A woman will say that to her boyfriend if he made one or more of the following mistakes:
1. He regularly needed her reassurance to confirm that she really loved him and wasn’t going to leave him
Let’s face it.
Some guys get lucky when they meet their girlfriend.
She’s prettier and possibly cooler than the kind of women he can usually attract.
So, he gets a little worried that she might realize her value and decide to dump him and hook up with a new guy instead.
For example: He might think something like, “What’s a beautiful woman like her doing with a guy like me? I still can’t believe my luck. Is today the day she will realize I’m not good enough for her and dump me? I just can’t imagine what I would do if that ever happened.”
Attempting to calm down his insecurities, he might then ask her things like, “Do you still love me? Are you still attracted to me? Are you still happy to be my girlfriend?” or “I’m the luckiest guy in the world to have you as my girl. You wouldn’t ever leave me would you? You know that would break my heart, right? Promise me that you and I will be together forever,” or “You’re the woman of my dreams. I need you to tell me that you really love me as much as I love you. I know how much I love you, but I don’t know how much you love me. How much do you love me? Is the most in love you’ve ever been?”
Initially, a woman will usually respond by trying to reassure him of her love by saying things like, “Of course I love you as much as you love me,” or “I feel lucky too. You’re a great guy and I want to be with you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you in the first place. So, don’t worry.”
Yet, over time, if she realizes that nothing she says or does is ever enough to stop him from being so insecure and needy, she will get tired of it.
She will start to feel as though he needs her to take care of him emotionally because he’s not a real man who can stand up on his own two feet, without needing a woman to support him.
The more she has to do support him emotionally, the more smothered she will feel and her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him will then begin to fade.
She might then try to shake him up by saying something along the lines of, “Stop worrying. I’m here with you now, aren’t I? That means I love you, so stop being so insecure all the time. You’re driving me crazy! I feel like I can’t breathe with all your neediness. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
In most cases, an insecure guy will then make things even worse.
Rather than quickly adjust his thinking and behavior to be the confident, emotionally strong man she needs him to be, he clings to her even more and feels even more of a need for her reassurance.
He starts to worry that she is losing interest and his biggest fear (i.e. her leaving him) is starting to come true.
He just can’t stop himself from texting her or calling her all the time, spending as much time as possible by her side and seeking reassurance from her that she is happy with him and wouldn’t leave him.
Eventually, the woman will have had enough of his neediness and emotional weakness, causing her to break up with him by saying something like, “I can’t be with you anymore. I feel like you’re smothering me. I need to be alone for a while.”
Unfortunately, a guy might then make the mistake of thinking that he needs to ignore his ex girlfriend for weeks, or even months, to show her that he doesn’t care about her and that he’s no longer a clingy, needy guy.
In his mind, he is hoping that by ignoring her, it will trigger her fears of losing him and she will then realize that she still loves him and she will then come running back to him.
However, this tactic rarely (if ever) works, as explained in the video below…
Ignoring a woman just isn’t effective in most ex back situations.
The truth is, if a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, then not hearing from him for weeks or even months won’t really matter to her at all.
Sure, her ego might feel a bit bruised because he isn’t desperately chasing her, but if she stops for a moment to remember how she felt in the relationship (i.e. smothered, overwhelmed), she isn’t going to want him back.
Rather than thinking, “He’s not contacting me! I’m losing him! I wonder what he’s up to. Could he have met another woman by now? What if I lose him forever?” she’ll be glad that he’s not hassling her and just focus on moving on without him.
So, if your girlfriend broke up with you because she felt smothered by you, don’t make the mistake of ignoring her in the hopes that it’ll convince her you’re less needy now.
What should you do instead?
Interact with her (e.g. over the phone and in person) and re-spark her feelings for you, by showing her (via your actions, behavior and the way you interact with her) that you’re now a confident, emotionally strong man that she can look up to and respect.
Let her see that you have changed and she will begin to believe that you are no longer the same guy she dumped.
When she can see for herself that you’re more confident and self-believing, it becomes more difficult for her to keep pushing you away.
She stops thinking about you as the needy, clingy, insecure guy you were before and starts looking at you with fresh eyes.
Her defenses come down and then the idea of interacting with you and seeing where things go from there, begins to feel like the right thing for her to do now.
Another reason why a woman will break up with a guy because she felt smothered by him is if…
2. He didn’t want to spend any time apart from her because he was worried that other guys might steal her from him
Many ruin a perfectly good relationship with their ideal woman because they go through life comparing themselves to other men and feeling inferior.
