Here are 12 important things you should know if you truly want to get your girlfriend back, now that she has ended the relationship:
1. Most women are open to getting back with an ex if he can create a new spark with her
A woman’s natural instinct is to find one man, get him to fall in love with her, then build a future together (e.g. get married, start a family) and then stay together for life.
So, if a woman gets a chance to fix things with an ex, she will usually prefer to do that than start over with a new man (i.e. because starting with a new man could mean she will lose 2-4 more years of her youthful attractiveness on another relationship that doesn’t work).
However, it’s important to point out that a woman will try to avoid getting back with an ex if he can’t awaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.
In other words, if a guy tries to get back with his ex girlfriend without really changing anything, or by offering her the same old attraction experience as before, then she will try to avoid giving him another chance.
She might temporarily give him a chance, but if she notices that he’s still making the same attraction mistakes (e.g. still insecure, still lacking manliness, still unable to handle her moods, still clueless about how she really wants a man to behave around her), she will break up with him again and try to find a new man.
So, if you want your girlfriend back, make sure that you are prepared to make her feel a new spark with you, rather than expecting her to get back with you and stick with you just because you love her so much.
2. Every relationship is different, but the approach to get a woman back is the same
Some couples will break up because the guy took his girl for granted (e.g. didn’t care about her feelings, expected her to put up with his selfish behavior, talked down to her or made her feel stupid all the time, elected her to respect him, but didn’t give her the same treatment in return).
In other cases, a breakup will occur because the man starts off being confident and then, over time, becomes a needy, clingy and insecure boyfriend.
Another reason a couple might break up, is because the guy is too nice and agreeable and gives the woman too much power over him.
As a result, she stops feeling motivated to put effort into the relationship because she knows that he’ll put up with anything just to be with her.
He doesn’t realize that she wants a good man who is also a challenge (i.e. he treats her well, but also makes her feel motivated to respect him, treat him well, be affectionate, loving and supportive, otherwise he will lose interest in her).
All of those relationships are different and unique, but the solution to get the woman back is the same: Re-attraction.
Re-attracting a woman is about displaying the personality traits and behaviors that are naturally appealing to women (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, emotional strength), so she feels a compelling emotional attraction for you.
For women, emotional attraction is infinitely more important than physical attraction.
Additionally, when a woman is emotionally attracted to a guy, she will then look at his physical appearance in a positive light and say that he’s sexy, or handsome.
When guys hear women say that about guys who clearly aren’t good looking (in a traditional way, like a model), it confuses them.
Yet, it’s simple.
When a woman is emotionally attracted, she then looks at a man through the lens of attraction and therefore, likes things about his appearance that would normally be considered unattractive (e.g. big nose, bald head, belly, short, skinny, nerdy looking).
So, in terms of getting your girlfriend back, you need to be aware that although your relationship with her was and is unique, the solution to get her back is the same.
You need to re-attract her.
If you do that properly, she will feel compelled to give you another chance and will happily forgive your past mistakes.
If you don’t do it properly, then she will continue to see you as the guy she dumped and will want to move on and find a man who is attractive to her.
3. Cutting off contact with a woman for 30-60 days after she broke up with you, usually doesn’t work
If a woman has disconnected from her feelings for a guy, not hearing from him for a month or more, usually just gives her the space she needs to move on in peace.
Even when a woman does have some feelings for her ex and is secretly hoping they can work things out, when she doesn’t hear from him, she will usually take it as a sign that he’s not interested anymore.
In most cases, a woman will then try to make herself feel better by hooking up with and dating other men.
Then, when her ex eventually contacts her, she will have moved on and no longer be interested in working things out.
So, the best approach is to give your girlfriend 3 to 7 days of space after the breakup, to allow for things to calm down and show her that you’re not desperate to get her back.
Then, after a few days (or up to a week at the most), call and re-attract her, so she then wants to see you in person.
In person, make her feel more attracted to the new and improved you and get her back.
