Here are 6 common reasons why a woman will do that and how you can get her back:
1. She thought she wanted a nice guy like you, but she just didn’t feel right about it
Initially, the idea of being with a nice guy who is the opposite of her ex in many ways, may have appealed to her because she was tired of being treated so badly.
Yet, eventually when the pain of the break up started to fade away and she felt more optimistic about her life, she began to realize that even though you’re a really good guy who treats her well, something just wasn’t right.
In many cases, it will be due to the fact that she has so much power over you (e.g. she can treat you badly and you will put up with it because you’re such a nice guy, or because you don’t want to screw up your chances with her, or because you don’t care and just want to get to spend time with her).
Alternatively, you have tried to stand up for yourself when she wasn’t treating you well, but she easily shot you down because of her confident, assertive personality, or because you felt like you just had to accept it because she is an attractive woman.
As a result, she felt drawn to her ex because even though he didn’t treat her well, he was at least emotionally more dominant than her and didn’t allow her to walk all over him.
She knew that he could dump her at any moment, which motivated her to be a good girl to him and try to impress him.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to become a jerk and treat her badly like her ex did, in order to get her back.
Instead, you simply need to show her that you’re now a much more confident, ballsy and assertive guy, while still being good to her.
In other words, be a good guy with balls, or a good guy who is confident, masculine (in your energy, behavior and actions) and unafraid of how she might react (e.g. with tantrums).
If you can’t man up like that even a little, she simply won’t feel the kind of attraction for you that will make her want you more than her ex.
However, if you are willing to man up and let her experience it, then she will immediately begin to think and feel differently about you.
She will also realize that you are a better option than her ex, because you are also a good man, which is what a woman really wants.
It’s just that a woman doesn’t want a good man who is wimpy, or bows down to her assertive personality.
She wants a good man with a backbone, who she can genuinely rely on to be the strong one now and in the long run in their life together.
If a man is unable to provide a woman like her with that kind of feeling, she just won’t want to be with him.
2. Due to the attraction she feels for her ex, she doesn’t care that he treated her badly
When a guy can make a woman feel primal sexual and romantic attraction for him (i.e. due to his masculine way of being, which in turn makes her feel feminine), she will struggle to let him go or forget about him, especially if she only meets men who are afraid to be masculine around her and instead, end up behaving more like a friend, or worse, very similar to her (e.g. giggly like a girl, emotional like a woman, unable to make clear decisions under pressure, cry when life gets tough).
So, if her bad guy ex wants her back, she will usually give him a chance and hope to change him, or hope that he has changed and will now treat her the way he should have all along.
Sometimes that result in a couple having a happy, loving, lifelong relationship with each other from then on.
However, in most cases, the bad guy doesn’t change (i.e. because he doesn’t know how to, doesn’t really care enough about the woman to be bothered to try, is a bad person at his core, has deep issues that he isn’t willing to or mature enough to address or overcome).
As a result, they will almost certainly break up again.
Yet, that doesn’t mean you should sit around waiting for your girlfriend to break up with him and hope that she comes running back to you.
Instead, the best and most manly way to approach it is to interact with her and focus on sparking her feelings of attraction for you (e.g. by being confident, but also a bit of a challenge to her so she feels like she has to try to keep you interested or to impress you, being playful and fun to be around rather than being too serious), so she naturally feels drawn to you and wants you back.
In a case like yours, she might not come back on day one, but she will be thinking about you and missing you.
I’ve heard back from hundreds of guys in your situation and they usually get their ex woman back, or at least sleep with her again within a week or two.
So, don’t sit around waiting for her to hopefully break up with him and magically want you back.
Instead, be man enough to interact with her, attract her and get her to meet up with you as soon as you can.
If you are prepared and ready to attract her in new ways (e.g. being more of a challenge, flirting in a more attractive way, being a lot more confident than you used to be), then she will naturally see you as the better option compared to her ex who didn’t treat her well.
3. You were her rebound
In a case like that, your girlfriend was simply using you to make herself feel better after having her self-esteem crushed by her ex.