That’s not what an alpha male does.
An alpha male believes in his value and worth and doesn’t ever question it.
As a result, he is always able to remain confident and believe in his attractiveness to his woman, regardless of what other men may be around her in her life.
He knows that he’s the man.
Of course, not many guys have the courage to maintain an alpha male mindset, so they suffer the consequences in relationships with women.
She notices that he is worried about her potentially finding other guys attractive and it turns her off.
Women just aren’t sexually attracted to the emotional weakness in men.
So, the more he feel insecure or inferior, the more she starts feeling attracted to other men who are more confident than him.
In other words, he creates the problem himself by being insecure and then makes it worse by becoming even more insecure when he notices that she’s losing interest.
For example: A guy like that might focus on things about himself that he feels aren’t good enough (e.g. he’s not good looking enough, he’s overweight, he’s skinny, he’s bald, he doesn’t have a good enough job, he doesn’t have enough money, he’s not popular enough).
If he then notices his woman talking to a guy who has some of the things that he thinks are lacking in him (e.g. the guy is more physically attractive, has more money or an expensive car, is successful in his career) he might begin to think, “Why is she talking to him? I’m going to end up losing her if I just let her socialize with guys like that. What if she realizes that she should dump me and get a better guy like him?”
As a result, he will then start to become clingy and insist on doing everything together with his woman.
In his mind, he will justify his actions by saying something like, “I’m not jealous or insecure. It’s just because I care for her so much. I heard that a man has to protect his woman. She is mine and I have to protect her from looking at other guys, talking to other guys or being hit on by other guys. If she does talk to other guys, they will steal her from me. I can’t allow that to happen.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
That type of clingy, needy behavior only serves to highlight to his woman that he doesn’t believe he’s good enough for her.
As a result, she then starts to think that he might be right and she could do a lot better with him.
She then starts to think, “Maybe he’s not the right guy for me. Maybe there is a better guy out there. Maybe he is smothering me so much because he’s afraid I’ll like another guy. What am I doing with him? He’s clearly not confident enough for a woman like me. Maybe I need to break up with him.”
Here’s the thing…
If you didn’t get lucky (i.e. you attracted her on purpose and you can easily attract and pick up other women at will), then it means that she selected you out of all the other options she had with guys.
It means that something about you stood out to her, made her feel sexually attracted and made her want to be in a romantic relationship with you.
So what happened?
Did you allow your insecurities to make you doubt your attractiveness and value to your girlfriend?
Did you then you into a clingy, needy guy and couldn’t seem to stop yourself from doing it?
Did you start to make her feel smothered by always texting, calling or needing to be with her?
If so, then it’s only natural that she would have felt smothered and eventually decided to break up with you.
The truth is, in today’s world a woman doesn’t have to stick with a guy if she doesn’t want to.
Women are free to leave a relationship if they’re not happy, even if she once said to her boyfriend, “I want to be with you forever” or, “I promise to never leave you.”
Women essentially make decisions about relationships based on how they feel day by day, week by week, month by month.
If your girlfriend had been feeling turned off day in day out, week after week and month after month, then she will have forced herself to get to the point where she built up the courage broke it off with you.
She may have been hoping that you’d change (and giving you plenty of hints and warnings along the way), but because you didn’t, she had to go through with her decision.
Don’t worry though – you can get her back.
You’ve just got to focus on re-attracting her and guiding her through the ex back process…
Another reason why a woman will break up with a guy because she felt smothered by him is if…
3. He texted and called her more than she could handle, due to her busy work or study life
If a guy doesn’t have a lot of experience with relationships (or feels really lucky to have gotten himself such a beautiful girlfriend), he might make the mistake of over-texting and calling her.
In his mind, he thinks he is doing the right thing.
He wants to show her how much he cares and make sure that she never, ever feels like he is taking her for granted, or that he might be somewhere hooking up with another woman.
For example: He might send her a good morning text every day, or text her to let her know that he’s getting ready for work/university.
In extreme cases, a guy might then send her several more texts along the way like, “I’m on the train and it’s really packed today. Would rather be with you than here!” or “Driving to work now. Missing you!” or “Just arrived at work. It’s going to be a long day without you. Will phone later. Miss you.”
Later that day, he’ll call her to talk about random things (even though she might be busy) and also send a few more texts to say, “Hey, it was great to hear your voice. Can’t wait to see you,” or “Talking to you was the highlight of my day. I’ll call you again later for another dose of you ☺”
This goes on and on the whole day, every day, or most days.