4. She will feel unwilling to give you another chance if she senses that you still don’t understand the subtle stuff
In most cases, a guy knows the obvious or vague reasons why his woman wants to break up with him (e.g. she doesn’t have the same feelings anymore, one of them cheated, he neglected her by spending too much time on his work, studies, hobbies or with friends, they kept getting into arguments that didn’t get resolved).
Yet, there are always more subtle reasons why a woman will leave a man, which are actually more important to her.
For example: A subtle reason why a woman will want to leave a guy, is due to how he would regularly become stressed and irritable when finding a place to park the car on a busy day, or when it was up to him to make a decision for both of them.
In his mind, he thinks it’s fine because he’s driving them around, or making the decision and therefore, is ‘taking care of her,’ but she doesn’t feel that way.
She feels disappointed and turned off by the fact that simple things make him lose control of his emotions and act like a victim.
Another example is how her boyfriend seems so confident when playing video games or hanging out with his friends, but when it comes to his career, he doubts himself and avoids going for promotions.
As a result, she assumes that he’s probably going to end up being a failure in life, or accepting a mediocre life, when she wants to be with a winner, a guy who succeeds, or a guy who strives to make life better for both of them.
It’s important that you have a think about the more subtle reasons why your girlfriend decided to end the relationship, so you then know exactly what to fix, change or adjust to properly re-attract her.
If you need help with that, I explain more than 70 reasons in my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System and then provide you with the best solution on how to re-attract her and get her back.
5. You should show interest in your ex, but not too much
It’s important to show interest, so she knows that you won’t reject her if she shows interest in getting back with you.
However, if you go too far and show way too much interest, it will usually scare an ex girlfriend away.
A guy who goes too far, will shower his ex with compliments, declare his undying love in a long email, series of texts or on a call, promise the world to her if she will just give him another chance and generally smother her with niceness and attention.
Yet, it makes him appear desperate and as a result, it turns her off even more because women aren’t attracted to desperation in men.
So, how can you show interest in her, without seeming desperate?
Call her, rather than ignoring her.
Re-attract her, rather than acting like just a friend when you talk to her.
Then, after that, give her a few days of space to miss you.
She will probably text or call you during that time, but if she doesn’t, contact her after the few days is up and she will almost certainly be interested in catching up in person.
In person, you can then fully re-attract her and get her back.
6. She won’t explain exactly why she is breaking up with you, or how you can get her back
A woman will usually give vague reasons for breaking up with a boyfriend, or close up and not want to say much at all.
Why?
- She doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of teaching a man how to be the man she wants him to be. If she does, it will end up feeling fake to her because he’s only doing it to please her rather than because he wants to, or because he’s naturally like that as a man.
- She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him that he’s too wimpy, not manly enough in his behavior, or too reserved or unsure of himself in the bedroom.
- She doesn’t really know what to say. She simply senses that something isn’t right. She wants him to change, but for him to do it without her direction or support. If he can’t do that, she doesn’t want to stick with the relationship because it just doesn’t feel right.
- She doesn’t want him to promise that he’ll change, because she might then feel obligated to give him another chance. Then, he might revert back to his old behavior and she will have to end the relationship once again.
7. You can still get her back if she starts dating other guys
There are many reasons why a woman will date other guys after a breakup, have little or nothing to do with how she feels about her ex.
For example:
- She’s using other guys to avoid missing her ex and going back to him in a moment of weakness.
- She’s putting on a front of looking happy and as though she’s moving on, so her friends or family won’t worry about her.
- She wanted to impress her friends by flirting with other men, but then ended up kissing a man at a bar, exchanging numbers or going home with him. She didn’t intend that to happen, but it did.
- Other guys were interested in her while she was in a relationship and are now making their move while she’s single.
Here’s the thing…
A woman will change her mind and want to get back with you, if you are able to re-attract her in new and exciting ways (e.g. you’re more confident than before, more of a challenge, more manly in your behavior, more able to handle her personality or moods to the point where she feels the need to behave better around you and treat you with more respect).