It sucks to hear that, but many women do it and so do men.
A woman will get with some random guy (usually a nice guy), to make herself feel better and hopefully regain some of her self-esteem (i.e. due to his compliments, nice treatment of her, devotion to her, etc).
Yet, when a woman like that starts to feel good about herself again because of all the nice treatment, she usually then realizes that she doesn’t feel enough sexual and romantic attraction to want to continue on with the relationship.
Here’s the thing…
A rebound relationship can last for life.
Throughout history, hundreds of millions of those relationships have worked and remained together for life.
It’s not impossible.
A rebound can be turned into a lifetime relationship, but only if the attraction is strong enough.
If the attraction (especially on her side) is weak, or barely there, then she just won’t be able to pretend for very long and as a result, a break up will happen at some point.
So, if your girlfriend broke up with you for an ex who didn’t treat her well, it almost certainly means the attraction she felt for you wasn’t as strong as the attraction she felt for him.
That doesn’t mean you can’t get her back though.
You can.
When you interact with her and make her feel attracted to you in ways she never felt before, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you.
Even though she may have previously thought of you as a rebound, she will suddenly start imagining what it would be like to give you another chance.
If she doesn’t give you that chance right away, the attraction will remain with her and she will begin to worry that you are the one and she is going to regret losing you for the rest of her life.
As a result, she will contact you, or show that she open to meeting up with you.
You can then get her back and make the relationship work this time around.
4. She wasn’t really ever over him and when she had a chance to get back with him, she took it
That often happens if the woman got dumped by her when she was still in love with him and as a result, she never fully committed to her boyfriend.
Instead, she just accepted him, even though she believed he wasn’t ideal for her, because it felt safe to be in a relationship without the highs and lows she experienced with her ex (e.g. they were very much in love and happy together, but he then treated her badly, which led to a lot of arguments, tears, stress and unhappiness).
She wasn’t totally in love with her new boyfriend, but it felt better than having to go through all the stress she did with her ex.
So, she just went along with it, while secretly missing her ex and wondering why he remained on her mind.
In other cases, a woman will get with a new guy to hopefully make her ex jealous.
She will think something like, “Maybe the shock of losing me to another man will force my ex to realize how much he loves me and what he’s losing. Maybe he will then change and try to get me back. If he does, I will give him another chance.”
Then, when her ex reacts in the way she was secretly hoping her would (i.e. he seems to have changed and wants her back), she doesn’t hesitate to get back with him because that was her intention all along.
Of course, if her new boyfriend (who has just been dumped) knows how to attract her in ways that he previously couldn’t (e.g. being more of a challenge, making her feel girly in comparison to his masculine approach to her) or wouldn’t (i.e. because he thought it was ‘wrong’ to treat a woman in that way), she will him as being better than her ex who didn’t treat her well.
5. She didn’t like where the relationship was headed with you
For example: Here are some ‘red flags’ in a relationship that can cause a woman to want to break up with a guy:
- She felt as though she had too much power over him (e.g. she called all the shots and he followed her lead like a puppy dog). That made her feel more like a mother figure to him, or a big sister, rather than feeling like his girl and being able to look up to him and feel safe and protected.
She didn’t feel much of a need to impress him (e.g. because she knew he was so in love with her that he would accept anything, even bad behavior, just to spend time with her). - She never really felt his confidence during sex, so she worried that it would eventually become boring or even fizzle out.
- She was already beginning to lose interest based on his approach to the relationship (e.g. he was too needy and clingy, he tried to control her too much, he always seemed to need emotional support from her, he didn’t know how to handle her moods or tantrums and would become emotionally sensitive, confused or irritable. Alternatively, he would suck up to her and treat her even more nicely, in the hope that she would take pity on him and treat him better. Yet, pity does not create attraction in a woman and instead, makes a woman grow resentful and angry towards a man, regardless of how nice he is being to her).
So, if your girlfriend noticed ‘red flags’ in the relationship, she may have decided that it just wouldn’t work out in the long run, unless you were truly able to change and level up as a man.