He texts, calls and keeps in constant contact with her.
Why?
In addition to the reasons I mentioned above:
- He thinks that she will be flattered that he cares about her so much.
- He thinks that a boyfriend and girlfriend are supposed to spend all their time together and ignore the world around them.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although a woman might initially enjoy the attention and romance that comes with being on a guy’s mind all day, she will eventually start to feel turned off and smothered by his constant need for attention from her.
Rather than think, “He’s so sweet. I just love that I’m never off his mind at any time. He’s the perfect boyfriend! He’s not like all those other guys who play hard to get and make a woman go crazy with longing. I never have to worry about where he is or what he’s doing because I have a blow by blow account of his every move. That’s so attractive to me!” she will instead be thinking something like, “I do like hearing from him, but I also have other things to do. I can’t spend every minute of my day replying to his texts or answering his calls. The relationship with him is so overwhelming…I feel so smothered by him. It’s just too much. Something isn’t quite right between him and I. It shouldn’t be like this. Why am I feeling this way? Maybe he’s not the one. Maybe I have to break up with him.”
Then, when she breaks up with him, he continues with the same pattern of behavior (i.e. over-texting and calling) as a way of getting her back.
He just can’t stop himself from being that way because he thinks that he’s doing the right thing by showing her how much he loves her and needs her.
He doesn’t realize that although a woman does like it when a man loves her and makes her feel appreciated, she doesn’t want to be in the “one up” position in the relationship.
In other words, she doesn’t want to feel like she is the leader, the boss or the most valuable one.
She wants him to make her feel as though she needs to impress him and be respectful towards him to maintain his interest, rather than just drowning her in his 24/7 interest, even if she is treating him badly.
If he can’t offer her the challenge that a woman looks for in a man when in a relationship, she will get bored of being in the one up position and will start to feel attracted to guys who could take on that position.
So, if you want to get your girlfriend back, you’ve got to make sure that you start approaching her in a way that is going to be attractive to her.
Don’t just try to get her back using your old approach, because it’s not going to work on her.
She needs you to be a bit more of a challenge, as you interact with her and re-spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
Another reason why a why a woman will break up with a guy because she felt smothered by him is if…
4. He tried to control her behavior, thoughts or feelings
When a guy feels insecure about himself and his value to his woman, he will usually react in some of the ways I’ve already mentioned so far (i.e. constantly look for reassurance of her feelings for him, become clingy and needy, overwhelm her with attention, text or call her all the time).
He might also get to the point where he tries to control her behavior, thinking and feelings, to make her more obedient and loyal.
For example: Some of the ways a guy might do that is by…
- Checking her phone and/or social media accounts to see who she’s talking to and what she’s saying.
- Forbidding her to hang out with her single friends or work colleagues because he fears that they are trying to make her want to be single like them.
- Interrogating her about where she’s been and with whom.
- Being suspicious of any guys in her life (e.g. work colleagues/male friends) and accusing her of feeling attracted to them.
- Being hostile towards any guys she might talk to/interact with (in some instances he may even get into arguments and fights).
- Calling her up at all hours of the day or night to check up on her.
- Not letting her dance too wildly if they are at a party, in case other guys start to feel attracted.
- Not allowing her to wear make up or revealing closes, in case it attracts other guys.
Although he might think that this behavior is okay and that his jealousy is a sign of how much he really loves her, the truth is, it’s just a symptom of his insecurity about his attractiveness to her.
If a man has an alpha male mindset about his attractiveness (i.e. he believes in his attractiveness to his woman and other women, regardless of what anyone tries to say to make him feel insecure), then he’s never going to worry about other guys potentially looking at her or liking her.
He knows that he’s the man and as a result, she feels a deep, ongoing respect and sexual attraction for him.
She knows that he is with one of the rare men, who always remain confident no matter what.
As a result, he always appears more attractive to her in comparison to other guys who are less confident and who doubt their attractiveness.
Confidence aside, you also have to trust your woman.
A healthy relationship is built on mutual trust, rather than on trying to control each other’s thinking, behavior and feelings as a way of preventing a break up.
If a man cannot trust his woman, it will eventually erode her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him (i.e. because women are turned off by insecurity and emotional weakness in men) and she will either cheat on him, or break up with him.
One more reason why a why a woman will break up with a guy because she felt smothered by him is if…
5. He made her the main purpose of his life
Many guys don’t realize that a woman doesn’t want to be the most important thing in his life.