When she feels attracted to you in new ways, single life will no longer seem as appealing to her.
She will feel compelled to explore her new feelings for you, which you can then use to get her back.
8. She won’t necessarily show you that she is open to getting back with you or giving you a chance, even if she secretly is open to it
Some reasons why:
- She doesn’t want to come across as being too easy, because you might then think you don’t need to change or improve anything about yourself.
- She’s afraid of being rejected if you change your mind and break up with her.
- She’s testing your interest level (i.e. do you really want her back, or are you just holding onto her because you might want her back?).
- She wants to see if you’ve got the confidence to pursue her, even though she’s not making it obvious that she’s interested.
9. Letting her see that you’re being loyal to her by remaining single, won’t matter to her if she’s not attracted to you anymore
If a woman is attracted to her ex (i.e. because she still sees him as a confident, cool guy that she loves and enjoys being with) and is hoping they’ll work things out and get back together again, him staying loyal after the break up will impress her.
She will see it as a sign that he’s serious about the relationship and even though they are broken up at the moment, his intention is to fix things and get back together.
However, if she doesn’t feel sexually and romantically attracted to him anymore (e.g. because he became an insecure, needy or clingy boyfriend) and he doesn’t do anything to change her perception of him, then staying loyal to her after the breakup, won’t make her want him back.
In fact, it will likely turn her off even more.
Why?
She can assume that he’s only remaining ‘loyal’ because he can’t find another quality woman to be with.
As a result, she will see him as being a lonely, rejected guy who women don’t want and therefore, will feel more turned off by him because women are attracted to men who other women find attractive.
Women don’t like to admit that openly, but it’s the truth and you will notice it when you pay attention to how women react to men who are liked/wanted by women vs. men who are disliked/rejected by women.
10. She won’t see you as needy for wanting to get back, as long as you don’t behave in a needy way
Behaving in a needy way includes things like:
- Continually sending her texts to apologize, explain your feelings, or attempt to convince her to give you another chance.
- Always being very nice, sweet and agreeable to her, regardless of how badly she treats you.
- Desperately chasing after her, begging and pleading with her to forgive you and give you another chance.
- Sucking up to her in the hope that she takes pity on you.
- Telling her that you need her back and can’t function without her.
On the other hand, if you maintain control of your emotions and confidently and calmly re-attract her, she will see you as a mature, attractive, worthwhile man.
11. Don’t use the same old approach to attraction that she became bored of in the relationship
Guys are usually nice at the start of a relationship, but then take a woman for granted later on.
Alternatively, a guy will focus on being attractive at the start (e.g. confident, flirtatious, funny, charming, charismatic), but then end up just behaving like a neutral friend, which she will become bored of.
She wants to feel a spark and be in love, rather than just have a nice friend.
So, don’t behave like you did near the end and expect her to want that.
She became bored of that and now wants to feel a real spark, or else she will move on.
12. Pretty much everyone you ask will tell you that you can’t get her back
Some reasons why:
- Most people don’t know how to get a woman back, so they think it’s impossible.
- They failed at trying to get someone back after a breakup, so they think you will fail too.
- They assume negative things about you (e.g. she must have had strong, compelling reasons to break up with you) and feel sorry for the woman.
- They want you to be single, so they can spend time with you, or so you can be single and lonely like they are.
- They assume that saying, “Oh, don’t worry – there are plenty of fish in the sea” is what they’re supposed to say when someone gets dumped.
Yet, according to a study at the University of Texas, approximately 65% of US college students broke up and then got back together again.
In another study at Kansas State University, 37% of couples living together and 23% of married couples have broken up and gotten back together.
A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research, found that 44% of young adults aged 17 to 24, reported breaking up and getting back together again, with 53% admitting to having sex with an ex.
So, it is possible to get your girlfriend back.
Believe in yourself and make it happen, while you still can.
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