If she felt as though you weren’t able to change, or had no idea what to change, she will have naturally begun to feel drawn to her ex who made her feel more attracted due to not making the ‘red flag’ mistakes that you did.
Of course, he’s not perfect and she knows that.
It’s just that attraction is what brings men and women together and if your approach made her feel a lot less attracted than he did, then she will naturally want to be back with him instead.
6. She never planned on being loyal to you, even though she acted like she did
Some of a woman will do that:
- She’s the kind of girl doesn’t feel bad about using guys to give herself an ego boost.
- She was using you to make her ex jealous and want her back.
- She doesn’t like being single so will often accept a guy that she’s not fully attracted or compatible with, until she can find someone else who is, or until she can get back with her ex.
- She knew you were lovestruck by her and would treat her better if you thought she felt the same way, or would be willing to commit to you further if you continued to treat her well. Yet, she never planned on committing all the way with you because she wants to be lovestruck for a guy and hoping to get him to commit.
So, she always secretly planned on breaking up with you, even though she acted like she was happy, or as though you were doing a good job of winning her over.
It might hurt to realize that, but the good news is that, even if your ex never intended to be loyal to you in past, it doesn’t mean that you can’t make her want to be loyal and commit to you now.
You just need to give her the right motivation (i.e. the right kind of attraction that she truly seeks when around a man).
When you make her feel that way, sticking with her ex who doesn’t treat her well will automatically seem like a bad decision and a waste of her time.
Additionally, she will fear that if another quality woman meets you and experiences the kind of attraction you can now offer, she will immediately try to get with you and secure you into a relationship.
As a result, your ex feels the urgency needed to want to get back with you quickly.
2 Mistakes Guys Often Make When Their Girlfriend Leaves Them for a Previous Ex Boyfriend
1. Not using the power of the Contrast Principle
The Contrast Principle is essentially a way of making someone see one option as being more favorable and desirable, when compared with a worse option (e.g. a rotten apple vs. a clean, fresh, ripe apple)
The Contrast Principle something that people encounter all day, every day, in all kinds of situations in life.
In this case (i.e. with your girlfriend), when a woman has the choice between two men, she will automatically compare and contrast you and him against each other.
She won’t be contrasting you and him against every other man on the planet, but against each other.
If you seem like the better option to her, then he will seem like a worse option and she will therefore feel more drawn to you.
In most cases, the man that a woman wants will have qualities such as confidence, charm, emotional masculinity and will be a bit of a challenge (i.e. he won’t always say yes to whatever she wants, he will playfully mess with her at times, rather than always giving her a straightforward answer, he will make her feel the need to impress him).
So, if you have the courage to interact with your girlfriend and display qualities that will make him seem less attraction in comparison to you, she will naturally begin to feel more drawn to you.
However, if you make the mistake of cutting off contact and just waiting and hoping for her to want you back, then you’ll most likely end up disappointed.
Why?
Almost all women do not go back to a guy they dumped due to a lack of attraction.
A lack of attraction is what lead to the break up and an activation of new attraction is what will lead her back to you.
So, don’t make the mistake of avoiding using the Contrast Principle to your advantage.
2. Feeling like it would be needy to contact her and re-attract her back
It’s not needy to calmly and confidently go after what you want in life, including her.
What is needy is if a guy contacts his ex girlfriend and begs, pleads or tells her that he can’t live without her, or asks how she could leave him and go back to the guy who didn’t treat her well.
Likewise, it’s also needy if a guy constantly texts or calls his ex girlfriend and tries to convince her to give him another chance, or make her feel sorry for him based on how sad, lost or upset he is about the break up.
That’s needy because the guy needs her emotional support or acceptance to feel okay about himself again.
Yet, what isn’t needy is when a man is confident, brave and emotionally strong enough to contact his ex girlfriend, focus on re-attracting her and then get her to want to meet up with him in person.
Then, in person, he builds on her attraction and makes her feel like she wants (and even needs) him back.
That’s how real men get their ex women back.
So, don’t think you’ll be seen as needy for taking control of the situation like a man.
Be a man and get her back while you still can.
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