She wants to be the most important person, but not the most important thing.
The most important thing needs to be his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions in life, so he can rise up through the levels of his true potential as a man.
If he does that, his woman will feel respect, attraction and love for him for life.
Yet, most guys don’t know that or don’t want to do it, because they’d rather just spend time with her and not care about trying to achieve their true potential.
For example: He might say to himself, “She is everything I ever wanted in a woman. She makes me happier than anything else in my life. In fact, when I think about being away from her, even for a few hours, it feels painful. I don’t see the point of doing other things without her, or hanging out with other people if she’s not there. I’m sure she feels the same way too. After all, what woman doesn’t want to be her man’s main focus in life? I want to be by her side and show her that she’s the most important thing in my life and nothing else really matters.”
He may then…
- Give up his hobbies or interests (except video games because he can still be in the same place as her when doing that) to spend more of his time hanging out with her.
- Stop seeing his friends, unless she’s invited too.
- Put his goals and ambitions on the back burner (e.g. he might say, “Maybe I’ll get back to my ambitions someday, but right now, she comes first”). If he doesn’t have any goals and ambitions for the future, he may think to himself, “I don’t need anything more than her. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I want to focus on making her feel like a princess so that nothing will ever break us apart. She’s all that matters to me now.”
- Get upset when she wants to go out with her friends without him, or pursue a hobby or interest without including him.
- Feel like he can’t be happy and fulfilled in his life without her.
Yet, that’s where he’s wrong.
A woman hates to feel responsible for a man’s emotional state in a relationship (e.g. he’s only happy if she’s being affectionate and making him feel loved), or to be his main reason for living.
A woman wants her man to be happy, confident and forward moving in his life with, or without her support or reassurance.
If she finds herself in a relationship with a needy guy, a woman will usually try to encourage him to be more independent of her.
For example: Telling him to go out with his friends more, take up a new hobby that doesn’t involve her or stop texting or calling her so much when they are apart.
Yet, if he continues to cling to her by saying, “Why would I want to do that? Doing other things would just take time away from you and I don’t ever want to do that. You are the most important thing in my life” she will feel turned off and prepare to break up with him.
A final reason why a why a woman will break up with a guy because she felt smothered by him is if…
6. He wasn’t someone that she could look up to and respect, but he expected it of her anyway
A woman might initially be attracted to a guy because she likes certain things about him (e.g. he’s got a great sense of humor, he can make her laugh and smile even if she’s in a bad mood, or he’s a great conversationalist).
Based on her attraction for him, she will try to overlook some of the things about him she doesn’t like (e.g. he’s irresponsible, he breaks his promises to her, he’s childish and immature, he depends on her to lead and make all the decisions).
She may even try to justify her reasons for being with him by saying to herself, “It’s okay. He’s a great guy and I’m sure that over time, he’ll grow up and start taking his life and our relationship more seriously. I know that he’s not perfect, but I’m willing to take a chance on him.”
She might even try to help him change and improve by saying things like, “Why don’t you ask your boss what you need to do to get a promotion?” or “I can’t pay all the rent anymore. I have too many other expenses. Why don’t you look for a job?” or “I accept that you forgot to call me, but this is now the 10th time you’ve promised me something and then haven’t kept your word. I don’t like it when you do that.”
If he just ignores her hints and expects her to put up with it because she loves him, it will inevitably lead to her losing respect for him.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman grows up faster than her man (even if they are in their 20s, 30s or 40s) and starts wanting very different things (e.g. to settle down, for them to become more serious about their future together), her feelings for him will inevitably start to fade.
Then, rather than make excuses for his behavior like she did in the beginning, she will start thinking things like, “Why am I still with him? He’s never going to change. I’m just wasting my time. I want a man who thinks, talks, feels, behaves and takes action like a real man. I don’t want to be stuck with an emotionally childish and immature man that I can’t rely on, look up to or respect. It’s time for me to get out of this smothering relationship. I’ve had enough. I’ve wasted enough time on him. I need to get away from him and find a replacement man.”
So, if you’re serious about getting your girlfriend back, you have to show her (not tell her) that you have changed.
Let her feel and experience the changes when she interacts with you.
If you do that, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you.
As a result, her guard will come down and she won’t be worried about you smothering her or being needy if she gives you another chance.
She will be able to see for herself that you are now a more emotionally independent, strong and mature man.
You have learned from your mistakes and are now able to make her feel the kind of respect and attraction that opens her back up to you.
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