A woman will usually then want to cut her ex out of her life completely, which make the ex back process more difficult for him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, it’s essential that you get to the core reasons for your insecurity and low self-esteem.
When you do that and have a solution to overcome it, you will feel a great weight lift off your shoulders.
Your natural, masculine confidence will come flooding back into your mind and you will feel strong.
You will feel worthy of her again and based on that confidence, you will be able to interact with her in a way that creates a spark between you and her again.
Once she feels that spark, you can quickly build on her feelings and get to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship.
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